apeekintomypsyche

[apeekintomypsyche]

Last time my theme song is

傻瓜

错的人

And they were all about meeting the wrong people, and falling for the wrong person

But now my theme song is

没那么简单

It's about how it's not easy to find someone suitable, and it's good being single too. And you were the happiest when you didnt know any better. You miss the relationship that you were hurt the most in.

To me it's a sign of growth maturity and also resignment to fate. It's not a song of heartbreak, it's a song of acceptance.

[apeekintomypsyche]

Yesterday I was reflecting about who I have changed and become over the past 2 years.

It wasn't an easy journey but to the me 2 years go, you did it. You wanted to be less emotional and more rational and calm and you managed to do it 2 years later. You thought they that's what you wanted but you're still not happy. You thought not feeling is the key to being happy but, it's not. You're still not happy now.

Then what's the key to happiness?

[apeekintomypsyche]

I still miss the way you make me feel before it all went down

[apeekintomypsyche]

凌晨4am的心酸

忙碌的时候我没事

怎么到了夜晚心就开始痛

想起了快乐的时光

想到我们哪里出了错

是你还是我

很努力的说服自己没选择我是你的损失

但是怎么觉得我也失去了心里的一部分

我会遇到下一个人，但我还是希望那是你

明明知道不合适，明知道走下去会有辛苦

会有阻碍

也不知道值不值得

但是我的心还是选择要���你走下去

[apeekintomypsyche]

“Your journey in life is like a long train ride. There’s a constant flow of beautiful scenery outside the window- and then you have passengers. People get on and off the train at different stops. They follow their own destination and you have yours.

The person who left you was a passenger who got on the train and sat next to you sometime back. They shared some lovely memories and conversations with you. You both gazed at the beautiful scenery together and even shared a meal sitting next to each other. Overall it was a wonderful time. After a while, it’s their time to get down at their stop but it’s not your stop yet. Do you think you’ll stop a train passenger whom you had lovely conversations with and beg or plead with them to stay on the train all the way through your destination?”

“No.”

“Then why would you want to hold on to a passenger whose destination isn’t the same as yours? Let them go. Cherish their moments beside your seat. And remember- there’s many more stops in your ride. And so many more passengers will hop in and ride along with you. In the meantime- don’t forget to look out the window and enjoy the beautiful scenery. You were on this train before they joined. You’ll be on your way even if they hopped off. The train goes on. So does life”

[apeekintomypsyche]

I dreamt that you were going for a birthday meal with my friends and I told one of them to takecare of you.

Obviously I know that you've already moved on and you don't even care about me anymore. But I still do. Because I was the one you liked you more.

[apeekintomypsyche]

I don't think love and relationship are in my cards.

[apeekintomypsyche]

This is the 10000th time it has happened, I know the drill

[apeekintomypsyche]

Maybe I wasnt broken through after ethan, God had to break me one more time to make sure I'm broken through and through. I really am now though

[apeekintomypsyche]

Feelings aside we are inherently incompatible. I miss everyday at 4am. But it's just the attachment speaking isn't it.

I was always compared against a checklist, and I was only filling the shoes of Cally. I'm not Cally and I never will be her. I'm better than Cally and if you can't see that, that's your loss. Dude you don't even meet anything on my checklist and I still liked you. You're so fucking far away from my checklist LOL did you seriously think that you're that good??? you're so far from good??? Your only redeeming factor is treating me nicely that's all hahaha oh my goodness the audacity and the joke

[apeekintomypsyche]

Ethan Neo

Elia Neo

[apeekintomypsyche]

Until somewhere along the line, something goes wrong. Something inside of you breaks in the place where it has always only bent and in a swift, unexpected instant, your heart falls cleanly apart.

The truth about these kinds of heartbreaks is that they don’t bring the raw form of pain that you’re used to. It’s not the excruciating hurt, mind-numbing disbelief or short-lived anger that you’re used to going through at the end of a relationship. It isn’t a fiery, passionate emotion that you can empower yourself back from the brink of. It’s something much quieter and subtler. It’s the acceptance of the idea – from some deep place within you – that maybe love isn’t what you thought it was.

That if you can fight that hard, for that long, with someone you care about that much and still have it all fall to pieces, maybe there isn’t much left out there to hope for. Maybe love doesn’t really conquer anything. Maybe it’s all just some grandiose idea we made up to sell jewelry and distract ourselves from the painful realities of living. Maybe none of it was ever built to last.

It’s like this quiet, certain part of you that believe in love for all of those years just packed up its bags and moved out in the middle of the night. You no longer feel guarded, apprehensive or excited about the prospect of meeting someone new. You just feel indifferent. You see the ending from the starting line and the race no longer seems to be worth running.

--

It’s not love that you’ve stopped believing in. What you’ve stopped believing in is the specific vein of love that you have always been quick to identify – perhaps the kind you saw in movies or the kind that your first partner gave you. You’ve stopped believing in a lofty, idealistic form of love that was born of made-up stories you would tell yourself.

And now, all that’s left is the real stuff.

Now that you’ve shaved away the fantasy and fairytale of how things were supposed to unfold, you can finally open yourself up to a quieter, realer version of love. One that doesn’t impose or demand. One that doesn’t expect or expand. One that takes things are they are – not as you imagine them to be – and works with that reality. That allows it the space to grow into something concrete.

And that kind of love doesn’t require us to believe in a thing.

[apeekintomypsyche]

Love is supposed to be magical. Love is supposed to better you; it should lift you higher. So don’t settle for anything less than extraordinary, genuine love. Don’t chase after someone that stops chasing after you. Don’t try to convince someone to love you; you deserve so much more than this.

[apeekintomypsyche]

https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=167446658166993&id=100631208181872

[apeekintomypsyche]

How many more times do you want to go through this pain? Enough is enough. It’s time to close it off my love. 

[apeekintomypsyche]

Maybe someday someone will but that's not now

[apeekintomypsyche]