ashlynnesworld-blog

[ashlynnesworld-blog]

Empty Hell

BRANDY

"Kayla come on!!" I yelled irritated.

"I'm sorry brandy, but I really can't make it to dinner tonight, you know Ima broke bitch. I gotta take up an extra shift at the diner ", she said playfully

I had to put myself on mute so I don't hurt her feelings from laughing.

I knew all about Kayla's problems at home. I felt bad for laughing because I know her dad is nothing but a drunk and he wouldn't help her with her college grants. She said her mom passed away a while back.

"Maybe some other time," I said, even though I knew there would be no other time.

My mom isn't the type of person that would offer someone to stay for dinner after they declined it more than once.

The line went dead.

KAYLA.

My boss has asked me to stay another hour or so and lock up the shop at closing time. Although the I didn't want to be here so late I had no other chose.

I needed money and since my dad wouldn't sign for me to get grant money I was stuck washing dishes and wiping tables.

Only a couple of people were in the diner. An old couple and a large man were seated towards the back. I had already served them so I had nothing else to do.

I went to the back to clean up a bit.

From the back, I could hear a ding, which meant either someone left the store or someone entered it. I didn't have much time to think about it because a high pitched scream sounded from the front of the diner. As soon as I heard the scream I started towards the front of the diner, I didn't make it far before all the lights turned off.

I started feeling around for the walls when I heard a slow scrapping sound. It was as if someone was scrapping a knife against the floor.

I could see dark figures around the front of the store. I decided the best thing to do would be to find the light generator to get the lights back on.

Still holding on to the wall, I found a light switch and started flicking it up and down. Nothing happened.

The scrapped sound ceased for a moment but continued back. It sounded like it was coming towards me.

"Not today Jesus not today," I said to myself in a whisper preparing to fight.

Before I could make a move towards the figure, someone grabbed me from behind and threw me to the ground. I struggled against their weight to get back on my feet.

Soon the figure that was coming towards me was on me too. The only difference was that his shirt was soaked in some kind of substance. It took me a second to realize what it was. When I did, all the color drained out my face. I stopped struggling for a moment.

I was too shocked. I fell limp in their arms only to start screaming when a long blade pressed into my neck. I started thrashing around in their arms and kicking my legs frantically struggling to break free. The person rearranged the knife so the point was digging into my skin. "STOP MOVING OR IM GOING TO STAB A HOLE IN YOUR NECK", my attacker's voice rang in my ears My attacker had a deep voice. He didn't sound too angry. He said it almost nicely but his insidious intentions were obvious.

I shut my mouth and let them help me to my feet. I stood there looking at him but he had a mask on his face.

I must have been staring too long because I soon felt a knife press into my back.

"Move" came a lighter voice. That was the first time the other person had talked, also a man.

I started walking, I don't know where to exactly. I bumped into deep voice a couple of times which resulted in me getting the knife pushed harder into my back.

As we made our way outside, I saw 2 lifeless bodies on the floor. I gasped and tripped. I wish I hadn't when I feel in a puddle of someone's blood.

Both my attackers picked me up and carried me outside. As they walked I looked back into the diner for the last time.

A permanent imprint of the dead bodies and blood was all I could see in my head when we left the diner. I was brought to a dark truck with tinted windows. I could see dark figured inside.

Before they opened the door, I felt something press against my nose.

I started to fade away...

[ashlynnesworld-blog]

What happens in the dark always comes to light

The sun disappeared back into the earth,  

The birds had finished chirping you could say,

Friends say goodbye to each other,

And go in for the day.  

Creeping slowly up the side walks  

And shading all the trees,

Darkness takes over the world,

As we all lay our heads down to sleep

House lights turn off one by one

Even streetlights rest for the night

Only thing glowing is in the sky

As the wolf's howl into the moonlight.

Mother's tuck their kids into bed

With a story or a lullaby.

Darkness takes over the world

Which catches one child by surprise.

Because in the darkness lurked his greatest fears.

Mom and dad were fighting again.

With one loud BANG,

the end was near.

Little Tommy hid under the covers in despair,

A couple minutes seem to pass causing alarm.

The door opens, and a police officer comes

And he's taken into big, strong arms.

He was taken from the house  

Not before seeing his mother's body

Everyone around him quiet as a mouse

Though the darkness

Is considered the end of the day,

Tommy felt much more.

For in the darkness was his father,

The scariest monster.

[ashlynnesworld-blog]

Be careful what you wish for

I watched her walk into the house and drop her keys on the table next to the mail. She didn’t spot me sitting on the couch, divorce papers on the table in front of me. My hands had been dropped down into my head as I waited for her to turn around and see me. I heard her footsteps halt in front of me, she dropped the mail on the counter and picked up the divorce papers off the coffee table.  

Things had been bad between us for the last 2 years and I just wanted it to be over. Before I had a chance to say anything or explain why I wanted a divorce she dropped the papers back on the coffee table in front of us.  

"Jason", she said and the moment she said my name I looked up and to my surprise she slapped me.

I felt a sharp sting as her palm connected with my cheek. She started going crazy. Endless stream of curse words emptied out her mouth and she started attacking me.  

We ended up in a fist fight and she slapped me so hard my eyes started watering. I ended up knocking her out accidently but decided to use it to my power. I searched the house for scotch tape and sat her up right in a chair, tying her hands behind her back.  

I poured water on her face to wake her up. Her eyes grew wide as she realized what I had done.  

"Sign the divorce papers", I said to her. She started yelling but I wasn’t playing anymore.

I put some scotch tape on her mouth and pulled my lighter out. I held the flame close to her hair and gave her one last chance to sign the paper before I set her on fire.  

"Will you sign it now"' I uttered maliciously.

She forcibly shook her head yes. To make sure she didn’t scream again, I cut a small hole on the tape on her mouth and stuck the pen in. I couldn’t risk untying her hands, she would try to escape.

She finally signed it and I left happily, finally a free man after years of misery. I ran down the hall and straight to city hall to turn over my divorce papers.  

Turns out, when she signed the papers, she wrote the words "help". I didn’t check her signature because I was so ecstatic of finally being free. Well I wasn’t free for long. Now I'm doing 5-20 years for aggravated assault, attempted kidnapping and spousal battery.

[ashlynnesworld-blog]

A Man’s Curiosity

Curiosity killed the cat,

so, beware of my danger.

You lingered and pried,

I never understood why.

Because curiosity killed the man,

who was intrigued by my troubles.

I told him to stay away,  

but he came back the same day.

I have hidden secrets between my thighs,

That attracted his unlucky set of curious eyes.

He tried to understand my mind,

which just left him with a knife in his thigh.

He got too close and wanted to know me deeply.

I told him "Go Away", tears in my eyes as he finally left peacefully.

It wasn’t quite peacefully as he laid before me,

A knife in his thigh bleeding out with red in my eyes.

I told him, I warned him,

but he didn’t listen,

I told you I loved you,  

but now your time has come.

[ashlynnesworld-blog]

Against The Odds

The moonlight shone through the crooked blinds of his dorm room. It reflected on the side of his face as he slept somewhat peacefully next to me. I laid next to him cuddling into his side shaking from the cold. We'd been outside for over an hour, in barely any clothes. My face etched with tear streaks and bags under my eyes. I had mascara smudged across my right cheek and my makeup was running. At one point, I turned over and glanced up at him. I studied his face and thought to myself. This was my best friend. We used to hang out after school at my house and watch movies until late. How had things changed so suddenly? I thought of all the good moments we'd had. I remembered every crease in his face, every segment of his skin, and the way his heart would beat when I'd lie against his chest. His eyes used to light up every time he would look at me. His hugs weren't as warm anymore and he didn't smile as bright.  

Everything had started to dull over time. He recited to me the same two lines: "You're always going to be in my life", and, "You’re my family". Over time, those words seemed to lose their meaning but at that moment, they kept replaying in my head. It was about 2:30am when we'd settled into his bed for the night. The day before he'd come to my room to apologize for a misunderstanding, but it seemed as though all we did was say sorry to each other our whole relationship. I'd always told myself I'd never give up on our relationship because I didn’t want college to be the reason we fell apart. Lately, we've been drifting farther apart so the likelihood that we would end up together was scarce.  

I always found myself stuck between: "If you want something, go after it" and, "If it leaves, let it go". When it came to him that was a choice I had to make every day. We'd argued a lot since we'd been here and it was getting overwhelming. "Leave me alone, I'm done with you", I knew when I said that to him, I would regret it in the morning. I felt my stomach tighten when he let go of me and gave up pleading. I went to bed that night with many different emotions running through me. "I love him," I told myself.

I woke up feeling like something was missing; like a part of me was gone. I had a picture of me and him hung on the wall next to my bed. He wasn’t just a part of me, he was the greatest influence in my life. He was someone special that I would cherish for the rest of my life. He showed me what true love is and for that, I'd never let him go. I walked around campus completely blank and spaced out. There was a void in my heart that only he could fix. We'd gone the whole day ignoring each other completely. I had decided to go to the lounge to relax with some friends and he was in there. He didn’t look at me, but got up and took his belongings and left. It hurt to see him walk away, but I knew he wouldn’t want to be around me after I told him I never wanted to speak to him again. Truth is since we've met each other we hadn't gone more than a day without speaking.  

Our friends were encouraging him to come back out to the lounge and hang with us.        " Someone I don’t like or associate myself with is out there so I rather not come", was the message he'd sent her. I'd seen the message on her laptop and boiled over with rage. How dare he try to act like I did something to him! Our whole relationship was a struggle for who was wrong and right in all of our arguments. Somehow, he managed to turn the argument we had the night before into my doing and I wasn't having it.  

I had gotten up and run into my friend's dorm room. He was in there laying on one of the beds with his head in the pillow. I threw open the door. The door smacked against the wall hard creating an echo throughout the hall. He turned his head fast and sat up when he heard me come in. " You came to my dorm last night begging and pleading with me to not leave you and now you're going to tell people you don’t like me?", I yelled at him. " Ashlynne get out because I'm not doing this with you right now", he told me livid. He had a scowl on his face as I continued to throw everything he'd done in the past at him. He started walking out the room and I followed, continuing to throw everything I have been feeling for the last 9 months back at him. He walked out the building and yelled over his shoulder " Stop following me." I was filled with such rage that I wasn’t thinking straight so I lunged forward and pushed him. He turned around with a stoic expression on his face. " Don’t touch me" he said, but ironically, he grabbed me at the same moment and pushed me back. He turned and continued to walk, yelling harsh words and an endless string of curses. His back muscle flexed and tensed up every time I spoke. He stopped speaking at one point and let me vent my life away. He stopped suddenly, turned around and clenched his fist.  

We had walked so far off campus that we ended up by the far end of the track field. He gritted his teeth then started towards me slowly. " You know what your problem is? You think your perfect and you can't accept anyone's or your own mistakes!", he shouted at me. " You know what your problem is? All you keep doing is making mistakes that I have to get over!", I shouted back. After that, we'd gone back and forth for over an hour and when I checked the time it was around 1am.  

He sighed and plopped down in the grass. I stayed standing so that I could tower over him. " I can't do this with you anymore", I said not sure if I truly meant it or not. I had tears running down my face that I wasn’t aware of until he stood up and said: " Ashlynne stop crying". Once I was aware that I was crying, I felt like I couldn’t stop. An endless number of tears started streaming out my eyes and I couldn't seem to gather myself back together.  

I felt his warm embrace engulf me and immediately felt a sense of calmness wash over me. He whispered sweet nothings to me while I sunk into his embrace. We parted and started walking back to the dorms. We shared only a brief amount of words. We were both consumed with our thoughts. One question kept running through my head: How had things changed so suddenly?  It was so sweet at the beginning and so bitter towards the end. But that wasn’t the end because there is no end when it came to us. Despite all the odds, we always came back to each other.

When I noticed the time, I realized just how exhausted I was. It was after 2 and he had walked me back to my dorm but I didn’t have my key. We decided to go back to his dorm so I ended up spending the night.  Realization hit me when I laid down next to him. I turned over and glanced up at him. I studied his face and thought to myself. This was my best friend.  

[ashlynnesworld-blog]

Our Penalty Seeks Our Strength

A penalty they earn for knowing the black art  

In a society that fell apart

Brought back together off the black of our backs  

The art of our nature is divine

They watch and they prey  

Listening to the melodies from our voices

As we sing our praises and rejoice

The art of our nature is divine

So deep and grey in our minds

A country built off the back of our spines

Enslaved for centuries with no penalties

Yet the art of our nature is still divine

One day at a time we build ourselves up

the strength of our voices held strong together

As we celebrate our history in this February weather

The art of our nature carries on so fine

Our history is art, a society fallen apart

Continuing to grow off our backs

But they don’t know now that

Our black don’t crack

[ashlynnesworld-blog]

An old friend

I was in the park when I saw him. There was a myth that he wasn’t even alive anymore and his ghost haunted his apartment. People only said that because whenever they passed his apartment door they said it would smell terrible. His name was Mr. Conway. He was an old shaggy man that had a hunch back and was as skinny as a pole. His pale skin glowed in the sunlight as I stared in awe as he sat on the park bench, a newspaper in hand. I sat just a couple yards to the left of him reading the latest issue of The Walking Dead when I saw my old friend for the first time in 4 ½ years.  

The last time I saw him was at his wife's funeral. Mrs. Conway died a couple years back and legend has it since then he hasn't come out his apartment. His demeanor changed a lot since then. He wasn’t smiling much and resorted to isolation after her death, that really took a toll on him. At her funeral he was very quiet and calm, his tie was on backward and his suit was wrinkly. He wore all black to the funeral. All black shoes, fitted shirt and jacket, slacks and even a hat.    

As I sat on the swings watching him, I took in his appearance. Even though he was thinner than he was a couple years ago, I assumed it was just because Ms. Conway wasn’t making him breakfast every morning anymore. 4 years ago, he was 30 pounds heavier and had the friendliest face in the neighborhood. His face hadn't changed much, except for a couple of frown lines here and there, but I guess living on your own for so many years you don't have much to smile about. Now, I couldn’t even imagine a smile on his face. He looked up at me at that moment and his frown lines got deeper. His face looked hard and was screwed into a scowl. He clenched the paper tighter and I could see the wrinkles and veins popping out of his hands.    

I couldn't tell if he remembered me or not, but he pointed one finger at me. I didn’t know if he was indicating that he wanted me to come over to him. When I didn’t move, he got up from his bench and started moving unsteadily towards me. He walked with a limp and I remembered how years ago he told me he was in a wheel cheer from a car accident that happened 97'. Guess his leg never healed correctly because he stopped in the middle of his stagger and I had walked the rest of the way towards him.    

He smelt of cigar smoke and piss. He was a couple inches away from me, but I could see the yellowness in his teeth. He stared at me for a long time, probably trying to place who I was. He pushed his greying hair out of his eyes and looked down at the newspaper. Slowly he handed it to me. I looked at him puzzled but accepted it. I noticed one cartoon in the newspaper was circled.  

He noticed me questioning it by my furrowed brows and spoke to me in a deep raspy voice. " Mary Ann read that comic strip every morning." Mary Ann was his wife but everyone in the neighborhood called her Mrs. Conway. She spent most of her days introducing herself to everyone in our apartment building as if it was her first time meeting them. She was diagnosed with Alzheimer's in 96' and soon after Mr. Conway got into an accident. Both needed a live-in nurse and decided to move to one 57 where they could start fresh.  

"Today would be our 60th anniversary" he continued. I looked up from the newspaper and saw a smile forming on his face. His hands were shaky as he grabbed the newspaper back. He didn’t say anything else, just nodded at me and walked back to his bench. All the while, he had a smile plastered on his face. However, when he retrieved back into his own company his frown returned. His smile almost didn’t seem real due to how deep his frown lines were. His whole demeanor changed while he started reading his newspaper again. I didn’t know what about our encounter made him smile again, but after years of not seeing him, I felt good too.  

After our encounter, I went back to my apartment building. I lived a floor above him with my mom. My room window had a perfect view of the park, so I peeked my head out. It had been over an hour since I left the park and Mr. Conway was still hunched out on the park bench skimming the cartoon repeatedly. Every couple minute you would see a smile creep up on his face when he got to the funny part again. He must have reread the comic 100 times because dusk turned into dawn and the sun started to go down. He read that comic until it was too dark outside to make out the words, then started walking towards our building. Instead of walking straight into our building, he turned down the street and walked into a store. He brought a bouquet of hydrangeas and a candle and continued into our building. He spent many years without Mary Ann, yet this was the first year I saw him gather all her favorite stuff and bring it with him to the apartment building.  

He was always one of the friendlier older gentlemen that lived in our building. After his accident, he dedicated most of his time taking care of Mrs. Conway. She was getting early retirement checks, being only 55. Meanwhile, Mr. Conway was 62. He was a retired officer who served in the Marines in 71'. Ms. Conway was a nurse practitioner but with age came her onset symptoms of Alzheimer, so she was given an early retirement.

When he walked into our building, my mom had called me down for dinner. After I ate, I walked to the same store Mr. Conway had gone in a couple hours before and got some apple cider. I walked to Mr. Conway apartment and knocked on the door. I heard several locks open and he pushed open the door slowly. I presented him with the apple cider and watched as a smile broke out on his face. He opened the door more and welcomed me in.

I walked into his apartment and was welcomed with a strong stench. It was messy and there was take out boxes overflowing the garbage cans. For the next hour or two, me and Mr. Conway caught up. We laughed at the old times and remembered Mrs. Conway's existence over Chinese food and some cheap apple cider. He told me how he planned on having a candle lighting for her before I came so I suggested we do it now. He set the flowers and chocolates on a table with a picture of her in the middle. I watched for the next half an hour as he spoke of her and how much he missed her. I watched silently as tears formed in his eyes, only letting a couple of them fall. The candles he set next to her picture frame were cotton candy scented, her favorite smell.

Watching Mr. Conway, I could see the love and admiration in his eyes for Mrs. Conway. After her death, he lost himself. Stayed isolated for years. This being the first time I saw him in 4 ½ years and I was able to still see and feel the love between them. I was grateful to share this moment with him.  

[ashlynnesworld-blog]

The Insubordinate Society

"Jimmy, Jimmy come down here quick," called my mother in an over-dramatic voice.

I was sitting on my bed when my mother called me down. I ran my hand through my hair tugging on the end. I looked in the mirror that was placed on the wall next to my television. Picking up a brush, I combed through my jet black. My skin was always tanned due to how hot it was in Westwood. It was always sunny; the climate was controlled.  

I smiled into the mirror to check if I had anything in my teeth so my mom wouldn’t yell at me about being improper.

Running down the steps, tripping over the last of them, I made my way into the kitchen. Marble table top was running around the perimeter with decorative cabinet's hanging above it.  

There was a variety of spices hanging below the cabinet's as though they were floating in the air. The stove was placed in the middle of the semicircular kitchen. It was one of those hibachi stoves that my mother insisted we get as she loved to cook.

The fridge found its place in front of the stove between where the marble table top would have connected.

I was poking my head in the fridge looking for food when my mother voice snapped me out of my trance.

My mother looking very annoyed said in a strained voice, " Are you even listening to me?"

My mom was a short, middle-aged woman. Her hair was blond like my sister, but more of an ashy tone and cut into a bob. It made her look older, the way it shaped her face. She stood at only 5 feet compared to my father, who was 6'2. She was a very petite woman and her skin was milky white. She stood before me dressed in an apron and denim jeans and a white wool sweater.  

I decided to play into her irritation by putting my hand on my heart and saying " What! Of course, I'm listening to you. Why would you think otherwise?".

" This is serious Jimmy," She said annoyed obviously.

The look on her face made me roll my eyes. With an amused smile, I stared at her, waiting for her to elaborate.

Before she could say anything, Mickey, my older sister burst through the front door. Her long, blond hair was swinging behind her. She was 2 years older than me, 19 to be exact, but she acted like we were the same age. She was also a lot shorter than me, her being only 5'3 and me being 6'1. She had more freedom then I did, but when she came in with Chuck Hindral following in her footsteps, I knew they were bound to get in trouble for something.

Chuck wasn't a bad guy. Honestly, he was decent. He was a 6ft quarterback, built like Dwayne Johnson and he had a satisfactory grade point average.  He had long sandy brown hair that he constantly moved out of his face with this weird head movement. He often looked like he had some condition that kept his head in constant motion. It was funny to look at.

My sister tried to sneak past us and up the stairs when my mom called her back down.

The look on my mom's face could kill anyone in a mile's radius. Now that the attention was away from me, I silently thanked my sister and went back to my room.

For the few quiet minutes I got to myself I decided to practice my piano.  I was in the middle of my song when a knock at the door stopped me mid key.

"Who is it?" I called getting up to walk to the door.

" Mickey" my 17-year-old sister called quietly.

I opened the door and she came staggering in.

"What's up," I asked when she didn't say anything.

After making sure the coast was clear she said barely above a whisper, "Mom's going to kill us".

"Us?" I said flabbergasted. "I didn't do anything. What did you do Mic?"

"I didn't do anything!" she said in a rushed voice. Her voice going just above a whisper in a hurried tone.

I didn't know what else to say to that, so I said the obvious.

"Okay... Well, where's Chuck?"

"Mom sent him home. She told him we needed to have a family meeting and for him to come back another day."  

I sat up straight, "Family meeting what for?" I said quizzically.

"I have no idea. That's why I'm here now. I think she found out that I left after curfew 2 days ago to meet with some friends at a party." Every time she spoke she looked guilty. I had a feeling that more than 'meeting with some friends' happened, but I didn't feel like pressing the issue.

"And how would she find that out," I said.

"I don't know. You're the only one that saw me, I think. So, if you told, just know you're going down with me. I got stuff on you to buddy."

And with that, she exited my room.

I knew her threat was empty so it wouldn't be stretched too far. What does she have on me? That I go to sleep in my underwear and sometimes Skype call my friends in the middle of the night to play video games together.

I wish my sister would have common sense. Her risky behavior could get us kicked out of our house or even killed in some cases. If not one or the other, then both.

I decided to take a nap before dinner. I snuggled up in bed, fully clothed in my school uniform even though I came home a few hours ago.

I dreamed of being hungry. I dreamed of being full. I dreamed of wanting to go outside for more than 4 hours a day excluding weekends. I dreamed of all different things. I dreamed of what the world would be like in 10,20,30 years. My dreams of the homeless being fed and cared for was soon put to an end when my mom's loud banging woke me up.

"Come downstairs! Family meeting right now!" with one last knock she left. I feared that she could tell what I was dreaming about but then realized I would be in trouble every night if she could.

You can't blame me for wanting to be a peacemaker. I just wanted everything to be the way it was years ago. My grandma was telling me about how the rules were limited to none. You could stay out as late as you want but it would cause suspicion sometimes. She also said you were able to listen to any songs and go to any public school you wanted. I had to take 2 buses to get to my school. I had to apply to get into high school as if I was going to college. They banned those years ago when the population of working people started to decrease. So, after year 12, you went straight into the working class.

I got up and tossed on some sweatpants and a wife beater. As I made my way downstairs, Mickey soon caught up with me.

She scooted past me, not before whispering a, "Remember what I said," with a long face.

With one squeeze to my shoulder, she teetered in front of me and into the living room. We both plopped down on the couch in front of my mom, who was pacing back and forth.

After a while of that, I couldn't take it anymore and said

"Can you please stop pacing backs and forth it's driving me-

She cut me off by saying, " When your dad comes home from work-

She stopped to take a deep breath while we watched her with curious eyes,"-he has something he needs to share with us. "

She looked at us gaging our reactions.

When she realized we weren't reacting the way she expected us to, she continued and said " Now I know it may not seem like a big thing to you but trust me it has to be important. Anytime your father has something to tell us about work, it's important.  I hope you guys are smart enough to know that".

She said all of that while rolling her eyes, then plopped down on the couch across from us with a hand rubbing her temple. She seemed to age 10 years in 2 seconds.  

I looked over at my sister, and boy did she seem relieved, happy even.

Her eyes met mine and an expression that I couldn't place crossed over her face. In a flash, she got up and said in her best sympathizing voice said

"I'm sure everything going to be ok. I'm going to head back up to my room to wash up. I'll come back down when dad gets here for dinner."

And then she left.

I scratched the back of my head. I knew my mom expected more of a reaction from us, but I couldn't think of anything to say. So, while her head was resting in her lap, I quietly got up and exited the room.

I didn't know what to do now. I did all my homework. Practiced the piano.  

There's not much you can do in Westwood. We all have specific rules and if we obey, we get rewarded if we don't, we get degraded and thrown out of our home.

I don't know anyone who would want to get thrown out. I heard stories about them on several occasions.

"...they look like monsters..."

"...they have a disease..."

"...they all look possessed..."

I don't understand why the government would allow them to run around outside the community gates all day. Anyone that gets kicked out their homes, must fend for themselves. Yearly, they would have an event to see if they can gain the respect of the government. I never saw or got to watch the event, I just know when it happens because my mom would watch it on our tv and tell me and Mickey to go upstairs.

If they win they are given back their property. The catch is... only one person wins. So, if there is a family of 4 and the father wins, only he can return to Westwood. Most of the time, they start a whole new family and abandon their previous one. When my mom explained that concept to me one year, I felt disgusted. What type of people rip apart a family with no remorse.

For the longest I referred to them as "the crazies" but my mom told me that the society refers to them as "outsiders" because they aren't allowed inside the gate. I figured they'd try to do something about it soon, but they seem to be content with the way things are being run in the government.

I used to feel bad for them, but I guess they deserved it. When things are put into your head at a young age, you grow up thinking all the things you've learned were morally right. My mom told me, "You should never try to challenge the system."

I learned that the hard way, years ago.

"Mommy, mommy!" 7-year-old Jimmy cried.

"Yes, boy?" My mom said while patting my head.

"I'm hungry," I whined.

As if right on time, my stomach decided to do cartwheels, letting out a loud groan.

"Seems like it Jimmy, why don't we go inside here and get some food. "She pointed to an old shack called Jack and Mary's pizzeria.

At that moment, I would have eaten anything. We went inside the pizzeria and I let the mouth-watering aroma take over me.

"Hello there, what will you be having today?" an over cheeky waitress asked in a high-pitched voice.

Even though it was only 2 o'clock, I still felt that her bubbliness was unnecessary.

"Two cheese pizzas please," I said with a smile to be polite.

"Okay we'll bring it out to you shortly," She said after my mother paid her and took the receipt shoving it in her pocket.

Making our way over to a booth, something just outside the window caught my attention.

Outside the entrance was an elderly man that was dressed in a torn dirty shirt that looked like it used to be white. He had fading gray hair and a bread that was long enough to braid. His pants were...well...they were missing. His legs were scuffed up with cuts and scratches. He appeared to be arguing with a worker from the store.

I hadn't realized I was starting until my mom grabbed my arm.

"We should sit towards the back," was her reasoning for pulling me away from the window.

Now sitting towards the back of the small cafe, my mom tried to make conversation.

"So how was school today?" She asked anxiously.

"Fine," I said not really paying attention. I couldn't take my eyes off the mysterious bearded man.

I'd never seen them up close. Now that I had, my appetite was shot.

My mom followed my gaze" he's a poverty scum."

When he finally ventured away from the cafe, I looked up at my mom, "What happened to him."

"He disobeyed the law and challenged authority," My mom said in such a voice of hatred it made me shiver.

"Here you guys go, two cheese slices," The waitress said to us before leaving to tend to another customer.

When I laid eyes on the best pizza I would ever digest in my life, I pushed away the image of the man outside the window.

I added a variety of spices that sat on the booth we were at. I made sure not to add any of the red leafy things because they were hot against my tongue.

Looking out the window, I took a moment to observe my surroundings. It was a nice beautiful day today. I was also watching out the window in hopes of seeing the bearded man again. Looking down at my plate, I realize I only took a few bites out of my pizza.

My mother didn't like food going to waste so before I could ask if I should throw it away, she told me to get a bag, so I could finish it later.

With that being said, I got up and walked to the counter.

Grabbing the bag, my mother and I began our journey home.

Halfway there, we stumbled upon the same outsider we had seen earlier eating out of a garbage can.

"Hey mom, look!!" I said loud enough for him to hear me. He had to be in his late 40's. His beard seemed to be thinning and slightly gray.

He looked at us with a startled expression. He then dove behind the garbage can.

Mom grabbed my arm, "come on, let's go."

"But mom I think he's hungry"

Before she had a chance to stop me, I ran up to him and gave him my half-eaten pizza.

I mean I knew I ate some of it but it's the thought that counts right.?

Wrong.

My mother called me out in a way that sounded like I had killed a man.

I walked back to her and she did something I didn’t expect at all.

She slapped me.

She slapped me so hard, I felt like her handprint was permanently on the side of my face.

I was only 7.

I didn't know any better.

She brought her face down to mine, so we were eye to eye and said in a menacing whisper, "Do not ever do something like that again. We do not help those people. You better hope nobody saw that little stunt you just pulled. Are you mad? Are you trying to get us killed? We DON’T help them, they deserve this."

At this point, I had tears trailing down my face.

"But mommy I was only trying to help..."I said pleading with her to believe me.

"Help?" My mom said in a mocking voice. "Your 'help' is only going to get us killed. Heroes are only fictional so don't try to be one."

I was hurt, confused and ashamed.

Since that day, I made it a mission to find out what happened to the old man. What happens to all of them...

Till this day, I remember what he looks like.

I couldn't forget.

But before I could help anyone, I had to fight my own demons in this crazy game of life.