apracticalzen

[apracticalzen]

Caffeine or anxiety?

Yesterday I sat for a 3-hour live virtual class, part of an 8-week program on Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction, created by Jon Kabat Zinn, almost 40 years ago at Massachusetts Medical School. The program is fantastic, and we are students from all over the world.

Sitting for a virtual class can feel weird, you are seeing everybody, everybody sees you, yet the dynamic for interaction is so different than on an in-person format. Granted, I'm all for technology and how it makes possible for this no-borders education, yet, the nuances of the experience can possibly trigger some level of stress or anxiety.  For instance, when we speak, it always feels more formal and staged. We have to unmute ourselves, there is absolute silence and, in my case - I don't know exactly why - I tend to use less of my hand-gestures, usually significant support for my communication.

I feel that on an in-person class, one can pop a question or comment more seamlessly, maybe eliminating over-thinking, which to me, can create fear base emotions. So yesterday, at one point, during one of the guided meditations, I realized how a fidget, unsettling tremor had taken over my body. I was amazed since I had had a very smooth morning after what I believed to had been a great night of sleep, and couldn't pick up on why I was feeling that way. Also, like it often happens, the more I tried to understand and get rid of how I was feeling, the worse it became. I was no longer paying attention to the meditation, and my heart seemed to be beating so strong as if attempting to escape from my chest.

I was eventually able to reset that sensation and surrendered to just witness. Thank god for my regular meditation practice. But the question I now have though, is, could that had been a small panic attack, feedbacking suppressed fear? After all, a habit of my naive old-self was to never want to show up vulnerable to strangers. Or wait, was that the extra double expresso that I had taken an hour before class?

I genuinely now believe that it was the extra caffeine, but the experience made me ponder hard on how often we are operating on our auto-pilot survival mode, not paying enough attention to how we feel, besides totally unaware of how things affect us plus our reaction to them.

I confess that I even contemplated taking a break from coffee after noticing how the extra dose made me feel - I usually meditate before caffeine. But the best of yesterdays episode was that it reminded of how I keep falling in love with sitting still daily. How I value and nurture creating intimacy with silence, even though it will often give me access to things about myself that I wish I could hide from myself, but much more, from the whole world.

ps: typing this while also enjoying the smell and flavor of my java. I also want to say that I acknowledge that those who suffer from social anxiety may prefer the virtual over the in-person format for obvious reasons. The text above aims to reflect my experience and to open a reflection around the benefits of finding disciplines and habits that help us develop better self-awareness.

[apracticalzen]

You are going to die

Pretty obvious, right? Of course, we all know that our time on earth is finite. Still, most of us rather escape contemplating that thought on a regular basis until the inevitable fatality hits close to home.

The question is, how would, thinking about death every day, make you feel? Depressed or more alive? Our instinct may suggest the first option - why focus on such a somber reflection?  - but some ancient eastern cultures will propose otherwise.

Take Bhutan for example, the only country in the world that has a Ministry of Happiness, with innovative policies of Gross National Happiness and where, culturally, one is expected to think about death five times a day. Yes, you heard it right. Other Buddhist meditation I’ve learned about, invites you to ponder on corpses in various stages of decay.

I know, I know. What an unappealing and foreign concept to consider for us in the west. Especially since we live in an era where 18 year-olds are shopping for botox, and photoshop has become almost standard even amongst non-professional platforms. All in the name of that picture perfect “broadcastable” image. Aging? Ah, that thang that happens to grandparents.  

But contrary to what we may think, these meditations are designed to be a key to better living. By reminding us of our transitory condition, and the scarcity of time, we may wake up more committed to seizing the day with extra enthusiasm and presence. Daily meditation would be the systematic way to raise that urgency to our consciousness.

In the book Stealing Fire by Steven Kotler and Jamie Wheal(2017), I also read that thirty years of research showed that people who had had near-death experiences(NDEs) scored exceptionally higher on overall life satisfaction and happiness. Perhaps for similar reasons?

I’ve witnessed death from a young age. When I was only seventeen, my first boyfriend and love left my house to die in a car crash. At that same time, I lost a couple of other close friends in the same tragic way. I also remember being hugely impacted by spending time with my sick grandpa in his last week of life. Watching him frail, afflicted by pain, confined to his bed and unable to speak was a shocking contrast with the firm and disciplinarian man I had known before.

And I genuinely believe that those memories have influenced my passion for life and how I care for my close relationships. For instance, especially with family members, I will get out of my way to finish a call or part ways in some level of harmony since I remember finding comfort in the fact that my boyfriend and I were in good terms when he left my house that tragic night.

So here is the thing. Maybe meditating on death or decaying bodies will make you more disturbed and sad than stimulate ecstatic experiences in your life. But I still encourage you to create your personalized habits or strategies such as that, a sense of positive urgency, could help you to reduce or minimize the mindlessly blow of present moment on low-value activities.

Carpe Diem

[apracticalzen]

How’s technology treating you?

My thoughts were pretty zen that evening at JFK. I actually enjoy airports, and usually get to them early enough to people watch, read or write. Supporting my good spirit that day was the fact that I was on my way to India, to spend a little over a month studying yoga and meditation.  

But as I walked post-security, looking for a perfect spot to “park,” my phone splashed face down to the floor, and from the sound that it made, I knew that that had been a jump with no return. For a second I suspected that the timing of the event was some sort of divine intervention - a month of full introspective work could be powerful - but swiftly, a shot of adrenaline took over my body, and I went straight to survival mode, looking for a solution to my somehow stress-provoking problem.

JFK didn’t help me, but as soon as I landed in Delhi, before my connecting flight, I found a store, got a new phone and felt relieved that I would remain accessible to people and be able to capture pictures or videos of my adventure.

A couple of weeks within my program, me and few of my yoga friends decided to visit his Holiness Dalai Lama main residence and temple located in Mcleod Ganj, Dharamsala, a short walk-distance from our school and a temporary home in Upper Bhagsu.

The place was beautiful and peaceful, as I had imagined. But right before we left to go back to our village, we mistakenly crossed to the monastery compound part of it, promptly realizing that we should not have been there. But boy, we were pleased about the unplanned detour. In front of us, hundreds of resident-monks were hanging out on the patio, wearing their bright maroon-orange robes, sharply contrasting with the beautiful green forest behind them. Birds were singing, and they were all relaxed, sharing soft laughs and conversation. What do they talk about when not studying and meditating? I asked myself.

We sat quietly, trying to go unnoticed. We didn’t want to disturb them, besides we also aimed to extend our stay for a little longer since we were definitely enjoying the poetry of the moment. But then I noticed something that I, naively, didn’t expect: sitting to the far left, a very young monk looked down, fully absorbed by his....  cell phone! My ignorance was disappointed, but more than that I became very curious about his relationship with such distracting device since his life also implies a commitment to refrain from worldly attachments and attitudes. Part of their journey is to resist a culture of noise and constant stimulation.

So, I approached him. Our exchange was brief but sweet and remarkable. I shared with him my concern related to our overexposure to technology, proved to provoke anxiety, stress and even depression. I also shared how I often struggle to find myself a balanced relationship with it. He looked at me with the most serene face, and gently said something so obvious, yet-hard-to-apply:  everything in life, can be an instrument of good or bad. This - pointing to his phone - has no power over me. I control how I use it.

Well, I wanted to hug him, but, no, I didn’t. Still, his simple message has positively stayed with me.

My struggle has never been when I’m around people. I will always choose humans over machines, but when I’m alone, I catch myself wasting way too much time on my devices, randomly browsing social media or going for endless google searches. How many times I’ve gone online to buy a book, for example, and an hour later I get an email confirmation for tickets to a concert. And the reality is, I get much more done, and feel overall much better at the end of the day if I don’t stay hooked to my phone and computer for too long. I really don’t like waking up in the middle of the night and finding my phone next to my face, and I definitely don’t feel good about spending an hour on Instagram and Facebook when I first wake up.

So, below are a few strategies that I have implemented in my life, to make sure that technology is part of, but not the boss of it.  

1- Befriend your alarm clock

I never thought this could be so liberating. I love to read, write and play guitar. But I noticed that every time I would dedicate time to any of these activities, I would easily be distracted by my phone. Is there a new message? Should I check my email? Then, one day I decided to set the alarm so I could read for 40 minutes straight. It was terrific. By having my full attention to the experience, not even checking for the time, relying on a sound to tell me when to stop, was really efficient. It somehow helped me to be suspended from distractions. It gives us permission to stay present. I now do it to write, play guitar, and, of course, to meditate.

2- Airplane mode on

This brings disconnection to a different level. Either when around people, or in a concert, talk, workshop or even overnight, placing your phone on airplane mode distances you from the impulse to check it all the time. Somehow, that fraction longer and an extra step to access information seem to help me break away from the compulsive cycle of over-checking my phone. If you set your alarm for activities - as suggested above - adding the airplane mode will avoid sneaking peek tendencies. If you meditate first thing in the morning, I suggest you not removing airplane mode until you are finished.

3- Sleep time: tech-free zone

This is a hard one. I heard Deepak Chopra say once that the quality of our sleep begins way before we go to bed. So lately I actually put my phone on airplane mode a couple of hours before bedtime. But beyond, what has changed my sleep experience profoundly for the better is actually to leave my phone charging in the living room overnight. I also stopped bringing my laptop to bed after waking up way too many times with the screen on in the middle of the night.

4- Go out without it

Another hard one, especially since our phones are handy for navigation, cabs and meeting people on the go. But recently I was with friends at a beach house, and we went out for dinner. When I realized that I didn’t need my phone for transportation or to meet them, I left it behind. And not only I didn’t miss my phone for a second, but I also had a way better time, enjoying everything and everyone available to me at the moment. In the city sometimes I go for a walk without it, just to see how it feels and exercise paying extra attention to what’s right in front of me, without having to take a picture, send or read messages, listen to music or more. It’s incredible the number of things or even spontaneous exchanges we are missing out on because we can't seem to have enough of our phones.

Again, I love technology and don’t mean to inspire a radically different approach towards it. All I invite you to do is to question if you are using it for you or against you. Is it adding or subtracting to your life? How does it make you feel when you spend a lot of time on it?  How about when you mindfully take a break from it?

Ultimately, we all know that, just as words can produce Shakespearean poems or hate speeches, technology can support us or take away the very same things that we are seeking when using them.

[apracticalzen]

The 5 valid lessons I keep learning from silence.  

This past weekend I signed up for a full day of silent meditation at the New York Zen Contemplative Care, located in the heart of Chelsea, a buzzing part of the town. And even though I wasn’t skeptical about the experience at all, I knew that my Saturday would definitely feel different than my last silent VIPASSANA meditation course that I did in Nepal this past December.

I have a strange relationship with silence. Culturally, I grew up in one of the most social environments ever. Brazilians are tribal, always together, either for family gatherings, or looking and finding any reason to mingle. An ordinary weekend can spontaneously become a 2-day full strength party with people coming over carrying food, drinks, and music. If you have a backyard with a pool, you may as well offer a membership enrollment. You will always have a crowd over, usually followed by frenetic and loud conversations.

On an individual level though, I have craved solitude since I was a kid. I guess with an underlined desire, curiosity and inclination towards silence, I remember swimming far into the ocean or climbing trees alone, trying to escape “the noise.” So, on the surface, I may be perceived as a social butterfly, but deep inside, I also have in me what I call an urban hermit.

But my disposition to tap into that quiet within doesn’t translate into a smooth marriage with it. My mind is an amusement park, a permanent rave party or, bringing it back to my roots, an eternal carnival - I was born at the peak of that celebration, by the way.

Yet, meditation has been the one resource that has helped me in the maintenance of sanity, but beyond, to develop a better relationship with this biological wandering wild beast called the mind that seems to want anything but to be tamed. And in the humble path of cultivating some sort of internal peace, I have collected precious lessons that may inspire you to contemplate giving silence a chance. Few are the following:

1- You become a better listener

In times where attention has become a valuable currency, learning the skills of observing your own thoughts will improve your abilities to be a more compassionate and objective listener. It may help you to show up as a more present receiver, without the need to reply - unless if asked -or without jumping into automatic conclusions based on your own experiences and values. That will make you an even better asset to your work environment and to your personal relationships.  

2- You will be able to reprogram your thoughts

The moment you exercise silence, you realize how much junk-food-thinking you are feeding your subconscious, which may be feeding limiting beliefs and driving habits, therefore manifesting your current life. You may then be able to identify self-depreciative storytelling that comes entangled with guilt and/or anxiety, off-shooting paralysis or even depression. The only way to change that is by constant checking those patterns of thoughts and kindly saying, no, thank you, before you reframe them for a more constructive stream of mind-food. Remember, you are not those thinkings, although you may become that in which you repetitively think.

3- Patience, the wise master

The only way to survive paying attention to the wandering quality of your mind without going crazy is to exercise patience regularly. Like when you work out a muscle, you need to repeat going back to either your breath, a mantra or image over and over again, as a way to break away from the monkey mind that works full power to exhaust you with confusion. This exercise of internal patience embodies a lot of compassion, and you will soon notice that you may become more patient all around.

4- You may see yourself as less reactive

Silence won’t keep stormy events at bay, but the more you exercise it, the better you may become at identifying your default mode reactions to stress, pain or even excitement as you aim to develop an equanimous mind. The key here is to spend less and less time feeding unproductive emotions that trap you into a feedback loop of self-sabotaging thoughts.

5- You will become more mindful

The beauty of meditation is how it echoes throughout all aspects of your life. What you do while sitting on a cushion for a little bit or long periods of time is only validated by how it gives us insights to be applied moment by moment, every day. The realization of the state of dysfunction and delusion that we live on can be traumatic, and it will require any opportunity that we have to work on deprogramming our conditioning. If you establish a daily practice, you will naturally begin to pay more attention to what’s happening all the time, as we hope to start seeing things as they really are, away from the layers of projected experiences.

When I was in Nepal for 10 days of full silence, I had every element to support my practice in the most perfect way. Everything, from the fresh air to the water, the guided instructions, the breathtaking views of the Himalayas, and even the food, seemed all designed to back my journey. Granted, it was still one of the most challenging - yet rewarding - experiences I’ve exposed myself to. But what this past Saturday in New York reminded me of, was that the big challenge, secret and beauty is to be able to explore that inner peace anywhere, even in the middle of a chaotic concrete jungle.

And sometimes, all we can or need to do is to rely on the always-available breath, one inhale, and one exhale at a time.

[apracticalzen]

You are asked to do a talk, now what?

Naturally, different variables will play a role in defining how you may feel about such invitation: the audience - in size and quality - time for preparation, content proficiency, your personality, the requested format and so on.

But we all have heard that Americans fear public speaking more than death itself. And even though I never really believed or understood that concept, I totally get how the idea of making a fool of ourselves in front of people is petrifying.

With me, it happened in 2011. I was then producing an event at the UN for 500 people, and in the middle of my opening speech - which I had crafted with so much passion- I blanked. I remember very well those horrible few seconds that seemed to last forever, a black hole into despair and shame. The experience was traumatizing and have since affected my relationship with formal presentations.  

The curious thing is that I have always been very comfortable speaking, either in small groups while in meetings and social contexts or on stage, for intimate and larger groups. Growing up I was often the president of the class, which required a lot of speaking, and I even recall as a teenager going on a solo initiative to talk on the radio and in multiple schools to fundraise money for an underprivileged kid that needed plastic surgery after being heavily burned on a fire. All nice and smooth on the road of rhetoric until that summer day at the UN in NY.

So, when I was invited for the first time to speak as a coach, I recall looking for all the reasons to decline it. And I remember feeling mesmerized at how a whole life-track of success was defeated by one single setback.

Thus, to muscle through that first talk with some level of dignity, I equipped myself with all the tools that I needed to survive, and bellow is how I did it and what I now use to help clients with, so they can feel confident and ready for a talk.

Purpose of speech

Composing one concise sentence that clearly states what’s the intention of what you want to address, will keep you on track, reminding you of the big picture and helping you organize your thoughts.

Layout all your resources

Make sure to know everything and everyone that you have available to help you in the process and on the day of your speech. That includes all the material, coaching, feedback buddies, recording camera for analyses, posture, and even your mirror, always a helpful tool for training.

Be authentic. Well, unless you are boring.

I once read that a good talk aims to educate, entertain and empower. So even if you are a super smart person and have a lot to share with the world, you have to dedicate time to the “how” of your performance. I have been to talks where even though I make a great effort to remain present, the lack of dynamic in the presentation makes me sleepy or distracted. I feel that when we are granted the opportunity to speak, we should honor not only the audience but also what we are sharing. Authenticity is a great asset, and people will connect with that, but be careful not to fall into a flat mode of monotoned transfer of information.

Speaking of dynamics

This is my favorite part. It involves all the nuances available to adorn your speech. It enriches the experience, besides, it backs you up. While training a client for a talk, I had her go through her content in multiple ways. Once, without moving at all, then acting as if she was drunk, more, I asked her to speak it all again but very, very slowly, then to present as if she was a news anchor, and lastly, I asked her to pretend she was Oprah. All around, we worked on pauses, posture, hand gestures, elongating keywords, using ground space, and making eye contact. But we also worked on choosing relevant words, incorporating enough quotes to support her ideas, and to pick strategic peak times, being one at the end of the speech where she would have an impacting statement.

Work a little bit every day

If you design your speech soon enough, work on your presentation skills every day, by taking a specific amount of time daily and building your way to mastery. Some people operate well on procrastination, getting a lot done in the last minute, but when it comes to talks, you don’t want to take that chance. If you prepare yourself in advance, it will become second nature, you will sound relaxed and may even create mental space for context improvisation. You want it to come across effortless, despite all the effort you put on it.

The day-before-gap

It may sound counter-intuitive, but if you’ve worked hard enough, your mind will benefit from taking the day before off. It may be hard to get away from it, so I would book a massage, go to a yoga class and have lunch with a friend. If that idea gives you anxiety, go over the content mentally or read it silently, but refrain from “preparing” for it. By now, all your work should be finished. When I trained for marathons, I was taught to rest the day before as a way to be fresh and energized for the big day. It works.  

Well, even though I did very well on that post-traumatic talk, received fantastic feedback and was invited to speak in different engagements, I caught myself wanting to refuse it all, looking for greater excuses.

And that’s when I realized that having survived one talk didn’t place me back at that fearless state that I remembered once having.

What I do now, is to take one talk at a time, relying on all that process that I learned from being so afraid. Tools and mechanics that I’ve put to work and succeeded.

[apracticalzen]

A Practical Zen

Last year, in July I started a journey towards traveling and exploring the world and the themes of mindfulness, meditation, yoga and, yes, happiness. Granted, I had taken 6 months to travel in 2009, so the news came as no surprise to those around me.

But as it had happened on my first long trip, one consistent feedback I got while sharing my plan to travel with people, and something that I learned to be a pet peeve of mine, was the suggestion that my travel’s purpose was related to souls searching. - “Not all who wander are lost”, said a sign in my hotel in Nepal. How about soul watching or world contemplating? I often thought.

I get it though, I have curly hair, play guitar, use to do capoeira, definitely prefer brown rice,  have lived an unconventional life, and of course, meditate. So, I’m easily stereotyped as the free-spirited and spontaneous kind of person. Believe me, I’ve heard it plenty of times!

Yet what people may not know is that this person who seems very carefree and flowy, despises wishy-washy conversations, has a bit of OCD, hates clutter, has her finances in check and is totally unable to fly away unless her ground is solid organized, stable and, I hate saying, somehow predictable. Even my creative process needs a clean tidy environment and some form of order to prosper.

So even on the subject of  “spirituality” I tend to enjoy exploring practical elements about it. When I meditate, my efforts are towards going in, not out. Beyond looking for big and broad existential answers or to transcend my local experience, I’m deeply interested in acquiring concrete and applied skills around the art of living. How can I be more present, less conditioned, less reactive or impulsive? How can my practice influence my everyday life, enhancing my ability to handle personal struggles, fears, and blocks? Can I have more compassion, develop more patience, gain more focus? Also very important, how will all that impact and improve my relationships?   

Don’t take me wrong, of course, that I love the idea of being one with the universe, transcending my bodily experience or connecting what may seem abstract dots. I appreciate and have enjoyed plenty of synchronicity, serendipity, and deja vus. But again, and at least for now, my favorite side effects of long exposure to meditation are more tangible and have a direct influence on the quality of my life. They impact how I manage unnecessary stress, improve my cognitive functions and allow me to live more at the moment.

As the scientific and academic communities inject more energy and resources to map the benefits around the practice of mindfulness and meditation, I sense an overall optimism and openness towards these practices once linked mostly to new age or hippie crowds.

And it is about time that we pay close attention to this mind of ours that by default is all over the place, yet that plays the main role in shaping our experiences.

Because as a friend of mine maybe jokingly wrote the other day on Facebook: if we spend as much time dedicated to our minds as we do to our phones, we would all be Buddhas by now.

Ok, maybe Buddha is an overreach, but who wouldn’t want or benefit from more quality and nurturing headspace?

Inhale the idea...

[apracticalzen]

Posture for dignity and confidence

I had been watching few videos from the master of mindfulness Jon Kabat-Zinn online when I noticed that everytime he initiated a meditation practice he would ask the audience to choose a posture, seated or standing, that embodied dignity to them at that moment.

At first, I thought to have misheard him, since I don’t recall anyone ever making that correlation before, but when I realized that he was indeed implying dignity upon a posture’s choice, the idea made so much sense to me and a stream of thoughts ran through my mind.

The first thing that came up was my Vipassana meditation experience in Nepal when for 10 days I woke up at 4 am and meditate silently all day long. Sitting in the nicely sized cushion, but without any support, I recalled many times having feelings of defeat when I couldn’t help but surrender in exhaustion to a slouched pose. Gravity was winning and my mind was not coping well with it, my energy would drop and an internal battle surface.

I also recalled how I often tell friends and clients that when I’m at my worse is when I display my best posture. Somehow, I’ve always felt that holding myself straight gave me some sort of support and balanced out whatever heavy load life may be throwing at me at the moment. So, when I heard Amy Cuddy’s popular Ted Talk around Power Posing, I rejoiced. Cuddy is a social psychologist and her research on body language reveals that we can change other people’s perception - and perhaps even our own body chemistry - simply by changing body positions.

Last year, during a talk at NYU I requested attendees to freeze their bodies and asked them how happy they were with the posture they held at the moment. When very few raised their hands positively, I couldn’t help but to think of how often are we actually aware and intentional as how we carry ourselves every day.

In the 17th century, Descartes’ philosophy argued that the nature of the mind was completely different from that of the body and it’s possible for one to exist without the other, posing no influence on each other. In sharp contrast, a more recent theory called embodied cognition implies that the brain, while important, is not the only resource we have available to us to generate behavior.

To the contrary, new researches suggest that our cognition isn’t confined to our cortices, but perhaps also impacted by our experiences in the physical world. That is, that the body influences the mind and, with some controversy, even our brain chemistry.

Naturally, our perceptions related to what body poses specifically reflect dignity or even confidence will vary. But I believe that we can all agree with what it is not and that could be a great starting point for observation and empirical exploration.

With my own experience, when I don’t have it in me the energy to bring about the persona that I want for a meeting or presentation, for example, I try to embody people around me who I think carry what I may want to mirror. For example, when I think of my ballet teacher, I can’t help but to extend my spine straighter, but also gracefully.  

I am, therefore I feel, therefore I become, therefore I think, therefore, therefore. Everything is symbiosis.

[apracticalzen]

The Power of Tweaking

Have you notice how everything has become so grand these days?

I don’t know how that’s serving our souls, though I’m sure it is catering well to the economy as it perpetuates some form of consumption! Anything, sell me anything that helps me be as big and expanded as the current scenario calls for.

My friend recently sent me a video of her experience at Tony Robbins “Unleash the Power Within” event, which made me wonder how can my within surface in the middle of so much noise and amongst so many people?

My first impulse was to judge, I confess. But then I thought of how I felt when I attended Stevie Wonder’s full house concert at MSG and at one point, when 30 people poured their talented out on stage and thousands of us “sublimed” along, I felt as though as I was part of the music, or more, I had become music, in reference to how divers say that they become water when they melt into the experience at play.

So I get it!! We all seem to want to leverage on the possibility of being  part of or creating something glorious! But in the arena of this alluring potential, lies a vast ocean of murky waters. And we don’t seem to be handling it well. Depression is the disease of the century and suicide is the second killer amongst the ages ranging from 15 to 29. “Life has never been better and we have never felt worse” - wrote Jaime Wheel and Steven Kotler on their Stealing Fire book.

Added to this “grandioso” complex, and also maybe a latent threat to our emotional stability, is the bottomless universe of social media, where simple joes and marrys can become celebrities overnight and the number of followers they have seem to outweigh real talent and substance. Attention is a big currency and despite of what you are sharing, what really matter is the traction you get. The more, the better! Should we all want to catch that wave? Opportunity anxiety?

It’s not in me to try and understand the full spectrum of the causes for our growing despair, much less to think that I can prescribe a pill out of it. But my instincts communicate that we may be getting overly obsessed with giant outcomes and overwhelmly anxious when unable to recognize or envision the pathway leading towards it.  

In my case, when I begin to lose myself in the vortex of sighting larger accomplishments, I try to be reminded of the Japanese philosophy of continuous improvement - Kaizen. Because there is something very soothing and grounding about tiny movements with aim and intention.

Small actions lead to big changes! Go slow to to fast! Great sayings that remind me that maybe we should give more attention to the rich details of the parts before we celebrate the greater imaginable whole. But also, that we could try to take joy in the process,  nurturing things one frame at a time, tweaking our way out to a more present, less anxious, yet productive life.

[apracticalzen]

Stop Looking for Purpose

If you are one of those lucky people that knew from the age of 3 what you were meant to be in life, this read is NOT for you. Arrivederci! I grew up amongst humans who were like that and there was something fascinating-irritating about them. How dare they?

I, for instance, was born on the other spectrum of personality. I was confused, very confused. But the trick was, I didn’t suffer from the lack of interest whatsoever. To the contrary, I was actually experiencing multiple-possibility-of-passions disorder. 

I liked to draw, to dance ballet (and jazz), to play guitar, to write, to speak in front of people, to play sports (many of them). A classic case of an overly active kid, turned into very frustrated teenager, then hard-on-myself young adult, to finally comfortable me, now, post 40.

So, If there is one thing that makes me cringe, is when I hear the trendy and easily spread notion of “finding your purpose” amongst spiritual, businesses and self-development circles. 

And I say that only after I dropped that loaded quest, I was able to finally create more meaningful experiences, engage in kindred projects, connect with the right people, but most important, to enjoy exploring the process of things beyond what their outcome may be. I became more present… definitely less anxious.

Human condition though is defined by a thrust for meaning. We yearn to be relevant… most of us probably would like our stories to make some sort of sense, to impact others or to leave a personal print behind after we go. Therefore I’m not suggesting that we shouldn’t strive to live an outstanding and rich life, aiming to manifest an amazing version of ourselves. That we are to stop growing or be challenged! Beyond, that you should stop recognizing when things are clearly wrong or deliciously right. 

But maybe we can approach “purpose” differently. Perhaps, we could shift our mindset towards a trying to “be” purpose instead of thinking of it as a currency to be outsourced. Even better could be to try and leverage on our personal stories, with all its ups, downs, blows, hopefully followed by a great recovery narrative. Because this is the real gift, the treasure no one can duplicate and probably our most valuable contribution to the world.

Look within… purpose is already right there.

[apracticalzen]

Try Nothing

I live in NY, the city of happening, the city of opportunity, of culture and activity. Here things materialize, plus, ALWAYS change. And though change is organic, besides often wanted, in NY things seem to change way too fast.

Invariably, and sadly, it’s not unusual in this town to feel that we are always trying to catch up, but even worse, that we can’t seem to allow ourselves to ever stop or take a guilt-free break. After all, we New Yorkers seem to be on a big mission to accomplish, to belong, to meet standards, beat competition and of course, to pay for our rent.

So a couple of months ago as I sat in a cab at the end of a busy day, I felt as though all the city’s noise kept buzzing through my body. My cells seemed busy like Times Square, and despite the fact that I didn’t feel overworked or even tired, I was certain that my energy had been hijacked, vibrating according to the city’s beat, not mine. 

Overwhelmed by that feeling, and committed to bring myself back, I turned off my cell and decided to surrender. I dropped my body heavily in the car seat with eyes shut and probably looked drunk or crazy while the radio played great classical music. I didn’t care. The ride lasted around 15 minutes and I wish it had lasted much longer. In fact, I never craved bad traffic as much as I did that day. Somehow, I was quickly wrapped by a great sense of calm and warmth while, inspired by a recent guided meditation, I worked on the intention to slow my breathing down.

The experience felt so soothing that now, on regular occasions, see myself repeating it while waiting for a doctor’s appointment, in the airport, airplane, in cabs or even at my place throughout the day when I see the opportunity to slow down, to stop.

Granted, I love technology, social media connectivity, googling about places, music and knowledge, but I’m also hyper aware of how whole a day can go…wasted on random over-checks of emails or endless browse-jump to different social media. 

Most of us know that over-exposure to social media has been linked to issues around anxiety and sleep dysfunctions as well as being, without a doubt, an enemy to productivity. So, clearly, we need to create ways and habits that help us design a balanced relationship with these platforms.  

Meditation has been for the longest time a great equalizer for my days and life. I usually practice in the morning, which often sets my mood in motion and no doubt has protected me over the years from plenty of self-harm thoughts and reactions to outside stress. 

But what I’m realizing is that these little moments of investing in nothing besides conscious breathing, even if for few minutes a time, is a powerful tool to help us break away from our monkey-mind not-so-pleasant patterns of behaviors. They work as healthy checkpoints throughout the day, for the maintenance of sanity.

Please allow yourself the indulgence of doing nothing here and there… and check for the benefits that may follow.

[apracticalzen]

Get Naked

“Naked is the best disguise.” (Jeanette Winterson)

A couple of years ago I had the unique opportunity to visit the breathtaking island of Formentera in Spain. A friend and mentor, whose opinion I hold very high, was the one who recommended the place. After I heard the suggestion, I engaged on a quick Google search.

Blue-turquoise-water, laid-back European crowd, very cultural, artsy, reasonably priced fresh seafood and easy access - it felt as if I had just hit the jackpot. Needless to say, the decision-making process was a no-brainer. “Formentera, here I come!”

It was surprising to see that through my much-relaxed research, I failed to see any interesting detail about the place. Forget the word interesting: an outstanding characteristic that’s almost impossible to believe was left out. A ferryboat ride 30 minutes away from crowded Ibiza, I finally landed in paradise. By the time I got there, it was already dark. Although I couldn’t see the beauty around me that clear, the smell of the ocean and warm breeze made me go straight into island mode as if I belonged there all along.

I slept like a baby and woke up enthusiastically to explore. I went for a long walk and I stopped in a picture-perfect empty beach. Gazing straight at the ocean, I napped. When I woke up, I was surprised by the fact that I was no longer alone. Well, I was indeed the only person there… that was not naked. You know that dream many people have where they are naked in school and then wake up terrified? That’s how I felt, except in the completely opposite context. I was in a jam-packed nude beach. Eventually, I learned that I was basically on a naked Island. Clearly I had missed the memo.

Don’t get me wrong - this information would have never changed my plan to go there. I just wished I had known about the not-so-small detail. Actually, this could have saved so much time packing multiple choices of my not-so-big Brazilian Bikinis.

The interesting fact is that, although I grew up in the hot land of Carnaval where people are known for being comfortable wearing little clothing, it was my first time on a nude beach. And I must confess that for a novice I felt pretty comfortable wearing my birth suit. Besides, I made sure to behave accordingly: I did not stare at anybody’s private parts.

As the week passed by, I had fully incorporated the rhythm of showing up, getting naked and enjoying the bare co-existing. I also kept thinking: Why? Why, after all, do some people enjoy and desire the experience of allowing strangers to have total access to their flaws and details of their most intimate angles? 

For the perverted minds out there, I know what you might be thinking -  and no, the experience felt anything but sexual. Besides, families with younger and older generations consisted of a big part of the diverse demographics. I finally had an insight, totally subjective to my perception, of course.

What I saw and felt was a huge relief—a kind of freedom and self-acceptance while showing up fully naked. When you are exposed, walking, swimming and laying there while the sun is vertically shining full strength, there is nothing you can hide. You are as raw and revealed as you can be. There’s no Photoshop or “ideal” angle to pose. Forget the push-up bras, spandex, or heavy makeup to disguise or create the perfect, edited self. The most you’ll get is the help of a passing shade from an on-demand cloud.

Another thing that I realized was that, after a while, I genuinely started thinking that everybody looked beautiful. It was a democracy of aesthetics where all kinds of shapes, from every age group, were appreciated for what they were. I stayed in Formentera for a whole week, and I confess that it could be a lot of time for some island incubation. I usually say that I have compassion for chaos and find myself ready to reconnect with my crowded NYC after a few days. But this time it was different. I felt nostalgic about departing. I was sad, as if I was leaving behind a close friend or parting from an unfinished romance.

Beyond and strangely enough, that experience has sincerely shifted me. Ever since, I often find myself with that desire to allow my naked-self to be exposed. I see myself digging for it while in conversations as I reach out to my authentic, not-so-calculated self. And it feels great. At times vulnerable, but great nonetheless.

I’m eternally grateful to you, Formentera.

[apracticalzen]

...ing

“What I dream is an art of balance.” (Henry Matisse)

It came to me as a surprising gift from an ordinary experience that shifted me. Maybe a little epiphany. I was attending a regular ballet class holding a balancing position, and puff! The pleasant realization made me smile. As I looked around the class, specially focused on the most advanced students in the front row, I knew, from my own experience, that while they looked perfectly static from the outside, internally, every muscle and focus was at work. A kind of relaxed adjustment state… It took concentration, presence and tweaking to strike the flawless pose.

Another time, while venturing, climbing the wall at my gym, a similar feeling was sparked. As I tried to move upward in flow, I realized how total engagement was at play and how the high from the experience came not necessary from getting to the top, but from the unexpected strategies that unfolded along the way. Both times, the gold prize seemed to have been the fact that, being pulled to the present moment was not an intellectual suggestion but an innate condition, maybe a necessity for executing the activity at play. There was something soothing about letting action dance between focus and release. 

I often hear clients talk about desiring more balance in their life. And it totally makes sense in the face of the expectations and demands of our modern lifestyle -  especially for women that want to experience motherhood and career in full. To want balance is something actually very healthy.

But one thing that I invite us to consider is how we may be able to reframe the details of the expectation at play. When I hear the frustration of women who are overwhelmed by so many things pulling them in different directions, I see them looking for a destination that presents itself as complete relief, almost like a fixed formulated resolution. 

So here is what I keep thinking… That maybe we don’t achieve balance, maybe we keep achievING, maybe we keep balancING. The process may require the little tweaks, the beING present and the lettING go. BalancING is probably a way more dynamic state, something that requires work and constant adaptation, but also offers the joy and freedom of realizING that we are givING expanded possibilities through movement and choices.

[apracticalzen]

Sign Up, Show Up

“Sometimes the bravest and most important thing you can do is just show up.” `(Brene Brown)

In 2011 I ran my first marathon. Although I experienced the long race only once more, in 2014, both times came with amazing lessons.

Just for context, prior to training for the first time, the longest mileage that I had logged on was the 6.2 Central Park loop. But somehow, my optimism (or delusion), propelled me to believe that I could and would complete that task. Mind you, I wasn’t aiming for a specific time target. Finishing would be my most glorious achievement.

When I first started telling people that I had signed up for the run, I would often get the question: Have you ever ran a half? The frequency in which that inquiry showed up, made me concerned: Had I been way too confident or unrealistic about my ability to perform?

So I did my homework and trained. It was hard…It took many miles, resilience, soreness, persistence, willingness, sacrifices, and all the other things that could be applied to any accomplishment in life. 

But it also felt great. I loved the discipline of waking up for something specific, learning about my body out, way out, of its comfort zone. And funnily enough, I loved saying no to late nights out when having to wake up early the next morning for long runs.

The training paid off. I finished NY in 4 hours and 28 minutes, comfortably, since I took the advice of many seasoned runners to pace myself during the course. When finished, I felt a little guilty for having put my body through all the stress, but I still went on to party and dance in high heels until 1 in the morning surrounded by loved ones.

My second NY marathon was way more complex. I was once again lucky to get in through the lottery, but because I didn’t train at all, I mean, not a week, I wasn’t planning on running. But when I decided to visit the Marathon Expo anyway to get my bib number and buy running shoes, I got so moved by the energy of the place that I decided to show up the next morning, even though I was sure that I wouldn’t be able to complete the route.

This time, I struggled for 5 and a half hours. The weather was awful as it was cold and windy! I had pain and thought of giving up every single inch of the way. But when finished, I felt Zen and sat down to eat Italian food surrounded by a great deal of peace. 

The lesson that popped up the most from two very different experiences is the power of signing up and showing up for something. Very often, we stop ourselves from doing or beginning something new or unknown because we go on to over-analyze all the variables and limiting agents that could go wrong or get in the way. So we may choose not to experience, operating on fear, as a way to avoid disappointment or the pain of failure. We become afraid to dare, afraid to live.

But maybe, we need to sign up more often for things that trigger a big stretch. Maybe, once we commit to a new thing or project we make ourselves ready; we rise to the occasion; we shift our energy to adapt; and we become whatever we need in order to succeed.

I love the quote from George Akomas Jr that says: “Success is an attitude, a mindset, a decision, a commitment, a promise. A belief that it can be done, should be done and WILL be done.”

But also, what we may need is the audacity to try regardless of the outcome, which reminds me of what Johann Wolfgang von Goethe beautifully said: “Courage is the commitment to begin without any guarantee of success.” 

Let’s all commit to dare.

[apracticalzen]

Tall and tan and young…

I’ve always wondered if Jobim could have ever predicted the magnitude of the success of his song. Girl from Ipanema has not only become one of the most recorded tunes in the world of all times, but it’s stretched success has also helped crystallize worldwide the embodiment of the Brazilian female beauty.

Living as a Brazilian abroad, I confess that I have enjoyed being affected by that generalization. I can’t deny that I find pleasure in hearing some generous adjectives that I apparently have inherited by geography osmosis. Words like beautiful, natural, kind, sexy, happy, spontaneous and confident sound sweet to my ears though I often think that I’m getting away with something highly fraudulent. After all, the complexity of our vast and diverse aesthetic makeup goes way beyond the references influencing these stereotyped concepts or built up expectations.

However, we have to admit, there is something special about Brazilian women. And I say that with the lens of someone who has grown up there and also has lived abroad for almost 20 years… Pretty much an outsider—objectivity justified.

What I may suggest is that it’s not necessarily related to how they look. Every time that I go back home, I get inspired. I see a flow in how women move, how comfortably they carry themselves and relate to their bodies (all kinds), and the exuding of a natural confidence that I would love to be reminded of or to reclaim it as a birthright.

Maybe it is because of the music that has us moving and body conscious from a very young age. Maybe is the hot weather that has you exposed and facing your “flaws” regardless of how you feel about it. It creates a surrendering and a “so what?” attitude. Or more yet, maybe we could say that it’s due to a strong culture of affection where people are constantly feeling somehow physically comforted and accepted. Who knows?

But not everything is flowers in the land of Bossa Nova. Since I’ve moved abroad, Brazil has become a plastic surgery mecca. An international destination for those who seek to hide, change or enhance how they look. Butt lifting, breast augmentation, botox here, fill it up there, tuck, cut and push. There is a fine line between getting a little help and an exhausting, never-ending, very profiting prey on the insecurities of women. All of them bending to the pressures of a glorified, distorted, unrealistic and damaging ideal image ignited by a celebrity cult. A very different Brazil that I remember from when Sonia Braga, makeup free and curly hair, represented us.

Still, watching Gisele Bundchen catwalk to the sound of the famous melody at the Opening Olympic Ceremony in Rio, I thought once again of the” how” that compliments or surpasses the “what.” The ability to access what we can and have available regardless of our physical appearance. After all, we can ALL improve our posture, smile and attitude… and that will always energize how we look.  So, we may not have all been granted the genetics of the supermodel (nor do I think we need to), but I have total confidence that we can all work on and develop such a presence and definitely master that walk. Oh, yes, we can!

Walk baby, walk.

[apracticalzen]

Image Control

“I wish you could see what I see when I look at you.” (Allison Pang)

The other day I showed up for a fellow peer coach that needed to practice his skills for an exam. My commitment was to present a true agenda and to stay engaged. Midway through our session, I revealed to him some of my blocks and insecurities surrounding the subject that I had brought up. His reply was of surprise.

He simply couldn’t believe that the girl he had met in coaching school - the strong, happy and alive Brazilian - was also insecure and experienced self-doubt. First, I felt bad to have disappointed him (how strange is that?). Then, I saw my ego enjoy a few seconds of glory for the great job it was doing in protecting itself. But in my heart, I thought, really? Do people genuinely think that anybody goes through life immune from or without facing their own limits, ghosts, distractions, traumas or fears? 

Strangely enough, the week before I had interacted with an acquaintance who wanted to talk about her trust issues related to some friendships. When I said that I shared some of her feelings, she also seemed startled by my reply. “But I think of you being so confident!!” she interjected.

After those two episodes, I couldn’t help but try to understand the nature of that disparity. Was there a real gap between what I was and how people perceived me? Did I create that separation in order to preserve myself or are we all just choosing to narrow, simplify and categorize others in order to easily process and relate to them?

I once heard that Pavarotti experienced stage fright even after years of experience and stellar success track. Would you ever imagine that based on his performances? Never. But that didn’t stop him from working his craft and excelling either! Tony Robbins says: “It’s what you practice in private that you will be rewarded for in public.” And maybe that also can be applied to our confidence display.

Showing up confidently on the outside while you are feeling fragile on the inside doesn’t mean that you are a fraud. Not screaming out loud every time that you are feeling vulnerable or insecure doesn’t mean that you are trying to deceive people into believing something else. 

We all have heard “Fake it until you make it,” which Amy Cuddy beautifully improved to “Fake it until you become it.” So maybe, showing up how you want to be perceived could be the training to actually get you there eventually.  Also, if you are feeling uncomfortable it’s because you are either choosing to place yourself out of your comfort zone, or circumstances have pushed you there. In any case, facing the discomfort is a path and opportunity for major growth.

The key component here though is to make sure that you are being true to yourself in the process, acknowledging what threatens you, and most important, knowing the resources YOU need and have available in order to equalize your confidence level. Ultimately you are the one responsible to recognize, data collect, go different ways, repeat, and keep flowing. 

I like the idea of staying self-aware because in my heart I know that we know what either boosts or depletes our true essence from manifesting. I suggest not to “fake it until you make it” or “fake it until you become it,” but rather, TRY IT UNTIL YOU REMEMBER.