astrojaxsaga

[astrojaxsaga]

I had some random good news today !! A prof at Dartmouth emailed me yesterday randomly, saying that she had heard about my research from colleagues at a conference there this week. She wanted to reach out to say she will be looking for a postdoc soon and would like to chat more. Of course I said hell yes*** ! ***even though I am nottttt interested in going back to the US...it is still an opportunity and I would be stupid to not explore the option more.

Other than that; stats for the day !

Day 2:

Movement: did a treadmill run this morning (24 mins) and day 22 in the evening.

Deficit (In - Out): 1917 - 2700 (not sure about the accuracy on this one but) = -783. 138g protein.

Sleep: up by 6h30 and definitely tired by the end of today

Steps: 9200 woo !

Loss: errps forgot again .-.

[astrojaxsaga]

Trying to make general fitness online recording a habit. I've been pretty good recently about getting to the gym and running twice a week in the AM when I WFH.

I'd like to see how long I can keep up the habit. So here's the start. (I can't remember where I first saw this format at but thanks for the inspo!)

Day 1:

Movement: day 21 iron series. Lots of step ups and my legs be jelly.

Deficit (In - Out): 1983 - 2300 = -317, and feeling full enough. 135g protein.

Sleep: good enough, woke up around 6h30

Steps: 5450

Loss: forgot to weigh in this morning, will check tomorrow

Optimally I guess this is a nice way to summarize the day but also a chance to look at the metrics I can try to up tomorrow. I would have liked to add a walk today but didn't get around to it, instead I did a bunch of meal prep. That's okay since tomorrow in the AM I will go for a run, then do an arm day in the afternoon. Should be a good time 👍

[astrojaxsaga]

Some healthy meals this week that have been baller:

*Avocado toast, smoked salmon, and eggies with hot sauce

*Salmon rice bowl (rice with furikake, edamame, avocado, cucumber, soy sauce, and Kewpie mayo)

Planning to make a salad tonight with chicken, and do some meal prep for vietnamese pork. I'm realizing that the main thing I am struggling with right now is the food noise when the fridge is close to empty. It stresses me out to think there might not be dinner in there and then I have to go to the store hungry and so I just cave and eat out, and the problem starts again the next day. I'd like to be more regular about when I go to the store and do meal prep, but I guess I'm just being too flexible right now. It was my birthday last week, and since a week prior when we traveled to Vancouver for a concert, I'm having a hard time keeping my indulgence in check haha.

I've at least been running some in the morning, and it hasn't been pushing my exercise too far just yet. But I need to be careful to not overdo it - otherwise the cycling of failure doesn't feel great.

[astrojaxsaga]

don't give up

[astrojaxsaga]

repeat after me:

even if i don’t like my body today i will take care of it

even if i don’t like myself today i will still be patient and kind with myself

even if i do not love myself i will still take care of and be kind to myself, despite not wanting to

[astrojaxsaga]

Yes ! For work things that is. If you're doing watersports it's perfect weather but I have to work on warm days, I get distracted by how overheated I feel.

Personality test, is 80f/26c too hot for you?

[astrojaxsaga]

Been really needing to touch grass recently, this is a good reminder

[astrojaxsaga]

no more stress thanks, i’m full

[astrojaxsaga]

[astrojaxsaga]

[astrojaxsaga]

Something to remember

[astrojaxsaga]

Healthy focus...

One thing I can control is myself. And I have been trying my best to treat myself better. I definitely learned recently that the only person I can absolutely rely on is me. So I want to do better to support my needs and make sure I am okay.

Previously, I found that being on a keto diet did make me have a better appreciation for food and enjoying the way healthy meals makes me feel. However, it really doesn't allow me to do the activities and things that I enjoy doing, which isn't giving my brain enough of a break when I am trying to relax and not work. I have ultimately decided that it is more beneficial for me to have a moderate diet (so like not explicitly low-carb) and just focus on only eating things that make me feel whole. This also allows me to add activities to my routine that help me express stress effectively (like running/hiking/weights), and this is the perfect time of year to do all that. I realized that I'd rather be enjoying my surroundings than being fatigued by them. But as with the keto diet, I am trying to appreicate the tastes of food and the way they make me feel. It helps to remember that the food I make at home is way better and tastier than anything I could get here in Victoria, lol.

I am really just trying to exist in moderation, in both my meals and workouts but also in socializing. In general, I only have a few goals that I think I can meet weekly:

Early mornings (< 7am), regular bedtime schedule (~10 pm);

2 morning easy runs (Mondays & Thursdays);

~3 days of weights (Mondays, Thursdays, and maybe Sundays or whenever else I can fit them in);

Getting back into journaling;

Trying to walk more throughout the week, and enjoy the sunshine;

Macros per day: ~1800 calories from pre-planned meals, protein goal is 130 g, with one optional 200 - 300 calorie sweet treat (might count as the protein shake on days when I work out, or a glass of wine if not explicitly a sugary snack);

Breakfast out on the balcony when it is warm enough;

Weekly cleaning sections of the house;

One weekly socialized activity (preferably with little or no alcohol); and

No work (except maybe grading) on weekends.

This all allows me to stay in a pretty zen and relaxed environment, which I really need right now. I don't want to be too rigid, but I also want to avoid being too flexible since I know this tends to mean I get sporadic and accomplish a lot less (i.e., decision paralysissssss). The intent is to just maintain, exist, and be grateful. Very likely, things will fall into place as a result. I guess this whole thing consitutes the start of a 75 soft challenge ? I'm considering marking how long I can maintain three main things: (i) tracking meals every day (no skipping weekends), (ii) adding running 2x a week and being diligent but also lenient about additional workouts, (iii) doing habits at home that help me to relax (knitting, reading, watching positive shows/movies). So far we are 10 days in. Let's see what happens.

[astrojaxsaga]

I have been having a rough go, which is not a particularly positive place to be in. I didn't really want to plague my page with negativity and so I just tried to keep it inside for a bit while I process everything.

In brief: I feel like I have been having heartbreak from so many external sources, that I have been really struggling to feel like I have any control over anything. I have had to come to terms with this and try to find a new routine, while also in the back of my mind try to make a plan for the future. It's hard to do that when I feel like I'm in limbo, but I'm slowly emerging as my thesis writing is progressing.

As for post-doc things, I can't remember my last update but essentially I still have two fellowships that I will hear from in August. In the meantime I have decided to postpone by thesis defense until September/October, and stay an extra term here. My supervisor has helped me make a game plan so that I can stay on for just a bit longer, and during this time I will defend, work on publishing my next paper, attend a conference in Spain, and re-apply for postdocs in the fall. There is a chance the fellowship in Seattle will decide to give me an offer in August, since they ultimately did want me for the position but were conflicted in their final choice because the previous fellow was a Milky Way person. They recently discovered they will be receiving more funding from donors than anticipated, which means they *could have* hired 2 postdocs but did not. Ultimately they have internal regulations that make it so they can't hire without this money in hand; hence why I have to wait until August to know more. Maybe something will pan out, but I need to just keep moving forward with no expectations.

Aside from this major bummer, there has been shit at home that has been really depressing and worrisome. I am just now coming out of it, and feeling pretty disassociated tbf. I don't feel all that secure in my relationship and I worry about being hurt again. I am choosing to stay sort of apathetic for now, and just see how things go. But if they don't go well I know that I will be okay.

[astrojaxsaga]

[astrojaxsaga]

“Grief, I’ve learned, is really just love. It’s all the love you want to give, but cannot. All that unspent love gathers up in the corners of your eyes, the lump in your throat, and in that hollow part of your chest. Grief is just love with no place to go.”

― Jamie Anderson

[astrojaxsaga]

This was one of the best things I finally got to experience when I started grad school. My entire early life I didn't really have female friends, in part because of deeply-rooted, (unintentional) sexist beliefs that were imparted on me by my family (raised with 3 male siblings) and just the general attitudes of the early 90s. I had my own set of prejudiced views that I needed to unlearn. Even though I wish I had known better earlier, I am so happy that I have gotten to experience the kindness and support from deep female friendships.

sisterhood is a beautiful and sacred thing. i’m so glad i get to experience it.. like thank you for letting me cry in your bed and making me dinner and showing me your favorite lip combo and letting me look at your depop wishlist. yes, you are my sister but you are also like home to me.

[astrojaxsaga]

Did you not see her post exactly the same bullshit last month about her cat being starved/locked in because of non-payment. If she really had her cat locked in her apartment with no way to get in wouldn't you just call the police to get an escort 🙄 OP is out of her fucking mind with the lies

URGENT EVICTION HELP

Hi everyone! I’m really really panicking right now. The court date for me to get evicted is on the 21st of May. I don’t have anywhere to go if I get evicted.

I’m living in a motel right now because my current place locked me out of my apartment for late payment and I’m living in a roach infested crack motel. I’m fucked. I’m super fucked. I’m homeless. I have no way of seeing/feeding/watering my cat because they locked me out of my apartment.

I am disabled and I have no money right now. I can barely afford food and I really need help. I don’t know what else to do and I’m scared. Please, I really need help. 

I just wanna feed my cat. I just wanna see her.

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