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[ash-is-swag]

Growing up isolated, unknowingly neurodivergent, and undergoing extensive childhood trauma means I now get to play Is This My Identity or Is This A Side-effect of Mental Illness: The Game

[ash-is-swag]

I think Antonio’s reaction to his ceremony is the most telling sign that Alma was hurting the family. This little boy is scared, and on a night that should be the most exciting of his life. I mean, he was going to get a superpower. What kid wouldn’t be bouncing off the walls with elation and impatience? He should’ve been running to that door, but instead he turned away and reached out for his cousin.

When we first meet him, he’s hiding under a bed. He doesn’t want to be seen or celebrated, because the expectations that have been placed on him are so heavy he doesn’t want to face them. He’s grown up seeing how the family treats Mirabel, as well as how she treats herself. He was unintentionally taught that in order to be special and loved, he needs a superpower. He wasn’t taught that being normal is okay, he was taught that it’s a disappointment. He was taught that he can only contribute to the family via magic or he’s useless. Perhaps even worse than useless, a burden.

Ultimately, Alma began to value the gifts given by the miracle over her family, and I think that’s why Mirabel’s door disappeared. It was the candle’s way of saying, “Look at your granddaughter. Look at who she is, not what power she might obtain.” Gifted children are often mistreated, even if it doesn’t seem like it. Luisa, for example, was praised for being strong, and because of her strength she was expected to shoulder every problem by herself. Isabela’s gift seemingly bloomed perfection, and so she was expected to be perfect, even though there’s no such thing. Alma’s abuse effected everyone.

So then, why did the magic work for Antonio but not Mirabel? Well, I think there’s two reasons. First, we have to look at the source. The magic manifested itself when Pedro sacrificed himself for his family, meaning the magic is reliant on a strong family dynamic. By the time Mirabel was born, Alma had turned the miracle into an almost cult-like practice, dressing the children in white robes and inviting the town to observe. It wasn’t about family anymore, it was about the spectacle, so Mirabel’s door faded away. That’s not fair to Mirabel, but not all children are gifted. That doesn’t mean their family should love them less.

In Antonio’s case, however, Mirabel cared more about him than upsetting her grandmother. She wasn’t supposed to walk with him, but she did because he needed her. He needed his family, not some fancy ceremony or magic power. In that moment, only Mirabel could help him, and she unknowingly rejuvenated the magic because she wanted to be there for her cousin. In the end, Mirabel’s worth didn’t depend on some magic gift, it depended on her love for her family.

[ash-is-swag]

Monday, January 3rd, 2022

10:13 pm

Y'know I keep completely forgetting that I own a blog now, lol.

Anyways! Winter break: sucked. I very much dislike spending time with my family knowing that most of them won't accept me for being trans.

Right now, I'm working on writing a letter to my parents to help them understand what being transgender means to me, and how much they hurt me with what they say. Maybe one day I'll share it here.

Anyways, sorry for this short life update. Also! If anyone who sees this wants to be friends, please reach out! I'd love to meet people going through similar things, or just someone to talk to. Though please keep in mind I am almost 16, so still a minor! I will talk to people who are like 13-18. Yeah, that's a good age range.

Alright well that's it from me I hope you all have a good morning/night and you're all very valid!! Love you :))

[ash-is-swag]

i’m fifteen! i’m still growing.

[ash-is-swag]

December 13th, 2021

9:39 pm (21:39).

TW// Talks of gender dysphoria

Y'know that awesome feeling when your mom tells you that you have change your name back to your deadname in the school system? /s. Yeah it fucking sucks.

She makes me so dysphoric and she doesn't even think she's doing anything wrong.

I wish I could have more to share today, but sadly, I do not.

Anyway, I hope you all have a wonderful day/night and I love you all <3

[ash-is-swag]

HELLO!!! I AM BEGGING ON MY KNEES FOR POLYNINJA!

anon i love you

their favorite hobby is rock climbing

[ash-is-swag]

December 9th, 2021

10:33 pm

Being completely honest I keep forgetting I own a blog now, so that's cool.

Anyways

TW// Talks of dysphoria & s-h & e-d

So I haven't been to school in a week because I've been really sick so I'm really behind. But on top of being really ill I also have my period which means it's dysphoria week babey 😎

That all has made it very hard to not relapse. That includes s-h and my eating habits. I've been trying not to eat considering no one is home to force me to but these past 2 days I can't help but binge. I think I'm getting sick in a different way.

[ash-is-swag]

"I love my body enough to go through whatever hell is necessary to make it feel like home."

-shards of blue

[ash-is-swag]

Hello again, here's my 2nd blog post. I'm going to add the date and times of when these were written too cuz I think that's cool.

Nov 30th, 2021

4:15 pm

So... Today was definitely a day. It was my first day back from Thanksgiving break, and already I want to sleep and cry.

I thought the day would honestly be okay, up until Chemistry where my friend called me dumb for reading a compound wrong. Yikes.

Now, onto trans things.

I kinda felt a little feminine today, but not in the bad way. I wore a nice sweater and jeans with my new fuzzy coat, it was a good outfit.

I tried to bind as best as possible today, but with both my "binders" being dirty, I didn't have much of a choice but a sports bra and folding a camisole up over my chest.

The only "binders" I have are two small sports bras a friend gave to me, which I'm grateful for. When I can't wear those, or I need to take a break, I usually just slip on a dysphoria hoodie and a bigger sports bra.

Tw// talks of my mental health

Honestly, with my mental health getting worse, I think I should go talk to my therapist but I just don't feel like getting better. Everytime I get really happy and everything, it takes so much energy out of me, and then being like that all the time? No thanks.

Anyways, I guess that's all for today. Oh! I did participate in America's Thanksgiving Parade in Detroit, so if any of you watched that, that's cool :)

Good day/night to you all! You're all valid and you're all worthy of so much love <3

[ash-is-swag]

Binding and Binders part 1

So I feel like the best first post is about binding since most trans guys get dysphoria over the chest area.

So binding or chest binding is a way to make the chest look flat or masculine. It creates the masculine appearance by compressing the breast tissue that is there. This can be done with a special type of clothing called binders or a specific type of tape called kinesiology tape or Trans Tape.

Please do not use any other things such as

Duct tape or packing tape

Ace bandages

Cheap amazon binders

Clip or zip up binders

More than three sports bras

The listed items can really harm your ribs because they aren’t made to be moved in and breathable. Ace bandages are made to tighten when there is movement so if you use that on your chest you have a high risk of bruising or breaking your ribs. Duct tape and packing tape are similar where they don’t stretch and you can tear your skin and injure your ribs.

Binders

Binders are the best way of binding your chest. You can buy these online from companies like gc2b, underworks, and shapeshifters. In my opinion gc2b is the best binder company. Their binders are designed by and for transguys. These binders can be more on the expensive side but they are worth it. Their binders have a variety of colors and 5 different skin tones along with 3 different styles. The styles are a half, tank, and racer back. The cheapest style is the half binder and is $33.00 USD and the most expensive is the racerback which is $43.00 USD.

Each style of binder has different pros and cons for the half tank binder

Can be passed off for a sports bra if you are in the closet

It’s better for the summer and hot weather

It’s the cheaper option

If you are stealth and pass as a cis man it can’t be passed off for an under shirt

Is tight on the shoulder blades so it can cause shoulder pain

Tank binder

People with larger chests find it binds better because the compression panel goes further down

Can be passed off as a tank top or undershirt

Can slighy compress hips if you are dysphoric about curves

Are really hot in the summer

Can be difficult to take off

Is tight on shoulders so it can cause shoulder pain

Finally racer backs which are personally my favorite

They don’t compress on shoulders so they don’t cause shoulder pain

They can be passed off as a sports bra

Good for hot weather

Thinner straps are less noticeable

Can’t be passed off for a tank top

Could roll up

They are more expensive than the other styles

I don’t have much experience with the brands I mentioned earlier but they both have some good and bad reviews. Underworks binders are not made for trans men so they aren’t comfortable as gc2b as they are not designed to be worn for 8-12 hours. I’ve heard the shapeshifters do not compress as well as others.

I will make other posts explaining how I wash my binders, how kinesiology tape or Trans Tape work, and swimming while binding.

[ash-is-swag]

So- this is gonna be my first blog post. Very exciting!!

Tw// talks of dysphoria and my terrible love life

As my profile entails, I'm trans & a mlm. Right now my biggest concern is some social dysphoria. I really wish people would look at me and not immediately think 'girl'. As I said, I'm mlm and I know it's gonna be hard to find a bf when I'm apparently female presenting. I just really wish I could have a bf alr, but I feel like it's almost gonna be impossible.

Anyways- I hope you all have a nice day or night. You're all loved <3

[ash-is-swag]

Wow, I haven't posted anything in like a month.

Anyway, this is (kinda) an Au where after Nya becomes the sea, she gives Kai her elemental powers, since ya know, she doesn't really need them anymore.

So now, Kai wields two elements, fire and water. This of course kinda messes him up. Both mentally and physically.

He is, not happy, to say the least.

[ash-is-swag]

“To You, 2000 years from now” real meaning

This is the translation of a theory I read there, written in spanish by Rony A. U. in Carnadas de Erwin, and this is really troubling : 

 Ymir Fritz was the first Eldian queen. We know she died 13 years after she got the titan power, due to the curse. The royal heirs had to pass down the power of the Funding Titan every thirteen years. We also know the first king of the Walls was the 145th. Which means : 145 x 13 = 1885 years passed since Ymir Fritz got her powers (which corresponds to the year 743).

The events from the attack on Trost to the recovery of Shinganshina happened in the year 850. 850-753 = 107 years. Let’s add it to the 1885 years : when the Survey Corps get Shinganshina back, 1992 years have passed since Ymir Fritz got her powers.

Let’s add the four years timeskip, and we get 1996.

The first chapter’s title was : “To You, 2000 years from now”. 2000-1996=4.

And now, guess who has four years left to live ?

[ash-is-swag]

armin arlert throughout the years ✧･ﾟ

[ash-is-swag]

I don’t need you to respect me, I respect me. I don’t need you to love me, I love me. But I want you to know you could know me, If you change your mind, If you change your mind…

[ash-is-swag]

steven universe lockscreens

[ash-is-swag]

Ocean Gem phone wallpapers ||| like/reblog if you use