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He's The Reason Why --- ACBLP

"Takot ka lang sa commitment, e." That's what my best friend, Mikah, always tells me before. May minahal akong isang lalaki noon bago si Aston --- si Mike. Hindi ko siya first love pero siya 'yong first guy na minahal ko. Halos lahat ng kaibigan namin tinatanong kung anong meron kami pero kibit-balikat lang ako palagi. I have loved him, yes, but I'd never thought of him as my boyfriend. Yes, he's sweet and caring. He has the traits of a boyfriend that girls would want to have but he's definitely not the guy that I want to be mine. Kapag tinatanong pa nga nila kung paano kapag niligawan ako, isa lang ang sagot ko, "Ayoko." Natatakot ako sa commitment noon. First, I saw a woman killed by her own husband when I was a kid. Imagine my trauma after seeing that. Gabi-gabi akong binabangungot ng ala-alang iyon. Bago ko rin makilala si Aston, binabalikan ako ng memoryang 'yon. Ang nakakatawa, hindi ako pinapaniwalaan ng mga tinuring kong kaibigan na gamophobic ako. Why would I bother to explain myself to them? Tinatawanan pa nila ako at niloloko-loko. Having a phobia is not a joke. Nand'yan 'yong maiiyak ka na lang bigla kapag naalala mo o may nagpaalala sa'yo. Gusto mo pang sumigaw dahil sa takot. Second, a kid younger than me messaged me when I was first year high school. Sabi niya sa akin, parehas daw kami ng Papa pero magkaiba ng Mama. Right now, I couldn't tell if it's true or not. There were evidences before that proved it's true but years passed by, I started to doubt if my dad has another woman. Palaging nasa work and church lang ang tatay ko at palagi silang magkasama ng nanay ko. Pero hanggang ngayon, natatakot ako na baka isang araw totoo pala 'yon. Kahit ako na lang ang may alam, 'wag lang ang nanay at mga kapatid ko. Third, I am almost raped by a person that I treated as a friend. No one knew about this before. Naikwento ko na pala kay Aston noon. I was sick that time and that guy, who tried to rape me, took advantage of me. Sobrang natakot ako noon at naging distant sa mga kaibigan ko. Why would he even tried to do that to me? I don't have the body that some men would die for. Ah, because I'm a weak girl and he's so tigang. Fuck that guy. Also, I had a suitor who was nice at first then suddenly, he's so bastos to the point he sent a video of his dick to me. He's so disgusting. Nakakasuka sila sa lipunan ng mga lalaki. And lastly, I have witnessed my friends' failed relationships. Nand'yan 'yong mga naloko o sila mismo ang nanloko, mga naghabol o 'di kaya naman ay sila ang hinahabol, mga umiiyak dahil nasaktan o mga umiiyak dahil sila ang nakasakit, mga iniwanan o kaya naman ay sila ang nang-iwan mismo at marami pang iba. That's why I promised to myself that I won't ever commit myself to anyone. I used to be the person who had fun times with different persons. Hindi na ako magmamalinis. Nand'yan 'yong makikipag-fling sa iba't ibang babae at nakikipag-make out. I tried guys but they just bored me out. I even had a sex once with a girl that I never knew. Kung p'wede ko nga lang burahin ang mga ginawa ko noon, ginawa ko na. Then all of a sudden, my whole life changed. Kapag nabasa 'to ni Aston, alam ko namang alam na niya lahat 'to kasi ikwinento ko na sa kanya ang halos lahat ng nangyari sa akin. He's the reason why my whole life changed. Why I have conquered those fears that I've had. Why I am now a better person. Why I broke the promise I made to myself. He came out of the picture. 'Yong black and white kong mundo noon, biglang naging colorful dahil sa kanya. Hindi ko maipaliwanag. Basta alam ko lang, mahal na mahal ko siya. Para sa akin siya. Hindi man siya ideal guy ng mga kababaihan, siya naman ang ideal guy ko. Siya 'yong lalaking masasabi kong gusto kong akin lang. Dahil sa kanya, hindi na ako takot sa commitment. In fact, I love being committed to him just like how I love him so much. I have realized that there's nothing to be afraid of commitment. Kung tamang tao naman, why not commit yourself? Hindi commitment 'yong nakakatakot at mas lalong hindi 'yong love. Alam niyo kung anong nakakatakot? 'Yong mga tao mismo. They have the power to hurt you and it's only up to them if they will hurt you. Si Aston kasi simula pa lang walang ginawa 'yan kundi alalahanin ako. Nand'yan 'yong magpupuyat siya para lang makausap ako. Naloko pa nga ako ng gago noon. He told me he's insomniac then I have found out he's really not. Sinasabayan lang pala ako matulog ng 2AM. Nahuhuli pa siya ng gising. Imagine 8AM ang pasok niya tapos 8AM magigising. Nakakaloka ang baby boy ko. Noong sinabi ko sa kanya na hindi ako natutulog ng maaga kasi natatakot ako magising ng madaling araw dahil sa nightmares, aba naman, sinabayan ako at inabot kami ng hanggang 4AM na yata. Halos lahat nga ng buhay ko, nakalkal na niya. He even read all my tweets sa dating Twitter account ko. Noong umiyak ako noon dahil sa stupid reason, kausap ko rin siya. Nakikinig sa dramas ko at pinapangiti ako. Sabi pa niya pakinggan ko 'yong kantang "That's What I Like." Pinapasayaw pa nga ako ng gago, konting kembot lang daw, walanghiya. Tuwing malungkot tuloy ako, pinapakinggan ko 'yong kantang "That's What I Like." Tapos tuwing malungkot ako, nagtetext lang ako sa kanya tapos magrereply siya kapag nabasa na niya. Nand'yan 'yong mga payo niyang malupit tapos isang "I love you" niya lang, okay na ako. Napapangiti na ako. Masaya na ako. That's how powerful his love to me is. He's really the one for me. He's the one that I always want to be mine and fortunately, he's really mine. Sobrang s'werte ko lang kasi binigyan ako ni Papa Lord ng Aston Carl Blake L. Peralta sa buhay ko. He's the guy who sincerely loves me and he's the guy that I love so much. I am more than willing to give him the lifetime commitment and I will love him for the rest of my life. I have no reasons not to. I know he's the one. Alam ko kasi hindi niya ako sasaktan physically. Alam ko ring hindi niya magagawang mambabae. Alam kong kahit pervertido siya, hindi siya gagawa ng bagay na ayoko. At bukod sa lahat, alam kong kaya namin lahat. Life isn't perfect so are we. And having commitment also means taking risks together in life.

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If alcohol is liquid courage, is caffeine liquid anxiety?

[ashiebleu-blog]

The Beginning

Every reader, who loves a fictional character so much and is passionate with that person, wishes to make that character exist in real world.

I’m a proclaimed writer and also a passionate reader in Wattpad. In every story I write and I read, there’s always one character who captivates me. I don’t care if it’s a he or a she, if it’s a protagonist or an antagonist and if it’s real or not. As long as the character pulls me toward him/her, I love the whole personality of that person.

Unexpectedly, I’ve encountered a character in one story that really exists in this world. He’s not the only one but he’s the one who really charmed me the most. He’s none other than Aston Peralta.

He’s a supportive character in the story of DoubleBRacer in Wattpad entitled “Simply Complicated.” At first, I didn’t know he’s real. I don’t know why I’m so into him while reading that story. I called him “gago” for a reason yet he’s a great person. He proved me that it’s never too late to change and to be a better person.

Later on, I found out that he’s real. Crap, he really is. Even the story is real. How amazing, isn’t it?

I thought the writer was just kidding on me. I mean, who the hell would believe that at first right? I admire Aston so much in the story. I once wished him to be real and to be just mine like how other readers do. After finding out that he really exists, my whole world shook!

The night that I found out he’s real, the writer gave me his number because the real Aston told him so.

I was shy and confused in the beginning whether to message him or not. At the end, I messaged him and said, “Hi, Aston.” After several minutes, I received three replies from him and bang, I died in shame. Kidding. I was really taken aback that moment. It felt like my world stopped for three seconds. Excitement and unexplained stirring emotions filled my heart.

Who would have thought that this is the beginning of our journey of love?

All of my life, I wanted to be at liberty. That one message became thousands of messages. I felt to him the freedom I always wish to have in the entire of my life. Because of him, I feel loved, cherished and treasured. He never wastes one single chance to make me feel his love.

The fictional character that once I knew is now my leading man in this real life.