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My aromanticism is the queerest thing about me. You can't take that away from me. And you can't push me out.

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i’m not a loveless aro but i agree with their beliefs

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There really does seem to be this sense of entitlement attached to romantic feelings in our society. Like, if someone is romantically attracted to me–which is something I have absolutely no control over–they are automatically owed either reciprocity of their romantic feelings, or my guilt over being unable to feel the same.

Like, if someone has romantic feelings for me, there are specific emotions I’m supposed to have in return. If I can’t feel romantic love for them, I should be flattered that someone would have such “strong, pure” feelings over me, and I should be apologetic and wracked with guilt over hurting them. To the point that there’s almost a preordained Script for it.

And I think a lot of this comes from us having elevated romantic relationships above all others, to the point where someone not reciprocating romantic feelings is felt as some sort of failing of the person with said feelings Somehow, we’ve decided that it should be the end of the world if you like someone and they don’t like you back, and it just doesn’t have to be that way!

And this isn’t just bad for aromantic people, this is bad for all of us. It makes heartbreak over romantic relationships more painful than it has to be. It makes open and honest communication even harder that it already is. It makes people with no romantic relationships who want one feel defective and Less Than. The way it hurts aromantic people is obvious, but it’s hurting alloro people just as much, but they’re so entrenched an amatanormativity that they often don’t even have the frame of reference to notice it.

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can you do a Old luthien and beten moment?

Of course~

I apologize for the delay.......... :,)

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I love how absolutely unhinged canon Mairon is compared to fanon Mairon. Man really:

Got his throat torn out and just…left

Lost EVERYTHING and decided to go take over the world about it

KILLED CELEBRIMBOR, who presumably thought Mairon cared about him

Started a death cult

Laughed in the face of god

Only stole black horses

Titled himself the Necromancer and proceeded to be The Worst

And last but not least: forged one (1) simple gold band in a VOLCANO

This man is on a whole other level of unhinged.

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Here’s the thing about LGBT+ vs. Queer.

I’m ace, nonbinary, and demiromantic. With LGBT+ I’m included in the plus. And I’m happy to be included! Indeed, folks pointedly using LGBT without the plus makes my hackles raise.

But. I am sick of being in the fucking plus sign like an afterthought.

And no, adding more to the alphabet soup doesn’t help that feeling. There’s a limit to what human brains can cram in. I don’t think it’s reasonable to make folks say an increasingly long acronym every time they mention the community. I appreciate the effort, but you’re always going to either leave someone out or cram them into the miscellaneous field the plus sign represents.

With Queer I’m just there, alongside my queer siblings. The details may be different, but I’m just as queer as a cis allo gay man or a trans allo straight woman or a genderfuck individual.

We already tried to meet folks who don’t like queer as a word halfway with MOGAI. Marginalized Orientations, Gender Alignment, and Intersex. It’s inclusive without using the Dreaded Q-Word. Surely, if the objection was to “queer” as a Terribly Traumatizing Word (just like, oh, every other word used for us: “gay” was the slur of choice where I was growing up), MOGAI would be the perfect solution, yes?

And yet, that was thrown back into our faces and turned into an insult. So, at that point, I said fuck it and fuck you. I’m queer, and if its inclusivity makes you mad, good.

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i hate ace exclusionists. Grow Up

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Yasmin Benoit Becomes First Aromantic-Asexual Person to Win LGBTQ+ Award

I’m honoured to announce that I’m the winner of an Attitude Pride Award! Not only is this the first time I’ve won anything in my life, it’s the first time an aromantic-asexual activist has won an LGBTQ+ award in this country!

In 2017, I publicly came out as asexual on my social media without really thinking that anyone would care about what I had to say. By the time I finished my Masters degree in 2019, I decided to dedicate myself full time to my activism with no idea of where it would lead or if it would amount to anything other than rendering myself completely unemployable. I’ve put my safety, sanity, financial security, reputation and relationships on the line to serve the aspec community. What you see on social media is just the seemingly glamorous highlights (and a small glimpse at the downsides), but make no mistake, I’m just a volunteer, not a celebrity with a team behind me.

To have my work recognised by an iconic publication like Attitude Magazine isn’t just monumental for me, it’s making a powerful statement about inclusion! I dedicate this to the unsung heroes of the aspec community. From the chatroom mods, to the historians, the researchers, the event planners, page runners, meme makers, the flag designers, the advice givers, the stall-runners, the newcomers, the elders and the low-key game changers. And of course, to my mother for the emotional (and financial) support that has made this work do-able!

Thank you to Attitude Magazine and to all for your continued support and for making this school loser feel pretty damn cool. The Summer special edition of the magazine is on newsstands now! Watch my video interview below:

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Model Yasmin Benoit: “I realized I was asexual around the same time my peers seemed to realize that they were not. Once the hormones kicked in, so did a nearly universal interest in sex for those around me. I thought sex was intriguing, but never so much that I wanted to express my sexuality with someone else. I had no sexual desire towards other people, I did not experience sexual attraction, and that hasn’t changed. 

I didn’t learn that there was a word for my sexuality until I was 15, after being interrogated for the millionth time at school about my orientation, or lack of it. After doing some Googling as soon as I got home, I realized for the first time in my life that I might not be broken, that I wasn’t alone in my experience, and that it wasn’t a defect I had somehow brought on myself. I had spent the entirety of my adolescent life trying to answer people’s invasive questions without having the language to explain that I was just an asexual girl. 

But even after I found the language, I had only solved half of the problem. We are taught in grade school that we’ll become sexually interested in others, but never that not being sexually attracted to anyone is an option. Because we’re not taught about it, no one else knew what I was talking about when I tried to come out to them as asexual.

Many don’t believe asexuality is real, and that makes the experience of navigating our heteronormative, hyper-sexualized society as an asexual person even harder. I’ve spent my life battling misconceptions about it and so have many other asexual people. Now, I try to use my work as a model and activist to raise awareness and change the way our society perceives asexuality and asexual people.  

Now, let’s separate fact from fiction.”

Read the full piece here

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Actually, I think I'm going to post the entirety of Yasmin Benoit's thread, because it's really insightful into the kind of thing I was talking about.

I want to reiterate part of this-- "You're just imitating and reflecting the oppression you've experienced yourself and projecting your issues (trauma-related or not) onto others who are just trying to navigate this world."

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Celebrating LGBTQ+ poc:

Asexual aromantic model Yasmin Benoit

Asexuals exist in every race. It isn’t just about ‘white girls trying to feel special’ and saying that invalidates the experiences of every ace person out there.

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Yasmin Benoit, a prominent Black aroace activist, stepping down from ace advocacy for a while after experiencing so much racism from white members of those communities is the ultimate proof that our communities need to change. There is a serious racism problem within the ace and aro communities and we cannot just ignore it. All of us need to do a better job of uplifting and listening to BIPOC voices; that's including me. When you're white, in a primarily white space, you often don't notice that some people aren't having as good of a time as you. Or maybe you do hear about it, but you don't want to believe it because you personally were helped so much by the community that you believe it could do no wrong. But it is time that us white aros and aces stop being ignorant of this problem and start listening, learning, and standing against racism in our communities so that they can truly be open to anyone.

I will reblog this soon with a list of BIPOC a-specs who are speaking on this issue (or just existing and making good content). Anyone is encouraged to add to the list. Also, please call me out if I have said or done anything racist, intentionally or not, so I may correct my behavior for the future. I really want the aro and ace communities, including this blog, to feel safe for everyone.

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your relationship (or lack of a relationship) to sex and romance does not make you more or less of a lesbian. being asexual or aromantic does not water down your lesbian identity, it does not detract from it and you are not “lesser” than lesbians who aren’t ace/aro.

if you’re aromantic and a lesbian then i want you to know that you’re not contributing to the hypersexualisation of lesbians, your identity is not harmful and you are a real lesbian. if you’re asexual and a lesbian then i want you to know you aren’t less of a lesbian for not being sexually attracted to girls. you are a real lesbian.

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Aro culture is realizing the sloppier you look and the less you give a sh** about your appearance, the less people you’ll have hitting on you. (Idk if we can swear sorry)

(swearing is fine!)

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het aces and aros exist and they deserve as much respect as anyone else in the community

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stop infantalizing alloaces and villainizing alloaros. alloaces aren't pure uwu and free of doing wrong and alloaros aren't heartless and disgusting people that are just using you