androgynousprincess

[androgynousprincess]

It's not that I never valued her.

I knew her value and to be honest she was the most important to me. She was the only one important to me.

I caught on to it very late, but I loved her. I really loved her. I loved her so much. And I only loved her.

Now that I don't see her, I search for her.

I search for her in all the places we have been together. I search for her on the backside of my bike. I search for her in my rear-view mirror. I search for her at our home and I search for her even in my dreams.

Sounds melooo....

But it hurts. It hurts to be at home. It hurts to be in my hometown. It hurts when I can't share a celebration with her. It hurts when it's only her I could ever be myself with. It hurts that the only person I considered my own denied me.

No no, she didn't reject my love. She rejected my friendship.

Hahaha (crying while typing 😂 though).

She rejected me as a person. She rejected my personality. She rejected me. She who was my own and only who owned me mind, soul and everything - rejected me.

Well well well someone great someday said and I quote:

"hasde chehreya da matlab eh nhi hunda ki ohna nu koi takleef nhi hundi, ohda matlab eh hunda ki uhna nu takleefan naal deal krna aunda"

Well I have not learnt to deal with it and I am in no mood of not loving her.

I have loved her for the most of my life and will always love her. I can try to love someone else as well. But her, SHE'S PERMANENT.

And so, I call her LOVE.

LOVE I love you and you won't even know it's for you.

Huh wrong!

I think you would and everyone who knows you in my life would know in an instant that it's about you.

[androgynousprincess]

Happy anniversary Rahul,

6 years since apart. Do you miss me sometimeeesss?? Oh sorry! How are you? How are you doing? Today is the 8th year of me proposing you just after rejecting you. I just wanted to write you a letter. You know my first crush? I have never told you about him. It's also his birthday today. He was my first ever love. And you know how heart broken I was when he chose my friend over me. Since then his birthday somehow was a sad day for me. But then after a long long long time after a unknown wait was over. When I met you, I, I just drifted, drifted and drifted towards you. How when I was so against it, how did I come to love you

so so so muuuuuccchhhhh.

You just entered and took me to the happiest self. You know when you thought I could ever think of someone else when I have you,

I was heart broken!

I only had you. Only you! You were always there for me. But why did you stop being there for me? I only had you! Then why were always there for me? Why did you make me happy? Why did you have to leave?.

Ahh

That what I thought sometimes. But I don't miss you sometimes.

Your's forgotten love.

[androgynousprincess]

My Love

I want to show you to the world for them to know how my

love looks at it.

My love

My beautiful love

I want them to look at you and think how beautiful are my

eyes to find you

My love

When I look at you

I am mesmerized

how beautifully and kindly you do everything

My love never backed off

Oh

Ohh

My love

I could never tell you

My love

How much I adored you

Everyone knew

But I couldn't ever tell you

Oh

Oh my love

How much I loved you my love

Ohh

How much I loved you

But I think you knew

You knew

Didn't you

You knew it all along

How much I liked you

Myyyy love

My love

[androgynousprincess]

Guess I won't be healing soon 🫠

"you cant heal if you pretend you're not hurt"

-filmythings

[androgynousprincess]

Because I never talk about whatever hurt me, no one would ever know how to help me, heal me, survive me.

[androgynousprincess]

I don't loose my mind anymore,

When I lose something important,

That cry was just enough to make lose of all the interests,

I had collected over time.

[androgynousprincess]

I always ask myself

'was I ever loved?',

But until recently I realised

I was loved

BUT

never protected,

never fought for,

never missed unless needed.

So now I ask myself,

.

Was I ever protected,

Was I ever fought for,

Or was I ever missed by people?

[androgynousprincess]

If I couldn't find you again

I reject the idea of god itself.

I reject everything.

I didn't cry after breaking up with you

I didn't cry while breaking your heart

Or While saying you things that I knew would hurt

But had a breakdown after 5 years,

When I lost a rice grain named after us.

I tried finding it

I tried

I genuinely whole heartey tried,

With blurred visioned tears

I tried

I tried while being unable to breathe

I tried

I tried

But I couldn't.

[androgynousprincess]

I feel like people are faking

They hate me

Not the strangers

But people who know me

Call me their friend

But

I have souls

Who wait for me when I am left out,

Who calls me as their own.

Who entertains all 'nakhras' I could possibly do.

I was just lost around people

When I was with the souls

Life was always beautiful

Not a task

But easy peasy lemon squeezeee.

[androgynousprincess]

I was stargazing tonight,

I had always loved watching them.

You didn't know!

How did you not know?!

Didn't you notice?

Is it because,

I always talked about the moon?

Write poems about the moon

Or

Looking at moon more than the stars?

You loved the moon

Didn't you?

[androgynousprincess]

I told her

I didn't trust her anymore

I loved her as much

But I didn't trust her anymore.

Never expected 'anybody' to treat me human,

But her,

She should only treat me as her most loved one,

She was only allowed to love me,

To cherish me

And

And hear me.

Hear me cry,

hear me complain,

hear me tell her who hurt me.

And she did hear

But she choose to hear 'anybody' but me

I couldn't say anything

And she couldn't understand me.

I was abandoned

I told her

I couldn't trust her anymore

I did love her as much,

But I couldn't trust her anymore.

[androgynousprincess]

They want me to sit with them,

Spend some time.

They want me to listen to them,

Complain about me.

They want to chew out everything I am,

Swallow me whole,

And not leave a bit of me unhurt,

They

They

Who are they?

My

My

Supposed to be my people.

[androgynousprincess]

I wanted to cry at a place,

where no one heard me,

I complained at a place,

where no one knew me.

I have lied to the people,

I loved the most.

Listening to you,

Complain about me,

I couldn't show you,

How weak I was for not justifying,

How scared I was for not understanding,

How terrified I was to ever tell you,

Who really I was.

[androgynousprincess]

Art is never finished only abandoned

-Da Vinci

[androgynousprincess]

I then saw the image of death in it, in this sense that humanity would be the wheat being reaped.

[androgynousprincess]

Arthur Lee † August 3, 2006

[androgynousprincess]

How do I treat myself gently,

when there was no one to creese over my wound.

I left the wound open,

to ache,

to pain,

more than anything,

I have abandoned myself when I needed the most.

kaveh akbar, 'calling a wolf a wolf' // doc luben, 'love letters or suicide notes' // @/nutnoce, tumblr // 'my body's made of crushed little stars', mitski // @/ojibwa, tumblr // 'spring', mary oliver