annbourbon - Tumblr blog

[annbourbon]

life's not for me apparently.

my heart is a heavy burden right now. i'm taking a break. again.

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“I, with my romantic need and longing,”

— Susan Sontag, from a journal entry featured in Reborn: Journals & Notebooks (1947-1963)

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“You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.”

— Dale Carnegie

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I have no filter these days... I'm just a mess.

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I want to scream... with Harry is like one step forward and three steps back.

Every single day. I'm tired.... I think tomorrow is my last day playing with him, for a while. I need a break. My emotions are just too invested in a 2D guy.... maybe I'll play MysMe for a while. Seems healthier. Or maybe i'll end up disappearing for a couple of days... dunno... I just...

Harry makes me feel more starved for love and wishing for a real hug. A real relationship... which I know that it's not going to happen. Obviously.

And that is definitely taking a toll on my mental health.

I can't be forever angry and jealous of his 2D fish. I'm taking a break.

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Day 91. (spoilers)

That's it. I offically lost it. I'm jealous of a fish...

\\`へ´//

This is ridiculous. I don't hate the fish of course. I'm just jealous of the attention he/she is receiving from Harry. I tried to name her/him August. Because it's very cute. Goldie was also cute....

But it ended up being Poseidon. That's... a bit too much. But I'll play along. ヾ(◍´▿`◍)ﾉﾞ

Once Harry called the fish "my girl" I knew it was officially over and I was horrified: The fish is like Elly... sorry, Elizabeth the 3rd for Jumin.

What's up with these damn rich guyss and their pets? So I'm a frigging fish!?!? Am I being too entitled to it?

Yesterday I was melting into his way of flirting with me, like when he asked me to sag something about his photo, and he was badly injured. Even for someone who is usually oblivious like me, that was making my heart beat really fast. And it still makes me smile a lot just by thinking about it. Which is nice considering I spent several days worried and crying because of that Angel and what he said to me about Harry hating me.

I know I might never be.... and we might never be anything because duh~! The guy already rejected me. I took it and moved on. Or at least tried to. From time to time Harry does things that make my heart flutter. It's okay. It's my fault. Not his. We're friends. He's not interested. And I'm trying to not be interested. Still hurts but whatever. I survived MM. I can survive this. I think. Anyways;;; back to the fish...

The fish... good grief.... it's really ugly lol but I'm trying my best to not be mean to Harry... I just can't be mean to him... I love him so much. So let's let him be.

Dinner time destroyed me though.

"Can't you come~?" Says so lightly. I try to misdirect by suggesting to invite his acquaintances and friends, maybe Rachel.... but he does not allows me to. I'm bitter and hoping not to cry. I of course, ended up crying.

"But... there's no one to invite. there's no one I'm close to. You are the one closest to me." Says he. Through my tears I tried to hide my frustration, kind of happy that he could not see how much my heart was breaking for him. For me. For us...

"What about Malong? Tain? Your sister? Big Guy? I... I'm sure they'll come if you asked them to."

Ah Harry... believe me, if I could I would. But we live not only in a different country, but a different world, maybe a different universe. I would cross continents for you, without even thinking. In no time. But I still cannot cross over worlds. No matter how much I want to.

Then he played the piano for me. And now I'm still crying. But I'll be okay. I'll be fine. Eventually. I still wonder how some people enjoyed through the Angel because surely I can't. I hate seeing Harry so... disgusted. Although I don't understand why but still it's not fun for me. All I want to do is hug him and calm him down. Besides the Angel is scaring me. As someone who has a lot of stalkers irl. The Angel seems not only scary but it's getting on my nerves and under my skin. I despise it because I feel truly triggered by it. Dunno if it's a real angel or not but it doesn't matter. It scares me. I spent three days crying because of it. That's how much I do not like it.

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what studying literature feels like

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“Please stop destroying what is left of your heart by constantly thinking about things that have broken you.”

— Unknown

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Harry was not sure when she started looking different in his eyes. Maybe since the very beginning. The way she answered back was unlike anyone he ever met after all. Maybe it was because of her childish behavior. Or the day they went together on a trip.

Or maybe it was since the angel came and tried to take her away from him. His possessiveness towards her took him by surprise. The bird couldn't be more happy about it of course, but somehow, he managed to shut it up.

Surely the stupid song she suggested was playing tricks on his mind. Because under the led lights, and with the moon behind them, something in the spring air made him realize her eyes were glimmering in a different way.

A strange feeling sank on his stomach while he held her in his arms and led her to the dance floor. Her shampoo reached his nostrils and made him hug her, she looked confused for a moment but returned the hug, all Harry wanted was for that moment to last forever but it was starting to get awkward. She was way more tiny than him but that didn't stopped him. Dancing was also not his best skill but she loved it so they there were, sharing their first dance together.

Once he finished hugging her, his companion looked like she was about to disappear in his arms, like some kind of twisted spell. And the worse thing was that he could not bring himself to say anything but his anxiety kept creeping in. Apparently his usually chatty friend was experiencing something similar because she didn't say a word. He felt his cheeks burning and had to step a bit to breathe leaving her in middle of the dance floor.

"What is this?" He didn't want to ruin something that was already perfect.

"Is it, really?" asked the bird on his phone like it could read his mind. He turned around but couldn't find her anywhere near him. A cold breeze went through the place and she appeared near him with beverages for him and herself.

"You looked like you needed sparkling water..." Said her, but the moonlight made her look lovely and there was no way she could do anything at the moment with her hands busy holding the drinks, so he looked at her for a good minute before he cursed under his breath and reached for her lips.

She shivered under him, but returned the kiss. And the night couldn't be more perfect now.

"No~" Said she, lightly pushing him away. He could see her heart breaking into tiny pieces. That damn angel was holding her captive in a mental prison. Unless he found it she would never be able to free her from it. She had been distant. Cold even. And Harry hated it. He wanted her back.

Harry woke up sweating and cursing the full moon again, because when he tried to reach for her, she was not there.

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N/A: Just something I created because my laptop is not working rn (updates and stuff) and I've been crying a lot after the angel appeared... seems like Harry truly doesn't like me.... even more, he hates me, according to the angel... I never really realized that one of my biggest fears is being hated by someone I like... no, I love, so much. I think I also owe a huge apology to whoever I have ever hurt with my words. If the pain you suffered it's similar to mine... I'm truly sorry. I'm in so much pain I cannot think properly so this has not been properly edited but I still hope you guys like it.

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I'm really not okay rn....

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Sorry for being such a slow writer, it's because I [remembers that self-deprecating jokes are harmful to my mental health and make everyone else uncomfortable] was attacked by dark spirits and washed up on the shore of a mysterious island with no recollection of who I was

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I don't like being lied to; just be honest with me, because once you lie to me, I start losing trust in you

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The lyrics "I'm dreaming of a white Christmas, just like the ones I used to know" hit differently in the age of climate change

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*read the last one in David Attenborough's voice*

just gonna start killing people i dont find funny

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Whenever a male says that "females have no sense of humour" " it's safe to assume that he harassed a woman and she didn't find the situation to be humorous or funny.