annoyingrebelliousthoughts

[annoyingrebelliousthoughts]

Today I've slowly starting cutting at the coner of my lips to hide my self harm scars. No one will know cause who cuts at the corner of there lips. Also it feels a deep dark desire to carve my cheeks open like dabi or Jeff the killer.

I'm starting to spiral again but I don't want to bother my partner cause I'm nothing but a jealous,insecure toxic person and if I tell them what I really feel it won't be fair to them or the person there seeing. Cause I've accepted I'm going to become the side piece or going to be left behind. Cause when my partner realises they can do so much better then me, it over for me and the only thing keeping me alive won't be there any more. I'm thinking of possibly writing a will when the time comes but for now I'm just gonna be happy that I still have some of there attention.

[annoyingrebelliousthoughts]

One day, I feel empty and want to die. And then the next day I feel decent enough. And I just think, “was I faking my emotions the whole time?”

[annoyingrebelliousthoughts]

Casual reminder that there’s nothing wrong with having one night stands, casual sex, or lots of sex while not experiencing romantic attraction. 

And that when writing aro positive posts the solution isn’t to simply assure people that aros mostly have sex in stable committed relationships (ie not slutty and heartless), but point out that sex without romantic attraction (of any type and amount) can still be fully consensual and totally considerate towards the aros partner(s).

[annoyingrebelliousthoughts]

[annoyingrebelliousthoughts]

"It's getting bad again and I don't know what to do or who to tell because I'm pretty sure everyone is already tired of hearing the same thing over and over again."

— I'm sorry I'm at this point again but I'm really trying hard not to be.

[annoyingrebelliousthoughts]

Im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry it's my fault, it's my fault, it's my fault. If I hadn't told her about my issues she would of never left and ignore the others I'm sorry im sorry im sorry it's my fault .

[annoyingrebelliousthoughts]

I can't tell my dad I'm ill again cause he gets angry whenever I bring it up like it's my fault and I don't want to deal with that so i will wait till I can afford therapy cause I don't know what's going on but I don't think this is just depression and anxiety but it dosent matter anyways, I tried the website but i struggle to understand it and i hate talking on the phone bit it dosent matter anyways the friend who told me check it out dosent want to be my friend anymore why else are they ignoring me but i understand they need to take care of there mental health before mine. Are we friends I don't know the logically side of me is saying yes but everything else is screaming back at me saying no and I'm strughling to understand which one is the truth.

[annoyingrebelliousthoughts]

I've realised I'm not a good friend, all I do is vent to my friends expecting them to support me without any consideration of how they are and how there own mentla illness is affecting them and how me expecting them to support them adds stress onto them and their struggles. I wanna apologize to my friends who follow this account for putting them through this I'm sorry that I haven't been a good friend towards you. It took me until one of you guys started ghosting/possiblely taking a break from me to realise that I'm not a good friend. All I do is take and take and never give back or support you guys. I don't know how to be a good friend and I know you guys deserve better then that so please tell me if you guys need a break from me or want to stop the friendship I understand if you need too, don't worry about how this could affect me and my mental health please focus on your own cause I'm a big boy I can handle a little heartbreak.

Once again I would like to apologise to my friends because you guys deserve better then someoen just using you to vent to, you guys deserve an actaul friendship something I know I can't provide so please move on from me. I'm willing to leave our cosplay group if it's easier for you guys and also leave the group chat just text me and I'll understand completely.

Just all I ask is please be honest with me and not ghost/ignore me if you need a break from me or want to end our friendship please be truthful cause I honestly don't think I could handle being left in the dust clueless .

Is this dramatic sure but I'm not sure how else to address my feeling so dramatic it is

[annoyingrebelliousthoughts]

i wanna be held

[annoyingrebelliousthoughts]

I guess I was true they left me cause they couldn't put up with me how long will it take for the others to leave me

[annoyingrebelliousthoughts]

[annoyingrebelliousthoughts]

I don't deserve my friends there too good to me they don't deserve to put up with my bullshit that's why I ahvento make them hate me cause I know won't be able to cut contact off with them on my own will

[annoyingrebelliousthoughts]

I should send the rest of my irl friends group a.link cayse finally they have an excuse to leave me for being such a jealous and resentful person I mean two of them are already aware of the posts but i know there only staying around cause they are good people and they would feel guilty if something happen to me which they shouldn't feel guilty I'm terrible person.

[annoyingrebelliousthoughts]

Send them a link to the blog watch them hate u then leave u

[annoyingrebelliousthoughts]

I want a ciggrate but j don't smoke I hate smoking everything about it except for if looks in fan art but I want one so badly right now.

[annoyingrebelliousthoughts]

I really want to make memes about my emotions it would be healthy way to release them right .

[annoyingrebelliousthoughts]

Currently contemplating if I should or should not cut of my friends cause there all gonna leave me at one point anyway and it's better if I do it now so it hurts less when they do decide to leave me but i know I'm gonna be worse mentally if I do decide to cut them off so contemplating/debating with myself .

Also less people to worry about me when I commit wuieicde if I even find up going that route I'm not ready or wanting to just yet but it will a good option to have am I right.