ask-lyra-and-octavia-blog - Tumblr blog

[ask-lyra-and-octavia-blog]

Lyra: WHAT!?

Lyrica: What the heck makes you think I'm pregnant?

Lyra: I should have known you would go and do something like this! You have no self control!

Lyrica: What do you mean I have no self control? I have to live with you!

Lyra: You just couldn't keep away from that bad boy in school, could you? He was bad news, and you knew it!

Lyrica: At least he makes me feel special! All I hear from you is "Why can't you be more like your cousin?"

Octavia: Oh Celestia, not this again...

Lyra: Your cousin wouldn't have gone and done something stupid like this!

Lyrica: Well I'm sorry to disappoint you, but I'm not my cousin!

Lyra: This is going to ruin your career! No one's gonna accept a single mom in her early twenties into their medical program!

Lyrica: Good! I don't want to go to college and become a doctor! I never did!

Lyra: Well why don't you just shove a stake in my heart while you're at it!?

Lyrica: Why can't you just accept me for who I am!? I want to make and sell model ships!

Lyra: THERE'S NO FUTURE IN IT!

Lyrica: I don't care! It's what I want to do!

Lyra: I can't deal with this...Octavia, talk some sense into your daughter.

Octavia: No. You are not going to include me in this farce.

Lyrica: You're just saying that because you're not my real mom!

Octavia: I'm serious. I will not take part in this.

Lyra: Yeah! If you want to go get knocked up like some immoral hussy, we want no part in it!

Lyrica: Good! I don't want you near the baby anyway!

Octavia: Would you both please stop acting like morons?

Lyra: Look at what you're doing! Tavi and I never fought before you came along!

Octavia: That could not be further from the truth...

Lyra: You're tearing this family apart!

Lyrica: This family was doomed before I got here! You should hear some of the things Octy says behind your back!

Lyra: *gasp* Is this true, dear?

Octavia: You aren't going to let me escape this, are you?

Lyrica: Yeah! You tell her Octy!

Octavia: I'm getting out of here. Call me when you both have stopped goofing off.

Lyra: Octavia...are you leaving me?

Octavia: Yes.

*slam*

Lyra: ...that was the best fight we've done yet!

Lyrica: Yeah it was! We deserve an award for that one!

[ask-lyra-and-octavia-blog]

Toilet Humor Ahoy!

*Lyra and Lyrica snickering*

Octavia: Well...

Lyra: *giggles* No, anon. I don't miss having to poo...

Lyrica: Let me just say...*giggles* tha-that it isn't w-what it's cracked up to be...

Octavia: Well I for one am completely. and utterly. Disgusted with you, anonymous. To even consider sending this crude...vulgar...barbaric...GARBAGE to our inbox demonstrates the kind of irresponsible, uncivilized cretin you are! The sheer nerve of implying such a thing!

Lyra: Don...don't get mad Tavi. It was just an honest question.

Octavia: And you two! Exacerbating this filth! You should be ashamed of yourselves!

Lyrica: Y-you gotta admit, Octy. It kinda makes a little bit of sense.

Octavia: HOW?! How does my bowel irregularity have any relation to my attitude?

Lyra: PFFFT!! Are you admitting to it?

Octavia: What? No!

Lyrica: Are you sure? It explains a lot!

Octavia: My diet is in balance! And it is none of your business in the first place!

Lyra: I'm not buying it. You look a bit disgruntled right now. Are you-

Octavia: I AM NOT CONSTIPATED!!

Lyra: .......

Lyrica: ......

Octavia: ........I-

*Lyra and Lyrica burst into laughter*

Lyra: She said it!

Octavia: ...Fillies and gentlecolts...the highbrow, intelligent brand of entertainment you have come to expect from this blog...

[ask-lyra-and-octavia-blog]

Lyrica: Oh you hear that, Lyra? This body's mine now!

Lyra: No it isn't!

Lyrica: I don't see your name on it.

Lyra: Oh yeah?! Check under your left back hoof.

Lyrica: Wait, really?.....You cunning little-

Lyra: And according to her, you're not even a year old! Maybe I should put you in diapers and feed you foal formula!

Lyrica: *gasp* You wouldn't!

Lyra: You bet I would! MwahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!!1

Lyrica: Well she also says you're the father! That means you'll have to clean up my various messes!

Lyra: What? No! I'm allergic to manual labor!

Lyrica: Maybe I should start making one right now to give you some practice!

Octavia: I'd hate to interrupt such an incredible display of wit, but I would just like to make clear that I don't appreciate my bathtub being spontaneously filled with Ice cream. As much as I appreciate the gesture, I don't eat much ice cream, if any at all, and now I need to clean it out for my evening soak.

Lyrica: You take baths in the evening, Octy?

Octavia: Indeed I do. I've found that a nice, quiet soak before retiring for the night helps to reduce stress. Without it I wouldn't be half as chipper and upbeat as I am.

Lyrica: You're joking, right? Because if so, I wouldn't want to be around when you don't have one.

Octavia: Yes, that was a joke. You may laugh now.

Lyra: Wait, you have a tub full of ice cream...THAT YOU AREN'T EATING?

Octavia: Yes. If you would like some, help-

*SLAM!*

Octavia: -yourself...

Lyrica: Octy, you seem a little...happier today...?

Octavia: I suppose you could say that.

Lyrica: Any particular reason why?

Lyra: OH CELESTIA NO! IT'S BLACK LICORICE FLAVORED!

Octavia: Oh, I don't know, Lyrica...

Lyra: AH! IT GOT IN MY JAR FLUID! IT'S EVERYWHERE!

Octavia: I suppose it's just been that kind of day.

Lyrica: Yikes...

Lyra: AAAAAGH! BRAIN FREEZE! SOMEPONY CALL AN AMBULANCE!

[ask-lyra-and-octavia-blog]

Lyra: Oh you like that, huh? Well check this out! BAM!

Lyrica: Woo! Take it off Lyra! Take it all off!

Octavia: It is all off! Everything is off! There is literally nothing left for her to take off!

Lyra: Right...I need to put something on before I  can take it off. 

Lyrica: Oh wait! I've got just the thing!

Octavia: You know they can't actually see you, right?

Lyra: Well they can just imagine it then! Plus it's more about the principle of the thing.

Octavia: Which is?

Lyra: I'm HOT and know how to ROCK IT!

Lyrica: Here it is! I got this soda drinking hat last week.

Lyra: That'll work. Hand it over!

Octavia: Why did you get such a thing, exactly?

Lyrica: Because I like to have soda conveniently available wherever I go. It's helpful for when Lyra makes me buy her stuff.

Lyra: What? You can't wear this when you're out in public! I've got a reputation to uphold!

Octavia: You don't have a reputation to uphold. Not a positive one at any rate.

Lyra: Tavi we just went over this. HOT! and ROCK IT! Remember?

Octavia: Let me assure you that nopony thought those things about you.

Lyra: Well then Lyrica needs to pick up the slack!

Lyrica: What?

Lyra: Take a mental note! Ponies need to think that I'm HOT! and can ROCK IT! Got that?

Lyrica: HOT ROCKET! Got it!

Lyra: Okay! The hat's on! Now...BAM!

Lyrica: Woo! Take it off Lyra! Take it all off!

Lyra: Aw yeah!

Octavia: I need to get new friends.....

[ask-lyra-and-octavia-blog]

Lyra: Nah. I usually just do that illusion spell thingy to make me look like my old self.

Octavia: Did we ever figure out how that worked?

Lyra: Nope! But Brainy sent us this a while ago.

Lyra: So I downloaded it into my jar.

Lyrica: I downloaded it actually...

Lyra: Same difference. Anyway, this thing is a freaking computer! Is that cool or what?

Octavia: Having a computer above the technological advancements of our world encasing your brain? All that does is scare me.

Lyrica: Y'know Octy, I'm technically a computer too. Does that make me scary?

Octavia: Right...I keep forgetting that. Maybe it would if you looked more like one.

Lyrica: ...I'll choose to take that as a compliment.

Octavia: You do that. But what Lyra just said leaves me with a question.

Lyra: The answer is yes, it has video games on it.

Octavia: That wasn't what I was going to ask! Although that simply raises more questions...Regardless, if you are so proud of your decision to look this way, why are you going so far out of your way to hide it?

Lyra: Ah, well...you see...

Octavia: Could it be that you're ashamed of how you look and don't want other ponies in town to know?

Lyra: What? No...

Octavia: Could it be that you regret your decision? Because there isn't anything saying that you can't go back.

Lyra: Pfft! Why would I do something like that? Being a brain in a jar is the best decision I've ever made! Ever!.......Heh...

Lyrica: Octy, give her a break. You know full well that she could suffer serious repercussions for making such a 'radical' decision. I'm sure she'll have the confidence to go out without the illusion spell in time.

Octavia: ...For an AI that controls Lyra's body, you are certainly more sensible than she is.

Lyrica: I'll definitely take that as a compliment!

Octavia: Good. It was meant to be one.

Lyra: Well I take it as an insult!

Octavia: Good. It was meant to be one.

[ask-lyra-and-octavia-blog]

Lyrica: Wait...What?!

Octavia: I don't think Lyrica is in danger of being sent to prison...unless there is some legal principle concerning artificial intelligence I am not aware of.

Lyra: I'm on the case!

Octavia: Not this again...

Lyra: I request a cross-examination with the defendant!

Octavia: There is no legal force to request permission from!

Lyra: Then maybe I should go get Vinyl and we-

Octavia: Request granted!

Lyra: Ok, Ms. Lyrica...can I call you Lyrica?

Lyrica: You gave me that name in the first place...

Lyra: Good! Now I have a couple questions for you, starting with where did you get that body?

Lyrica: You also gave it to me.

Lyra: Can you prove that...with evidence!

Lyrica: It's got your face on it!

Lyra: ...I guess that'll have to do for now. Next question! Do you have the urge to terminate anypony?

Lyrica: No.

Lyra: Lies! All robots do!

Octavia: This is going nowhere fast.

Lyrica: I'm innocent I tell you! I wouldn't hurt a fly!

Octavia: And it somehow managed to pick up speed.

Lyra: Spare me! I saw you hurt that fly last week!

Lyrica: Okay fine! I would hurt a fly! But he had it coming! Always buzzing around like he owns the place!

Lyra: So you admit it! She's guilty, your honor! GUILTY!

Lyrica: And I would do it again too!

Octavia: Well you two have successfully wasted everypony's time. Now do you know if there are any laws against the existence of artificial intelligence?

Lyra: ...the what, now?

Octavia: Ugh....

Vinyl: According to Sparkle v. Mirror Pool, artificial life is legal so long as their existence does not cause harm to others directly or indirectly and their creator has consented to their existence.

Octavia: Why are you always showing up in convenient circumstances?!

Vinyl: I already told you Octy. I know when I'm needed!

Octavia: Well I need you to not be needed!

Lyra: It's like she's a whack-a-mole...VINYL SIGN MY HAMMER!

Lyrica: How did you know about that case anyway?

Octavia: Please don't tell me you were-

Vinyl: -the judge? Nah, I was on the jury.

Lyrica: Wait...so I won't be sent to prison...as long as Lyra wants me here?

Lyra: That's right! So you better be nice to me.

Lyrica: I am nice to you!

Lyra: Nicer than that!

[ask-lyra-and-octavia-blog]

Lyra: Give it to me straight, doctor! What's gonna happen to her?

Doctor: Well I don't know what you expect me to say... I've never seen anything like this before. How did you say this happened?

Lyra: We were at Sugarcube Corner and Tavi was just eating a couple of dozen donuts like she always does.

Octavia: Don't listen to her! I was dragged there and force fed that garbage!

Lyra: Is that what happened? My memory's kinda fuzzy...

Octavia: Regardless, while I was there I just started...sneezing uncontrollably!

Lyra: Then it just came out! Through her nose!

Doctor: Seriously?

Lyra: Yes!

Doctor: That is physically impossible. A brain coming out through a nasal cavity not even a centimeter in length...? How do you expect me to believe that?

Lyra: But it's what happened! Honest!

Octavia: As ludicrous as it sounds, that is what happened. You can clearly see that...it's still attached...somehow.

Doctor: And yet here you are! Sitting in my office, moving and talking like you have nothing more than a head cold!

Octavia: Look, I know it's hard to believe, but I'm sure there is a rational explanation for what's going on. It's not like this is the weirdest thing that has happened as of late.

Doctor: ...You're saying that you've seen weirder things.

Octavia: Well...yes...

Doctor: Such as?

Lyra: ...

Octavia: Hypothetically...it is possible for an infinite number of universes to exist through an online medium...and for one of those universes to have a pony that could put your brain in a jar...and still keep you alive somehow...and I'm going to stop talking.

Doctor: ...No.

Lyra: 'No'?

Doctor: No. I'm not falling for this.

Octavia: Wh-what do you mean by that?

Doctor: I know what day this is! You two think you can waste my time with this poorly thought out prank of yours? Well I'm not having it! This brain stem coming out of your nose is probably just some styrofoam you found around your house.

Octavia: Wait! Stop!

Lyra: Don't pull on that!

Doctor: Really? What's...going to...happen!

*pop*

Octavia: ...

Doctor: Um...

Lyra: What did you do that for!?

Octavia: ...

Doctor: This...is an actual brain...

Lyra: That's what we've been saying!

Doctor: I didn't think it was real! Oh Celestia, what have I done?

Lyra: Don't just stand there! Put it back in! PUT IT BACK IN!

Octavia: ...

[ask-lyra-and-octavia-blog]

Lyrica: Yeah, I'm the AI that controls Lyra's body...was that not clear?

Lyra: I did say that, didn't I?

Octavia: Maybe it would be more obvious if this blog had visuals.

Lyrica: Yeah! All the popular blogs have pictures to go with their responses!

Lyra: Do you have any idea how much it would cost to have all of our responses drawn up? I'm not made of money, you know!

Lyrica: You don't have to commission all the pictures. Have you thought of drawing them yourself?

Lyra: I have, but my artistic talent is not meant to be seen by mortal eyes! If you took even a small glance upon my genius, your brain will melt!

Octavia: I'll believe that when I see it...

Lyra: That's the point! You'll never see it!

Lyrica: How about you Octy?

Octavia: I'm not devoting any more time to this thing than I have to.

Lyrica: You aren't very enthusiastic for this blog, are you?

Octavia: I consider it as having my priorities in order.

Lyrica: Alright, that just means we need to state our predicaments clearly and frequently.

Lyra: I'M A BRAIN IN A JAR!

Lyrica: I think everypony got that one!

Lyra: I POURED SOME RANCH DRESSING IN THIS JAR LAST WEEK! IT WAS AWFUL!

Octavia: That isn't relevant!

Lyrica: *giggles* It's pretty funny though.

Octavia: Okay, how about I AM CURRENTLY ANNOYED!

Lyrica: Yeah, but when are you not annoyed, Octy?

Lyra: She's got a point.

Octavia: ...

Lyra: OCTAVIA IS CURRENTLY STARING DAGGERS AT US! IF YOU DON'T HEAR FROM US IN A WHILE, ASSUME WE ARE DEAD!

[ask-lyra-and-octavia-blog]

Lyrica: We played spin the bottle.

Lyra: We had a great time!

Lyrica: For the first few seconds. Then we realized you were basically playing spin the bottle with yourself... It was awkward for both of us.

Lyra: Loving yourself is the first step to happiness!

Lyrica: Okay fine! It was just awkward for me then! Seven minutes in a closet with a brain in a jar is kinda...creepy.

Lyra: WHY WON'T YOU LET ME LOVE YOU?!

Lyrica: If you loved me, you would buy me some real cereal with marshmallows in them! I can't stand that crappy bran stuff!

Lyra: Sorry, Lyrica, but you've been a little pudgy lately. You need to go on a diet.

Lyrica: Your body was like this before I got here! Why should I have to go on a diet for something you did?!

Lyra: *scoff* Young lady! I give you a home and feed you, and this is how you repay me?!

Lyrica: I want an allowance so I can buy my own food! Twilight lets her body-controlling AI have an allowance!

Lyra: And if Twilight's body jumped off a cliff, would you do it?

Lyrica: Yes! If it was to get away from you!

Lyra: *gasp!*

Lyrica: YOU DON'T KNOW ME! YOU'RE NOT MY REAL MOM!

Lyra: *gasp!!*

Lyrica: I HATE YOU! I WISH I WAS NEVER BORN!

Lyra: *GASP!!!* *faints*

Lyrica: ........

Lyra: .......

Lyrica: Seriously, though, can we talk about the food situation?

Lyra: Yeah, sure.

Lyrica: Woo!

[ask-lyra-and-octavia-blog]

It's That Time of Year Again!

Lyra: Happy Hearts 'n Hooves Day everypony!

Octavia: Yes, Happy Hearts and Hooves Day! May you find true love this day and drown in it!

Lyra: Jeez Tavi! That was really passive aggressive.

Lyrica: Passive aggressive? That was aggressive aggressive! What's got you in a bad mood?

Octavia: I never liked this day! Nothing but a superficial marketing ploy to sell candy! And in the name of what? True love?! Ha!! Today is an exploitative and greed-ridden farce dressed as a day of affection and kindness!

Lyra: Oh, well-

Octavia: I-i-it spits in the name of love! A-and for those who have no special somepony, this is a day of ridicule and shame! Today is nothing but rubbish!

Lyra: Okay Tavi...

Octavia: A wolf in sheep's clothing this day is!

Lyrica: Okay Octy!

Octavia: Moronic, stupid, dumb-!

Lyra & Lyrica: WE GET IT!!

Octavia: Oh...all right then.

............

Lyrica: That was weird.

Lyra: I've never heard it called 'a day of ridicule and shame' before.

Octavia: Well it is! I can't stand Hearts and Hooves Day.

Lyrica: You were quite clear about that.

Lyra: ...I think I know what this is about. Tavi doesn't have a special somepony this year!

Lyrica: She doesn't?

Octavia: That has nothing to do with it! The fact that...another year has gone by, and I'm a step closer to never finding that pony who I could spend the rest of my life with...*cough* HAS no sway on my thoughts about this!

Lyrica: Wow...

Lyra: That's a pretty serious case of love sickness.

Octavia: I am not lovesick! I assure you I am perfectly fine!

Lyrica: I thought you and Vinyl had a thing going on.

Octavia: Wh...What?! What gave you that idea?

Lyrica: Well I've seen her flirt with you a couple times.

Octavia: ...I don't recall.

Lyrica: Do you remember what she said last Tuesday?

Octavia: No.

Lyra: She was totally hitting on you! She said "Get ready for Friday, cause it's gonna be a day you won't forget!"

Lyrica: That sounds like more than just hitting on you, Octy...like a lot more.

Octavia: I have no recollection of such an event. You two are probably having simultaneous hallucinations.

Lyrica: Wait...is that why the door is barricaded?

Lyra: You know, I was wondering about that myself.

Lyrica: ...Octy?

Octavia: ............... It's because ....... there were reports of zombie sightings on the news......yes.

Lyrica: ....what?

Lyra: WHAT?! There are perfectly good zombies out there?! What the heck are we doing here?!

Lyrica: Given how you look, Lyra, I wouldn't be so enthusiastic about a zombie invasion.

Lyra: Shut up! Here I come, forces of the undead!

*CRASH*

Octavia: Lyra stop!

Lyra: NEVER!

Lyrica: ...are there really zombies out there Octy?

Octavia: No...something worse...

*CRASH*

Lyra: I'M COMING ZOMBIES!

Vinyl: Zombies? Minty, I think you've been watching too many-... and she's gone.

Lyrica: She's gonna be so disappointed...

Vinyl: Yep...Anyway, you ready for our date, Octy?

Octavia: What made you think I accepted that invitation? I told you I wanted nothing to do with you today, and I made a show of slamming the door in your face as I left the room.

Vinyl: Yeah but I know you didn't mean it.

Octavia: *sigh* Well I don't know what you expect. The answer is still no.

Vinyl: You sure about that? I've got reservations at the Auge Fantaisie.

Octavia: Yes I'm su-.... the...the Auge Fantaisie...?

Lyrica: The what now?

Octavia: It's the most prestigious restaurant in Equestria... Ponies wait their entire lives to enter the waiting area.

Vinyl: That might be a stretch, but yeah, it's hard to get in there.

Octavia: But how?

Vinyl: I know a guy...who knows a guy....who is the brother of this other guy who knows a guy who is the head coach of the hoofball team of the filly whose father owns the restaurant.

Lyrica: Wow...

Vinyl: Yeah I got connections...so whaddya say Octy?

Octavia: .........

Lyrica: ...

Vinyl: ...

*...........*

Lyra: There weren't any zombies outside...

Octavia: ...fine. I'll go with you.

Vinyl: Sweet! The limo should be here in 10 minutes.

Octavia: You rented a limousine...without knowing if I was actually going?!

Vinyl: I like to think I know you pretty well.

Octavia: ...I hate you sometimes.

Vinyl: Works for me!

Lyra: Wait, what did I miss?

Lyrica: Romance at its finest, Lyra. Romance at its finest...

[ask-lyra-and-octavia-blog]

Octavia: Terrible.

Lyrica: Didn't you tell me yesterday that not much has changed?

Octavia: Exactly...terrible.

Lyra: Tavi, that hurts my feelings...

Octavia: When your feelings evolve beyond that of a five year old, I will oblige them.

Lyrica: Octy, can't you say something positive?

Octavia: ...

Lyrica: Seriously? Nothing?

Lyra: *whispers* I think she struggles with this kind of stuff.

Lyrica: That's rather obvious...

Octavia: Lyra's situation...is beneficial...in that...she no longer needs my help to do taxes. There.

Lyrica: You appreciate that Lyra's jar gives her the focus to do her taxes...

Octavia: Indeed.

Lyrica: ...

Lyra: I know what a deductible is!

[ask-lyra-and-octavia-blog]

Lyra: BAM!

Octavia: I see you've learned how to do that properly.

Lyra: Yep! Been practicing in my spare time!

Octavia: And that highly technological brain case has nothing to do with it?

Lyra: Nope! It's all me!

Lyrica: Actually, the jar does have additional functionality to increase mental processes and-

Lyra: It's all me!

Lyrica: But you can't forego the fact that-

Lyra: IT'S! ALL! ME!

Lyrica: Okay! It's all you! Jeez...

Octavia: How very nice of you, Lyra, to shout at the pony that takes care of your body.

Lyra: Hmph!

Lyrica: Wait, what was that thing you did? With the underlining?

Octavia: It is called a hyperlink. It takes the viewer to something on the internet you want them to see.

Lyra: Like so!

Lyrica: ...How do you do that?

Octavia: It's rather simple. Just do this.

Lyrica: Wait...let me see that again. I don't get it.

Lyra: Like this!

Lyrica: So...like this?

Octavia: ...I don't think you did it correctly. Watch me carefully. Like this.

Lyrica: Oh, so like this?

Octavia: Uh...no.

Lyra: It's like THIS! It's not hard!

Lyrica: ...I'll just stick with telling them what to look for, if that's alright.

[ask-lyra-and-octavia-blog]

Lyra: Send us everything! Send us a picture of your grandma on your mother's side operating a machine gun!

Octavia: ...Please don't send us that. Or anything obscene for that matter.

Lyra: Tavi, you are the queen of no fun.

Octavia: I'm no fun because I don't want this blog and our names to be covered in garbage? You should check your definition of "fun" if that is the case.

Lyra: Fun: something that provides mirth or amusement; enjoyment or playfulness; the opposite of anything Octavia says...I think I've covered all my bases.

Octavia: ...Humor: a comic, absurd, or incongruous quality causing amusement; something Lyra is unable to achieve

Lyra: That's low, Tavi.

[ask-lyra-and-octavia-blog]

Octavia: No, that did not happen. Although I'm not sure if that is much worse than what actually occurred.

Lyra: Aw, I thought you were enjoying yourself there.

Octavia: Perhaps if food wasn't literally being shoved down my throat, I would have enjoyed the experience more!

Lyra: We had to! Taste buds like that require immediate and relentless reconditioning.

Octavia: Well, considering that I grew ill soon after, I've begun to develop a distaste for everything you force-fed me! If anything, you accomplished the opposite of what you wanted.

Lyra: Aw nuts! We got all that food for nothing!

Octavia: No, not nothing. I think eating all of that junk food has caused me to gain a few pounds...Something else I can blame you for.

Lyra: Put it on my tab!

Octavia: How can a pony be as irresponsible as you?

Lyra: Hard work and determination! But anyway... can that really happen? You sneeze really hard one day and BAM! You're brain just spills out over the floor?

Octavia: I highly doubt it. Very, very highly...

Lyra: So there's still a chance...

Octavia: Not really, no.

Lyra: "Not really" huh? Me thinks we should test this theory of yours.

Octavia: And how do you propose to do that?

Lyrica: Way ahead of you guys! I took a sec to grab some pepper from the kitchen. Let's see what Octy's brain looks like.

Octavia: What?! Why does it have to be my brain?

Lyra: Because the anon said your brain specifically. Experiments need to be performed in the most specific and controlled circumstances.

Lyrica: Also, I don't have a brain and Lyra's is currently in a jar without nostrils.

Octavia: Regardless, I will not participate in more of your moronic, pandering antics! I refuse!

Lyra: Oh...I understand. I guess this question will just go unanswered forever. The uncertainty of the situation will just drive me mad, endlessly taunting me with it's unanswered-

Lyrica: Think fast, Octy!

Octavia: Would you stop calling me- Ah!

Lyra: Direct hit!

Octavia: You two are- ACHOO! - so completely - ACHOO! - inconsiderate! I'm partially inclined to -ACHOO!- give you a piece of my mind! -ACHOOOOO!-

Lyra: That's what we're counting on!

*Octavia continues sneezing violently for several seconds*

Lyra: ...This isn't as cool as I thought it would be.

Lyrica: Yeah...experiments are boring.

Lyra: Wait! Is that part of her brain there?

Lyrica: No, I think that's mucus.

Lyra: Oh... Welp, the experiment was a failure.

Lyrica: How disappointing.

[ask-lyra-and-octavia-blog]

Octavia: There must be some way to keep ponies from sending us these things...

Lyra: Oh don't be such a killjoy. What's wrong with having ponies send us stuff? That's why we have a submit button in the first place, right?

Octavia: For virtual objects, yes, but not physical ones! Do you realize the security risk we run by tolerating this behavior?

Lyra: Stop worrying! Nopony's gonna hurt us.

Octavia: What makes you so sure of that?

Lyra: Because we're too awesome! Also this baby has a rocket launcher attachment! Nopony would dare challenge me!

Lyrica: I don't think Twilight would add that to the specifications of your jar.

Lyra: Sure she would! I specifically told her "Rockets! A crap ton of them!" and she said "No way!", but her eyes were screaming "Great idea, Lyra! You're a genius!"

Octavia: ...Regardless, I would feel more comfortable if we took some precautionary measures.

Lyra: Oh fine!

Lyrica: ...When did this cabbage get here?

Octavia: Read the question again.

Lyrica: Oh! Wait, so this thing's supposed to taste like our favorite food?

Octavia: Supposed to being the key phrase. I honestly don't trust it. Who is to say it isn't poisonous?

Lyra: But Tavi! It was a gift!

Octavia: From a cruel tyrant trapped in cyberspace, if you recall.

Lyrica: We can just test it.

Octavia: How?

Lyra: My scanner! I can taste it without actually eating it.

Octavia: That's...not a bad idea.

Lyra: Alright, commencing taste test!

Octavia: ...Well?

Lyra: It...tastes...like...amazing! Just like chocolate mouse upside down cake!

Lyrica: Holy nuts, that sounds good! Let me try it!

*chomp*

Lyra: Amazing, right?

Lyrica: It tastes like orange taffy...incredible.

Lyra: Tavi, you gotta try this stuff!

Octavia: That's fine...I had a large breakfast this morning.

Lyrica: Just a little bit, Octy. It's amazing!

Octavia: ...alright, just a bit.

*just a bit*

Octavia: ...That is amazing!

Lyra: What does it taste like?

Octavia: Like my favorite food, as we were told.

Lyrica: Which is...

Octavia: Are you asking me what my favorite food is?

Lyrica: Maybe.

Octavia: I would prefer not to say...

Lyra: Oh c'mon. How can your favorite food be embarrasing?

Octavia: It tastes like...black licorice.

..........................

Lyra & Lyrica: WHAT?!?!?

Octavia: I knew you would react like this.

Lyrica: That's...impossible! Right? Nopony could have taste buds so...so vile!

Lyra: There's only one way to fix this! We need to take you to the bakery! Now!

Octavia: That is not necessary, and as I said before, I had a big- Hey! Let go of me!

*SLAM!*

[ask-lyra-and-octavia-blog]

Lyra: I don't think it would be a good idea to put permanent marker on my freaking brain!

Octavia: Not to mention it would probably wash off in that fluid after a while.

Lyrica: Any particular reason why you're so obsessed with Vinyl?

Lyra: Have you ever heard her music?

Lyrica: Considering I'm a few days old...no.

Octavia: It's horrid.

Lyra: It's amazing!

Octavia: It's static wrapped in an alarm clock accompanied by a pounding hammer.

Lyra: It gets inside your head and makes you wanna move like nopony's business!

Octavia: It makes you want to retreat to the nearest bomb shelter...

Lyra: I can't help but dance when I hear her rad beats!

Lyrica: Rad beats? Is that some kind of hybrid vegetable she made?

Octavia: ...Speaking of dancing, Lyra, any idea how you are going to do that in your...current condition?

Lyra: Magic probably.

Lyrica: Actually, Twilight did mention that she added enough magical power to your jar to let you cast an illusion spell, so you can look like your old body. You can probably do more dance moves now than you could before.

Lyra: For real? Awesome! How do I do that?

Lyrica: I...don't know.

Octavia: How is it that you only know some aspects of Lyra's jar? First the tasting scanner and now this.

Lyrica: When she was talking to us about the jar's features, I kinda stopped paying attention after a while...

Lyra: Yeah, me too! It felt like she was gonna go on forever!

Lyrica: I know, right? All that crap about the Arcane Principle of Illusion and Starswirl's Uncertainty Theorem. It made my head hurt, and that's not supposed to be possible.

Octavia: So Brainy told both of you about Lyra's jar, including how to operate and maintain it, and neither of you payed attention?

Lyra & Lyrica: Nope!

Octavia: ...If your negligence does not result in some sort of explosion, I will be both surprised and mildly disappointed.

Lyra: Me too. This thing better be able to blow up on command.

[ask-lyra-and-octavia-blog]

Octavia: Not this again... Although I appreciate the sentiment, would you all please refrain from making things appear near us? The lack of respect for my personal space is really unnerving!

Lyra: I like unnerving! It tastes like grape soda!

Octavia: Stop trying to eat me and eat this stuff instead!

Lyra: What is it?

Octavia: Muffins, apparently.

Lyra: Awesome!

*crunch*

Octavia: ...

Lyra: This stuff tastes like crap! Why'd you tell me it tasted like a muffin?

Octavia: That's because you aren't meant to taste the bag! Take the powder inside, and place it in that jar fluid.

Lyra: Like fish food?

Octavia: Some loose parallel to that, yes...

Lyra: Okay!

*muffin essence deposition engaged*

Octavia: ......Well?

Lyra: Tastes like a muffin!

Octavia: ...That's it? It just 'tastes like a muffin'?

Lyra: What do you want me to say? A muffin is just a muffin.

Octavia: If Derpy were here, I'm sure that comment would leave her seething.

Lyrica: I'm back! You guys are out of apples, so we'll have to make due with this eggplant.

Octavia: No need...we found something while you were gone.

Lyrica: Oh...

Octavia: B-but thank you for your effort regardless!

Lyrica: No problem! I also found another pony snooping around the kitchen. Is she a friend of yours?

Vinyl: Hey Octy, is Minty sick or something? We were in the same room for like 5 minutes and she didn't ask me for an autograph.

Octavia: ...I suppose that means you two haven't been introduced. Lyrica, this is Vinyl Scratch. Vinyl, this is Lyrica.

Lyrica: Hi there! So you're Vinyl, huh?

Vinyl: ...Minty, if you're gonna change your name, you should probably change it to something that doesn't resemble your old name so much.

Lyrica: ...Who's Minty?

Lyra: I am! Autograph my jar, Vinyl!

Vinyl: .......I'm too tired to deal with this.

*SLAM!*

Octavia: ...

Lyrica: She seems nice.