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How Working In A Toxic Environment Takes A Toll On Your Mental Health

Working in a toxic environment has more negatives than positives. I have first hand experience about what it is like to work in a toxic environment, so let me share my story with you. I will not be saying where I worked because it is confidential but because I have first hand experience I thought I'd share because maybe it helps someone. I matriculated in 2018 and immediately started working. I was a cashier and I remained a cashier until January 2021. While being a cashier I still had many other responsibilities because the man I worked for was old and he couldn't do certain things. I would basically do everything a manager is suppose to do while being a cashier at the same time. I worked Monday to Saturdays from 8am to 5:30pm. Sometimes I would on Sundays as well depending on how busy the business would be. I hardly had anytime for myself or my family or my friends. During 2019 my mental health took a massive toll. I have never suffered from anxiety and depression during high school but after school I started suffering from it. I ignored the signs and just carried on with my day. This was extremely unhealthy and I realized a little too late. But it is ok. The important is that I realized I have it. What wasn't ok was ignoring it and just carrying on because it made it way worse than I imagined. In February 2021 I was promoted to store manager. This obviously gave me a confidence booster. The workload didn't scare me because when I was a cashier I was already managerial duties. However, this is when I was at breaking point. I didn't know if I was coming or going. I was underpaid and I was treated like rubbish. I was overworked and I felt like I was drowning. When I queried to HR about my salary they increased it by R2. Funny right! From cashier to manager with a R2 increase. Wow! Disgusting to say the least. I was underappreciated and just treated like pure dirt. I would come home miserable and moody and take my frustrations out on my sisters which wasn't fair. But they understood that it wasn't anything they did. You know that feeling when you dread going to work? That's how I felt every single day for the past 3 years. Extremely toxic. Constantly being questioned and doubted. Always having to walk on egg shells. Owners always watching and thinking you stealing. I wouldn't want anyone to go through that toxic and negative shit. Staff always gossiping about you. It is the worst when all you trying to do is your job and make a damn living. In January 2022 I decided that I've had enough and I left. I need to put me first and most importantly my mental health. Yes, it does seem selfish but it is so important to do this. Another thing that's also important is your company. Do not be afraid to cut people off. If they are negative and their energy is off just cut them off , simple. You don't anyone an explanation. You do you for you. Whoever doesn't like it was not meant to be around in the first place. I have lost so many friends in the last 3 years. It affected but I realized it is ok because even friendships have an expiry date. More importantly I have also gained many new friends. Friends that are for life and that I will cherish always. Focus on your future instead of worrying about the past. I get that your past can haunt and its normal but don't let it take over and control you that you neglect your future and neglect focusing on your goals. I still have sleepless nights, I struggle to communicate, I struggle to speak about feelings. I always just brush it off with an "I'm ok." Even though I am not. I do this in front of people but I do not neglect dealing with my shit. I do it alone by myself because that works for me. I have two close friends that I speak to if things get too much and that helps. Sometimes they'll give advice and sometimes they'll just listen. You have no idea how good it feels when someone just listens to you. Or even when someone gives you a hugs. It does wonders. Sometimes and I sit and think why is this my life. Then I remind myself that this was suppose to happen. Everything has been written

before and I was suppose to experience this and go through this. It is my fate. But fate can be changed. Asking god for what you want and asking god for forgiveness is important. Do not ever be afraid to speak to your creator because at the end of the day He is the only person that will never leave your side. Trust Him and watch your life change for the better. I promise you everything will be ok even though it may not seem like it , it will. Just keep having faith and do not lose your focus.

Ameera Sulaiman