ashenadvances

[ashenadvances]

Wait. What? 

<snip>

[ashenadvances]

It's a fucking pλand. I trademarked it and everything.

psa: there is nO such thing as a 'pland'

there is such a thing as a plinger

[ashenadvances]

λook as far as I am concerned a tree is a big, fairλy static thing that in no way faλλs in λove. Just because you can speak to them or something doesn't mean that changes.

If I have given you seeds to an emotionaλλy-capabλe pλant, I am going to feeλ very dumb and a λittλe guiλty.

Hm. For extreme height differences, I wouλd suggest you cλimb your partner or wait untiλ you're somewhere with something one of you can stand or sit on. Probabλy the λatter, unλess you feeλ λike being whistλed at by maintenance crew.

(We λike being taλλ specificaλλy so we can put things on sheλves you cannot reach.)

(Pinning is not victory, Jaycee, how gauche. There are a number of devious arts you can empλoy to weaken guards once your partner has uninteλλigentλy put you in a position to do so.)

(............Jaycee, I was on hoλiday, essentiaλλy. Fun, sexy, operation-fiλλed hoλiday. I didn't have any shifts. And I'm pretty sure you don't actuaλλy work in shifts either.)

(Sometimes I worry about you. And then I drink.)

greenhiverecords submitted to ashenadvances:

<snip>

[ashenadvances]

...

...

.       .       .

....................

...You know, I'm not certain. A pλant, I think.

Part of me wants to know how you are maintaining partners, muλtipλe, when you have the emotionaλ capabiλity of, forgive me, a tree. A young tree. Part of me reλishes that I wiλλ never know, because it means there is stiλλ surprise and opportunity in the worλd.

Sigh. You get them to bend over, and you λean backwards a λittλe, so you're λike nesting arcs. It sounds strange, but it works. Go up on your toes if you need a boost.

(Aλso make severaλ meaningfuλ steps towards a pλace you can sit if the physicaλities are going to be λong enough to warrant it.)

((If aλλ eλse faiλs, you're tiny enough to pin against a waλλ for support))

(((YES I WENT SOMEWHERE OH MY FREAKIN' GλUB JAYCEE I HAVE BEEN GONE FOR AλMOST AN EQUINOX.)))

greenhiverecords submitted to ashenadvances:

<snip>

[ashenadvances]

greenhiverecords submitted to ashenadvances:

hey yOu

ashkah

yes yOu

yOu with the plinger that is nOt a pland because i didn’t even replace the whOle hand

yOu On drugs is really stupid by the way

hOw is the plinger dOing

if yOu died Of it yOu shOuld really tell me sO i can prevent fatal errOrs in future clients

if yOu tell me yOu flipped Off anOther blueblOOd whO bit it Off i will be very disappOinted unless you tell me it pOked them in the gaggy bit until they threw up because that wOuld be hilariOus

- jcc (dO yOu get it my name sOunds like j and c and then my Other name starts with c sO i can sign things jcc)

Jaycee, where do I begin?

Get off my advice bλog unless you actually have kismesis probλems, in which case teλλ me so I can λaugh heλp

Made it to my next posting fine, thanks for asking! You are a true friend and I cherish you.

It's definiteλy a pλand, a pλinger sounds λike a coλourfuλ drink ordered by peopλe with strange accents who caλλ you 'λuv.'

The pλand is fine. More than fine. Which brings me to my next point, which is: WHY DID YOU NEVER TEλλ ME THAT I WOUλD HAVE TO PRUNE IT, THAT WAS THE MOST TRAUMATIC HOUR OF MY λIFE.

I have not, to date, made any bλuebλoods upchuck, but I can do you one better. I λeft you a parting gift under your cupe before sλinking away in my drug-addλed shame, which we shaλλ henceforth never speak of again. You're weλcome.

No, seriousλy, teλλ me about your λoveλife troubλes, I am negotiating λand rights, do you know how boring λand rights are?

-Ashkah, who is caλλing you troλλ Francis of Jaysisi from now on.

[ashenadvances]

RAG: 1) What is your name, because I sound and feeλ λike a douche caλλing you RAG and reaλλy I shouλd have asked before now but I've been sλightλy indisposed. Wait, ?. Inquiry bends are words now.

2) Gnarλy? That is adorabλe. Teλλ me you surf.

2.1) λoλ, gnarλy λike a branch.

2.2) Teλλ me you surf anyway, because that's stiλλ objectiveλy adorabλe.

3) It was an eλective procedure, as the surgeon λikes to inform me. Over and over and over. I'm A-OK. The pλant even mostλy does what I want it to!

Jaycee: You're not aλλowed on the internet. And why is there sopor everywhere?

Self: It is time to λeave this station.

Out Of curiOsity RAG

if yOu think plants are pOrn tO me

dOes that mean yOu think my blOck is a kinky seX rOOm Or sOmething

[ashenadvances]

Minutes later, but not many...

==> Wake up

Wake up? You weren't...

Oh gOOd, yOu're waking up

Okay, apparently you were, and now you have Jaycee's lovely tones welcoming you back to the land of the conscious. Which is weird, because you and Jaycee usually have a universe between you.

yOu passed Out like a new recruit it was hilariOus i tOOk pictures

==> Remember

Empress and consorts, you wish Jaycee would shut up, or at least stop looking so evil.

Wait, you gave her reason to look evil.

Oh no.

==> Panic

OH GOD WHAT HAVE YOU DONE. WHY DID YOU DO THIS. WHY WAS THIS A THING YOU DID.

JAYCEE I HAVE A PλANT HAND. A PλAND.  i'm nOt calling it that

Returning the bird

[ashenadvances]

#what part Of secret eXperimental surgery dOn't yOu get thOugh

That wouλd be the part where I'm not wearing gλoves for the rest of my λife. And aλso the part where peopλe might be a λittλe suspicious about my finger magicaλλy reappearing, gλoves or no.

Reλax. If anyone asks, aλiens did it.

Out Of curiOsity RAG

if yOu think plants are pOrn tO me

dOes that mean yOu think my blOck is a kinky seX rOOm Or sOmething

[ashenadvances]

I may be poλλenated and I reaλλy can't wait untiλ I can move on, but I think I'λλ λive.

And then I wiλλ never touch another pλant ever again. Except the one impλanted in me. Sigh.

Out Of curiOsity RAG

if yOu think plants are pOrn tO me

dOes that mean yOu think my blOck is a kinky seX rOOm Or sOmething

[ashenadvances]

She made me λive there and I am perfectλy wiλλing to concede that counts as non-con.

Things grew on me.

Out Of curiOsity RAG

if yOu think plants are pOrn tO me

dOes that mean yOu think my blOck is a kinky seX rOOm Or sOmething

[ashenadvances]

[ashenadvances]

λook I know you're upset about your grub-λike forays into actuaλ kismessitude not working out, but there's no reason to be a wriggλer about it and post grub pictures everywhere, Jaycee.

I mean, if you were aiming to annoy me, you haven't. I'm fucking adorabλe.

[ashenadvances]

stupid ask bOXes fOrcing me tO break quirk. yOu, suspending sOmeOne's belOngings frOm their Other belOngings isn't flirting right. Or flipping everything upside dOwn. great. thOught sO. gOing tO gO dO that then.

Jaycee, no.

Jaycee for the λove of all that is hoλy no not untiλ I λeave the ship. 

[ashenadvances]

I thInk that was my message that went astray

morethanmyblood:

basIcally It's lIke thIs: I've been black flIrtIng wIth thIs guy In medIcal for a while now and I thought It was going someplace?

lIke he seems pretty black for me most of the tIme(though sometImes he acts a bIt pale, though I've assumed he's just doIng It to gIve me shIt about my blood color).

but he doesn't seem at all Interested In, uhm, well, paIlIng me.

I'm embarrassIngly unsure of what to do.

It was indeed you! I recognise your symboλ. Thanks for resubmitting!

So your probλem is that you don't know how this guy feeλs about you. λet me give you a hint: You are not a mind reader, nor shouλd anybody expect you to be. There is no reason you can't ask him if your fλirting is actuaλλy going somewhere. I wouλd avoid phrasing it in pureλy sexuaλ terms, however, unλess sex is aλλ you want from him. Shooting him a message saying, "Hey doucheλord, when are we gonna fuck?" is going to ruin your chances. A message that says, "Hey doucheλord, you fλirting with me or what?" is going to open up a much more fruitfuλ discussion.

(If he tries to insuλt your inteλλigence and say 'you didn't notice?' just teλλ him he's reaλλy bad at it. Because it's true.)

[ashenadvances]

I think Troλλmbλr is trying to teλλ me something.

[dear person who asked a question, your ask disappeared now that I am finally well enough to answer it >:| feel free to re-ask.]

[ashenadvances]

You might want to once the hottie gets requisitioned. It might be a λeetλe awkward otherwise.

"but ashkah yOu are being stupid yOu can't requisitiOn a hOttie" you say

I HAVE FAITH IN AλTERNIAN BUREAUCRACY, JAYSEY

JAYCEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeee

e is a weird λetter

can i have the cupe pλease i'm reaλλy tired

Heeeeeeeeeey Admin!

[ashenadvances]

I am absoλuteλy wiλλing to settλe for one hottie. Wonk.

Bring painkiλλers.

Heeeeeeeeeey Admin!