ask-chef-teruteru - Tumblr blog

[ask-chef-teruteru]

Oh no iliterally type likje one of thw sex bots 😭😭😭 that why ive been getting blocked so often

“I dunno, hon, y’all didn’t say you were feelin’ any particular kind o’ way, n’ that’s half these bots’ hooks these days.

If y’all find yourself gettin’ blocked often though, ya might wanna add a more personal touch to your blog. Have yourself an avatar that ain’t the default or a scantily clad lady n’ that oughta help, n’ make sure you have some stuff actually reblogged n’ whatnot.”

[ask-chef-teruteru]

hey teruteru, how do you feel about those weird tiktok cooking videos?

“Most of ‘em’re an affront to the culinary arts, to chefs the world over, n’ to me on a deeply personal level. Every so often there’s one where somebody knows what they’re doin’ ‘n are showin’ people helpful tips, but it don’t feel like them’re the ones in the majority. I can suffer with the ones that’re bizarre n’ meant to be upsettin’, but some of em’re just dangerous. Stoves n’ ovens n’ whatnot, hot plates, cookware not suited to what they’re gettin’ used for—all got potential to cause harm. Ooh, n’ don’t even get me started on how much people plumb ignore cross contamination bein’ a thing!”

[ask-chef-teruteru]

The bots are falling apart without you

“No, no. Seems normal. Whenever y’all come ‘round I too think 'beautifulpW, I wRg really want you to Qk play' I mean really, that says it all, no notes.”

“In all seriousness though, I do wonder how things went so awry. I’m sure it’s another way t’ try gettin’ ‘round the spam filter, but how worth it is it when ain’t nobody gonna believe a real human being sent that message. Ain’t even sufficiently flirty to entice people who’d be interested either. Just don’t make no sense.”

[ask-chef-teruteru]

I busted my ass when I tried to do a pullup

“Want me to kiss it all better?”

“Ack, no, wait! What I mean t’say is—!!— are y’alright?”

[ask-chef-teruteru]

Bro I'm like, 1000000/% convinced that if I could hug you it'd solve all my issues in life.

“That’s probably overestimatin’ just how good of a hugger I am, but… Even if it don’t fix all your issues, hugs’re still nice ‘n you’re free to see how much it’ll help any time.”

[ask-chef-teruteru]

Idk about other categories of DILF but Gordon Ramsey is THE chef dilf ever 🫡 that ass alone deserves a Michelin Star 🙏😤

“Can’t argue there!”

“I… Feel a little… Mm, not 'bad' that wouldn’t be a normal thing to feel, but… Ah, I feel like I ain’t paid enough attention to how many dilf chefs there are. Granted, I tend t’ focus more on their body o’ work rather than how they work their body, but…”

[ask-chef-teruteru]

it’s the middle of November!! half way there!! anyways,,, who do you think is THE dilf ever?

“Oh lord, just off the top o’ my head? I dunno hon, you’re gonna have to narrow it down for me n’ then maybe I’ll be able to narrow it down.”

[ask-chef-teruteru]

This is probably tmi, pushing the limits, watever.

I had a boyfriend who would fuck me every night on November, but always stoped before he actually came and then on december, forthburst the cum wave.

“I don’t much believe in TMI’s, y’know? If it’s information that you’re comfortable sharin’, then it ain’t like t’be information that I’m not comfortable hearin’. In this case, it’s right in line with what I was talkin’ ‘bout anyhow, so it ain’t like y’all popped in outta the blue.”

“That bein’ said though, damn! Sounds like that boyfriend o’ yours had a lot more willpower than I ever have! Could handle just not doin’ it all month if I really set my mind to it, but goin’ that far n’ not followin’ through? Nah. There’s only so much a cold shower ‘n thinkin’ ‘bout somethin’ else can fix.”

[ask-chef-teruteru]

Oh shit, the board! I actually work there too! It's been there longer than I've been working there (10/7/2021), but ive never bothered to look up the blog till now! There's actually a second one halfway across campus! It's two different people who wrote both of them, cause ones it a super pretty calligraphy, and the others in print, as you saw. They had to get a ton of replacement staff a while ago, so I have no idea how long it's been there, but it hasn't been erased yet 💪

“Ah— havin’ people stop in this way always makes me feel like I just been told company’s comin’ over with not more’n two second’s notice!”

“I would apologize for the most recent subjects, but… it’s not as though you just happened to stumble in at an odd time. This is ‘bout the gist of how things go. You’re free to stop in often as y’all like, but I understand of this ain’t quite what y’all would’ve… expected? Wanted? when y’all stopped in here.”

[ask-chef-teruteru]

Ashamed to be asking this, but eh. What's the most smashable Minecraft mob to you?

“Hon, we don’t do shame here.”

“Err… Um… That… Bein’ said, I’m ashamed to say I don’t really know all that much ‘bout everything in Minecraft.

Only remember a handful of ‘em. S’pose I could look all of ‘em up, but that feels less authentic somehow.

Unfortunately no good candidates are comin’ to mind, but… I think it’s fairly safe to say bottom o’ the barrel would be the creepers. Nothin’ would put a stop to intimacy quite so fast as a catastrophic explosion if ya get too close.

Skeletons n’ zombies ain’t good choices either though. Wouldn’t know how to smash a skeleton considerin’ skin is kinda a vital component for that, zombies are gross and rotten skin ain’t an improvement to none at all.

Are villagers considered mobs? That wouldn’t be bad. At least I don’t think?

What are the tall fellas with the purple eyes called? People were horny for those for a while, right? Is that the right answer?”

[ask-chef-teruteru]

Man i gotta do NNN every month for a week :(

✨uterus haver problems✨ (I'm so sorry-)

“I… Don’t mean to make light of how bad y’all with uteruses gotta struggle, cause I ain’t fixin’ to downplay how rough that is n’ how it ain’t fair that all y’all’s bodies just up n’ decide to make y’all be in pain for a week or so at a time, but…

Ya really ain’t gotta be chaste just cause it’s that time o’ the month? Granted that if you specifically wanna have a partner n’ they’re squeamish ‘bout blood, there ain’t much y’all can do ‘bout that, but otherwise? Y’all can just lay down a towel n’ take care o’ yourself. Granted I wouldn’t recommend y’all use your finest white towels, maybe spring for red or a dark color, but blood’ll wash out. Hell, if y’all don’t wanna leave any evidence, the shower makes washin’ off easy n’ it’s a private locale. These days there’s a lot o’ toys that’re waterproof too, so nothin’ your shower faucet or your uterus has to offer would hurt it.

You’re probably just kiddin’, n’ that’s fine, just thought I’d mention that it don’t gotta be that way. It’s just a natural bodily process, nothin’ shameful or taboo ‘bout it. Don’t let nobody else tell y’all otherwise, ya hear?”

[ask-chef-teruteru]

Might be TMI, and I do totally agree that some discussion around NNN does give off bad vibes, but I do NNN as a fun edging challenge! Not that I last longer any than a week each year, but *blows raspberry*

It gives me an excuse to give long-term edging/denial a try, since I do enjoy that sort of thing, but without the proper constraints my adhd brain says "instant gratification. NOW" kfkcdkdm

“Not sure such a thing as TMI exists ‘round here. That’s definitely what I was gettin’ at in terms of it bein’ a fun couple’s challenge for sure! Granted that edgin’ can be fun solo too, but havin’ another person to be accountable to n’ lookin’ forward to ups the ante a little, least in my humble opinion.”

“Can’t say I specifically got the same reason to be impatient as you do, but I s’pose a touch of hypersexuality’ll still get the job done same as ADHD will. Still, a week ain’t bad! Well, not if you’re asking me specifically, n’ this ask was directed at me, so I’m gonna pretend y’all asked me that too.

All in all, sounds like you’re doin’ it right by just havin’ fun with it. That’s more important than whether y’all last a month or not.”

[ask-chef-teruteru]

I nut at midnight at the beginning of November as a complete fuck you

“I don’t go so far as to do that, least not plan it out that way, but I think it’s silly to have a whole month where the challenge is to be abstinent. Like, by all means, anybody who wants t’ participate or anybody who ain’t particularly interested in nuttin’ anyhow, power to y’all, but… Rubs me the wrong way s’all. Feels most like society’d love to have it be No Nut January Clear Through December, Unless You’re Married n’ Specifically Try’na Procreate, n’ I don’t care for that.

Special shout out to the couples who participate though n’ absolutely destroy each other every December 1st though, they’re doin’ NNN right.”

[ask-chef-teruteru]

No Nut November is off to a bad start I see

“Bold of y’all to think I bother participatin’ in that.”

[ask-chef-teruteru]

https://archiveofourown.org/works/31882315

https://archiveofourown.org/works/27826780

https://archiveofourown.org/works/50546038

https://archiveofourown.org/works/50474407

https://archiveofourown.org/works/50565892

https://archiveofourown.org/works/44624944

There's more but I ain't got the energy to scroll through all 400 chats and find the better ones. Also Im a shameless slasher fucker ✌️

“I gotta be honest with y’all, darlin’— I was just bein’ facetious when I asked for them links. Didn’t expect you’d actually send ‘em along, so don’t worry your sweet lil’ heart over not lookin’ through all 400 options n’ lovin’ly curatin’ ’em all for me on the spot.

What with us fresh outta October, how much shame does anybody really gotta be if slashers do it for ‘em anyhow?”

[ask-chef-teruteru]

Sorry those bots have been everywhere these days! Best thing to do is just ignore 'em and move on! Anyhow how have you been?

“I’m just surprised it’s gettin’ worse is all. I only make posts about ‘em so people can preemptively block ‘em n’ report ‘em for spam if they want to.”

“Anyhoo, can’t complain too much. Been keepin’ busy busy which can be a lil’ bit of a two-edged sword at times, but so it goes I s’pose.

Hope y’all’re doin’ well too!”

[ask-chef-teruteru]

Ive been sending the sex bots Ao3 links to the spiciest smut I can find. Debating on sending links to The kokobot or whatever it is.

“What are the links, anon? What are they? Pass them along to me. Definitely so I can send ‘em to the bots n’ for no other reason at all.”