anxious-cereal

[anxious-cereal]

6/19/25

I’m scared that war is on our doorstep. It’s difficult to want to plan for the future when I can feel fundamental change coming. I want to think about my future, but I don’t know the forest we must traverse. I feel danger on the horizon, but that danger feels more like change than doom. This change feels like the painful kind; the kind that rends flesh from bone, upturns everything we believe to be true, and irreparably shakes us to the core. 

I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what sources of information to trust. I simply feel that I must prepare, yet I don’t know what measures to take. This feeling of not knowing is a challenge for me. I truly feel and understand that I cannot control anything in the grand scheme, or even my own life. This terrifies me. I’ve learned to predict outcomes and trust my intuition, but there is no answer here.

[anxious-cereal]

6/19/25

In light of my recent emergency, I’ve decided to be my most authentic self. I will be unapologetically me, and those who either don’t like or can’t accept that can choose to not be part of my life.

I am who I am. I am constantly growing, learning and evolving. The path well trodden is not the path for me. I’d rather take the deer trails and dirt roads through life. I’d rather come out on the other side covered in the marks of my journey. 

I connect deeply with nature. The Earth holds me. The Water heals me. The Wind cleanses me. The Fire inspires me. The Spirit guides me. I embrace the animal I am. I embrace the stardust in the fibers of my being. All living beings are one. We are all connected. We share our very breath. I have no god and I am whole.

[anxious-cereal]

Just a heads-up that if you're in the US and you never want to be pregnant, sterilization surgeries are currently 100% covered by insurance policies that are compliant to the Affordable Care Act. They are considered preventative care. Bilateral salpingectomy (removal of the fallopian tubes) is essentially 100% effective at preventing pregnancy, and it otherwise doesn't mess with your hormones. It also reduces rates of ovarian cancer by around 80%. This surgery is usually done laparoscopically and the recovery isn't too difficult. I had my surgery on a Thursday and went back to my desk job on Monday.

Bilateral salpingectomy doesn't affect periods, but I also had an endometrial ablation around a decade ago and it got rid of my periods. It can be done at at the same time as bilateral salpingectomy. People have mixed experiences with this, so do your research and talk to a doctor about it, but it may get rid of your period or at least make them much lighter/more tolerable.

If you're interested in sterilization, I would recommend having it done sooner rather than later, as I imagine conservatives are going to go after the Affordable Care Act as soon as they can (I have read that it's funded through the end of this year, but take that with a grain of salt), and sterilization may become a target in and of itself as well.

There's tons more detailed information at r/Sterilization, including a list of doctors who will sterilize people without children/younger people. I highly recommend reading up more there! Just wanted to give a PSA that sterilization is something you can do, it's currently free*, it's not too intense of a recovery process, and it's extremely effective. I'm elated I got it done and I want to empower other people to get it done if it'll give you peace of mind.

*Be careful and do your research first of course, insurance companies love trying to screw people out of their money, but it should be completely free if you're using providers that are in-network. Be sure to read about insurance coding, as it can affect what is/isn't covered. Also endometrial ablation might not be covered, so read up on that if you want to go that route as well.

[anxious-cereal]

On May 31st, I was having a normal day. I was up with the sun, cleaning my house. Suddenly, I had the worst pain of my life in my right lower abdomen. I thought it was constipation until I fell feverish and vomited. My mom, a nurse, came right away thinking it was appendicitis. I was seen at the ER immediately and taken to surgery about an hour later. They found my ovary was twisted 3 times with a dermoid cyst. On June 1st, all seemed well until my hemoglobin count wouldn't stop dropping. I average about 12.5 and my lowest was 7. They put me back under to find and stop the bleeding, and they removed a substantial amount of blood from my abdominal cavity. I received a unit of blood and they waited to see my hemoglobin trend upward. Finally on June 2nd, I was released from hospital. No more torsion or cysts or internal bleeding. I'm so happy to be home

[anxious-cereal]

I literally just got home from the hospital for this. Ovarian torsion is serious and incredibly painful!

i just wanna share this dramatic as fuck looking picture my mom took of me when i got hospitalised for an ovarian torsion

i'm high af on morphine here lmao

i think it looks extra dramatic cuz i decided to get a buzzcut like a week before this happened

all good btw they were able to fix it through surgery the same day

anyway if you have ovaries and ever experience a sudden, sharp and ongoing pain in your ovary area, don't take it lightly!!! i didn't even know an ovarian torsion was possible, i'd only ever heard of testicular torsion.

[anxious-cereal]

A Letter to My Love

4/20

I said things I can never tell you. You're away at work training, and I was too honest with mom. Dropping you off with her made me nearly sick with worry. My stomach got hot and my chest hurt. It felt far too close to what happened with that bitch: You're post op long enough to move around freely (for the most part), and I'm seeing you spend time with another female I don't know. I talked with mom about it and she calmed me down. However, I may have been too honest with her. I told her that I don't give a damn about my life, but because you care, I'll stay. I'm in no way actively suicidal. I simply have a reason to stay. She said other people give a damn and I realized I shouldn't have said that. She now knows she isn't first in my heart, but how could she be? She's hurt me beyond repair. Of course I instinctively keep her at arms length. The problem is now she knows. I can't tell you any of this because I don't want you to feel like shit over my feelings. I can't tell you the other part either. I can't tell you that I would be closer to dead than alive if we had never met up again. I can't intentionally give you the burden of my mind, even if it's to show you exactly how much you mean to me. I'm learning to keep terrible secrets again.

I love you. I live because you give me reason to keep doing so. I'm thriving because you love me. I don't want to think of who or where I'd be without you.

[anxious-cereal]

[anxious-cereal]

I just left a memorial service for an old friend, and it was held at the church I used to belong to. To call it a memorial is truly generous. It was a sermon. A lure. When I got there, I didn't feel much spiritually, much like it was a temple empty of any god. When I called the spirit of place, it showed itself to me. What I felt was vile: a predator waiting to spring. The elder performing the sermon recognized me and approched me, feeling much like the predator I sensed. While he was speaking the sermon, I could damn near physically see the puppet strings this god had on him. I felt what at first I thought was the spirit of the deceased standing just behind and left of me, with a hand on my shoulder. I nearly opened to him, but realized it wasn't him. I told this spirit of place disguised as my departed friend to leave me alone, and I had to shield myself for the rest of the "memorial". It was like smoky tendrils that became claws or teeth, hooking into my spirit. Spoke with my mother after, and she isn't as sensitive to spirit as I am, but she can feel negative energies. She agrees that there was something there that shouldn't be in a house of god; in a place that was as much home to her as her own house. I will never return to that wretched place.

[anxious-cereal]

Blue Collar Gals! Keep fresh this summer

If you work in a shop or out in the elements, you know you get stinky. In the summer, a shower and deodorant doesn't cut it and if you can smell yourself, so can everyone else. Here are my tips for Fighting the Funk!

Shower regularly! I know, obvious. But seriously.

DRINK WATER! FLAVOR IT IF YOU HAVE TO!

Wash with a CLEAN washcloth.

Use antibacterial soap on the smelly bits and folds. It'll kill the smell-producing bacteria. (Pits, tits, pussy, feet and folds)

Shave/trim/wax if you're so inclined. Hair holds smell!

After showering, use a mild astringent (like witch hazel) on all the places you just used antibacterial soap on. This will help kill any nasties the soap may have missed.

Hit ya pits with a good quality gel deodorant. Gel won't clog your clean pores like solid will.

Lotion and moisturizer to keep yourself from getting dry!

Every couple of weeks do a bentonite clay mask on your pits.

Before work, hit the places you sweat the most/experience friction with a body powder. And don't forget deodorant!

Drop your tips to staying fresh!

[anxious-cereal]

About Me

You can call me An or CeCe!

My pronouns are She/Her

This is not my main, but my posting account. I lurk elsewhere.

I'm a blue collar gal in the manufacturing industry with a farm background.

THERE MAY BE NSFW CONTENT! Minors beware.

Be rude to me, I'll be rude back <3