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another 19 to 32

Bismillah.. Sehat.. dan semoga didekatkan dengan yang baik-baik.. amiin

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27 December 2020

The Lilies now has blossomed and happy :)

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Dirimu

Dirimu yang sebenarnya adalah ketika kamu bangun tidur, ketika jiwamu kembali dan kamu membuka mata. Saat kamu melihat keadaanmu sendiri tanpa riasan, tanpa berpikir untuk menjadi orang lain, dan apa yang kamu kerjakan saat terbangun adalah dirimu sepanjang hari.

Dirimu yang sebenarnya adalah ketika kamu telah berhasil mengunci pintu kamar mandi dari dalam. Ketika kamu mulai menelanjangi dirimu sendiri. Begitulah keadaanmu ketika lahir, juga ketika nanti dibangkitkan. Kamu yang sebenarnya, sesuatu yang paling memalukan untuk kamu beritahukan ke seluruh dunia. Saat kamu menyadari betapa kotornya dirimu sehingga kamu perlu membersihkanya dengan air yang mengalir. Saat kecantikan dan ketampananmu dihancurkan oleh setiap kali dirimu membuang hajat. Lantas kamu menyadari bahwa sebenarnya kamu membawa kotoran kemana-mana dalam tubuhmu dan menutupinya dengan pakaian-pakaian terkini? Lantas, bagaimana mungkin kamu bisa berbangga diri pada keindahan diri yang hanya tampak luarnya saja?

Dirimu yang sebenarnya adalah ketika kamu tertunduk dalam sujud-sujud sajadah. Saat kamu bersedia mengakaui kehambaanmu sehingga runtuh segala kesombongan dan ego yang selama ini ada dalam dirimu. Sesuatu yang membuatmu merasa bahwa kamu bisa melakukan segalanya yang kamu mau, yang membuatmu merasa apa yang kamu dapatkan selama ini adalah karena hasil kerja kerasmu saja. Dan sujud-sujud itu, hanyalah bagi orang yang bersedia mengakui. Apa kamu bersedia? Itulah dirimu yang sebenarnya.

Tengah malam 14 Agustus 2016 | ©kurniawangunadi

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another 19 with 28 behind~

Alhamdulillah... Alhamdulillah... Alhamdulillah... banyak berubah. banyak beban. banyak pikiran. banyak tekanan. banyak keinginan. banyak hal yang ingin dilakukan. namun semoga gak lupa untuk banyak bersyukur atas apa yang telah tercapai sampai saat ini. berusaha jadi lebih baik lagi dan lagi tanpa lelah. "I tried to be someone else But nothing seemed to change I know now, this is who I really am inside. Finally found myself Fighting for a chance. I know now, this is who I really am."

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That's all in my head right now~

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The first time I saw her... Everything in my head went quiet. All the tics, all the constantly refreshing images just disappeared. When you have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, you don’t really get quiet moments. Even in bed, I’m thinking: Did I lock the doors? Yes. Did I wash my hands? Yes. Did I lock the doors? Yes. Did I wash my hands? Yes. But when I saw her, the only thing I could think about was the hairpin curve of her lips.. Or the eyelash on her cheek— the eyelash on her cheek— the eyelash on her cheek. I knew I had to talk to her. I asked her out six times in thirty seconds. She said yes after the third one, but none of them felt right, so I had to keep going. On our first date, I spent more time organizing my meal by color than I did eating it, or fucking talking to her... But she loved it. She loved that I had to kiss her goodbye sixteen times or twenty-four times if it was Wednesday. She loved that it took me forever to walk home because there are lots of cracks on our sidewalk. When we moved in together, she said she felt safe, like no one would ever rob us because I definitely locked the door eighteen times. I’d always watch her mouth when she talked— when she talked— when she talked— when she talked when she talked; when she said she loved me, her mouth would curl up at the edges. At night, she’d lay in bed and watch me turn all the lights off.. And on, and off, and on, and off, and on, and off, and on, and off, and on, and off, and on, and off, and on, and off, and on, and off, and on, and off, and on, and off, and on, and off. She’d close her eyes and imagine that the days and nights were passing in front of her. Some mornings I’d start kissing her goodbye but she’d just leave cause I was just making her late for work... When I stopped in front of a crack in the sidewalk, she just kept walking... When she said she loved me her mouth was a straight line. She told me that I was taking up too much of her time. Last week she started sleeping at her mother’s place. She told me that she shouldn’t have let me get so attached to her; that this whole thing was a mistake, but... How can it be a mistake that I don’t have to wash my hands after I touched her? Love is not a mistake, and it’s killing me that she can run away from this and I just can’t. I can’t – I can’t go out and find someone new because I always think of her. Usually, when I obsess over things, I see germs sneaking into my skin. I see myself crushed by an endless succession of cars... And she was the first beautiful thing I ever got stuck on. I want to wake up every morning thinking about the way she holds her steering wheel.. How she turns shower knobs like she's opening a safe. How she blows out candles— blows out candles— blows out candles— blows out candles— blows out candles— blows out… Now, I just think about who else is kissing her. I can’t breathe because he only kisses her once — he doesn’t care if it’s perfect! I want her back so bad... I leave the door unlocked. I leave the lights on. by Neil Hilborn

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👻 = ghost hug.! you can’t feel it, but it’s there.!

Let me be your ghost, and hug you 👻

(via biashujan)

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23rd Nov .. and 4 days to go..

Hello.. it's me.. (berasa adele) :D kerjaan crowded dan perkuliahan padat.. butuh liburan atau mungkin butuh pengalih.. minggu kemarin dapet sih, tapi masih berasa kurang dan jadi keterusan.. *butuh saat untuk tarik nafas sebentar*

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senja ini terlalu indah untuk dilewati begitu saja, setidaknya butuh ada kamu.. karena begitu senja menghilang, masih ada kamu yang indah disisi ku.. namun begitu senja hilang dan aku masih duduk dibangku itu menikmati roti coklat serta kopi sore ini...tidak lagi ada kamu.. sendu..

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Don’t mistake my kindness for weakness. I am kind to everyone, but when someone is unkind to me, weak is not what you are going to remember about me.

Al Capone (via bl-ossomed)

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it’s been a long time

waktu terus berputar entah sudah melewati ku untuk yang ke berapa kalinya, selalu berjalan maju dan meninggalkan ku dibelakang untuk kembali dilewatinya~

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noted!

My mindset with why I’m single.

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I wanna be there with you :) – Watch on Path.

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apakah aku harus berubah menjadi indomie..agar dapat menjadi selera mu?

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true~