astercontrol

[astercontrol]

Okay so idc where you're from irl, here on Tumblr we are all denizens of The Internet and some of us are hella crafty with the simmering spirit of a revolutionary buried deep beneath layers of well-knit sweaters.

Watch this video and spread it around, if you spin, try and remind the modern world what a spindle looks like and do it in public as much as possible.

Have conversations. Join a local guild and try to organize a stronger push for public flash mob style spin-ins.

Occupy space.

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The bulge is to distract you in combat dipshit

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Okay I love this

Also

I'm pretty much only capable of having two or three songs in my head every six months or so

And you just triggered one of them, dammit

...

M'aidez

We're broke af and downsized

M'aidez

My labor's all I sell

M'aidez

I'm just a thing that works for you

Help me get away from this hell

I wanna picket like a criminal

I wanna change this from the inside

I wanna strike until we get it all

Your whole ex-business was flawed

You

Made us

Close down this job

...

Happy first day of May!

As a child I was only taught about 1 meaning of this day-- it's the day when you traditionally leave baskets of flowers on the doorsteps of your friends and neighbors.

(When I ended up living in a queer nerdy poly commune-ish household in Los Angeles, my roommates were not familiar with the tradition... they stressed the importance of the "workers' rights" meaning of the day, and all agreed that "the rich neighbor's money" would be a better thing to distribute in those baskets.)

I am not sure where the third meaning of Mayday ("aircraft in distress") fits into all this but probably the workers at Boeing would have something to say about it.

[astercontrol]

Happy first day of May!

As a child I was only taught about 1 meaning of this day-- it's the day when you traditionally leave baskets of flowers on the doorsteps of your friends and neighbors.

(When I ended up living in a queer nerdy poly commune-ish household in Los Angeles, my roommates were not familiar with the tradition... they stressed the importance of the "workers' rights" meaning of the day, and all agreed that "the rich neighbor's money" would be a better thing to distribute in those baskets.)

I am not sure where the third meaning of Mayday ("aircraft in distress") fits into all this but probably the workers at Boeing would have something to say about it.

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Greetings programs and fellow conscripts. Finished it! still don’t think it’s very good… well anyway.

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putting disclaimers on all my Ram smut so you know i don't agree with insurance companies

having sex with an offshore oil rig but shaking my head the entire time so everyone knows i dont agree with fossil fuel usage or the oil industry

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WTF lmao

...ok but.

I would spend my last few months seducing multiple strangers-- having several messy, torrid overlapping flings, in which I give each one the false impression that I have considerable savings in the bank, and that I would consider leaving it to them if I die. The goal is maximum drama when they all show up at my funeral expecting money.

To achieve this perfectly soap-optimized balance, it is important to choose all partners and trysts wisely-- exactly when things start and end with each one; which ones are aware of the others, and when they find out; which ones believe themselves to have been my main relationship and the others to be my side-pieces, etc. The exact sequence and timing are crucial to maximizing that final chaos.

This is, of course, what's meant by "getting my affairs in order."

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when i see all those posts with Justin Timberlake's ramen hair "and it's gonna be may" talking about how you only have one day left to reblog it, and i look at the calendar and see yep, sure enough it's april 30.... I kinda do almost feel like reblogging it sometimes, because like, only less than 1 day left?

But then i realize the only reason I'd care about seizing that chance is so I could add "Just-in-time-berlake!" and that's a pun I can keep confined to my own posts and don't really have to inflict on any other OPs

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"Vacate entry port, program"

"if this is about those parking tickets I can explain!"

"... parking tickets?"

"yeah, I, um, have been doing a little hacking, as a matter of fact. But that was in the DMV servers, and I was just trying to help out some of my friends and customers--"

"What are you talking about"

"it's just, I run a coin arcade, okay? ...And parking spaces aren't easy to come by in LA... And people keep not putting any change in the meters because they need it for the games"

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"WHAT are you doing in my room?"

"I live here!"

"No you don't! I live here! MY name is on the… deed? lease? Shared leased ownership, I guess. Point is… right now, this place is MINE."

"We must be leasing from different owners, then. Because… right here, this time is MINE."

"Who are you anyway? And what do you mean 'right here, this time'…"

"I'm a time traveler! And MY name is on shared leased ownership to this specific week of history!"

"Well, this is a pretty cool week of history in OTHER places! Do you have to spend it in my house?"

"Yes, actually! The terms of the ownership agreement say that I can only access this time within the constraints of these specific 1000 square feet of the planet Earth. Which just happens to be in this house."

"Sucks to be you. Hey, it sucks to be me too, though! MY agreement says I can only access this house for one week of the year. And believe me, it's never a convenient week."

"Same here. This house sure as heck is never a convenient PLACE for me to access my week of time."

"Why do you do it, then?"

"Otherwise I'd be paying for nothing at all. And this isn't exactly an easy contract to get out of."

"Oh, man, I feel you. Mine either. And I got coerced into it by some of the most aggressively unethical salesmen on the planet!"

"Oh, me TOO. I guess we're in the same boat, aren't we. Trapped in this one awful week in this one awful house."

"Wait. My arrangement is called a 'time-share.' Is… Is yours called a…"

"A space-share, yeah. And it seems to be the worst thing in every dimension."

"Landlords suck everywhere, don't they."

"Timelords. But yeah."

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do you think the Vazquez Rocks location hated all those years of being typecast as an alien planet?

do you think it found the change of pace in Star Trek: Picard to be refreshing?

or do you think it felt only despair, a sense that "cast to play oneself, as a sort of fanservice" is the final stage in an aging typecast actor's slow fade into irrelevance

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I have never actually heard anyone say "sex is what makes us human," which I'm grateful for because it is one of the most ridiculously obviously wrong statements you can say (sexual reproduction is so widespread throughout life on earth that it's not even confined to the friggin animal kingdom).

BUT I have heard people say that "having sex for pleasure" is uniquely human. Or that there's some vanishingly small number of other species that share this behavior with us.

Which is... very nearly as obviously wrong.

Because even if you disregard the animals that have clearly non-procreative sexual acts (with the same sex, with different species, with things that aren't even alive)... Even if you claim that all those animals were trying to reproduce and just "got confused" or something...

...that implies that they were trying? That they had intentions? That they consciously planned ahead to have sex with the goal of making babies??

really? You think squirrels are tracking their ovulation cycles trying for pregnancy? You think a friggin bedbug approaches his mate and stabs her to inject sperm into her abdominal cavity and his whole motivation is "this is gonna generate so many bedbug eggs, this bed's gonna be crawling with my dang progeny"

I do not think so.

I think they have sex to satisfy an urge.

For pleasure. Just like many humans.

Except in the animals' case, they don't even know the urge exists for reproductive reasons.

If they knew they probably would not even care.

Can you imagine them actually having opinions about the distant future of their own species' population? No. I can't. Their motives are based entirely around the most immediate desires of their own lives. In other words, they do everything for freaking pleasure.

Bitch, humans might be the only animals that ever DO have sex for reproduction.

But that's still not what makes us human.

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Yori 🩵🥏

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"trying to prove something to a friend! Like this post if (x)! reblog if (y)!"

please tell me the thing you're trying to prove to your friend is "a true scientist does not construct a study in which respondents give answer (y) by recruiting all their followers into the study, and give answer (x) by clicking the button that is infuriatingly easy to click by accident without even noticing it while scrolling down"

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I love how, back when companies were claiming their higher prices were because of increased minimum wage, these same people were all too happy to see them publicly announcing that.

smh.

But I thought y'all were proud of the Big Beautiful Tariffs? Shouldn't you want them proudly displayed? 🤔

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You ever make a joke and then try to imagine explaining it to anyone outside your very specific corner of your very niche fandom, and get exhausted just thinking about how many layers you'd have to address

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what if theres an opposite of the Lance of Longinus

what if its the Stiletto of Shortinus