astrid-vollan-blog - Tumblr blog

[astrid-vollan-blog]

Colloquies In Dream #2

12th of First Seed Astrid stood outside the cave and simply stared towards the soft glow of fire light. The wind whipped around her so forcefully, she had to shield her eyes from the kicked up snow. Once again, she felt no cold, and it took it several minutes to muster the courage to find her way inside. The scene was always the same and it never deviated. A smokeless campfire roared in the back of the cave, an old woman sitting cross legged sharpening a sword. A single bedroll lay behind the older woman. There was no food nor drink to be found, for why would ghosts need nourishment? Astrid walked over and plopped down in her customary spot. She didn't even look at older woman, just simply muttered, "Mama..." under her breath. That gave the older woman, Astrid's mother, pause. "You haven't called me that in many years, child," she replied, almost chiding at the younger woman. The sword was put down, as was the stone and her brilliant ice blue bore into Astrid. Astrid, however, paid her no heed. "Does this mean you have an answer for me?" "Answer? To what?" Astrid asked absently, seemingly almost disengaged with the conversation at hand. "Has it worked out for you?" the older woman said, her voice on the edge of explosion with anger. "By Kyne Astrid, have you not given a single thought to our last conversation?" Astrid didn't answer. She simply stared at the flames, listening to the crackling of the wood. She felt so far removed from this place, once a sanctuary. Now it seems to have become her personal hell. The older woman stood up and walked over to Astrid, threateningly standing over her. Astrid didn't move, didn't speak. Despite the woman standing in front of the flames, Astrid just seemed to stare right through her. "Answer me, girl..." she growled. Astrid closed her eyes and took a deep breath. After several moments of silence, she finally looked up. "I jus' wanna sit. Can we jus' sit?" she asked, almost pleading with the figure she only knew as her mother. The older woman's visage softened and she kneeled down. She placed her hand on the back of Astrid's neck and pulled her close, leaning her forehead against hers. "You can sit. Just not here, child. Return when you have answers and are ready to talk, but not a second sooner." Everything started to fade around Astrid just then. The campfire went out, and the image of her mother seemed to dissipate. A shiver went up Astrid's spine and then her exposed fingertips started to numb. "Cold...." she muttered, then looked out towards the entrance of the cave. "Shite!" She frantically tore the cave apart, trying to find any tools or instruments to relight the fire before she surely froze to death, but it was to no avail. A rumble in the cave caused great concern for Astrid. She felt pebbles falling on her head, and a fair sized rock clipped her in the shoulder as it broke free from the ceiling. And she felt it. It didn't hurt, but she surely felt it. Fearing for her very life, Astrid dove out of the cave just in time, for it collapsed on itself. She sat in the snow, her hair whipping wildly in the wind, staring in shock. The snow simply piled around her as she tried to mentally come to terms with what this could mean. How would she be able to return to this place now that it's been destroyed? Why did the campfire suddenly go out? Where did her mother go? Why wasn't she cold anymore? "Why am I not cold anymore...." she said out loud, looking at her dominant hand. _______________________________________________________________________________

Astrid sat straight up, panting heavily to try to catch her breath. She held her dominant hand up to the moonlight peaking through the windows at Fallowstone Hall. Shaking her head in disbelief, she rolled out of bed and grabbed her weapons, heading out into the night for a thought-cleansing hunt.

[astrid-vollan-blog]

Colloquies In Dreams #1

9th of First Seed The wind howled fiercely, blowing the snow sideways. Astrid held her hand up in front of her face, and it disappeared in squall, for visibility was practically non-existent. She peered upwards and a scowl crossed her features. It was dark, the dead of night. But why should she be surprised? It was always dark. She felt no cold. In fact, she didn't feel anything. She trudged forward. Despite not being able to see much, she knew exactly where she was. It was a place she visited countless times before, a place she was able to retreat to. It was the only place she was undisturbed, and the only place she was wholly comfortable. She didn't even see the soft glow of light peeking through the opening of the cave. Only her familiarity was able to lead her there. Ducking her head, she entered the small dwelling. A campfire roared towards the back, but didn't emit any smoke. She took her customary spot on a wolf pelt, sitting cross legged and staring into the flames. "It has been many weeks since you've returned, child," a gruff female voice stated. Astrid's gaze was drawn upward, her troubled eyes looking at the woman across the fire. She also sat cross-legged, sharpening a sword with a stone. Her hair, once blonde like Astrid's, was now grey and cascaded down her back. Wrinkles adorned her face, a sign of age and wisdom. Her eyes an exact mirror of Astrid's own: pale ice blue with a fire and intensity that couldn't be doused. "Aye..." Astrid replied quietly. "An' ye greet me wit' a blizzard..." "You greet yourself with a blizzard, child!" the old woman quipped with a laugh. When she noticed Astrid's lack of mirth, she cleared her throat. "Much is on your mind." "How could ye tell..." Astrid replied sarcastically, looking up at the old woman. The old woman glared at Astrid, unamused at the younger woman's flippant answer. Astrid sighed. "Aye. Much is on me mind..." "Of course it is! That is why you are here! That is always why you come to this place!" She put her sword down beside her and sat back on her hands. "So are you going to tell me?" "Styrr...he has returned," Astrid stammered out, unable to pry her gaze away from the flames. "The shaman?" The old woman inquired. Astrid nodded, but didn't say anything, prompting the older woman to inquire further. "How long as it been?" she asked, tapping a delicate finger against her chin. "'Bout 12 winters..." Astrid replied quietly. "12 winters an' I thought I was the only one left. I should be overjoyed. Yet..." she paused and took a deep breath. "I still feel empty." They sat in silence for a long while, the older woman staring at younger woman while Astrid just stared into the flames. The older woman then clapped her hands together, causing Astrid to jump and fall backwards. "This isn't the child I once knew! This isn't the child I raised!" the older woman exclaimed. "You have so much ahead of you. So many opportunities to achieve the very things you've fought for all these years! You only need to seize it!" "How do ye..." Astrid stammered. "I know everything, child! I know of you trip to Dagger lands, and I know that those present saw the headstrong and stubborn Astrid that I struggled to raise all those years. I know how you feel betrayed and the trepidation that lingers in your mind concerning that friend of yours...what was his name...?" The old woman paused. "Ulrich..." Astrid said with a sigh. "Aye, girl. Ulrich. My point is I know what lingers in your heart, and your mind. Even if I didn't, I can see it written all over your face. You fear death." Astrid shot up and towered over the flames, and the sitting old woman. "I do not fear death!" she spat. Her bluster was taken as quickly as it started as the old woman chuckled. "Your death? Of course not. As reckless as you were as a child, it's a miracle you live!" Astrid, not appreciating the comment, rolled her eyes, causing the older woman to stand up and slap her across the face. "You will hear me, child. And you will heed my words, on your life. You fear death, just not your own, but those you care for." Astrid's gaze might as well have been shooting daggers at her companion around the campfire, a gaze so cold that it would've struck fear in the hearts of the mightiest of warriors. "So what?" "Loss is a part of life, girl. You need to come to terms wi--" But she was cut off as Astrid shoved her over the flames. She fell, quite literally, on the flaming hunks of wood and kindling, but neither she nor Astrid seemed to have noticed, or cared. "I will not! I will not relive that pain again!" "Then you will live in emptiness, as you have for the past decade. Ask yourself this: Has it worked out for you?" The older woman stood up and walked back to her original spot and sat down. She was completely unharmed by the flames, her clothes still in perfect condition. "Think on that and next we meet, you will have an answer for me. Take care of yourself, daughter..."

_______________________________________________________________________________

Astrid opened her eyes. She put her arms beneath her body and pushed herself up from the stone floor. She looked out the window. "Still dark...." she muttered to herself. The fire in the hearth burned low, she knew. She silently crept to the pile of wood she kept and tossed another log into the hearth. Her gaze drifted to the sleeping figure in the bed of hay, the sleeping figure of Ulrich. She scowled and shook her head. "Damn it all...." Silently, she grabbed her bow and quiver before she slipped out the door, going for a much needed walk to clear her head.