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[areyougonnadothesurgery]

Saturday, October 12th (technically the 13th because it was 7am). Drunk, just arrived home from the club. Made spaghetti.

Went to mom’s house earlier in the day (12pm). Had to pick up more video equipment from my cousin. Took my brother with me. He willingly helped me rearrange the basement. I feel bad that I don’t visit more often but family gives me anxiety sometimes. I don’t know how to express that to them without hurting them. I do appreciate them very much though. 

We finished around 8pm and since I’m missing Rolling Loud due to poor financial decisions, I decided to take myself out... and make my financial situation even worse.

Met a couple people. One in particular absolutely took my breath away. I was dancing with my eyes closed (as I tend to so I don’t seem like I’m pushing up on shorties on the dance floor). I opened my eyes and there they were. Gorgeous. Full eye contact. A devilish smirk. The wind, knocked out of my lungs. I made sure they knew that I was absolutely flabbergasted. Let them have the drink someone else gave me but didn’t want. In hindsight, I shouldn't be taking drinks from strangers but it wasn't from a cis man so I felt safe.

We made out for what felt like an eternity. I haven’t kissed with that much passion in a while. It was the kind of kiss where you lose yourself. Space and time cease to exist. I couldn’t feel my body. I forgot I had one at all.  Of course, when things were just getting good, they had to go. I added them on Instagram but I doubt it’s going to go anywhere due to my own insecurities. A boy can dream though, yeah?

It’s funny.. after making out with one person, people flock to you. I truly felt heartbroken but the next person to approach me was able to distract me just enough. It was weird though. I thought she was into me.. but then she had friends who seemed to be overbearing and maybe potentially trying to “rescue” her. But I couldn’t tell if she wanted to be “rescued”. I’m not an aggressive person.. but maybe due to my physical appearance, they thought I was. Idk. In short, I didn't go home with her. I walked her and her friends to the train station. I busted my ass trying to slide down the rail. I laughed it off but the cut on my wrist and bruises on my knee keep reminding me how much it hurt. I texted her to make sure her and her friends got home okay but I’m definitely not going to contact her ever again.

Anyway, spaghetti is way better when you’re drunk. 

[areyougonnadothesurgery]

Friday, October 11th 2019

missed doctor’s appointment this morning

worked 5pm-9pm

missing Rolling Loud this weekend but thinking about spending some time learning how to work all the equipment temporarily in my possession instead

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