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[arsalamsyah]

Mother

Last week marked the two straight months of co-living again with my mom after almost a decade of separation (quite literally). Turns out being a parent to my parent is not as easy as I thought it would be, but I’m not gonna whine either.

I was still in my teenage years when I left and a decade is definitely not a short period of time to remember each other’s habits. My formative adult years were filled independently without having the official obligation to take care of anyone directly throughout days and nights. Of course I sent money overseas but that’s different with actually taking care of them. I did have roommates, or stayed with other family households, but again it’s different with those who you share blood with.

Since she moved in for good, I’d say two months has still been an adaptation period for me. I re-learn not only about her habits but also my own habits. Like, she reuses/recycles a lot of things especially for gardening, and I like to use properly-functioning items. My mom is a savvy person, but I’m more on the practical side to “let’s just buy, don’t waste your time.” She prefers to cook than going out to dine-in. I can’t help but feel guilty because I often don’t have time to cook or she cooks earlier than me, and I don’t want her to feel “obligated” to cook for me. Other house chores than cooking are all on me and that feels quite a huge difference from living solo.

The fact that she’s getting older, it’s just never gonna be the same as it used to be when I was a teenager. Athough she now can go anywhere by herself in the city, she no longer can walk at my pace. I can no longer say freely “I’m free on weekends” to my friends because I want to spend time with her in between busy weeks, and show her all the good places too. Having her living in the US is in fact her calling, not mine. Yet little did I plan that fulfilling her wish also means that all her paperwork from visa to ID to insurance to all the knicks knacks become all my homework. You know how govty paperwork can be so tedious, and I admit sometimes I don’t have the nerves to deal with others’ problems.

Like what Stevie Wonder said, “For once in my life, I have someone who needs me.” Someone who depends on me heavily. Moving forward, I hope I continue to gain the patience, be softened and tender, and be a more cool headed person to make her wishes come true. I know I’m happier when she gets to try out new experiences and other things I already had. May all ease and happiness cover us both in here and the next. Bismillah :)

[arsalamsyah]

The Happy Ending of 2023

On Dec 22, 2023, I reflected on how this year has been. I remembered everything that happened in Q4 but questioned, “what did I do in Q1 to Q3?” I couldn’t even remember until I scrolled up again my instagram archives, and found stories from April 9, 2023. Forget about the title above for a second. Have you ever cried naturally so ugly that you still remember how painfully aching it felt even after months passed by? I teared up again looking at those insta stories to flashback. 

For context, home for me has always been the east coast – mid-atlantic specifically – where, despite not owning a physical house, my soul feels belong to its surroundings. You know it already why LA was, is, and will never ever be home for me based on this previous comparison I wrote in 2021.

While I enjoyed my work at SPX, I didn’t find balance outside of work which forced me to take flights to DC or NY almost every quarter to keep my sanity checked. Following a business trip to Florida and watching the F9 rocket launch with bare eyes back in April 2023, I extended my trip to spend the weekend in DC as I was already on the east coast anyway. Only spent less than 48 hours at home with my “foster” fam, and it was the shortest time I ever spent on a long west-coast-to-east-coast route. 

So getting back to the question, have you ever cried naturally so ugly that you still remember how painfully aching it felt even after months passed by? The emotion on April 9 still lingers through those insta stories – it was right after this direct flight from DCA airport to LAX that my heart was too heavy to carry.

The above is a combined video since Tumblr doesn’t allow multiple videos in one post. First video – this take-off from DCA airport was too pretty to say goodbye to. Got the right-side window seat facing the National Mall and the weather was absolutely comforting. Then second video – before landing at LAX airport during sunset which was actually eyes-pleasing with another plane queuing on the side. The pilot failed twice to land safely due to poor visibility through thick fog & mist. Pretty much a sign of an unwelcoming environment.

It was right after this flight that my tears just burst out naturally while I was waiting for my on demand ride, on the side of a highway, where nobody else was there but cars passing by through the dark. I couldn’t hold it anymore that this cathartic cry had to happen and my chest was painfully suffocated. I turned around not to face the street because it was just too ugly to see, and had I not held my luggage tightly, I probably fell down to the ground crying like a baby. Admittedly, I had more cries living there than my entire life. The return trip from the east coast had never been easy even from the first time I moved there, “hhhh, why do I have to leave again?” “why am I here?” “God, let me go home.” “let me just go.”

What made the cry further uglier was the fact that the only thing (and there is only one thing) I can do is to repent for everything, asking Allah’s forgiveness. You can’t beat those pure senses. You just can’t. You can only repent and trust His puzzling plan. 

Earlier this year was a rough patch for me, living on the edge of decision to decision and negotiation to negotiation, mostly very last minute like mini heart attacks. But finally Allah let me flip it beautifully to a much happier life, and safely returned home for good for real foreveeerrrr. 

Ever since moving back to NYC, I experience happiness like never before. Like my soul returns to its body quite literally. Waking up happy, running the day happy, going to bed happy – constantly 24/7 every single day for the past few months filled with utter gratitude. I didn’t know happiness like this existed. I didn’t regret my past decision to relocate to California because had I not done that, maybe I wouldn't be as grateful as today. I tried. I did try. I tried to like it in so many ways for a couple years and it just didn’t work out. It's not my way of living. So don't you dare judging this cry is a test to my level of maturity or inability to accept uncomfortable situation. This is not.

To me to be home again is very personal & poetic. A relief, an ease, a reunion with my own self, being loved again, forgiving & compromising, tranquility over the heart, smiling from ear to ear, gratitude for every single breath, a comfort internally and externally – I shall never let that slip again. After a choking series of denials, a good friend once said, “listen to your heart, sometimes it tries to tell you something”. For another round of the sun, Alhamdulillahirrabil’alamiin thankful for the faith, the endurance, the persistence, and all other good traits that didn’t go unappreciated by my own (sometimes demanding) self.

it me, after moving back to Manhattan, at one of my favorite spots in Central Park during the peak of fall foliage season, living happily ever after beyond 2023.

[arsalamsyah]

about gratitude. I believe that “being grateful” is completely different than “having preference”. They are two separate things. We can be grateful on the things we have, yet still prefer other nicer things. and just because we don’t prefer the things in front of us, doesn’t mean we are not grateful. Nothing is wrong with having preference. What wrong is to not being grateful at all.

Often times, I think some people mistakenly judge on this topic like “ow you have gotten this, why do you ask that, why do you ask more”, and simply ignore to admit the idea that things don’t always have to be 1+1 = 2.

[arsalamsyah]

Q4

Today I learned it’s already October when I played the song September by Earth, Wind, & Fire. It’s Q4.

It’s Q4 already.

This year to me, time flies like the blink of an eye. As if I’m losing a year already and I’m so afraid of being numb – not having a sense of time anymore. Where does the time go? 

Almost everyday I ask, “how come it’s already 12?” when I feel like I just arrived an hour ago while I’ve been in the office since 8.30ish, or “how come it’s already 4?” when I just ate lunch while hours have passed by. On Wednesday, I’ll say “just two more days” and on Sunday night, I’ll say “how come it’s already Monday.”

“Time flies so fast when you’re having fun”, said my coworker, which I’m not sure if I have to agree with. “Because you are always on the go”, two of my friends responded, which made me question “am I really that busy? no.” 

When I was 19, I remembered vividly my dad said “it’s just two more years to finish your college” and I completely disagreed since I couldn’t even bear a single week to pass. Now I understand that two years by adult’s standard is truly a short period of time. If adulting means having a constant speedy pace for most of the years to come – at this point, I don’t think I wanna be an adult.

[arsalamsyah]

08/15/2022 I should remember this. The feelings. The sentimental. The tears dripping down the eyes. The nature of being a fool human. A direct guidance and communication in another form of coincidence for the millionth time — your closest friend, the one who cares and loves you the most, and is much easier on you than you are on yourself, and He is with you wherever you are.

[arsalamsyah]

I don’t know about you but talking about the theory and the philosophy of happiness doesn’t make a person at rock bottom happier — it just doesn’t work that way. Your funny jokes & sincere stories do ☺️

[arsalamsyah]

On Being Viral

Today is the only Friday the 13th of this year. My Instagram followers are 21.3K and I want to write about it.

Exactly 3 weeks ago, while I was in the office, my mom sent me a video that my grandma noticed I was on the TV. The interview was actually recorded way long before -- just a day after Oscar event with that Will-Smith-slapped-Chris-Rock-in-the-face scene. Little did I know because no one told me it would be on air on my Grandma’s birthday and she’s the one in my circle who knew it first. Little did my family know that I would be flying to Indonesia that same night.

My day was packed wrapping up projects and delegating tasks as I would be off for two weeks. My departure was full of drama ever since I left the office that it would be one other whole chapter than this. That’s when the followers counter started hitting up and little did I know because then I did not connect to the internet for 19 hours on the plane and was coping with this-and-that. In fact, I immediately shut off the notification because I wanted to make sure that I would have a good time with my family and friends that I had not seen for at least 3 years.

The number of followers began from 1818 increased to 3K, 5K, 10K… what.. is.. going.. on..

Once… twice… thrice… but then tenth, twentieth, thirtieth…. the news is kept being reposted without my consent tens of times I don’t even count, I don’t want to see, and deep inside I scream “can you stop? staahppp.. sthaahpp.. help..” You might think “why don’t you put your account on private” because then I have to click ignore whenever a person comes stop by. I also don’t want to temporary delete my account because I need to connect with my friends. I don’t even know how to stop this snowball effect of people thinking of me as admiring, proud, genius, etc – because frankly I am not that person.

Dude, I am not an influencer, a genius, a public figure, or some sort. I am just a regular human being who work Monday to Friday just like the majority of people do, and having a very simple traditional lowkey life when it comes to make friends and maintaining my social media. The spotlight feels odd to me. I am not used to this kind of exposure. I am not used to seeing so much of a praise and compliment, having countless of connection requests on all platforms, and receiving hundreds of DM requests asking for interviews and talk invites. I am not used to being reached out by celebrities with millions of followers, national TV channels, and newspapers. I am not used to ignore people but with all due respect, I am sorry for now I intentionally don’t even want to respond those that I’ve never met in-person (no matter how far popular they are - except Elon if ever lol) as I don’t even have the capacity beyond my existing daily activities and I simply have a life to live. What did I do to even deserve those flattering messages? To date, I honestly don’t understand what makes the news special to millions of audience, meanwhile to me it’s a “business as-is, no big of a deal”.

Behind that viral curtain, I am still me -- a kid who questions life and tries to make a peaceful living. It’s not even half year yet, but I’ve been brought to the extremes in a split second. And, I am here, hanging. Dear God, I am thankful yet hopeful.

[arsalamsyah]

I stopped by my coworker’s desk and he laughing-smiled at me while shoving his forehead.

R: oh no

AV: what why? haha I haven’t said anything

R: you know what, each time you come to me I feel like ‘oh God, there must be something wrong’

AV: LOL is that really how you see me? that’s so bad.. I’m not gonna haunt you

R: you sure huh? haha isn’t that what always happen

AV: maann I don’t want people think of me that way lol anyway I really need your expertise on composite yadayadayada

That impression literally reminded me of Machiavelli’s principle on his book, The Prince, about a ruler/leader — “It is better to be feared than to be loved, if one cannot be both”. and for so long as I remember I just want the later. I never want to live up the earlier for whatever reason.

[arsalamsyah]

“There are two types of people you will meet in your life. One will run a finger down the index of who you are and jump straight to the parts of you that peak their interest. The other will take his or her time reading through every one of your chapters and maybe unfold corners of you that inspired them most. You will meet these two people; it is a given. It is the third that you’ll never see coming. That one person who not only finishes your sentences, but keeps the book.”

— Unknown

[arsalamsyah]

I remembered a day when I was in my mid teenage years, I came home at night having a painful gastritis after days of not eating proper meals. I crawled to my bed not responding to anybody’s words. No longer afterwards, tears burst. I started to moan that it hurt and asked to get into the ER. Instead of getting help, I got yelled at, “this is because you don’t want to listen, you don’t want to eat, feel that pain as a result. don’t cry.” 

Growing up, I have to be “strong”. That I have to be OK or that I have to pretend to be OK all the time no matter what. That small little things called emotions don’t matter and you-have-to-keep-going kind of approach is instilled. So often to pretend that only few noticed something wrong on a hindsight.

And I am tired.

This time I let my choice be made by others when my gut feelings say no, seeking approval when I don’t even want to. It turns out mentally painful – very. I’m trying, I’m crying, and I keep climbing. But you know what hurts after falling from a ceiling to the deep dark of crevices? Not only the pain after falling but it’s lonely and nobody cares – they won’t go down with you when you fall too deep and just like trash, people dump it. Frankly been months in regrets, pulling myself out of society because angst and anx are mixed altogether, and tightly hanging that God’s miraculous help will come. “What’s wrong with me?” is the question I asked a gazillion times. A period where a simple “how are you” or “are you OK?” cannot be answered with full honesty as if “ow what do you care?” is an actual hidden response instead. Myself don't like myself and don’t find myself. Once again a battle series of mind and heart one could not even fathom, explain, and get herself out of immediately. 

This serendipitous track has been on repeat for thyself from thyself on thyself. It’s one of the most turbulent periods of life that I hope I learn to get over myself, stop trying to be somebody else, and love myself for free as selfishly speaking: I just want me.

[arsalamsyah]

Some people thought “Owmy.. what else are you looking for?! You did bachelors abroad, you graduated from the best grad school, now you’re working for a great company no one else does. Yet you’re still looking for something..”

As if “don’t you feel enough?” rings a bell on their head. Look, I’m just trying to be a human, ok. I’m no saint or some sort.

[arsalamsyah]

FAQ on Career

Similar questions and talk invites continuously slide on my direct messages. Since sometimes I don’t have the luxury of “time”, I hope this will enlighten those in search of answers.

Q: What’s your career background?

A: I am currently a Supply Chain Reliability Engineer II at SpaceX — a company which aims to make humanity a multiplanetary species. My role includes, but not limited to, assessing end-to-end supply chain, evaluating suppliers performance for all business lines, initiating process improvement, and running project management. Prior to SpaceX and grad school, I worked for Northrop Grumman, an aerospace and defense technology company, through their Pathways rotational program for 3 years. More descriptive on my Linkedin.

Q: Why did you choose the aerospace industry? 

A: It’s amazing to see advanced technologies and be part of huge innovation. I pretty much always target tech companies and product driven companies. Partially, it’s also as unplanned as the offer I received than other industries by the time I graduated from school. 

Q: What’s your strategy to apply effectively?

A: I narrowed down the companies I wanted to work for and prioritized to apply based on the scoring system I created. This scoring system includes criterias such as location, company brand/reputation, roles availability, company size, and company culture. I did a pros and cons analysis of preferences such as big vs small companies, cities vs suburbs, etc. After I knew my priority list based on those scores, I made a timeline on how long I should stay focused applying on priority plan A, B, and C. I networked again with people from circle of friends, past classmates/coworkers, alumni, info sessions, career fairs, and LinkedIn connections. Whenever possible, I humbly asked for their referrals before I applied. At the same time, I crafted my resume and practiced for interviews with my career advisors and classmates – be it behavioral interviews, technical interviews, or case interviews. These practices undeniably help boost confidence, improve storytelling skills, and catch blind spots. Pro tip: if you’re in school, students typically start applying 2 semesters before they graduate to smoothly enter the US job market.

Q: How did you get into SpaceX?

A: Similarly like graduate school, I honestly think it was heavily influenced by luck. All I could do was completing all the requirements as best as I could and pray to God to allow me to do so. To get the first screening interview, I guess I might have a competitive advantage of being previously in the same industry and recently graduated from a top school like MIT. It was a multiple series of interviews including giving a project presentation for an hour long. Though, overall, the hiring process was relatively long yet fast, perhaps 2-3 months from applying to accepting the offer.

Q: Did you always know what to do with your career?

A: No. Like the majority of people, I explore different positions in my early career to taste the water, assess what works, and what doesn’t work. I always seek the “features” of a role instead of the position title and from time to time these features are also influenced by the needs. For instance, does the role expose me to the company holistically, what areas or skills do I need to improve and implement, how my learning development is going to look like, etc.  

Q: How do you feel about being a minority in the workplace?

A: I honestly eliminate gender, age, race, beliefs, and the like in my equation to get a job in the first place. “Getting a job is the hardest job out there” says indeed.com commercial lol, so why bother with that kind of matter? I always believe in performance and inclusivity. If you can do it, then proof it and show what the process looks like. No matter what you are wearing, how you look, as long as you are capable of doing the work, why not let you do the work. I know my industry is heavily filled by men of a certain race and age range but those statistics are just good to know and it doesn’t impact my way of thinking. I don’t think I should feel there is a barrier to speak out my opinions and point out what I could bring to the table. I also don’t want to make an excuse as if I am a minority, then I should have a special “slot” to make the company more inclusive.

Q: How do you balance work and life?

A: Balance to me is relative and dynamic. As I am an annual salaried employee, it doesn’t matter how long I spend at work. We all decide when is best to start and when is wise to stop. With the fast-paced environment, it’s like going back to MIT and solving the homework. No matter how busy the day looks, the only thing I must never miss is the five time prayers as muslim. It’s the time for me to relieve, recharge, and communicate with God for whatever I feel about the day. In my spare time, I run by the beach, cycle, travel or hike, or simply chill with friends. Lastly, my sleep schedule is sometimes intermittent in an unorganized time but I try to sleep at least 6 hours in total and a 15-20 minutes power nap in the middle of the day when necessary. 

If you have more questions not answered above, please feel free to let me know. Thanks!

[arsalamsyah]

FAQ on Academics

Similar questions and talk invites continuously slide on my direct messages. Since sometimes I don’t have the luxury of “time”, I hope this will enlighten those in search of answers.

Q: What’s your academic background?

A: I did the first half of college at Bandung Institute of Technology (ITB) with a Mechanical Engineering major and decided to transfer for the last half to the University of Maryland (UMD) where I graduated with a Bachelors of Science in Mechanical Engineering. I officially dropped out of ITB after the school noticed I took too many leave of absence as I used the time studying at UMD. After graduating from college and 3 years of working experience, I continued my study at Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT) for my master’s degree in Supply Chain Management.

Q: Why did you apply to all these schools you went to?

A: I chose ITB because it’s the closest to my grandparent’s home, it’s the best in the country, I didn’t have to take the entrance test, and it ran through my family. I chose UMD because my dad graduated from there, it’s home state, and I was “unofficially adopted” or entrusted to stay close with my host family in Maryland. I chose MIT because graduate school would be the largest investment I would ever made in my mid 20s. So I needed to make sure I went to the top 10 schools in the world no matter what.

Q: How did you get into MIT?

A: I honestly think it was pure luck as I was so ready to get rejected. I was not a straight A 4.0 GPA student, my GRE was slightly around the average, my work experience was only 2.5 years by the time I applied while the average was 5 years. If I may guess, maybe it’s because of my cover letter/essay and my vision towards global supply chain. Maybe because of all the improvement and achievement I made from college to professional work. Maybe because of recommendation letters from my providers which I never knew what they wrote about. Maybe it’s because of my overall extracurricular activities beyond the classroom. Maybe because of my leadership experience that fits into MIT culture. Maybe because I insisted that only MIT has resources for me to reach my dreams. To date, I don’t know how the school admission office selects admitted students. All I could do was completing all the requirements as best as I could and pray to God to allow me to do so.

Q: What criterias do admission offices look for and what can I do to get accepted?

A: Sadly to say similar like the above answer as I’ve never been an admission officer. They evaluate us as a person holistically through our entire application. There are a couple things I would highly suggest if you are not confident with your application just yet. First is to find that “balance” — if you’re not a straight A student, maybe you can add more work and leadership experience; if you’re not comfortable with your GRE score, maybe put extra attention to your essay; and so on. So if you’re lacking in one criteria, you should be better at least in one other thing. Second, make sure to communicate all your best traits by diversifying your narrative throughout your application. For instance, don’t put the same content under both resume and essay. Rather, harness the essay to talk about other details not covered in the resume. Third, think of application as a moment of reflection on what you want to do in life and what kind of academic environment you want to be in. Point out why you think the school has to choose you instead of thousands others? What unique values can you bring in this era of diversity and inclusion? Take as much time as you can to contemplate and ask feedback from recently admitted students to navigate your vision.

Q: Why did you pick your majors?

A: Frankly I am a generalist and it was hard for me to narrow down to specialize just in one thing back then in high school as I enjoyed pretty much everything related to STEM except biology. I was inspired by my grandfather who used to be a mechanical engineer and therefore I followed his path to build a basic engineering foundation. It was not a straightforward passion for me to land in the supply chain field, but I always like to see processes on how things are being made. It began from manufacturing and production but I also like business finance, like how things are valued. So I saw supply chain covers both and I like it by looking from a strategic level.

Q: Why did you transfer from ITB to UMD? ITB is already the best engineering school in Indonesia.

A: I got accepted into ITB in the first place without entrance test at all nor SAT or the like, but rather based on my high school report. It had been my intention to return to the US and after completing sophomore year, I sensed that the urgency was even more vivid. I transferred primarily due to a non-conducive academic and societal environment and the fact that I wanted to work in the US. It was more credible if I was a US graduate while seeking to network in the country.

Q: How did you transfer from ITB to UMD? Was it a program between two campuses?

A: No, there was no such transfer program from Indonesia in general. In the US, it’s really common for students to transfer from one university to the other between sophomore and junior year. So I simply followed all their requirements listed in their website.

The hardest part was transferring all the credits from Indonesia to the US. I was the first student transferring from ITB to UMD. Hence there was no record of one subject at ITB being equal to the one registered at UMD. I even asked my mom to scan all the notes I had to convince the principal at UMD that I had taken the class and negotiated to get tested instead of taking the class again for another semester. Both credit systems are just slightly different i.e. some courses that are divided into two semesters at ITB can be equal to one semester at UMD. I would say 90% of my courses at ITB were successfully transferred over. This excludes physical education, Indonesian language, and religion.

Q: What’s the difference between college in Indonesia and the US?

A: In Indonesia, lectures heavily rely on textbooks, you can pretty much not go to school and still be able to do homework and exams. Student’s profile is generally divided into school, organization, and sleep. Less opportunity for students to have part-time work while in school. Even internships are being “enforced” to ensure students get professional experience, otherwise maybe only a handful of them will have one experience before they graduate from college. Hiring process in Indonesia’s job market is relatively easier compared to the US as you don't have to network with the insider. Indonesians are more communal people and they like to make long lasting friendships. Even though we’ve been separated for years, I still have Indonesian close friends separated in many states and countries. 

In the US, lectures have more hands-on experience, more research based, and critical discussions are highly valued as participation in class. The US education system is also more solid and has well-structured curricula across all courses and majors. The professors have dedicated office hours outside class time for students to ask questions, have discussions with them, and they are very supportive of students' success. Plenty of opportunities for students to get part-time, internship, and research. Hence the student’s profile is generally divided into school, organization, and work. If you’re serious about academics and career, your social lifestyle is no longer just random chit-chating but more towards networking. The US job market is very competitive and you must network with people to get a job. Because of that “transactional” nature, I would say I have fewer close friends after graduating as we separated into industries.

Q: How did you finance your tuition and living cost?

A: scholarship and grants from the schools, working part-time, personal savings, and family loans. In the US, there are plenty of hidden grants that are not listed in school websites – especially need-based grants from endowment and alumni donations. My strategy is always about getting in first, proof that I got accepted in the first place, then think about how to pay it later. Once you get in, ask the finance department of all their grant resources in detail.

Q: Did you have language barriers or experienced culture shock while transitioning?

A: It was pretty smooth and I didn’t have issues in making new friends in both countries despite the fact that I'm a woman of color wearing a hijab. I tend to have stammer and I cannot switch between languages in a split of time. For instance, if I have a long day full of English, it takes a couple minutes to speak Indonesian – and vice versa. I cannot do what Jaksel people can do by mixing English and Indonesian in a sentence. That’s way more confusing to me.

Q: What’s the most challenging part of being an MIT student?

A: Machine Learning. Even though I was majoring in supply chain, machine learning course was mandatory. I think machine learning may become the new English -- you’re left behind if you don’t use it. There were two options: taking it from supply chain major (related to supply chain practice) or computer science major (6.482 modelling with machine learning). I picked 6.482 from computer science major because it was taught by Tommi Jaakkola and Regina Barzilay -- a world-renowned genius. and maaan, that was wild!

If you have more questions not answered above, please feel free to let me know. Thanks!

[arsalamsyah]

tmi: my ears are not used to listen gossips and once it does, it strains much like a headache. This time, I kept on silence to observe them and to let them talk about whatever they wanna talk about. Little did they know, I actually befriend with those people they’re talking about. Malicious rumors and misjudgment all over. Wow, just wow. I didn’t see that side of them before. Why do people enjoy doing gossip?

I’d rather talk about you as a person in front of me right now, what you do, how’s your week, what’s in your bucket, what are your ideas — not others out of my sight at that very moment.

[arsalamsyah]

my job, my love

This week marks my 3 months going back to the industry after completing master’s degree. Satisfactorily hyper-focused. Built to solve. Lots of things going on. Lots of learnings. Dynamic and demanding. It’s like going back to MIT and boom boom boom, everything is completed in a fast and fancy manner. That’s how I like it. I found joy in my work.

Since I was little, I see myself having the urgency of pursuing good career record rather than building new family in a young age. Not that marriage does not matter but pursuing career is something I think I can navigate better at the moment – obviously with plenty sheers of luck from God. You excel in what you learn, you bring your expertise to the table, you throw out impactful ideas, you deliver, and you be kind with your team. Pretty linear and that way there is no way you’re gonna be fired in a split second, unless the company goes bankrupt.

To give a little background, working at… let’s abbreviate it SPX… is a pure luck I didn’t eager to embrace much. With intimidating first screening call, my request to postpone the 1-hour long presentation interview for something urgent, and long tumultuous series of interviews with them, I simply didn’t put my hope high. Besides the one I submitted my application for, they offered me three positions to pick. Given the fact that it’s out in California-that-I-dislike-to-live-in-but-only-good-for-vacation-kinda-place, this job offer was not really a celebratory to me. Not that I was not grateful. I knew I really like that one most strategic position with a mix of technical and people management; and I really like the manager. Yet, there is a life to live outside work.

I ended up taking it anyway and turned out I cherish my job a lot. My job is now my hobby. I’m up for its challenges. I get bored easily otherwise. Not only I scrutinize the end-to-end supply chain of this one-of-its-kind company, I get to evaluate how all other companies in the upstream a.k.a our lovely suppliers are performing. I proof out decisions based on thousands if not hundreds of thousands of data, delegate some deep technical tasks to its experts, and hold people accountable. I see a horizon room of growth that I am willing to pursue in a short period of time. And once I want A, I’m going to put much effort to get A, and fortunately-or-unfortunately lots of A to chase. Simply put banyak mau. My innate persistence seems to be embedded in flesh and blood once the motivation is there. Also while young and still have so much energy, why not harness all. Funny to me because once I start my work, I can be so focus and forget the world; but once I’m alone outside, it’s like humphhh why do I have to be in this friggin city asdfghjk.

Well anyway, it’s just been three months. Not much to say and cannot say much, but gratitude for the work, the company, the teammates I like. Moving forward, I do plan to have my own business and philanthropy. I don’t know what, when, or where – just yet – but I keep it in mind. Just like the way I put it on my grad school application, “my mission is to amplify the global supply chain management while alleviating the economic burden of developing countries.” Whatever that means, however that is, whether it ends up accomplished sooner or later, I hope I contribute chip by chip for a greater cause. Simply because I like it.

[arsalamsyah]

👴🏾: AV, what happened?

🧕🏻: what?

👴🏾: you don’t smile today, are you sad? is it too hard for you?

🧕🏻: mhahaaha is that how you see me?

👴🏾: yeah you’re starring at your screens like no endings

🧕🏻: 🥲🤡

[arsalamsyah]

NY & LA

This stage of life. Ugh. Can I just skip?

Last time I wrote here was when I held myself calmly in a steady state of mind taking a step back to understand better what is within. I found me. Then, there was a moment, life had to change and all of a sudden, I don’t feel like myself again. 

It was New York. I could find peace in NY. I left my heart in NY. So in love that I was blinded for its flaws. I know that sounds too romantic after the fact, but that’s the truth. I would call it home even before the first day I moved in because I often went back and forth between DC & NY. I enjoyed it, I was motivated, and I cherished it -- a lot. Living at the heart of Chelsea, Manhattan overlooking the Empire State building from my bed and The Edge at Hudson Yards from the living room -- what glorious days it was. My all time favorite The High Line was just two blocks away, NYC Clock Tower in the visibility, Little Island was just around the corner, Google’s office was in the neighborhood, subway station in two blocks, Trader Joe’s in 5 minutes, you name it. 

One day, in late 2017, I lived in the outskirts of Richmond, Virginia, I remember I woke up in the morning and said to myself, “One day, I’m gonna live in Chelsea, in a beautiful apartment with a marble countertop”. I don’t know why it’s that specific, but dream does come true. Or did come true I should say. It was purely another lucky day to have that kind of apartment and more like “by accident” to be frank. However, that day had gone.

I took a lucrative job offer in LA. It was a tough decision to make. Even harder than whether I should drop out of college or transfer to a better school back in 2014. I know I don’t like the city ever since I visited for the first time in 2018 during a roadtrip in the west. It’s not even a city actually, it’s a collection of suburbs -- that’s how California is built. It’s a place to have your holiday vacation, but not for a living. At least to me. There are plenty of reasons why.

First, I used to live in cities where groceries, schools, hospitals, entertainment, and other basic necessities are in proximity. Growing up in a city where everything is so close -- not even larger than 5km radius -- has made living in LA is like hell for a lack of better words. I don’t see the idea of sustainable living here when everything is so far away even if you drive a car. I like driving when I am on a roadtrip but I don’t like driving to commute every single day. So much carbon to produce by one person in a regular four to five seats sedan car. Driving a car is not safe either. Highways have 8 lanes each direction, reckless drivers speeding above 80mph are normal, quite a surge on car insurance, and so many accidents happened in my first two weeks which makes me even more reluctant to own a car again. 

Second, because everyone lives so far away, it’s hard to make connections outside work. Meeting the same person twice a month is already something to be grateful for. So much effort to go to a meeting point considering everyone’s addresses. In fact, I didn't have any friends living in the west coast until I moved here. All of my friends are in the east coast. I am not as motivated as I used to to make new friends. Why would I spend my time on the road and meet people that I don’t even think we’re gonna last long. This is not me.

Third, I don’t feel safe outside the office, home, or beach. One day I cycled to the office and found plenty of bullets in the street. That’s how I knew I was passing by the wrong neighborhood even though it looked just fine in the morning. There is a big masjid that is just across a gun store -- like dude, it’s no brainer. My friends who used to live in LA and even my recruiter don’t suggest living close by the office because the crime rate is a bit high. I literally saw tens of police cars chasing down the street and pointing their guns at two men right in front of my office. Sometimes you can tell a neighborhood is so sketchy. Campgrounds of homeless are shockingly in many corners of the city -- literally campgrounds with tents and tarps. Since then, I took people’s precautions seriously to not go out alone after dark -- which is also not so me. 

Fourth, let’s talk about geography. I often run to exercise and I like running by the water, be it river, lake, ocean. When I saw LA’s terrain in google earth -- crap, there is no river in the city. The only option is the beach, so I chose to live closer to the beach. Two days of apartment hunting, all the neighborhoods are so dry and arid -- except the gated complex I’m currently in, which thankfully has lush trees and numerous amenities. Related to geography, people keep saying LA has great weather, sunny, and breezy all year round. Well, the sun is so bright that my eyes cannot resist even with the sunglasses, and I got sunspot. Most mornings, like until 8 or 9 am, are actually foggy so I barely see sunrise -- a crisis to my natural light wake up system. On top of that, one season is no better than four seasons. It’s so boring. I was born during winter time, I love fall and winter, and I’m gonna miss it a lot this year.

There is always something to rant about when we dislike something. To me, LA ranks the second lowest compared to all other cities I lived in, while NY stays in the first place. I 100% agree with Emma Chamberlain who’s been living in LA for years and states “The second I exit LA, my mental health will improve greatly. The second I leave. Like it’s gonna be that easy.” Here I am hating the city but so in love with my job and my team. This may be another whole topic in the near future. Maybe, just maybe.

PS: I know there’s so much negativity here, which is not me, not the person I used to be. That’s why: can I just skip? If you reach this sentence, thanks for reading.