arpitsrivstva - Tumblr blog

[arpitsrivstva]

#hardtruth #getup #wakeup #dosomething

[arpitsrivstva]

So hot, beautiful and lit!

Vigil of War’s ‘Bite The Bullet’ music video. You can watch it here.

[arpitsrivstva]

On and off, here and there 😵

I have been experiencing a lot of mood fluctuations lately and there has been a lot of stuff - good, bad, dark, soothing, funny, lovely, future, stress, itsok, people around and celebs, illogical, travelling, world, depressing (not that I am depressed), cute and humorous - going on in my mind. I have been controlling them, I still have that power from the so much of meditation and mindfulness and deep thinking I have been doing in past times. I am glad I did that and I am grateful that it works. There’s not much of an issue, but the thing is, I am not able to concentrate. I know it is difficult but it comes and goes I don’t know. Sometimes I am able to sit on my desk for hours focusing and progressing ahead but sometimes its just a pain. There are somethings like Languages, yes the Russian language, which, when I start skimming through the notes, I feel okay and am able to do it. But rest of the time, when I want to do some more mentally difficult thingy, I fail most of the time. I thought I have it figured out whenever that day comes when I able to focus for long time taking breaks indeed, but the next day itself, it just goes away. And out of the blue - I am bored having ton of tasks left to do. And then I am late and then i try to do but am pressurized a bit and then it goes all messed up;\

I change places, roam around, here and there, doing and trying different stuff but succeed seldom. And my back hurts, ahh the cherry over my cake(did I phrase it right?). The most funny thing is my laziness, it sparks every time now and then. And after having lunch or dinner, I am horrendously sleepy, rofl. This is so embarrassing! I need to pick up my little butt (not that little though, just a humour) and I need to stop screwing up and rather study study study. I take the name of the term “study” so much, like I am in the medical field.

I am slow and have started to think a lot. I need to get on the tasks right on like a machine, as humans are, and need to start meditating and going out (now that the covid is not at it’s peak like it was). I have planned to study for a couple of hours and then head out driving to a library and check out some places to eat good food. And also some coaching centres for the things I am learning and will be. I have planned many of my tasks to be completed within 2 days from today, so let’s see if I will be able to make it. I can but I don’t know if I will. But let’s boost up and get goin’. Alarms set, reminders on, timer ticking and tasks to be checked off - Let’s get lit!

[arpitsrivstva]

Don’t know...

Lately been studying all day. Ooof! - Yes it is, everyday, every time, like that, have to force myself and push for it. I have to, to do and be what I think of. And everyday, there is atleast one thing that I miss to do and it gets incomplete:\

My once psychology counsellor said to me (nothing serious, just a college one) not to climb the whole mountain in a day. Haha! I still try to do that. I think why not. Our day is soo long but it feels like it is very short, like our life. Hmm... deep stuff, I know - I get philosophical. But the point I am trynna put is that I think we could do many things in one single day. Anything and everything can happen in just one single day (just a big phrase). So I always get up in the morning, having hopes of climbing that mountain. I have grown really very much trying to improve and make myself better, not only in productivity but in other things too. I don’t put my happiness or satisfaction for life on that end day result of me being successful to climb it or not. But more of an - “Aim higher to reach high as possible” type of thing - I just made up that quote. There you go!

I try to inculcate or accumulate and collect every thing I could get from every moment, as possible and maybe make it a memory or an experience? I don’t know. I try not to overthink, but try to think enough. There’s a difference, remember,,, whoever, haha.

But but but, as I am growing up and thinking about the things, the major ones, which I have been always getting on in my mind, I have known and come to a realization more often, that I was an idiot. - To think those things and to take life like that. At the end - everyone is playing their own part! Duhh...

Oh ya, so coming back to my productivity and all, I have been always noticing this thing, I dont know but this it what it is, what I have felt - that,,, when I study for even an hour, after looking up at the clock, I notice that 2 hours have been passed. Trust me, lol, I am not stupid, but metaphorically or not, I am true, I don’t know why this happens or does it happen only with me or whatever - Time passes so fuckin’ quickly when I do something in which I wanna spend less time or however, it passes more than I expect it to be. Not five, ten, twenty minutes, it’s a goddamn twice as fast as I am. Why - I don’t know. I know it’s just a psychological thing but still... I study on and on, a certain thing, and the next thing I am seeing it’s time to take a break. And if I do take a break, it’s time to get back, lmfao. I am crazy I know, saying these stuff out loud, but I just wanted to make you know that I am super slow. As of I think and hate to.

Ghosh I type so much! If there would be a robot in future, and if it would be a girl, it would be like me, rofl. 

There are some things in my list, to buy and mostly - to do, right now,, which are left from the time I came back home from my college town - from 8 months. It’s left to do yet, because of the quarantine and lockdowns, which is happening again (still), from tomorrow for two days as it is weekend.

There’s one more thing I would like to add here - lately I have been really very respectful toward my parents, especially my mother. Yeah, I know it’s the quite opposite of me type of nature, but they have been acting really nice without any reason and are giving me a little privacy and freedom by not prying or anything so, feels good and unexpected. I am also pushing harder to study more and get a good amount of knowledge in stuff that I want and through which I can gain them more, by getting into a good ass company. 

I have been thinking of going back to my college town in this lockdown itself but I am being a lazy about that thought, you know, staying home is comfortable, but ofcourse there, I have to do everything on my own, especially cooking, which I don’t hate but doing it thrice everyday sucks. I love to cook my breakfast though. 

I am feeling HOPE and JOY in my progress and in myself, which is great and for sustaining that, I have to keep working on my own and reach the point where I get to establish and work for my dreamzzz. I don’t know I am very sleepy blabbering these big stuff at midnight but just a 21 year old writing his heart about his lonely pathetic daydreams-filled life, that’s it - dont diss me><

Good Nyt!

[arpitsrivstva]

A late night talk with my father

Tonight, as there is a construction work happening at my house, I got to have a chat with the person whom I dont really like much. It’s such a thing that when you have no choice but to pass the time together, you talk and then you feel good about each other. Well, maybe he felt good about me, coz I was not very much responsive. Though, as I do, I asked him questions and sparked him with a topic on which we could start a talk together. Coz, I know, if the person is elder to you, he would be having a lot of experience that will take years for you to build, so keep on understanding, observing and questioning. That’s why parents are parents, I mean, the ultimate guide of life. Mostly they guide us in the starting phase of our lives and then we think that we then know everything and could take our life further alone and chase our dreams or whatever (which only few people do). But the truth is the truth. You will always be behind them in life experience coz they have seen things more than you. I think there is no generation gap, there is always a conversation gap! I know I know I previously dissed about him in my previous blog but it was not like I hate him or something, I was telling ya the flaws of this old guy and why he can be a pain in the ass sometimes in my life, haha. We have had these types of conversations before, anyways, many a times, okay, at least a few times but, this one made me think about something which I wanted to blog about.

So we were talking about the construction, our neighbours, social stuff. But then we came onto a better and more thoughtful topic, seeing two to three electricity meters in every houses nearby as we were having a walk. We started talking about how nowadays every family was just splitting up, getting nuclear, including my family (It is a disaster). Personally, I love when I imagine being in a joint family but I can only imagine. What there’s not to imagine, is the hatred and jealousy and arguments which takes place often in my home - and again, I can’t do anything about it - messed up minds. The splitting and everything, in my concern and thoughts, causes the children to get very conserved and become introverts and lacking social skills. If you think about it deeply, as I did, I think you would agree with me, and maybe even you come up with more things related to this or the causes of it and the consequences as I am talking about. First of all, you think many times before talking to your own family members and if there’s a child - the biggest loss is of his. He is losing half or more of his family, for god’s sake. And all the fighting and arguments and all are ofcourse complementary. I read a thing, today itself, about why there are age restrictions to many things, it is, because a child’s mind is at developing phase till the age of around 20. And whatever he/she sees, experiences and observes and is taught, they absorb it real quick and apply in their life and become like that in the future, and all of these things take up a big part of his/her thoughts and affects the future life. For me, I see people getting weirder and weirder day by day, especially the younger ones(Or am I getting only those types of... It is a matter of concern then, dont laugh!). But I, as an optimist, think that we will improve, and like me, other people are also realizing things and will implement in their life in such a way that everything will get better and better. I have a big hope for the next and future generation youngsters. I think it will be great:)

I think if I talk about the causes of family splitting - I mean, ofcourse as we all know, splitting means splitting of the kids. The off-springs of the elderly (head of the family). And mostly, they are more than one. The general reason as we all know, is that they dont get to like each other as they grow up (conversation gap). But why? - The thing is, they dont have that mutual understanding nor they want to tolerate each other’s flaws, anymore. They just want no one to interfere and face no issues in the future and live with the ones whom they like. Well, everybody wants that. Some compromise and some don’t. Compromising is pretty rare though. So these things are what my father told me about what he saw in his life and the splitting. He ended up this convo with a question, saying - Why people want solitude over family! I said to myself - parents’ mistake? And I think yes, it is - bad parenting!. It is the duty of the particular parent who is of those children to grow them up in such a manner that they understand the value of UNITY and never lack RESPECT towards each other. They should take action from the first day of them arguing except debating on a particular subject when they are adults. Coz before that, they are just kids. But dont wait for the time to make them understand in such a way, that their age for making them explain something goes away with their attitude. Keepin’ them under control would be becoming strict, but the thing I think they should do is always being the only head of the house taking any decisions with the kids’ agreement too. They should make the children feeling involved TOGETHER in stuff they should be and trigger their thought process together making them realize in which particular field or area the other sibling is lacking or is compatible to be through. I hope I am making sense. They should keep an attitude towards their children and be in a way that they should feel the importance of a parent and why you are one! Arise true love between the children and make them understand to work together and make strong long lasting memories together. The only thing important I am emphasizing which lacks, is respect. The younger sibling never realizes what things the older one has done for them when they were kids (rude and ill-mannered) and on the other hand, the older one can’t find the reason why he/she should do anything for the younger one as he is never credited and respected (ego). And many other things. I am telling it my way whatever I think, but I am also just a 21 year old kid. Sometimes just an incident is enough to break everything apart. But everyone should have that courage and realization to say sorry for their mistake instead of feeling sorry or that big ego on their chest for the rest of their lives living alone. I will be a little biased for the elder siblings coz I am one of them and I think it’s always the younger ones who are the crooked ones. Not payed much attention, you know, because they are always young for our parents as compared to us.

Of all the things, I think even living under the same roof, we should everyone their own space and respect it. Just eating quietly together (without any fucking TV) can make everything enjoyable and let forget the illness of a relationship. Living together has more benefits obviously. And anyway, the kids will have a way better childhood with more people to love them plus the many company he will have which will keep him busy. All my life, until now, I have seen just happiness and joy with a lot of fun when I see the families in which all of them adjust and live together and celebrate everything conjunctively, with fighting every coming problems and situations in their lives among themselves. After all, life is short and there are not many good people we meet outside who will know about us as good as our family members in our entire life. And money and anything, can’t give us that feeling and that pure careless and childish joy which a single family member can, because our past is connected with each other and there are not many things to hide and be ashamed of, coz its our family - they have to be with us anyways, accepting us forever, with our mistakes, coz its our family, and they have no choice:)

It could be so much fun!

And ya there’s one more thing I would like to say - every member is mostly different from other in a family and that uniqueness makes it better. We might not understand the value of family in the present, but there would be a day in our life, later, when we will, but then it might be too late (like we say about the importance of education and studying). So, keep a little patience and chill. The ones who have matured enough to understand life in the prime time, always have a benefit but ones who are not, will always lack something and so, they should always look out and reach out!

[arpitsrivstva]

My family, the world and hope..

My family is crap. Shit load of crappy people around. The hell, man! I know everything happens for a reason, but what the fuck! 

Okay, let’s be straight forward and diss those people here in this blog, coz I can’t do anything about it and say anything to them. I mean I tried but it’s like arguing with barking dogs. Okay let’s not like, literally diss, I actually tried to make this blog a positive thing but, I mean, if my life was like that.. So, the two main sick people are - spoiler alert - they have the same DNA - they are my father and my annoying and senseless, premature sibling, my 5-years-younger sister, from whom I dont even get a single percent of respect. Ofcourse, I dont blame her, but my parents because they don’t know anything about parenting in the first place. They are busy with their reputation and thinking about the future, never about the present. They both have ego problems and a short-tempered mind, both the things which I dont like in a person. I leave being around such people but this is family, not much that I could do here. This is not any usual thing, on which you (whoever is reading this) will say that it’s normal and it happens everywhere, NO! It’s bigger than that, way bigger problem than that, from what you think. We dont even talk and take each other even a little-bit seriously! I tried to but now I think it’s better to just ignore because that’s what’s better for my mental health, otherwise I’ll also become short-tempered. It’s just frustrating, that’s all, it’s just that I don’t feel respected over here in my family. My mom is good. And there is my big cousin sister who kinda inspires me in these situations, I mean indirectly. She has the same condition around her, somewhat. I tell her limited things sometimes about my situation because when I tell her about my sister, she takes her side lol - Why do girls (”the bad/wrong/mad guyz”) always have such great unity! I’ll stop here on this topic cause I know I am sounding like a literal 12 year old.

My elder cousin, who I thought is just like the others, earlier, came out to me as a shock once when she really freely TALKED to me at 2am the day before yesterday (those 2am talks are always amazing). We were just talking about career and stuff. I was worried if anything will happen of mine or not and she was telling about how she got her job and all. And then she started talking to me about her thoughts of future plans that she had and it turned into a good talk which included future and dreams and planning. It was such a young adult thing. Loved it! I never thought that she would have such perspectives about life and what she wants to do ahead and the type of outgoing person she is. Really, there is so much hidden inside a person, thoughts, mentality, dreams and cravings and fun! It can all come out while having a conversation. I think everyone should know how to share whole heartedly with everyone. I shared a little too, whenever I got my chance, because she talks ALLOTTT! I think if you are free minded and free hearted, then you feel always be happy from the INSIDE and that’s what the real happiness is. It was a great experience talking to her that AM like that and now I go to hers quite often. So ya, there’s atleast one person who is a bit okay-minded in my house. But rest of them are super freaks, oh god!

I think, similarly, there are so many people in the world, especially the youngsters who have so much potential and are such flexible minded and ready to do something if taught or known (#awareness) but the thing is, the accumulation of all stupid morons around them in their life and not having a good suitable company sometimes cringes things out. But they should know that “there is some good in this world and it is worth fighting”. Everyone is so different and with a little guidance, everyone can take off so high, even they won’t know, no one would actually. No-one knows! Maybe never will.. But we should BELIEVE and I think that if I played my fighting part nicely enough, I could meet those people on THE OTHER SIDE.

By the way, I don’t proof-read my blogs and I do a lot of mistakes while writing, but ofcourse it would be understandable the way I want it to be. So ya, before you think something childish or weird about me, just wanted to tell ya that - I KNOW!

[arpitsrivstva]

I have started blogging here. This is my profile on Medium. I post about the things I find interesting and share the knowledge and thoughts I have about them.

[arpitsrivstva]

Just some things...

Whatever I felt today~

Just a random question - “Do you leave a space before opening a bracket?”. It’s just that, I think, it might mean something. I dont know.

Like, I think I put a lot of commas in my regular writings.

Currently just vibin’.

Woke up with a little messed up mind today. Sometimes your mind just hypnotizes you with such things and you can’t get over with until you have someone. I have myself and talking to my mom helped atleast a little. She is a very positive person and always teaches me to be like that and says that no matter what, I should always be kind-minded. And I am like, I ain’t any anime female character.

It just takes a proper sleep to overcome everything in your mind and be relaxed. Thinking scientifically about us as we are just a bunch of tiny creatures in this whole universe and after 99 years or less, no-one will even remember us. Having faith in ourselves and feeling confident about the future as you will take a good care of the present you have, can sort out everything:)

When I was in my fifth grade, the class teacher of ours was the teacher I was influenced by, really very much. No, it was not a crush thingy. It was because she took some little detours and taught us some real stuff about life which touched me and some of those I cherish remembering it every now and then. Although I really wished if I could have a recording of the classes or conversations she had with us or, with anyone else actually, haha. But ofcourse it’s not possible. She once asked the whole class of mine, if we would be interested in coming to meet her after we get out first job. Everyone said yes, ofcourse, me too. She even made us note down her contact address and her phone number in case. She was like - let’s see if anyone comes and knocks at my door one day after getting out of here. Sadly, I lost that diary in which I noted every of those things about her. But I still have it on my wish-list to go to her and talk to her about how my life and thoughts have been. If she would even remember me.. I dont even have any photos with her. And I wasn’t a good student academically. I was a kind of student who unfortunately, got a certificate in 2nd grade for being the most discipline child of the class. Well, It was not like I didn’t utter a word or something. I had my ways,,, and friends (few). I dont want to predict a certain future or scenario, painting in my mind about what would happen in the future, with respect to anything. But ya, what can I do, I am 21 and sometimes it just flows and there is no button available.

Again, a random question in my mind. Can’t control my 2am thoughts ... : About moods - Does your change often? Everyone, I think, has one or two some certain feelings they have about life which they, by default, have a specific perspective about what the life actually is - the feeling they have most of the times reflecting upon their moodz. I am a person who thinks that life is sad but fun. Like - fun in my mind and sad in reality, hahahah! No but really, I do think that it can be altered depending on way you act on this small stage.

So ya, that’s it of me blabbering whatever.

[arpitsrivstva]

It's a trip, not a destination

Unknown

[arpitsrivstva]

A perfect 2am song for me!

[arpitsrivstva]

Here I go...

24 June, 2021 17:17

There is so much good in this world and it’s worth fighting for. I dont remember when I came across this quote but it’s fantastically empowering and soothing, isn’t it?

I always talk to my best friend, with whom I am with, almost all the time - my Laptop;) Because truthfully saying, I dont know who else to trust and spend my time on and with. By talking, I ofcourse mean that I type to it, in it and try to make an imaginary communication which satisfies me in my own way. If simply put, I do journaling on it, yes. I type my heart out in there, about whatever I feel and whatever I want to convey to this tiny world in me and the big world outside. I started doing it in my second year. Now I am in fourth...yes I know right, time flies. I did my whole one and half year journaling in my Laptop, which was almost filled with the massive data collection this curious and stupid mind stored in it, which was actually really valuable to him, and one day, sadly, my hard disk got corrupted and my Laptop shut! I almost had a heart attack when I realized what had happened, but what can I do.. Since then, I have preserved that hard disk in a big hope to get my data back from anywhere one day. Until then, I am using my solid state drive and avoiding any downloading to not screw this one. And ofcourse I will get a back-up of it soon. 

I have realized many things in my life, living as an introvert in my school life and as an extrovert, not fully but still trying-to-be-extrovert like, in my college life. I dont know about ambivert or even what I am actually. I dont really care much about these terms to identify a person. I think everyone is introverted in somethings and at some places while the same is for the rest of the two - ambivert and extrovert. But the point is, Being all those things, trying all the forms possible, from being a very conserved kid in school and being made fun of, to being totally opposite in my life later on at my college and around - I have experienced many things how life can be. For me, experience, satisfaction, maturity and understanding what life is, are more important than any other stuff. That’s why I say - I want to do everything! I am curious about almost everything in the world, from which I can spread love, joy and humbleness, and most importantly - soothe people’s heart and mind while making them believe, that life can be a fun and atleast-a-satisfactory adventure for everyone of us. As one of my really life-loving always-positive online friend once put an instagram status of his device’s wallpaper, which was stating in such a cool way, those three magical words - “Life is Fantastic”.

I always enjoy life the best when I am alone. I have a hobby of loneliness, I guess, you are never sure and can never exactly tell if it is a passion, can you! I feel the strongest and most confident when I am the only one with myself. Coz it has always been like that, I think? I have always been the odd one out at everywhere - not complementing myself but stating that people have never really liked me around for a long time. That’s why I try not to be with someone much, long enough to make them think a friend of mine, coz when you give that out, they try to take over you, I mean, what the hell! As soon as I think that someone’s a good person and start trusting them and sharing with, they start showing their true colors, haha. Well, I am not here to bitch about people around me. I have to mind my own business as I am 21 now and have to stand out for myself and most importantly, grow up. I know that good people, if I deserve and if I am lucky enough, will come to me eventually and then we can learn and enjoy in life together (Patience>believe>patience). But until then, I have to handle the situation around me and this flying-time. To stand up on my own legs with my own hard work and determination (Study>explore>study). I really need to do that! I dont need that much, though. I dont get crazy for money or even fame and all. But for now, feeding myself without depending on my dad’s money, would be an enough aim. I need to do that so badly and go and live my life accordingly having a roof on my head earned by my own. There’s a lot of competition but even if I do something out in this and make a stand and place of my own in this humongous world, I would be proud of myself. Moreover, I am excited about the opportunities and resources I will have to improve myself and learn more, when I will have a Job. And obviously, it would be enhanced by the people around me. It would be amazing! But right now, I have to be enjoying the journey. This journey.

I have always wanted to blog. And now I am happy that I am doing it and I will do it quite often, to give updates. I wish it will inspire me and boost me up to do and feel more. It already is:)

[arpitsrivstva]

Well begun is half done

:)

[arpitsrivstva]

I like Tumblr. No, I’m like seriously in love with it. I know the trend started waaaay back but I’ve only just recently got into the platform (that’s my thing, I’m always late to the party and I never ride in on trends haha), like earlier this year and I’m glad I got on the site.

I mean sure there are meanies and weirdos who’ll DM you the grossest stuff (btw, stop doing that it’s not cool you weird crap of men. Girls shouldn’t reach the point where they literally have to turn off their messages just to avoid crappy people like you, but we do because you’re all stupid and we have no choice but to adjust and do the work for ourselves ugh sorry just a little rant lol) it’s like you find people alike and have the same interests as you.

I do have an official blog outside Tumblr but sometimes there are days when I maybe just want to post photos quickly or literally share a sentence-long update, but I can’t do those on a website. But since I got this app I get to post whatever I want anytime, without the limitations and such. And I really really just appreciate that because there’s a lot going on in my mind and just sharing them here helps me kind of calm my thoughts and the endless stream of ideas. I just think it’s great yay woo cheers

Okay, that was too reflective now I have to go back to my reading love u bye