ashestodusttoashes

[ashestodusttoashes]

things to do instead of eating 🌞~

work on your appearance (shave, wash your face, etc)

stare at your body in a mirror 😬

do something creative

go for a walk

play with/train/groom your pet

redecorate your living space

internet deep dive

sleep :3

read a book

write down all of the reasons you want to ⭐️ve

stretch / yoga

play a game

online shop for skeeny clothes

download random apps

research the benefits of fast1ng

collect low c4l recipes

go get a piercing or tattoo

deep clean something you don’t clean often (fridge air filters and dryer lint vents are a good place to start and you can save on your electric bill!)

clean out your car

hang out with friends

study/do home work (if you’re in school ofc)

bake / cook for someone else

watch a movie

research future hair/nail/eyelash (etc) ideas to get as a WL reward

try a new hair style

daydream 🤤

remember why you’re doing this!!🩷

[ashestodusttoashes]

GREAT NEWS!!

I’m fat so I obviously am not disordered at all and do not count!

Thrilling!

Wish someone had told me sooner tbh.

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Some people I know found out about this account… nothing quite compares to having to explain to them that it’s bad again. Coming on here after so long, it almost feels like a sick victory, but having to admit to them that I didn’t just magically get better, and to watch them fight the disappointment in hope of empathy… fucking awful

✨nothing being skinny won’t fix of course✨

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Why do people have birthday dinners, of course I want to celebrate your birthday with you, but my god am I trying to work out if it’s worth the calories…

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Someone I work with found out about my eating disorder last week and he told me “I never would’ve thought that of you,”

Like no bestie, of course you wouldn’t have done, thank you for reminding me I don’t have the typical ‘4n0r3x1c,” body type that I crave.

Obviously this disorder affects those at all weights and it’s awful that people on the whole only care as soon as you reach your UGW and are tiny but making comments like this just reminds me “you’re not good enough yet,”

Motivation to ⭐️ve I guess.

God it sucks extra hard when that person’s a really good friend too because you know they’re not trying to make you feel bad but that’s what happened? Extra sprinkling of guilt.

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At a friend of mine’s birthday where she provided her own buffet thing and one of the people there (who I kind of know but am not close with) is like oh! If [name] is having that much, I guess I’ll take some more!

Great thanks! Love when unprompted random people remind me that I’m a fat fuck, now I know for sure it’s not all just in my head!

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When they ask you why you aren’t drinking

Babe MyFitnessPal told me that drink had like 200 kcals in it please god no one even spill it on me

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Working retail as an 4n4 is so fucking weird because OF COURSE I hate my job but walking around without food for a guaranteed four hours or more depending on the shift is the stuff of dreams.

The uniforms are super unflattering too so looking in the mirror becomes my own personal meansp0.

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“Nooo I was your weight but skinny,”

“I was like your weight but six foot,”

“So fat then?”

“Yeah,”

…

Thanks babe.

He doesn’t mean it to hurt me he’s just ignorant about this disorder.

I’m 5”1. Imagine how fucking fat I am to him.

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When your boyfriend tells you he doesn’t get turned on since being with you I’m never fucking eating again ✨✨✨

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Sometimes having a “heroin chic,” generation mum is a godsend.

I can easily be like “trying intermittent fasting!” or “wanted to see if i can get 20,000 steps in each day instead!” and she’s like “great idea sweetheart! love you!” becuase her view of what a healthy relationships with your body is already so skewed.

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Question for you all

So, I love cooking and baking. But today I wanna know specifically if any of you relate to me on this. I am well aware of the subgenre of 4n4s that love spending hours cooking a meal only for it to be a whole 10 calories, but I feel like this is something I haven’t encountered so much.

I love cooking and baking SPECIFICALLY for other people. I want to spend forever on a special dish that I could just have easily had some of, only to give it all to a friend or relative.

Example: I made a good friend of mine at work a whole loaf of family recipe bread. He loves the bread but didn’t know I was going to make it for him, so after I had spent almost four hours (not including resting time) labouring over this, I could have just as easily kept it for myself, but I simply enjoy the control I have to take it away from myself.

Simply wondering if there’s anyone else that also does this. Applies also to spending lots of money that could’ve gone to feeding yourself.

Important distinction: this is not part of a feeder kink or anything ridiculous like that. I don’t want them to have the food because I want them to put on weight, I want them to have the food because I shouldn’t.

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Hoping to stay active for a good long while.

my dash is SO DRY lately soooo ->

REBLOG IF UR AN ACTIVE EDBLR BLOG AS OF: APRIL 2024

[ashestodusttoashes]

Just saw this on my dash and almost immediately lost my mind. Found it on a compilation of images by a blog called lavenderpumkin (if anyone wants to find the original compilation). I would kill to be her.

[ashestodusttoashes]

My reasons.

This is mostly for me to refer back to, so I don’t lose sight of what I want.

Being so small he can pick me up. He can pick me up already, but that’s no testament to my size. That’s on him, and I can tell it’s still a struggle. Forever waiting on the day when it’s not.

Jumpers actually looking oversized. Seriously. I buy all these big jumpers thinking they’ll be ‘too big,’ and surprise surprise, they barely cover my flabby body.

Getting rid of the stout look. I’m sure those as short as me (5”1) know what I’m talking about.

Wrists and fingers being more pronounced. Cant deal with them looking like this. Simple as.

Using less rope for shibari. Those who know, know. Thinking I can get away with 5m or 8m when I need at least 10m.

Finally feeling good enough for my partner. He’s 6”8, muscular, intelligent. I’m short, fat, and stupid. If I was thinner I could get away with being the ditsy bimbo girl. But I’m not. And that’s my fault.

Looking like a Pinterest goth. I always see such amazing alternative outfit inspiration on there, but we all know it doesn’t look good on whales.

These are just a couple that speak to me personally. I have to keep doing this.

As always, block, don’t report. Also, since I’ve been reported so much, I’m looking for some more mutuals, I always follow back!

[ashestodusttoashes]

This is my safe space! I have been reported so much, please just let me have this to myself. I want recovery for everyone from this horrible disease, I just haven’t found a way out of it myself.

Block, don’t report.

[ashestodusttoashes]

Reblog if:

- You support recovery.

- You support those in recovery.

- You support seeking help.

- You want  people to seek help.

- You think everyone is beautiful, regardless of their weight.

- Even if you yourself, aren’t seeking help or are in recovery, want others too.