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arangiajoan · 2 months ago

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The Seasons Change Part 3: Winter

Well... this was supposed to be finished and posted during the winter but obviously that didn't happen. Sorry. I had the worst writer's block and life got crazy lol. But here we are!

Cw: Mentions of trauma, abuse, and death

Ash was born during heavy snowfall. That much he knew. It was difficult to track Seasons in faerie, as the weather was often unpredictable and arbitrary and things were very rarely as they seemed.

Unless you knew where to look.

However, his mother had told him when he was young, before he was taken away by the Unseelie king, how he was born during a heavy snowfall in the mortal world. All of the leaves had fallen from their trees and shriveled up dead and the ground was covered in thick sheets of white, and patches of ice leaving no signs of flora to be found.

Ash thought it sounded horrible.

However, that was before he had seen real horror. As much as he tried to forget, to block it out. Thule showed up in his dreams.

Sebastian.

His so-called father. Just another person who didn't want him. Only as a potential weapon perhaps. Something to control. However, even that proved unsatisfactory for Sebastian Morgenstern.

Ash shivered as he drew his arms closer around himself in a huddle. It was snowing again, they had reached what Dru referred to as the post Christmas lull in the mortal world, and they were spending it in Cairnsworth with Kit, Ty, and the rest of Kit's family.

Which Tessa had firmly insisted Ash could be a part of, with a warm smile. If he wanted, that is. Kit didn't say anything, but one thing Ash had learned about his dear friend over the past two years was that he spoke volumes with his eyes.

No matter how desperately he tried to conceal his emotions, he often couldn't hide that look in his eye. The one that betrayed longing. Or devastation.

Or love.

They were still figuring out how to talk to each other, but Ash wanted to tell Kit that he wanted it too.

Family.

It was still painful to think about Janus’ demise. He had loved Ash in ways he had never been loved before, not even by his mother. There was something Intoxicating about his loyalty. It came freely, without the effects of Ash's perfect loyalty spell. It was powerful, all consuming. Knowing someone was willing to kill for him without hesitation.

But it wasn't right.

Ash knew that, even if the broken dark corners of his soul didn't.

“Hey.” A soft feminine voice, groggy with sleep, broke him out of his musings.

“How long have you been awake? Have you been sitting out here this whole time?”

Dru.

Even in the crisp early winter morning, freshly out of bed and bundled in whatever blanket she could find, she was ethereal. Ash couldn't help but offer a slight smile as she sat down beside him on the porch.

“It hasn't been long. I just couldn't sleep,” Ash confessed. Pained recognition flashed through Du's eyes. She knew all too well how turbulent his sleep often was. Hers was the same.

“It's beautiful this early,” he changed the subject before she could offer words of concern. He saw her press her lips in a thin line for a brief moment before she let it go.

“Yeah. Like a real winter wonderland huh? We rarely get this shit back in LA.” She turned towards the sunrise, snuggling Into him, head resting on his shoulder.

Ash let the familiar weight of Dru's body comfort him, banishing his earlier troublesome mood. “I hear the mundanes have rituals for this sort of weather.”

Dru lifted her head. “Rituals? What do you mean?”

Ash reached for her hand, linking their fingers. Ever since they had met in person and began to grow close, he was always reaching for her. Her touch grounded him, letting him know that she was actually there, that she wasn't an illusion or a dream.

She was real.

It took a long time to trust that their connection was genuine, that her love for him wasn't just the result of the perfect loyalty spell. But as Drusilla pointed out to him, loyalty wasn't the same thing as love or even fondness. Still, he was wary of having any power over her and was still looking for ways to break the spell.

“I've been informed that sometimes the mundanes “play in the snow,” he explained. “I was uncertain if shadowhunters had the same tradition.”

Dru giggled and Ash's heart raced at the sight. “Sometimes, maybe. I guess I wouldn't really know, I've never visited other shadowhunters in the winter before.”

Ash placed a light kiss on her nose. “Do you want to?”

Dru gave him one of her playful smiles. “Well, I should probably put some actual clothes on first, and you know gloves, a hat, standard snow getup? Kind of essential. Unless you want me to freeze to death?”

Ash shook his head fervently before realizing that was most likely a rhetorical question.

“Nah, didn’t think so,” Dru teased, rising to her feet and pulling on his hands. “Come on. Let's grab breakfast first. Maybe ask Kit and Ty if they wanna join.

Ash allowed himself to be pulled to his feet, marveling at her strength, not for the first time since they had met. With a little guilt, he realized that he would prefer to just spend this time with Drusilla, but decided against mentioning it. He carefully re-adjusted the blanket that had begun to slip off her shoulders, pulling it tighter around her.

“Oh that reminds me,” Dru exclaimed. “I was talking to Ty about figuring out what we’re doing for Helen’s birthday in few months, and then we have Kit’s so we should maybe start asking him about what he wants, although Kit’s practically incapable of admitting he wants things unless he’s on his deathbed, so we might have to ask Nessie..”

Ash tried unsuccessfully to stifle a smirk.

“Anyways it made me realize. This is really embarrassing, but Ash, I don’t know when your birthday is.” Dru let out a nervous chuckle. “I guess I forgot to ask.”

Ash shook his head. “No, it’s not your fault Dru. I never told you.” A pang of guilt echoed through his chest. Drusilla loved birthdays. She loved celebrating them, whether it was her own, or her loved ones. She would probably be quite disappointed to hear that Ash didn’t know his own.

“Is there a reason you didn’t want to tell me?” Dru didn’t sound angry or accusatory. Just curious.

Ash’s shoulders slumped. “I don’t actually know when it is. “We don’t really celebrate birthdays in Faerie the way mortals do. My mother only informed me once that I was born during winter.”

Dru frowned slightly. “Oh. Well that sucks.”

“Sorry.”

“No! No no Ash you don’t need to apologize,” she exclaimed hurriedly. “It’s not your fault.” Dru gently held his face with one of her hands, keeping a tight grip on her blanket with the other. “I don’t want you to think you have to apologize for telling me anything that might make me sad or disappointed. I want you to tell me things ok?”

Ash fought the urge to hide from her gaze. “Ok.”

“Hmmm.” Dru scrunched up her face in exaggerated concentration. “You know I have an idea.”

“Oh no.” He replied with a straight face.

“Shut up,” Dru said with a smile, swatting at him gently. “Ok so my idea is, if you were never told when your birthday is, then why not just pick one?”

Ash raised his eyebrows at her. “Pick one?”

“Yeah! I mean, Why not?”

“I don’t think you can just decide when your birthday is Dru,” Ash lamented. “That isn’t how these things work.”

Dru shrugged, using both hands to readjust her blanket when the gesture caused it to slide backwards. “I mean, sure you can. If you can choose your name or your gender then why not your birthday right?”

Well, she had a point.

Ash let a smile spread across his face. He adored this girl. More than anything.

“Alright then. I choose today.” He stepped into her space, brushing against her fluffy blanket.

“Today?” She brushed his nose with hers. “Why today?”

Honestly he had no particular reason. The only thing he could think of was-

“Because I’m happy,” he confessed with a whisper. You make me happy, Dru.”

She leaned forward to press her lips to his in a tender kiss. Ash brought his arms around her and clutched her tightly to his body, smiling against her lips.

After a moment Dru broke the kiss and met his gaze with a fond smile. It was then he realized light snow had begun to fall, decorating her long brown lashes with little wet droplets.

“Happy birthday Ash.”

Ash Morgenstern

Born in Faerie.

Sun Sign: Capricorn

Rising Sign: Honestly who knows since Faerie is a separate dimension. There’s really no way to calculate this.

Moon Sign: “

Tagging: @littlx-songbxrd @petalsofaflower-shutupthomas @amchara @wagner-felll @sandersgrey @the-bee-graveyard @spooky-drusilla @arangiajoan Lmk if you want me to add you or remove you from this list

AN: I confess I haven’t re-read Ash’s short story in awhile so apologies if he’s ooc. Also I should mention that we actually don’t know the TWP characters' birthdays. I’m just making them up for this series lol.

#you wrote them so tenderly #its beautiful #tsc #fanfic

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arangiajoan · 8 months ago

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The Seasons Change Part 2

Tiberius: Fall

I meant to most this earlier but life happened. However, technically the end of November is still fall so we're good. If you're wondering what this series is about exactly, I recommend checking part 1 where I posted an explanation.

This is for Rory, my fellow fall lover.

There’s a certain ease in Ty’s breathing, a lightness in his chest in fall. As soon as it begins to get darker earlier, and the leaves change colour and begin to fall from the trees, he instantly feels freer, more at peace.

Fall is sacred. It always has been. From the smell of the rain on the dying leaves, to drinking tea with cinnamon on the steps of the institute, to the anticipation surrounding halloween, he and Livvy’s favorite holiday. They used to love going to the pumpkin patch to pick one out to display in front of the institute. Helen used to argue it was pointless, seeing as there would be no trick or treaters coming to their door, but she eventually relented. Their mother used to take them when they were little, until she was too sick to take them anywhere, and Andrew Blackthorn made it very clear how he thought halloween was a ridiculous concept. Mundanes dressed up as what they thought were fake creatures and monsters, whilst they were completely and utterly oblivious to the real downworlders and demons living amongst them, and to the shadowhunters that kept them safe.

So Helen had been responsible for taking Julian, the twins, Emma and Drusilla to the pumpkin patch for a few years, until she was banished to Wrangel island and Julian took over for her. Livvy loved stomping around in the mud with her big rubber boots, and had even started a few mud fights with Drusilla over the years. However they both knew that throwing mud at Ty was absolutely prohibited. He hated the feeling of it on his skin. But he enjoyed watching his sisters running around madly chucking dirt at each other’s faces. It was fairly entertaining.

When Ty was younger he would always feel badly for all the deformed and rotting pumpkins and try and bring them home, much to his siblings horror and displeasure. Julian would patiently explain to him that they had to pick a pumpkin that they could reasonably carve without it falling apart on them or running out of space. As if Ty simply wasn’t aware of that. He was. He just hated the idea of all those lone rejected pumpkins being left there to rot because nobody wanted them, because they were too broken to be loved.

Maybe there was a metaphor in there somewhere. He wasn’t an idiot.

They hadn’t celebrated Halloween properly until after they lost their father, Helen, and Mark, and Julian had allowed them to be exposed to more mundane media, movies and tv shows which had brought on Drusilla’s horror movie obsession. Their parents had discouraged them from eating candy as they argued it was too unhealthy for shadowhunters, and they forbad them from trick-or-treating. Julian wasn’t thrilled about the idea of them trick-or-treating, but he did buy them candy from the grocery store, and allowed them to dress up in Halloween costumes every year. Ty wasn’t as enthusiastic about the dressing up part, but Livvy absolutely loved it so he had tolerated it for her. There were so many situations where that was the case.

And then of course there was their birthday.

Ty used to love it. It was his and Livvy’s day, the symbol of the fact that they came into this world together, that they were connected in ways that none of their other siblings were. He used to love the process of giving Livvy her gift and watching her face brighten with a gleeful smile, no matter what it was. Because the gift was from him.

That would never happen again.

Livvy thankfully was still with him, as he had managed to bring her back in ghost form, but they would never be able to celebrate their birthday together in the same way. She would never age, but he would.

So Ty had resolved to simply ignore it. Just like he had ignored halloween. He wasn’t allowed home until the winter break anyways.

He was currently sitting by his window, picking the white paint off the surrounding windowsill and watching the rain pour down outside. His headphones were blasting Ethel Cain’s Preacher’s Daughter for what was possibly the 50th time now, but he didn’t want to miss any potential details. Livvy was quietly floating in the background, just out of the corner of his eye. She most likely had sensed that he wanted peace and quiet even if he wasn’t sleeping, which was true. She had always been impeccable at interpreting his moods. Part of being twins, he supposed.

Ty was also distinctly ignoring the fact that today was November 18th. From now on, it was just like any other day. Livvy had attempted to change his mind multiple times, even resorting to pleading, but Ty wouldn’t concede.

How could it be his birthday if it wasn’t Livvy’s?

Ty checked his clock. It was 2 in the morning. He should really try to get some sleep, even if he had been unsuccessful so far tonight. This wasn’t unusual for him lately since he was attempting to spend the next month sober at Livvy’s request. After he had very nearly arrived late to an exam, hungover after a night of binge drinking he had reluctantly agreed to a small bout of sobriety, at least until he had gotten through his midterms. Livvy had been wanting him to give up drinking all together for months now, but that was impossible. His current insomnia was proof of that, among other things.

He considered reading some more of the book Dru had lent him. She had convinced him to join the makeshift book club she and her friend Thais had started, with the promise of reading mystery novels. Ty was grateful, seeing as he wasn’t certain he could stomach reading the romance novels they had been giggling over during the summer every time they talked on the phone or over video chat. They had thankfully moved onto horror novels in October for the Halloween season, but Ty still gravitated towards mysteries.

However, this one was currently proving lackluster. Ty had already guessed the ending within the first few chapters and now the rest of the novel was unfortunately feeling like a slog.

Oh well, it was better than nothing. He wasn’t actually in the mood to re-read Sherlock Holmes. It would simply bring up too many uncomfortable and conflicting memories and emotions. He slid down off the windowsill and picked up the book off his neatly organized wooden nightstand. There was an alarm clock with a stack of books he was planning to read beside it, organized by priority from top to bottom. His phone sat on the other side of his alarm clock, closest to the wall so it could be charged. He let the music continue to play through his wireless headphones as he rearranged himself into a comfortable but practical reading position, which was a feat in and of itself. Livvy gave him a small smile, which he returned.

Just when Ty had managed to settle and pick up where he had left off in the story, there was a frantic knock on his door.

“Ty are you awake?” Anush’s voice carried through the door. “I’m sorry, but we need you. It’s sort of an emergency.”

Ty bit back the urge to groan, and shut his book. “Yes, what is it?”

Anush took that as a sign to open the door and rush in. He was in his pajamas and he looked as if he was not fully awake. “Sorry I know it’s late,” he lowered his voice slightly. “But I was on my way to the bathroom and that werewolf girl, you know the one who's helping us with the case? She’s sort of..freaking out.”

This time Ty made no effort to contain his long sigh. Alyssa Reyes was the girl in question, and the case was the murder of one of the werewolves of her pack, which Maia had requested the Scholomance’s involvement in, given the obscure details of the situation. It was meant to just be the graduated Centurions involved in the investigation, but Ty had requested specifically to be included in the investigation as a way to demonstrate his knowledge, and receive practical experience in a real life setting. He was already receiving high marks in all his classes but it never hurt to aim higher and work harder, especially when Ty found the material engaging.

Your liver would disagree, Livvy had argued.

Ty paid her no mind. School wasn’t the reason he drank, not in the least.

Ty strained his sleep-addled brain for a way to phrase what he was about to say without potentially offending Anush, but quite frankly he was too exhausted and exasperated to care.

“Why are you telling me this? Why not just wake Professor Fell and tell him to contact the New York pack?” Ty ran his fingers through his hair, fingers tugging on the slight waves.

Anush looked a little sheepish. “I don’t think he would appreciate being woken up in the middle of the night and I don’t particularly feel like dealing with an angry warlock. Besides I figured this is more your area of expertise anyway.”

Ty furrowed his brows in confusion. “Why? I barely know her. And I can’t stand her.” This last part was probably unnecessary to mention, however, it was true. Ty was at the end of his rope when it came to dealing with Alyssa. She was a brat, she was temperamental and aggressive, sometimes bordering on rude, and she gave off the impression that she was always uncomfortable and annoyed by everyone around her, but always insisted that she was fine.

Anush let out a snort. “Yeah well, despite that. I think when you see her you’ll get why I wanted your help.” He rubbed his face in exhaustion. “Just, please Ty? Please come with me?”

He shot a quick look over at Livvy, trying not to appear too obvious and alert Anush that something was amiss. She shrugged.

“You should probably go. I can wait here. It’s fine.”

Ty sighed. Well it wasn’t like he was sleeping anyways.

XXXX

Almost instantly as he and Anush made their way down the dark corridors, using the flashlight on Ty’s phone to illuminate their path, he could hear the sounds of what was causing Anush’s concern. Broken gasping sobs that began to grow louder and louder as they approached the end of the hallway. Ty had the urge to slip his headphones over his ears to block the sound, but he suspected it wouldn’t be helpful for dealing with the situation. As they rounded several corners and finally approached what appeared to be their destination, an abandoned classroom that was no longer used, he could hear a loud thumping sound accompanying the sobs. Ty wanted to check Anush’s face for any indication to what he was meant to be interpreting from this situation, but it was impossible to see in the pitch black.

Seeing no point in delaying, Ty pulled the door to the study open and was met with a flood of light, and a sight that genuinely brought a chill to his blood. The room looked like a bomb had gone off. Desks and bookshelves were overturned, the ground was littered with books, loose papers, pencils and broken glass. He realized in horror that the source of said broken glass was one of the windows which now had a hole in it.

And in the middle of the disaster, almost as if she was the centerpiece of an abstract art exhibit, was Alyssa Reyes curled up into a ball on the floor. She was slowly banging her head back against the wall almost rhythmically and digging her fingernails into her forehead, pulling at the roots of her hair.

“Holy fuck,” Ty whispered, unable to conjure any other words at the moment.

“Yeah, I was hoping you would know what to do since it looks like she’s having a meltdown.” Anush replied softly.

Ty shook his head slowly in disbelief. “I’ve never destroyed a room like this before.”

It was true that he had wrecked some havoc in the midst of meltdowns as a child, especially when his father was killed. He even used to bash his head back against the wall just as Alyssa was now. Helen and Mark, and later Julian would put their jackets or pillows behind his head in an effort to cushion the blows. Eventually as he matured they had realized he needed to redirect the stimuli somewhere else, either by applying pressure around him or by giving his things to stim with. Although they hadn’t known what it was at the time. And Ty was too young to explain it.

At this moment Alyssa seemed to become aware of their presence and her dark brown eyes narrowed in wild fury, fresh tears pouring from them.

“Fuck you” she sputtered out, her breath hitching. “Get out.”

Ty tried not to take her aggression personally , seeing as he could often be combative and irrational when he was having a meltdown. However, it was difficult to be sympathetic when most of Alyssa’s day-to-day behavior wasn’t any better.

“I’m here to help you!” Ty protested, slowly moving towards her. He noticed that she had stopped hitting her head and appeared to now be putting all her energy towards pulling out her hair and yelling at him.

She let out a garbled sound that was impossible for Ty to decipher and shook her head. “Bullshit,” she sobbed. “You don’t care about me. You don’t care about her. We’re not even people to you.” She wiped her eyes frantically, but it was futile as a fresh batch of tears formed. “Just an assignment, or a way for you to like, get your fucking deploma in what ever the fuck this is! She’s dead, but nobody cares! We just get picked off and it means nothing!”

So this was about the dead werewolf. Niyah was her name, Ty recalled. And he could see why she felt that way. But that didn’t mean he didn’t care.

He slowly fell to his knees in front of her. “You mean something,” he said carefully. “Everyone means something. This matters to me.” He reached for her hands slowly. “Please.”

Alyssa shook her head again and slapped his hand away. “No! You don’t understand.” She began scratching at her arms, dragging her long nails across her light brown skin.

She was right. He didn’t understand. Not exactly. But he was used to this feeling.

“What don’t I understand, Alyssa?”

She let out a watery scoff. “Everything. Everything’s so wrong. This world is fucked. And I can’t handle it anymore. I can’t handle the suffering, the injustice, the fucking noise. Like, it’s all so much, it’s so heavy and I feel everything! I feel all of it and I can’t shut it off.” She rested her head against her knees and rubbed her forehead against the material of her jeans. “And I hate you! I hate everyone all the time and I don’t know how to stop!”

Ty didn’t know what to say to that. He wasn’t notoriously the best at comforting people. But he wanted to try. Something about this girl falling apart in front of him made him want to try and reach for her, even if she would just slap his hand away and snarl.

He turned to Anush who was still awkwardly waiting in the doorway.

“Can you go to my room and get my stuffed bumblebee? It should be on my bed.”

Anush nodded almost eagerly. Perhaps he was grateful to be given something else to do.

Ty turned back to face Alyssa who was still resting her head on her knees and curled in on herself in a protective ball, hair falling around her face like a dark obsidian vail.

“I promise you I’m going to figure out who killed the member of your pack. It won’t bring her back, but it will hopefully bring you some closure.”

Alyssa raised her head at that, her eyes red and swollen and strangely unexpressive.

“People make promises all the time. They pretty much never keep them.”

Ty shook his head furiously. “I keep my promises. I assure you. I know what it feels like to be deceived. To be let down. But I will do everything in my power not to let that happen.”

And he meant it. When Ty decided he was going to do something, he didn’t change his mind. He didn’t back down, and he certainly didn’t let the desperate words of some boy persuade him otherwise.

He mentally shoved that final thought back down where it belonged. Far away out of reach.

“Why?” Alyssa’s voice sounded hoarse and drained of life. “Why do you care?”

Ty shrugged. “Because I do.”

Alyssa rolled her eyes. “That’s not a fucking answer.”

“Well it’s the only one I have, and it’s the truth.”

He heard the sound of Anush’s steps rushing back towards the open-doored classroom, but he kept his gaze on Alyssa. She wasn’t making eye contact with him which wasn’t a surprise, and he was grateful. But she was staring at his face pensively.

“I just can’t take anymore disappointment right now,” she said softly. Ty wanted to ask her what she meant by that but Anush cleared his throat, signaling his arrival.

“Here.” He held out the bumblebee plushie to Ty. If he seemed confused by Ty asking for it, Ty couldn’t tell.

Ty bit his lip as he fidgeted with one of the bumblebees wings. “I thought you might want to hold onto this for a minute,” he told Alyssa. It used to help me a lot when I was younger when I had meltdowns. It still comforts me to hold sometimes.” He hoped he didn’t sound ridiculous. “I don’t want you to keep hurting yourself.” He gestured to her arms.

Alyssa was silent for a moment and Ty began to worry he had made a severe miscalculation, but then she slowly reached for the bumblebee, pulling it into her arms and squeezing tight.

“What’s their name?’

“Oh. I actually never named them,” Ty admitted. For some reason he had never considered naming the stuffed insect, even when he was a child.

Alyssa looked at him incredulously. “Seriously?”

“Uh..” Anush chimed in. “Sorry to interrupt but i’m pretty exhausted. So, Ty if you don’t need me I'm gonna go.”

Ty felt a pang of guilt at the realization that he had almost forgotten about Anush. “Yeah I should be alright. Thank you for getting me.”

And he meant it, strangely. Not that he usually made a habit out of saying things he didn’t mean, but it was strange how he wasn’t bothered by Alyssa’s presence anymore.

Anush took his leave and had the sense to close the door on his way out.

Alyssa piped up soon afterwards. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to be a problem.”

Ty bristled at her wording. “You’re not a problem.”

Alyssa sighed. “I mean, I don’t know. Sometimes it feels like it. Or everything else is, you know?”

Ty’s heart sank. Yes. Yes he knew.

“Like, my mom is on my case about school and my future and I can’t tell her about any of this stuff, and I’m trying to settle into my pack but I never fit in anywhere and I still feel so alone you know? And then there was this girl who was nice to me at least but then she was fucking murdered, and I just want things not to suck for once!” Alyssa gestured animatedly as she spoke. “I don’t know, do you ever feel like everything’s just too hard? Like what’s the point in trying?”

Ty swallowed hard as a memory came to him. Something ought to be easy for once. Everything can’t always be hard all the time.

“I don’t know.” He replied honestly. He knew that wasn’t what he was supposed to say. He was supposed to say you keep going for your family, for making the world a better place, solving mysteries or watching good movies or whatever people cared about.

But he didn’t say any of those things.

“What should we call the bumblebee then?”

Alyssa smiled faintly. “I think his name should be Theodore.”

Ty snorted. “Oh so it’s a he is it?”

“Yup.”

“And why Theodore?”

Alyssa shrugged. “I don’t know. I didn’t wanna go for something obvious like Bumble, and I think he kinda looks like a Theodore.”

Ty couldn’t help but smile. “Alright then.”

They sat in a comfortable silence for a while. Ty almost considered putting Preacher’s Daughter back on but he figured that might be considered rude. But then again Alyssa might not care.

“Sorry I was a bitch to you earlier by the way,” said Alyssa, fiddling with her hair. “I can be like that sometimes. It’s not personal. I mean.. Usually.”

Ty bit his lip to fight a laugh escaping his mouth. “It’s ok. I didn’t realize you were autistic.” He paused. “Hang on, that came out wrong.”

Alyssa giggled.

“What I mean to say is, I didn’t realize how you were struggling. I should have been more sympathetic. I’m sorry.”

Alyssa sighed, rearranging Theodore in her lap. “It’s fine. Most people usually assume the worst from me. You’re kinda lucky people know you’re autistic just by looking. They don’t assume you’re just weird or an asshole.”

Ty shook his head. “Not shadowhunters. Most of us don’t know about autism. And most people do just assume the worst.”

Alyssa bit her lip. “Sorry. At least it doesn’t seem to have affected your standing in this place much, I mean. Shit.” She gestured vaguely in his direction. “You’re like their golden prodigy or whatever. Like congrats Ty, you won academia for whatever the fuck that’s worth.”

Ty can’t tell if she’s being sarcastic or making a joke, but either way the words leave a pit in his stomach. His gaze fell to the floor to offer an aura of protection.

“Maybe. But, I’m not ok.” It’s scary to admit even though in theory it shouldn’t be. Not after everything Alyssa has already confessed and cried over. But it’s still difficult. “I think everyone always assumes I am. Or they assume if I’m not ok it means I need to be saved. But-” he paused. “I don’t know what I need.” He realized he was fidgeting with his fingers in his lap. “This is a different kind of not ok.”

“What do you mean?” Alyssa asked. Her voice sounded different then it had before in a way that was hard for Ty to pinpoint. Tired maybe.

“I don’t know. I’m not just overwhelmed because the noise or lights are too much, or because my tag is making me want to rip my skin off. I’m not only sad because I've been rejected or because I've lost someone. Maybe sadness is part of it, but I don’t really know how I feel.” Ty swallowed. “I just know it isn’t right.”

Ty surprisingly found himself wishing he could tell Alyssa about Livvy, and how she was here, but also not and how he worried about her. How she felt so far away now, not just physically in a material way but inside of him as well. Before he could always feel her right there in his chest, always making her presence known but now? It was like she was slipping away somehow.

And then there was Kit.

No he definitely wasn’t mentioning Kit.

“I just feel heavy,” he confessed, finally raising his gaze to her torso where she had her arms loosely wrapped around Theodore.

And drinking was really the only thing that made it feel better.

Alyssa’s body shook slightly with her chuckle. “Yeah I think that’s just life.”

Ty dug his fingernails into his palms.

“Life is bullshit.”

Alyssa was quiet for a moment. Ty peaked his gaze up at her face to check on her. Alyssa was staring at him without an obvious expression on her face. Ty couldn’t say for certain but she looked almost pensive. Or perhaps it was nothing.

Then she smiled softly. It was the tiniest hint of lips curling upwards, but Ty caught it and felt strangely victorious.

“What is it?”

Alyssa shook her head softly, “Oh, no. It’s just something I remembered. It’s nothing.”

Ty was intrigued, but he didn’t want to pry. Alyssa would tell him if she wanted to.

“Are you tired?” He asked. He wasn’t personally but he knew everyone else normally didn’t operate the same way he did.

Alyssa’s face screwed up in contemplation for a minute. “Oh. I don’t even know anymore. I guess, yeah. But I don’t wanna go to sleep yet.”

“Oh.”

“You can if you want!” She held Theodore out to him, and you can have your bumblebee back, sorry.”

Ty shook his head. “No, you can keep him for a bit longer.” He almost made a mental note to get her one of her own for christmas if she celebrated, or her birthday, but that might seem too forward. They still technically didn’t know each other very well and Ty wasn’t sure what level of relationship you needed to reach with someone in order for it to be appropriate to give someone gifts.

“I actually might stay up with you for a little longer, if that’s alright.”

“Oh,” Alyssa smiled faintly again and Ty tried to contain his growing excitement. “Sure. I could use some help cleaning this mess up anyways. Sorry, by the way.”

Ty smirked for a second before he managed to bite it down. “No, it's fine. I can help you.” He pulled himself to his feet, ignoring his tired muscles groaning in protest.

With the two of them sweeping glass, (thankfully there was a broom and dustpan in the closet) sorting, and picking up everything Alyssa had knocked over or thrown, it didn’t take long to mostly return the classroom to its former glory. The one glaring issue was of course, the giant hole in the window. Ty would have to speak to Professor Fell about it tomorrow and hope Alyssa wouldn’t be in too much trouble.

Once they were done, Ty finally collapsed back into a comfortable position on the floor and rested his back against the wall. He was itching to return to listening to Ethel Cain, so he pushed his headphones back over his ears and pressed play on the album. He watched Alyssa lower herself down beside him with a sigh as the first few notes of Sun Bleached Flies began to fill his ears.

Alyssa stimmed with Theodore’s wings for a bit before she looked up at his face again, studying him.

“Ty, can you hear me?”

He nodded.

Alyssa scoffed. Handy autism superpower huh? I never got it, so, sucks to be me I guess.”

Ty didn’t know what to say to that. He wasn’t sure if Alyssa was looking for sympathy or not. The song continued to play in his headphones, lyrics softly registering in the back of his mind.

“Anyways, I just wanted to thank you for everything, and for what you said about Niyah, if you meant it.”

“I did mean it,” Ty said forcefully.

Alyssa stared at him, silent for a moment. Ty almost considered asking her if she was ok or if she was falling asleep with her eyes open somehow before she finally nodded.

“Ok.”

It was then that Ty was struck by a certain lyric as it played. He had listened to this song dozens of times before but now something felt different. Something hit him differently.

God loves you, but not enough to save you.

So baby girl, good luck taking care of yourself.

He stared at Alyssa’s face, meters from his own. He was close enough now to notice the circles under her eyes and the tears in the skin of her lips from constant gnawing, worry lines embedded deep within her forehead.

People make promises all the time.

I just want things to not suck for once.

He had misjudged Alyssa. And now he found himself, not only feeling the absence of the ire and resentment he had previously harbored towards her, but experiencing something very different now when he looked at Alyssa Reyes.

And Ty was intimately familiar with this feeling. He felt it when Mark would lash out in distress and Helen looked so helpless. Every time he saw Julian exhausted, having to shoulder the weight of taking care of the family at such a young age, he felt it when he saw Tavvy cry or when Dru looked so defeated. He felt it when Livvy was stabbed.

He felt it when Kit curled in on himself, when he wouldn’t talk, wouldn’t explain. And then he just lashed out and left.

But in the end, if I bend under the weight that they gave me, you know this heart would break and fall twice as hard.

He didn’t know what to do with it. Not the growing feeling of warmth in his chest that had ended so badly last time, and not Alyssa’s pain. He didn’t know how to help. If there was something concrete he could solve like the murder of her packmate, or figuring out how to resurrect his sister from the dead then that was simpler.

But this?

Human connection was complicated. Frightening. Turbulent. Rarely ended well for him. It was why he was doing his best to keep Anush at a distance. They were friendly, and Ty was fond of him, but exploring that led down a potentially dangerous road.

Alyssa made a little noise that startled him out of his deep contemplation as she leaned back against Theodore, propping him between her head and the wall and using him as a pillow. Her eyes fluttered closed as her body sagged.

She was going to have such a sore neck when she woke up.

Oh well. Ty didn’t have the heart to move her. She actually looked quite peaceful.

Against his better judgement he took off his hoodie and balled it up on the floor to use as a pillow, laying down gingerly next to Alyssa.

Ty tried not to worry about how dirty the floor was.

That was a problem for tomorrow.

Tiberius Nero Blackthorn (and Livia Blackthorn)

Born November 18th 1997

Scorpio Sun, Capricorn Rising, and Virgo Moon

"Scorpios are difficult to get to know, and impossible to forget"

-Unknown

Tagging @the-bee-graveyard @grrrl-help @petalsofaflower-shutupthomas @littlx-songbxrd @arangiajoan @spooky-drusilla @wagner-felll

#my heart hurts #also me and ty and livvy have the same starsign i never realized #i always love hearing from alyssa #fanfic recs #tsc

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