anxiousramblingsofanintrovert

[anxiousramblingsofanintrovert]

[anxiousramblingsofanintrovert]

“It's taboo to admit that you're lonely. You can make jokes about it, of course. You can tell people that you spend most of your time with Netflix or that you haven't left the house today and you might not even go outside tomorrow. But rarely do you ever tell people about the true depths of your loneliness, about how you feel more and more alienated from your friends each passing day and you're not sure how to fix it. It seems like everyone is just better at living than you are. A part of you knew this was going to happen. Growing up, you just had this feeling that you wouldn't transition well to adult life, that you'd fall right through the cracks. And look at you now, it's happening.”

[anxiousramblingsofanintrovert]

Trauma bond as a buzz word, but what is it? It is an emotional attachment that is developed out of a repeated cycle of emotional, mental, or physical abuse, devaluation, and intermittent positive reinforcement. It is similar to Stockholm Syndrome and is a type of survival strategy. It commonly occurs in the narcissist and codependent relationship.

Two sides of the same coin, the bond between the narcissist and the codependent (i.e. echoist, empath, people pleaser) can both be derived from a trauma response in childhood. Narcissistic traits or NPD, can be formed from trauma in childhood, as well as, inherited genetics and personality traits. Children who experience trauma often gravitate towards a fight, flight, freeze, or fawn response in order to survive. 

Narcissism can just an elaborated defense structure of the fight response, while the codependent (empath, echoist) can be an elaborated defense structure of the fawn response.

The trauma bond is formed through intermittent reinforcement. When abuse from a narcissist or any other abuser occurs, we move into a stress response. When that same person who has caused the trauma provides comfort intermittently, an attachment can form. We then look to the same person who caused our abuse for comfort and emotional support.

The codependent often has a strong fear of rejection and abandonment, hence a need to be chosen. The hot and cold behavior of a narcissist or abuser, creates an endless loop of addiction to the person who is hurting you, thus making it incredibly hard to leave the toxic or abusive cycle.

Understanding the psychology of addiction to an abuser is important in order to validate your experience and to remove guilt and shame from staying “too long” or questioning “why you even were in the relationship in the first place.”

[anxiousramblingsofanintrovert]

[anxiousramblingsofanintrovert]

Please, stop adapting to everyone else's needs while completely neglecting your own. You know this isn't healthy for you, it often leaves you feeling used by other people because they turn out to only reach out when they need you and are not there for you when you need it. It also keeps you from being authentic when you are always molding yourself to what they want from you. You will lose yourself and your health by neglecting your own personality, boundaries, needs and engaging in toxic relationships. There is a difference between kindness and enjoying helping people and developing a savior complex and codependent relationships.

[anxiousramblingsofanintrovert]

[anxiousramblingsofanintrovert]

[anxiousramblingsofanintrovert]

Reminder that you cannot save everyone and even more you cannot save someone who doesn't want to be saved (by you or at your pace/conditions). No matter if it hurts you and makes you feel bad, you tried your best and you're not failing. Respect yourself enough to realize when it's time to give up and leave. Respect the other's decision too even if it's only done through pain: not everyone is ready for change when/as you are, let them take their time and live through it as they feel. It's their life still, they have the last word on it, even when they're not thinking straight for any reason. Don't force anything on you or others. You can only go that far with others, after a certain point everything turns toxic for you and you don't need nor deserve that.

[anxiousramblingsofanintrovert]

Value yourself. The only people who appreciate a doormat are people with dirty shoes.

Leo F. Buscaglia

[anxiousramblingsofanintrovert]

[anxiousramblingsofanintrovert]

When you‘re not fed love on a silver spoon, you will learn to lick it off knives.

[anxiousramblingsofanintrovert]

Well id this isn't the truest shit I've ever read....

Can you believe some of us were so badly abused by our parents/families that we grew up to be adults who actually abandon ourselves and chase after psychopaths for fake love? Unreal.

[anxiousramblingsofanintrovert]

Tonight as I was driving home, I looked at a water and wondered what it would feel to jump.... What those 5 to 10 second between the top and ground feel like.... Would I even feel myself hitting the pavement??

[anxiousramblingsofanintrovert]

radio silence- alice oseman / first love, late spring- mitski / blue period- tsubasa yamaguchi

[anxiousramblingsofanintrovert]

Do you really wanna have sex or do you just want to feel wanted

[anxiousramblingsofanintrovert]

I'll always just be Drake.... the person mom is dating... ugh fml

[anxiousramblingsofanintrovert]

My soul is exhausted..... fighting these demons day after day. Trust and believe no one truly cares about the battles your fighting. They just add to the fire your burning alive in.