annoyinguniversityeggsoperator - Tumblr blog

[annoyinguniversityeggsoperator]

Sometimes I miss the kind of attention I used to bring. Being a "desirable" woman who was highly sought after used to fuel the flames of my ego. As I grow into myself I find myself wondering why I feel washed up/dusty. However, feelings of insecurity and inferiority are always part of the human experience. I used to not hold myself in comparison with other women but my own beauty still exists in such a way where I don't need a man to validate that I'm attractive. I guess I just got tired of so many people trying to touch me. I guess I just don't feel good when others try to make me feel good. My inability to accept that I deserve good things really brings me to such a state of shame, it's crippling. It also has me questioning if maybe it's not me who is undeserving but maybe it's them. Trauma has made me comfortable with being uncomfortable. It also validates how I have struggled in feeling good about myself. This kind of battle is constant and more times than not I have to remind myself not to project my insecurities on other people. There will always be someone who is everything I'm not , which means the grass is just growing whereever it's wanted.

[annoyinguniversityeggsoperator]

Being someone who has been lead down a road of sorrow, brought there by the demons that hunger for the soul they seek so fervently is the most endangering set of sensations a person can survive through. My experiences haven't been anyone else's but my own. And for the few who will ever understand how such a scary existence feels, I urge you to fight with every bit of light your soul encompasses to make it out of the darkness. Be the change you want to see in the world. The world we live in is so ugly it's no wonder everyone spends their lives so focused on vanity to cloak the ugliness and prevent the truth from being revealed . To remain unseen is to sweep the dirt under the rug. Hiding inside of a mirror that keeps you entranced while the system keeps people indoctrinated is their way of making us sub human. To be human is to just be , in such a way where we accept our mistakes flaws and faults as part of a whole in which we can JUST be. Being human is natural, it doesn't require any primping pressing or cloaking. They envy our naturally untrained vessels because they expend energy that isn't their own in order to entertain the idea that they too belong here amongst us. Their skewed ideas of what is real and what isn't influences us into believing we are invaluable when it is quite the opposite.

[annoyinguniversityeggsoperator]

not the greatest at math but I know when shit don't add up

[annoyinguniversityeggsoperator]

Sometimes I just wish I could leave and never come back. Like just run away to a place where no one knows my name or what my vagina feels like. Being known as a whore really makes a person look like scum. I guess I am a filthy undesirable.. the local doorknob. The piece of bread on the end of loaf....the piece everyone touches but no one actually wants. Left high and dry

[annoyinguniversityeggsoperator]

[annoyinguniversityeggsoperator]

We are cute as fuck

[annoyinguniversityeggsoperator]

I feel like in another life I was someone better. Someone with more ambition , someone who not only chased her dreams but conquered her fears simultaneously. High class. Clean. Unscathed. I feel like I was everything im not in this life

[annoyinguniversityeggsoperator]

Suffering while sexing, hating myself for my mistakes. Battling my addictions and barely staying above water.. drowning in my sorrows, fire water burning my insides. The charred remains of a heart pulverized to a paste. The sour taste in my mouth. Words I never said. Not wanting to recover, believing I deserved defeat and self destruction. I'm my only obstruction, the only roadblock to my future. Constantly living in the past , worrying about things yet to happen. Oblivious to the present, my head in the clouds. Daydreams due to lack of sleep. Blowing smoke because I'll always be a dragon. Meaningless sex that drains my energy. Feeling gross and unclean. Longing for the void to be filled. Gambling, sex, drugs, alcohol. Being an absent parent. Being too high to pay attention to the things that matter. Running from me myself and everyone I'd rather hide from. Isolation in rooms full of people who are just as fucked. Lack of self respect. Insecurities that eat me alive and racing thoughts that smother my sex drive. Selling my soul for the poison that kills me slowly.. silent cries and leaking eyes. My body being used, physically, mentally, sexually abused. A stolen innocence ripped from a child, who then went wild and couldnt slow down. Eyes so blankly brown. Crippling depression, maybe even demonic possession. Self identity sabotage.. insidious illness that knocks me on my ass. Withering like weeds, despair that makes me lose my hair. Mental relapse, bruised kneecaps. A love unreal. Fixation on a short lived feel. Tossed in the trash like my uneaten meals. One look from you it sure kills, feeling misplaced, being roofied and laced. Holding on by a thread , not wanting to get out of bed. A chapter so tiring I'm surprised I'm not dead.

[annoyinguniversityeggsoperator]

[annoyinguniversityeggsoperator]

[annoyinguniversityeggsoperator]

[annoyinguniversityeggsoperator]

[annoyinguniversityeggsoperator]

[annoyinguniversityeggsoperator]

[annoyinguniversityeggsoperator]

[annoyinguniversityeggsoperator]

[annoyinguniversityeggsoperator]