apekshavirkar - Tumblr blog

[apekshavirkar]

pride, anger and "he loved us"

my father was this weird, gnarled husk of a man.

I think he wanted to be kind,

and I don't really know what that means.

I never really knew him.

I know he didn't let anyone have that over him,

I can relate,

and I think he knew.

sometimes I wonder if I could have made a difference

for that angry, far gone father-imposter,

but that would miss the point that humbled

and crippled him in the end -

I'll just be better, I'll just be kind and forget.

[apekshavirkar]

Mohammed El-Kurd, from Rifqa; “Rifqa”

[Text ID: “I cried—not for the house / but for the memories I could have had inside it.”]

[apekshavirkar]

ASV

[apekshavirkar]

ASV

[apekshavirkar]

[apekshavirkar]

Today she didn't feel the winter.

While everyone sipped hot coffee and enjoyed the bonfire,

She stood under a cold shower to solace.

the darkness inside her head,

soul full of mess,

tears rolling down,

remember she’s in distress.

she learned psychology to comfort others,

who would’ve felt she craved it more than others.

let me term them here for her,

depression makes you numb,

anxiety gives you attack,

bipolar swings your mood,

phobias make you anxious.

mental health is no joke,

there’s pain, suffering yet she thrives.

dark childhood, awful nightmares,

Tired and drained yet she's fighting.

Aren't we all the same?

burned and brave.

-ASV

[apekshavirkar]

[apekshavirkar]

[apekshavirkar]

[apekshavirkar]

❤️

[apekshavirkar]

Absolutely ❤️

[apekshavirkar]

She fears thunder but somehow the cacophony doesn’t frighten her anymore.

She despises worms but somehow they don’t terrify her anymore.

She fusses about being alone but somehow being distant is how she discovers pleasure in it.

She panics being mistaken but somehow she just maintains silence as she doesn't want to clarify anymore.

She worries about being betrayed but somehow she lost all faith in humans and their opinions.

She’s unusual now.

She recognizes energy and vibe along.

She notices who’s lying yet keeps playing along. Sometimes, you just have to act dumb.

She was once full of radiance but her pleasant eyes have turned emotionless and hollow.

Now, she puts on a mask to conceal how the sadness hangs over her like a dull cloud and never wants to leave her alone.

Apeksha Virkar

[apekshavirkar]

Legit ❤️

The Soul. The fourth and final chapter of my new poetry book, “The Moon Taught Me.”

Get a copy from the link below:

https://store.bookbaby.com/book/The-Moon-Taught-Me

[apekshavirkar]

She wasn’t perfect but tend to be real. The more she loved, the more she suffered.

She fixed people because she understands how intensely it engulfs the soul if not fixed.

She's living but barely breathing yet she was taught to keep smiling and walking, despite maintaining a fitful soul.

She conceals her tears, which fall endlessly overnight and bite her inner cheeks to remain quiet.

The salty tears dried up. There’s no more left to pour down.

At this point, she just needs Space & Silence.

This is what depression does. Everything around you becomes blurry. It’s like, the time has stopped and people are scurrying around.

That's how she perceives her life, apathetic and deathly. The sanity is not gripped into reality.

You either win this war or die pushing to the limit.

-ASV

Apeksha Virkar

[apekshavirkar]

As the harsh rain hits him hard, he stood there motionless. In the middle of mayhem, the world hung back for him. He stood there with all the suffering in his heart, he was unable to move because the soul held too many anxieties. He realises, how awful the realm has been to him all his life. He did all favourable deeds to the society yet they’ve failed him again. He nurtured them but now they seem sluggish to him. He is drowning but around him, everyone is breathing fine. When someone losses their precious one they’ll find no harmony no matter what because their memories will haunt them. They’ll torment us even with their good memories and we will end up putting on the smile. The same smile that will trigger within and pretend to be mentally stable. He smiled because it has always been easier than the explanation of being sad. Sometimes, he hoped, when he mumbles, he's been alright, he craves someone to look in his eyes and hug him deeply knowing the fact he isn’t. With deep notions wandering in his mind, he realises that he has to go on and dominate his existence. The same routine might infuriate him but he has to struggle with it and imitate it.

-Apeksha Virkar

[apekshavirkar]

APEKSHA VIRKAR

[apekshavirkar]

“Why me”? She thought with her snivelling eyes staring at the moon. She was just exhausted of everything but none of them could behold that phase as she adopted a fake laugh. She seemed like a cheerful kid with all the privileges but look closer maybe you'll discover her to be more in the dingy corner of the mind. She thought the only way for her to get rid of those emotions was to jot it down yet the pages stayed plain because no words came out of her soul. The day appeared brighter to her than the night that made her forget how to feel. Standing on the balcony she looked down and presumed maybe a jump might halt everything. How do you kill your demons without being suicidal? She wondered. The inner demons made her believe not to count on any humans. Ultimately, everyone has to go. All these notions made her numb. She wants to fix everyone but who’ll fix her? She mastered living in a flashy world where everyone will damage her but in the end, she has to endeavour.

Apeksha Virkar