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astroluvr · 1 year

Note

YES! Pls do a cheating fic! Lmaoooo my toxic ass loves those 😂😂 - 🙈

Capture Your Emotion

jack harlow x reader

summary: neelam hired you as jack's tour photographer to help you build up your portfolio, but you find jack much more captivating than any action shot- despite him being taken

warnings: 18+, reader and jack are on the tour bus, so it's a lil public (eek!), and cheating

a/n: now, y'all knooowww i don't write smut, so this is not going to be mind-blowing, but i am posting this as a thank you to y'all for being so patient with me! i've been m.i.a lowkey, but i've never not felt at home with y'all, so here's this! i hope you enjoy :) p.s- there is a possible pt 2, but let's see how this does first lol

***

You knew it was wrong from the moment you laid eyes on Jack. You knew that what you felt was wrong to the point where even thinking about how good Jack looked in his expensive hoodie and blue jeans that covered his long legs down to his New Balances felt like a sin, but you couldn’t help it.

Not even when his girlfriend- tall and gorgeous, sat next to him and smacked a kiss on his lips.

From that point on, you tried to continue doing your job without thinking too much about a taken man. Neelam, as a family friend, pulled off a huge favor to do some photography for Jack to build up your portfolio, and so far, it was going well. Urban became good friends with you, and even offered some tips- despite your styles being different, and Jack started to hang around you as a result.

When you met him the night before his tour started off, you thought that maybe the woman you saw was just a fling since you hadn’t seen her for a while, but it wasn’t long before she was standing right next to you behind stage and giving Jack good luck kisses and running off with his credit card in the early mornings of tour stops. It was then that you tried to contain some of your arousal for Jack, but it was hard to when you noticed the way he looked at you too.

Which is why you were sure the guilt wracked you every time you saw Marie, knowing what happened on a muggy night after a bad show. Being a photographer, you thought of your subjects as having a relationship with a camera, and trying to capture all the emotion, so it wasn’t hard to say that Jack was getting less motivated as the night went on. When Jack rushed off the stage with a ‘good night’, you tried to follow him, and couldn’t help but notice that you hadn’t seen Marie all day.

“Jack, are you alright?” You asked him, finding him in the back of the charter bus, abandoning your usual post at the front of the bus where you usually sat, hardly ever bothered by anyone besides Neelam and Urban.

It was dark out after a sweltering day, and needless to say that nobody was in the best mood after the long day. Even with the moon high in the sky, the air conditioning on the bus could still do very little to make a difference. Neelam was the one who made a joke that Marie left because her spray tan was melting off, and it was hard for you to stifle your laughter when Jack had stride pass.

He didn’t even take his headphones off to hear what you said, but you figured that being the star he was, he knew how to read lips well.

“I know you probably want to be alone. I just wanted to check on you. I noticed that Marie left.”

You weren’t sure why the last sentence came out, it was a slight overstep- you knew, but you were itching to see him twitch in any way that might allow you to tuck some of your guilt away.

“She had to go home. It was nothing.” He told you, his headphones were still on.

Due to the heat of the bus, you only wore a spaghetti strap tank and rather tiny shorts. It didn’t reveal much, but it was enough for Jack to bite his bottom lip when you hit a bump in the road and slid forward into the aisle he was sitting on to give him a glance at your breasts.

“You want to sit down?” He asked, raising his eyebrows, and finally pulling those headphones off.

You were slightly dejected by his confirmation that Marie was still in the picture, but couldn’t find it in yourself to go back to your seat after seeing him with his hair wild and legs spread and those slender fingers on his knees.

When you sat down, you realized that you had never been so close to Jack. Sure, you’d been shoulder to shoulder for a moment or so when discussing a couple of shots that you wanted to take of him onstage, but never several aisles behind the people you usually travelled with either asleep or too caught up in having a break to care about what was going on behind them.

Almost as soon as you sat down, the driver did a quick glance around the back and once he saw that there wasn’t much motion, he turned off the lights, and you continued down the long stretch of road that was hardly occupied by much else. You noticed that Jack had the shades down around him, and it made you feel much more comfortable. If anyone saw you, there’s no telling what rumors might come of it and nip your career in the bud before it even started.

When you got closer to Jack, you tried to remind yourself that nothing could happen if he didn’t let it, but you wished like Hell he’d do something with those pretty pink lips that were parted ever so slightly as he kept his gaze on you, or maybe even his fingers that were rubbing up and down his thighs.

“Hey, I meant to tell you earlier that I fuck with those pictures you took. I’m going to post them after this week, and I’ll tag you. Just promise me you won’t leave me for some big shot when they hit you up.”

You chuckled slightly and smiled big when he held out his pinky. You wrapped it around his finger, and almost shivered at how big his hand was. “I promise.”

“Can you promise me somethin’ else while we’re at it?” You swallowed and nodded, and Jack loosened his grip as he tried to gauge your expression. “That you won’t tell anyone else how cute I think you are. Even when I’m kissing Marie, it’s- you’re all I think about.”

“Jack-” You pulled back, and Jack didn’t hesitate.

“I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable, it’s just that I don’t know what to do with myself when I’m around you. And if I did, then I’m sorry. You can walk away, and nothing ever happened, I swear.”

“That doesn’t make me uncomfortable.” You whispered, leaning towards him, and biting your own lip as your heart pounded, and you worried that you might find yourself shooting up in bed any minute with an embarrassing ache.

“You promise?” he nodded, curly hair casting a shadow over you as you looked into those blue eyes that were getting darker with every passing moment.

“I promise.”

As if both of you snapped at the same time, you met in the little bit of space between you and crashed into a kiss. Oddly enough, you seemed to care less about Marie than ever before, and you hoped that Jack would give you something to replace the guilt that would undoubtedly come back to life by morning.

Despite it all though, neither you nor Jack had it in you to stop. In the dark, your hands grabbed whatever they could of each other. It was like you were trying to mold each other’s bodies from the memory of fantasy, yet still created something better than your wildest dreams.

It didn’t take long for Jack to have your back against the seat in front of you, and your tank top pulled up over your chest. His cock was beneath you and it was so hard that you started to ache for him where you needed him most.

“You’re so fuckin’ pretty.” He groaned, palming himself as you panted while he played with one of your breasts, and suckled the other in a desperate alternation.

“Jack.” You mewled, your head falling forward, and your lips brushed the back of his head.

“What, baby?” He looked at you, and you were glad he couldn’t see how your face contorted into a medley of pleasure and desperation at the sight of him.

“Touch me.”

Without taking another moment of consideration, Jack leaned on your back again, and helped you to tug down your shorts. You pursed your lips to stay quiet to keep the rest of the bus from hearing you, but Jack seemed even more spurred on when he noticed the challenge you had given yourself.

Jack kissed you once, hard and long, even slipping his tongue into your mouth for a messier result, and slowly massaged his way into your cunt. You were embarrassingly wet, but you couldn’t do much more than stutter your hips against him and whine.

“Damn, Y/N. Getting fucked by a taken man gets you like this?” He tsked, and your cheeks warmed and your pussy clenched around his fingers. “I guess so, huh?”

“J-Jack, I know it’s bad.” You placed your hands on his shoulder and tried to give yourself what he wasn’t out of pure desperation.

“But you still want more.” He teased, and your eyes watered. “If that’s what you want, you can have it. I’ve wanted to give you what you asked for since the first time I saw you. Whatever it is, baby, you just ask me, and I got you, alright?”

“O-Okay.” You moaned, even though all his words sounded like he was talking to you from underwater.

He suckled on your neck, and if he wasn’t working your clit so well while he did it, you’d be swatting him away to keep the mark away, but now you could barely care. Your breathing became uneven, and your legs couldn’t decide whether to stay open or closed as he pulled you closer to edge.

“You want to cum?”

“Mmhmm! Yes.” You tried to keep yourself quiet, and you feared what your orgasm might bring.

“Then what’d I tell you to do?” He pulled away from your neck and looked you into your eyes that were wide as saucers. Jack took his free hand and held your face steady on his. “When you want to do something, you ask. Now, if you want to cum, you better ask.”

The question made you burn in embarrassment, but it was the only thing that was standing in your way, so you puffed up your chest, and asked. “Please can I cum, Jack? Please?”

“So sweet, Y/N.” He hummed, and he curled his fingers in a way that made you yelp.

You had no choice but to drop your mouth into Jack’s neck and moan there, letting him pet your G-spot, and circle your clit like he had touched you a million times before. The minute you thought of him teaching himself your body through his imagination, you could feel your body tensing for a moment before creating your release.

You laid there for a moment, letting your ears ring before you came back down to Earth, your legs trembling just enough for Jack to see as he pulled his fingers out of you, sliding the two fingers into his mouth and smirking at the way you panted in pleasure and disbelief.

“Jack, I-”

“Fuck are y’all doing back here?” Urban came down the aisle in a pair of shorts and a wife beater as he rubbed his eyes.

You stammered, but Jack was much quicker in gathering his composure than you were, and he had his hoodie over your lap before Urban could even glance, and you tried not to let a moan slip out when he pet your cunt on the sly.

“I had something in my eye, and I asked Y/N to help me.”

“Really? ‘Cause it sounded like you two were fucking.” You stayed quiet, but shook your head.

Jack and Urban shared a glance that didn’t even make their expressions change, but Urban’s face erupted in amusement, and Jack chuckled.

“You’re a damn dog, man, but I can't stand her ass anyway.” Urban said casually before walking off, and you slapped Jack’s shoulder when Urban disappeared.

“It’s alright, babe. It’s only Urban.”

“So, you do this a lot, then?” You scoffed, and all the satisfaction you received quickly became irritation. You reached for your shorts and tried to get them back on, but Jack was quick to pull you back to his lap when you had them on. “Don’t even.”

“I’ve never done anything like this before. Like, literally.” He gestured to the bus, and you refused to meet his eyes. “But Marie is a gold digger, alright, and the only reason I haven’t broken up with her is because my label will freak if she decides to get back at me.”

“So, this is one and done?”

“I’ve wanted you since I saw you, I meant that. If you don’t want to do this again, then I respect it, but I want you, Y/N. Not her.”

You were quiet for a moment, and looked at Jack once you registered the sincerity of his words. “When can you break up with her?”

“When tour’s over.” He answered, rubbing your hip and trying not to kiss you as hard as he wanted to. “And you don’t have to worry about Neelam doing anything about us either.”

“I forgot about her.” You muttered, and Jack laughed under his breath before pushing his forehead against yours.

“Look, let’s just see where this goes, you know? We obviously have something special, right?” His words brought a smile to your face, and you nodded. “Yeah, exactly, pretty girl. So, how about me and you in your hotel room tomorrow at one? We can do whatever you want.”

“Alright.” you nodded, and Jack gave a tongue-in-cheek smile before he pulled you against his chest.

“Alright.”

#anon #jack harlow #jack harlow blurb #jack harlow x reader #jack harlow smut #jack harlow imagine #jack harlow fanfic #i can't believe i wrote this lmao

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astroluvr · 1 year

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queeeen!? you’re back?? 💓💓 - 🙈

we can use the word 'back' very loosely lol, but i am writing something yes!

(and when i'm done, i'm disappearing from the face of tumblr in embarrassment...)

#anon

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astroluvr · 1 year

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depending on what i’m doing this weekend, i may open my jack requests for a little concept night! don’t hold me to anything, but i’m putting it out there! i’ll also look through some old requests and see if i find anything!

#i’ve been busy w school and work so i haven’t made much progress with angel girl but i’d still like to post something :)#jack harlow #jack harlow x reader #jack harlow fanfiction

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astroluvr · 1 year

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idk when i wrote this, but i’m looking at it and it has 700-something likes???? like i owe y’all something omg

i can't sleep, so how about a short blurb about the first time sleeping over at jack's?

***

"Y/N, are you awake?" Jack asked, turning his head against your cheek as you blinked your eyes open.

You completely underestimated the quality of Jack's couch and the day you had. It was Jack's first weekend in his new house and although you had been over before, he wanted you to come over and have a personal housewarming that consisted of ordering take-out and eating it the minute it came through the door and watching Real Housewives. Jack hadn't felt this relaxed in a long time.

"Yeah." you cleared your throat and turned in his arms, rubbing your eyes. "W-what time is it?"

"It's about eleven, why?" he answered, kissing the side of your head before you began to sit up tiredly.

"Oh, I should get home." you said to yourself, sitting up against Jack's chest as you looked down at the mess of Chinese and pizza.

Jack was quiet when you stood. He watched as you stumbled around tiredly, low grumbles coming out of your mouth every few seconds. When you had your shoes on and yawned once more, you handed Jack your phone.

"Can you get me an Uber? My card and everything is saved. I have to use the bathroom." you mumbled, your sentences hardly coherent as you trekked down the hall to the bathroom.

Jack stared at your phone and tapped his foot against the floor. The two of you had been dating for three months and neither of you could deny the almost magnetic pull between you. Even though you were close, you were both afraid of making the wrong move at the wrong time on behalf of strong feelings.

When you returned, you saw Jack staring at your lock screen- a picture of the two of you after one of his shows. The two of you started dating towards the end of his tour, so you surprised him at his last show. It was a gorgeous picture taken by Urban that was very telling of how the rest of your relationship would go.

"Are they on the way?" you asked, allowing Jack to pull you into his lap.

"I didn't order it."

"What? Why? I have to get home, Jack."

"You can stay here. I don't feel comfortable with you being in a car alone with a stranger so late, especially when you're about to pass out. I'd drive you myself if I wasn't so tired."

You didn't listen to any of Jack's protective reasoning after he invited you. "That's really sweet, Jack, but I can't stay."

"It's just eight hours. I'll drop you off as soon as you're ready tomorrow."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, my girlfriend who I adore, I'm sure I'm okay opening up my home."

You giggled and Jack smiled at the rasp. "Okay, thank you."

"Course. Are you ready to go upstairs?"

"Yes, please." you murmured.

You and Jack split for a few moments to clean up and make sure nothing would be left running over night before meeting back upstairs.

Jack had showered before you came early in the evening, so he was pretty much already in his pajamas, just taking a few moments to strip out of his shirt and sweatpants. You on the other hand, got showered and got into the thickest pair of sweats you had.

"Which one do you want to wear tonight, baby?"Jack held up two shirts and you shrugged.

"It doesn't matter."

"We both know you're going to keep this shirt and never-"

"The brown one." you interrupted and Jack smirked before throwing the shirt and a pair of boxers your way.

They were ratty tee shirts that had been weathered over the years and Jack trusted you to finish the job. He tried not to watch as you stripped down, but the mirror was hard to avoid. Luckily, he was too tired to even make a crude remark when you bent over to slide on the boxers.

"Which side is yours?" you asked him, allowing him to turn around and examine the expanse of his bed.

"Whichever side you don't want to sleep on."

"This side." you pointed and crawled onto the opposite end.

"You sure? Because whenever you sleep over, and if we ever move in together, that's your side. You can't be all up on mine."

"You can't be all on mine." you rebuttaled with a smirk and Jack sucked his teeth. "Oh, don't even. All you ever want to do is cuddle."

"We'll cuddle in the middle."

"Sounds like a deal." you murmured and Jack got into bed first before holding his hand out. You quirked an eyebrow and he did the same.

"Deal, right?"

Skeptically, you leaned into the bed to grab his hand, but he quickly decieved you. You squealed loudly when he yanked you into bed and into his arms. His laughs sounded like pure honey to you as you squirmed.

"Jack Harlow!" you exclaimed, finally escaping his hold. "You are literally insane. This is the last time I stay here."

"Your place next time, then?" he threw an arm around your side and was able to lay you down with him against the pillows.

He exacted the middle of the bed before pulling you close to his bare chest and you threw your leg around his hip.

"How about we form our opinion on our first night together?"

"My opinion is formed. We'll have to discuss weekend alternations."

You giggled and Jack smiled. "If you keep massaging my back like that, I think we can work something out."

"They do call me masseuse Jack."

"I thought they call you missionary Jack."

"One truth and a lie." he raised his eyebrows suggestively and you rolled your eyes. "It's probably hard for you to figure out though."

"Jack, turn that light off, so we can sleep." you chuckled and Jack laughed a little louder and turned to turn off the lamp on his nightstand. "Good night, baby."

"Good night." he spoke against your throat as you kissed his forehead.

When you tried to untangle your bodies, Jack's grip on the underside of your knee around his hip tightened. "Jack, what?"

"Where are you going?"

"To my side."

"We can sleep on sides next time. This time, I want you to be the first face I see when I wake up tomorrow. Remind me I'm not dreaming."

You were lucky that the darkness of the room cloaked the smile.k. your face. You pursed your lips and ran a hand through his curls.

"Alright, J. I'll see you in the morning."

#jack harlow fic

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astroluvr · 1 year

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the new album is just amazing like wow.

#jack harlow #jackman

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astroluvr · 1 year

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So you will still post fics with jack? Do you know when :)

yes, the couple of fics i’ve been writing, i plan to post!! i’m not sure when, i’m sorry, but as soon as i’m finished with them!!

i just won’t be taking requests for jack, that is the only thing that i’m changing!!

#anon #jack harlow

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astroluvr · 1 year

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since i just posted a joel fic, i wanted to let anyone else that follows me solely for jack, that until further notice, my requests for jack are closed! i know that's probably not a surprise, but i just wanted to put it out there!!

for now, the only things i plan on posting for him in the near future are angel girl III & a couple of college!jack works!

i do love jack, but i've found that i tend to enjoy listening to his music than reading or writing for him! i do appreciate y'all so dearly for all the kindess you've given like everything i've posted for him!

#jack harlow fanfiction #i'll probs be on here tmrw to scream about jackman tho!!#ik i posted a joel fic (that will probs flop lol) and i didn't want anyone to like be confused or something!#but idk lol

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astroluvr · 1 year

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oooohh how about a fluffy joel where reader works in the garden or something jacksonville and she's a little bit younger than joel and so soft and sweet and he's nervos to ask her out :(((((

From the Garden

pairing: joel miller x reader

word count: 2.6k, not proofread

a/n: this is my first joel miller fic, and i hope it lands well! i'm very open to suggestions, given that i've like never written for characters before, but i am very excited to share this & write more. my requests are open, and i hope you enjoy!

***

Everyone could see the tragedy and strife of Joel’s past and present deep in the lines of his wrinkles, and the fight he’d put up to make it to a place where he could know anything even resembling peace was apparent on the rough skin of his knuckles that seemed to rest in fists. After twenty years, and experiencing the unimaginable in the most literal sense, the last place Joel would’ve thought he’d end up in was Jackson. With a little girl on his tail that he was still trying to figure out what to do with- in the most affectionate of ways.

It took him a while to settle, though, to stop grimacing at everyone that crossed his path and holding onto his pocketknife that he kept in his front pocket when anyone got too close to Ellie or himself. He was quiet, reserved, remaining in the tiny house Tommy and Maria set him up in until it was time to go on patrol- a past time he quite looked forward to, but would never admit. He liked having the balance, knowing that he could go out and do something without it being for his survival, knowing that he was needed and helpful, and then being able to go back into the tall walls and lay in a warm bed where he could sleep without jeans.

Which is why the surprise that rippled through the community when you were seen leaving the dining hall with Joel was easy to imagine. You were young when the outbreak happened, not young enough that you couldn’t remember, but young enough to not have lost as much as Joel did. You didn’t have so much life under your belt just yet, given that it was just you and your mother, she was able to get you two to protection rather quickly. After she passed just a few years ago, you were out on your own, but luckily enough stumbled upon Jackson.

You can remember the first day that you met Ellie and Joel. You were settled in Jackson for a good while before you saw Joel Miller, word got around that he was Tommy’s brother, and you immediately felt a sense of trust being that Tommy and Maria took you under their wings and still kept you close. It was Ellie that came out of that little home first, who bumped into you while she was chasing a group of kids a little younger than her.

“Oh!” You gasped, a bundle of tomatoes tumbling from the woven basket and onto the dirt ground.

“Oh, shit!” Ellie said at the same time, and your eyes widened slightly at the language, but you couldn’t help but chuckle. “Shit, sorry. I mean, sorry.”

“It’s okay.” You said quietly, grabbing as many of the tomatoes as you could. Ellie was a little clumsy, dropping more than she could pick up.

“Ellie!”

The demanding tone of the voice was enough to make you pause in your movements, too, looking at the approaching figure in a thick pair of jeans and blue button up, similar to your denim jeans that were so worn they’d become soft, paired with a flannel over a white tank top.

Joel approached the both of you quickly, and Ellie rolled her eyes before standing up, dropping a few of the fruits back into the basket. “Chill out, Joel!”

“What are you doin’?” He stood a foot or so away with his hands on hips and you struggled to keep your eyes off him. “Shit, ‘m sorry about Ellie.”

“Who said I did anything?!” Joel looked to you silently, and you shrugged your shoulders towards Ellie who kicked at the ground and muttered, “I apologized.”

“She did.” You stood up to face Joel and realized that he was a lot bigger than you thought he was. Closer to him, the white hairs that littered his beard and hair were a lot more obvious, and somehow made him more handsome. “And it’s okay, I was carrying way too many to begin with.”

“Alright, let me help you. You’re takin’ ‘em to the dining hall, right?”

“You don’t have to help me… Joel.” You were hesitant to say his name, but Joel didn’t show any sign of uncertainty when he bent down to pick up your basket, turning around and starting the trek to the dining hall.

From that point forward, the three of you were your own little group. Ellie would often skip her classes to come help in the garden, and when Joel wasn’t patrolling, he’d conveniently just be passing by the garden and ask if you’d need help with anything imaginable. Over the past few months, he’d become your best friend, your closest confidante, but he also wasn’t the most emotionally intelligent person out there. It was easy for you to tell Joel about your frustrations, and he’d nod and try to offer some words of sage advice, that would ultimately be met with an eye roll, but it always pained him to see you so upset- especially when it was out of anyone’s control.

Joel knew you’d been upset over a few pests in the garden that were slowly ruining a small portion of the crop. It wasn’t quite anything to panic over, but it still tacked on a lot more stress to your daily load, and it was significantly dampering your mood.

“Hey.” Joel said behind the white picket fence and you turned to face him, standing up and brushing your hands on the knees of your overalls.

“Hi, Joel. You alright?”

He nodded as he opened the fence and walked through. You frowned when you noticed how tired he was, and you were ready to invite him for a break, but Joel seemed hellbent on making his way into the garden with the heavy tote in hand.

“I’m fine.” He grunted, and you smiled tiredly at him. “Hey, did you ever figure out what’s eating at your plants?”

Joel always called anything that came from the garden yours, as if you were tending to each plant for your own gain, and not having it hauled away to the dining hall. You shrugged, and kicked at the ground, pretending that there wasn’t a mound of no-good kale in the corner of the garden.

You’d been too freaked out to tell Maria, worried that she might kick you out of Jackson or something worse, and Joel was the first and only person to hear of any of those concerns. The look on your face and the wild look of worry in your eyes scared him at first when you nearly ran into him when you got to his house. It had only been a couple of days now, but you were still plagued.

“No. I- I mean, I know what it is. They’re just little pests that have found their way in- I don’t know how. I-”

Joel couldn’t stand to watch you wring your hands for another moment before he finally took the tote from his shoulder to set it on the ground and pulled out a plastic red canister. You looked down at the little thing, and back up at Joel.

“It’s- It’s pesticide. I got it on patrol today. It shouldn’t be too harmful to the plants, but it is old, so I’d be careful with it. Also, not much.” You bent down slightly to pick it up, and look at the words across the label, before beaming at Joel in shock.

“Oh, my goodness, Joel!” You squealed, bouncing on your toes a little before giggling. “Oh, thank you!”

“You’re welcome.”

Every part of you dissipated except for your heart and eyes on Joel. You let your hands, your body, your mind take over you, and you cupped Joel’s cheeks, feeling chills strike you as the hair on his chin pricked your fingers.

Before Joel could speak or react, his own hands met your waist as you kissed him. You and Joel had never touched ever besides the light guiding hand to your lower back. This was different. It was electric, it was months and months of wanting for the both of you. When you finally came to your senses at the feeling of Joel’s fingers digging deeper into your flesh, you tried to pull away for a breath, but he only deepened the kiss.

When you two finally pulled apart only a second or so later, it was like seeing you took away all of Joel’s passion, and you never wanted to feel the way you felt under his gaze in that moment ever again. You never wanted to feel his hands leaving your body and running across his face as he cursed under his breath.

“Joel, I’m sorry.” You whispered, pulling your lip between your teeth. “I wasn’t thinking straight, and-”

“I’ve gotta go.” He licked his lips as he turned around, and you clasped your fingers together.

“Joel-”

“It’s not your fault.” He said over his shoulder, his eyes avoiding the canister and your face.

You stood in the garden feeling more confused than ever. You aggressively wiped at the tears that sat at your waterline, kicking at the canister. You hated yourself, hated yourself for thinking that Joel could ever feel the fire you felt when you were around each other, when he would look at you with a tired smile after you laughed at one of Ellie’s lame jokes, or when he would sit out on his porch with you after the both of you had a long day.

You shouldn’t have been surprised, you thought, in a world where you could never have anything you truly wanted, you certainly would never have Joel.

Joel wasn’t sure what it was about you, but something about you reminded him of his past the same way that Ellie did. As bittersweet as it was, he couldn’t help but imagine that maybe, just maybe, if the outbreak had never happened, you two would’ve still found a way to be together. Maybe you’d be running a florist shop, and he’d run into you on his way to some contracting gig with Tommy. Or at least that’s how he liked to imagine it.

Ever since that evening, Joel wasn’t himself. Or at least, the version that everyone had grown used to. He was still grumpy, and grunted more than he spoke, but he wasn’t letting bullshit slide as much as usual. When he had to go on patrol, he was focused on the mission, getting there and back. He didn’t make conversation as usual, or slow down to look at anything that seemed interesting. At dinner, he ate alone, only keeping a close eye on Ellie as she schemed with the other kids her age, As much as he would always counter against, it always found its way to you, watching as you always angled your body away from him and talked to the other members of the community.

It felt like a never-ending game, and for some reason, neither of you were ready to throw in the towel.

“This is stupid.” Ellie finally gave in, grabbing Joel’s hand on their way home.

“Ellie, what are you doing?”

“You’re going to talk to Y/N!”

Joel stopped short, snatching his hand from Ellie’s grip. “Stop it, Ellie.”

“What happened between you two? You love her.”

Joel bristled at the accusation, frowning deeply in his thick jacket as he rolled his eyes. “You don’t know shit about this.”

“I don’t-” Ellie turned to face him and scoffed before blinking exaggeratedly. “Look, you were literally the only human I had contact with for, I don’t want to know how long, so I know you, Joel. I can tell that you like her.”

“I get along with her.” Joel admitted, doing his best to get out of the conversation. “I just… I don’t want her getting attached. This world is too unpredictable, and she doesn’t get that. I can’t give her all this time and attention when I know it won’t last. I know you’re too young to get what I’m sayin’, but I can’t do it, Ellie. I won’t do this to her.”

Joel was forming a nasty habit of turning his back before he could realize he was doing it. He knew this wasn’t one of those things that Ellie would badger about, it was an argument about fish or ravioli for dinner, this was about something that mattered to her, too.

Joel was alone for a few hours before he got a knock at the door. It was closer to dawn than dusk now, and he was about to give up on waiting for Ellie. He stood up from the creaking reclining chair, rubbing the crook in his neck to get ready to scold the girl for running rowdy in the quiet community, but he was greeted with a surprise.

You stood before him in a large sweater, worn and faded, with a pair of tights on your legs. You looked tired and confused, as if you weren’t sure what bought you here. Joel didn’t greet you as he usually would, with a smile and short nod before sliding out of the way to let you in. Instead, you received eyebrows raised in surprise and his large frame blocking the light behind him.

“Ellie told me that you wanted to see me. She was with those girls she’s usually with.”

“Oh, I-” You cut him off quickly, wringing your hands nervously.

“We don’t have to talk about it. I get that you’re mad at me, and you probably never want to look at me again, so if you were calling me over to tell me that, then I appreciate your honesty. I’ll leave now.”

Joel couldn’t take that glimmering look in your eye and the way it seemed like you could hardly stand to look at him.

“Come in.”

“Joel, really, you don’t have to be nice about it. It was my fault; I shouldn’t have made a move on you like that. I’m sorry.”

“Would you stop apologizing and come in, so I don’t have to kiss you out here?” Joel could practically see all the air in your body trade places with shock after he spoke, and he didn’t have to repeat himself to get you stepping into his warm home.

You didn’t say anything when he shut the door and walled you up against it with his body. He bent at the knees to make eye contact with you, and for the first time in a long time, he didn’t ache because of it.

His hands, large and rough, held your face and you were close enough for your noses to brush.

“Why are you scared of me, Joel?”

“Scared of hurtin’ you.” He whispered, his chest rising and falling with anticipation. “I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I did.”

“You couldn’t hurt me if you tried.”

“I already did, but I’m gonna spend a long time making up for it.”

A smile graced your lips, and Joel couldn’t wait to kiss you. A giggle bounced between you, and it wasn’t clear who it belonged to. When you two broke apart, Joel almost couldn’t believe it. It’s been so long since he’d even touched another person like this, and he couldn’t believe that after so long, he was lucky enough to have you.

He wasn’t sure when you went from the door to the couch, but he did remember hearing the lock turn with you laying on top of him, your face in the crook of his neck with his hand on the small of your back. He lifted his head up slightly just in time to see Ellie walk through the door with a smile on her face.

“Did Y/N stop by?” she asked, and Joel hushed her quickly, earning a wide grin from Ellie. “I’m a fucking genius.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Joel laid back down, closing his eyes as Ellie dropped a thick quilt blanket over the two of you.

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