attwdc

[attwdc]

spent the last day and a half getting obsessed with this book again and rewrote a scene from the climaxish that just needed some emotional fine-tuning, pretty pleased with this wholesale addition:

After many seconds Karyn retracted her extended arm, her hand falling to the floor. Her face buried as much as it could into her sweater, her knees, scrambled close as they could be as if she might squeeze herself through a rip in time and emerge from the dark in a better world. For a long minute there was only the stillness and the sound of her sobbing. Through the thick a single, sardonic laugh shook out of her shoulders, escaped her lungs. “You know what’s funny?” Karyn said at last, sniffling. “You know what gets me? I don’t even get to say that it mattered.” She raised her head to glare at him, her face red from anger and tears. “At the end, in the end, you get to win. You get to keep your horrible system. It worked out perfectly in your favor. And I helped you.” To this Death said nothing. It was the first time she hadn’t minded the silence.

[attwdc]

300-ish words today, rewrote a scene between Delta and Oscar to be from Delta's POV since I wasn't satisfied with the version I had written back in 2022.

As he unlatched the door, she spoke out with grave tone: “Don’t let me catch you next time.” The words paused him, but he remained silent, only glanced briefly back, then departed out to the night. Delta should have stopped him. Said mind his back, and the paths he tread; mind deals he might be making, how one’s youth could haunt. Told him it was unwise to turn from the path, for how the thickets scratched, not all dark corners alike, not all protective like the cast of his ilk. Repeated all the things she’d been told, and ignored anyway, but this time make them stick listen, before it all went as it goes, before opportunity had gone.

Something I've been thinking about is how the manner of giving and receiving advice is handled—especially related to tradition, duty etc., and differences in how the characters relate to those things. Originally I had written this scene to have a moment when Oscar looks to Delta here for further advice after she says this, but something about it didn't quite fit anymore... I think a necessary dialectic between him + Diana is that while Diana struggles with authoritative guidance that she desperately wants yet can't follow, Oscar gets that kind of advice unwillingly and wants nothing more than to escape it. Not because he's "above" it—or doesn't need it—but because he craves what (he thinks) Diana has: autonomy.

And, of course, Delta recognizes that, having once been him, spurning her mother's warnings, and so struggles between letting him go and wanting to do what she wishes she could have done for her younger self: slow (herself) down, be more careful, not ensnare (herself) in regrettable pacts just to save someone else. But she knows that (she) won't follow her advice, anyway; so.

(And perhaps even she does this because she wants to teach Oscar better than she taught Triste—wants, though she won't admit it, to see him escape the mindset of over-caution, of playing with the guard rails on, minding approval; having seen how going about things as you're supposed to doesn't prevent disaster and doesn't improve your chances of success—she wants Oscar not to bear the same fears and paranoias that she passed on to Triste.)

[attwdc]

In an effort to try and encourage myself to write more (and to post more) now that I'm trying to actively work on ATTWDC again, I want to start posting on here my progress / writing updates, I think.

over the last few days I've been having a lot of thoughts about endgame stuff, but I also finally finished up a scene I started retooling back in April-ish; with that + a potential near-climax dialogue I've done about 500 words today, and pretty pleased with it.

an excerpt (this is arc 3):

Many years ago, when she had been just a small child, she remembered her mother, swarmed as always by attendants and her trusty advisors, Diana’s childhood tutors then, when she had been preparing Diana to appear for the first time before the gods, preparing to be presented, to present herself. No older than five then, for it had been before, before the war would sweep her mother away, first in attention and time, then of time, forever. Before, when she had been a boisterous child, bright eyed princess of the water. Still then, being princess, and that meaning preparations, and presentation. Meaning putting one’s best foot forward, and keeping one’s gaze carefully metered, and remaining still while being dolled up, settling herself down when told to settle. She turned to Oscar, then, unsettled.

I enjoy writing scenes where Oscar and Diana get to talk honestly about their feelings vis-a-vis power and expectation and the deleterious effects of being told from a young age exactly what you have to be. I think I want to write more of their 1-on-1 interactions, in addition to scenes with both of them + Karyn. these 2 are definitely good friends post-canon. why not during canon?

[attwdc]

power (and) conflict

I've been perusing the Oxford Dictionary of Phrase, Saying, and Quotation and ended up writing this loosely-connected dialogue.

Karyn grimaced, her brow creasing with desperation. "I don't understand it. If you tacitly agree with what he's fighting for, why keep fighting?"

Death replied with no uncertain tone or words: "It is the position of all revolutionaries to either realize the extreme of their means or fail. It is not about agreement or disagreement: if is political power he seeks, he must at last realize the violence it calls for."

"It only calls for violence because that's what you want," she replied angrily. "Ultimately all of this is just whatever rule you and Life play by. You could change it if you wanted."

At that Death smiled thinly. "I suppose I could. But far be it me of all parties to turn down the promise of a good fight."

"And if Triste succeeds?"

"He won't." Death narrowed his eyes. "Fun as it is to bait the game with the lure of possibility, he's already shown the truth. He's too good of a politician to end his campaign by ending me."

"Like what you're doing with him," Karyn said flatly.

"Yes." Death looked over at her. "I'll make no pretense at being any different in this regard. If I willed it, he would be dead many years past. I suspect that he knows as such, as well. But unlike him, I have plenty reason to let him plod along," he said, voice taking a tone unpleasantly pleasant then: "As he fights on, it is only to continue my amusement and minor interests. As I move on, he only increases my source of power and kills his own."

"Still, if you agree, it doesn't seem productive to pretend you don't," Karyn demurred.

"In another scenario, perhaps," Death said. "But it isn't truly his ideology that is the issue—the apple of discord is power, and there is only one way to resolve that contest."

Karyn grimaced again. "So that's the real reason for the warpath." Her voice fell. "Maybe it's just where I'm standing, but it seems everyone would be a whole lot happier if you both gave up the assumption of control and power."

[attwdc]

Can we get scenes from Oscar's childhood too? 😃

Hm, alright.

I’m in a weird mood POV-wise so this might be a bit odd to read. A meshing of first, second, and third.

You’re going to be king someday. Doesn’t that excite you?

“Not really.”

It should. Once the plan’s complete, you’ll have an empire to inherit. Won’t that be nice?

“I don’t want an empire. Can we go home soon?”

You’ll change soon enough.

They say some people are born leaders. You’ve known for as long as you can remember that you’re supposed to be one - after all, those who came before have all been, more or less. It’s just a phase, they say. Come along now, you’ve got quite a bit to learn. After all, you’ll have large shoes to fit, when it comes time, won’t you?

You’ve grown accustomed to being lonely. Not on purpose -no, you’ve been pushed to engage and interact with other kids, to practice for the future- but rather by choice. Being pushed into taking leadership positions isn’t fun when you’re the softest spoken of the bunch.

You ask when you’re six and stray dogs walk with you every day to and from school if you can adopt one; you can’t talk to them exactly but they seem to understand you better than most of the adults you’re stuck around. Animals don’t prod and tell you to sit up straight. Cats lounge all day and occasionally bring you dead mice. Dogs don’t care if you speak quietly, as long as you speak lovingly in your whispers to them.

Stop playing with the strays, love. They probably have diseases. What if one bit you?

They’d never hurt you, you say. “A few dogs scared away some bullies.”

We taught you how to deal with the bullies by yourself. You shouldn’t need them to defend you.

“I don’t want to hurt the bullies. They can be nice sometimes.”

People who hurt you deserve to be hurt back, don’t they?

You shake your head. You go up to your room and dream about the worlds you’ve been told about since you were a baby. They’ll be yours to control someday.

They never ask if you want to control them. Your parents insist that you should practice with your classmates, if nothing else then be a leader in sports or in the class. They’ll never ask if you want to, and while part of you does, mostly you just stare out the window, looking at seagulls and crows and the browning grass field. Though they’ll never ask, maybe someday you would be content with just controlling those things, instead.

[attwdc]

fates and expectations

an alternate ending.

Her words quickened. “ ... Why should suffering be inevitable, for fear and anxiety to always be proven right?” She leaned forward, frustration consolidating into something volatile. “I thought ... maybe my fear was finally being proven wrong. That everything would be okay, and would resolve fine and I’d get out of this mostly unscathed.”

Death watched her for a few seconds longer, then turned away and grimaced. "I don't know what you want me to say here," he said, a passive grudge not quite keeping out of his voice. "I have done what has been possible, and tried not to do what should not have been. Everything else is out of my control."

"Except it isn't," Karyn protested angrily, no longer hiding her tears. "You say that you're doing what you can, or I guess doing what you have to, but the truth is, ultimately, neither of us would be in this situation if not for you." She sat up, fixing her sights on Death. "Every time I've been hurt or in danger, it's because you got distracted, or stood by, or didn't give me ample warning.

"Even when I was about to die, that first day, when I saw you, you didn't say anything. Definitely not anything before that, even though you must have known about Triste's plans in advance, even though you must have known about me dying for ages, you never told me anything. Hell, you and Life are the whole reason I ended up with the parents I had, and you just used that to tell them not to tell me anything, even going so far to swear my best friend into not saying anything.

"And speaking of Diana, what about all that she's been through?" Her face curled then with building anger. "Everyone I talk to speaks about how there's supposed to be honor and respect between the different nations, but how the hell am I supposed to believe that? You of all people must have known what happened to her mother, how she was murdered. Hell, Triste's not even that subtle about it! And despite that, you did nothing? And I'm supposed to keep trusting you to protect me when you wouldn't even do anything when he killed a queen?"

Her eyebrows creased, tone turning with desperation. "And for what? Just because you wanted to live by the illusion that all these things are happening outside of you? Just because it's what you've always done? What's the goddamn point of that?"

As Karyn had spoken Death had turned his gaze off of her, expression worsening. "What would you have of me?" Death demanded. "To reverse time and undo all bad things with a snap of the fingers? Or perhaps you wish only I could bring back the dead, for you. To unwrite it all, as it would seem I am able, to you."

"Change, Death," Karyn replied, voice flattening with exhaustion. The air bore down heavy, the forest outside gone silent. "That's all I've ever asked of you. For you to finally change."

In response, Death stood. There was no visual certainty, but in the air it was as if Death were gathering his things, retreating into himself. The moment stayed for but a second, the time in which Karyn wished he might sit back down and speak, say something at last not antagonism.

Death instead, turning from her, moved to the door, and said only, "Then perhaps you should ask for something else."

reasons and metaphors

alt title: I Read Too Many Submissions for my College’s Lit Mag About Rape and Started Thinking About Ingrained Fear And Being Raised A Girl

related music: “Pretty Little Things” by The Crane Wives

Canon-adjacent for ATTWDC. Would be around chapters 26-27.

The cottage was silent around them, winter night draping its muting hands over the forest. Even the winds had already settled, leaving alone the trees and bushes to rest. In an hour or two Diana would arrive from the lake, but until then Karyn sat in the dark just enough leaning into herself that the canvas of the cot felt the only thing else in the world.

Well, the cot and the unescapable sense of being watched.

Her knee pulled up to her chest and forming a resting-place for the side of her face, Karyn stared into the darkness across to where she knew Death lounged, as always. Faint silver traced him against the wall, but without any reference points the silhouette seemed detached; floating. At some perceived distance away, still, but for lack of comparison could have been unbearably close. Not as if distance mattered. Only presence.

She took in a breath, the rushing of air sounding like a howling wind. “I never told you,” Karyn began, the words disappearing immediately into the stillness, “the reason why I was so uncomfortable with you being around while I’m asleep. Back then.”

When Death replied, it sounded from a safe distance. “I think I have figured out the reason.”

“Did you?” Doubt; a raised eyebrow.

“I didn’t want to raise the subject as I understand it is a.. sensitive subject.” Death paused, in a manner which he had taken to when unsure of her reason for mentioning something, waiting for further prompt. “I understand if you don’t want to discuss it further,” he said.

“I don’t.. not want to talk about it,” Karyn said, and then amended, “I think we need to talk about it. It feels relevant.”

“Now?”

“Now.”

Keep reading

[attwdc]

fun little canon-adjacent thing which I keep thinking about: canonically a lot of the magic that keeps Life's house (& her lab specifically) running and in order is more of less just an extension of her since she spends all her time There and it gives her very close control over all of it.

but, at least once in a millennium, she needs a break. and that includes Not Constantly Dedicating Like Ten Percent Of Herself To Keeping It Together. maybe even more often than once in a millennium honestly. sometimes you need to Consult Possible Futures and for her that means taking a little nap ["little" means "anywhere between a day to three years"].

so, what's she to do?

well, here's the thing. while maintaining her experiments and keeping track of them is something she only does herself with rare assistance from whoever she's trained to be her apprentice (in ATTWDC's timeframe, this is Zeta), the magic that just Keeps The House Running is, ostensibly, also something Death could do. hypothetically. it's essentially just a bundle of very complicated enchantments which are manually kept in balance, which requires being able to keep a constant magical connection to all the Stuff (which is just a bit out of the range of most Sentient magic practitioners. just a bit). and, canonically, he Can maintain enchantments that she's cast -- it comes up in arc 4 with enchanted bandages that Karyn has to wear. so, hypothetically, it's possible.

with one small issue.

in order to do this, their relationship has to be mutually good enough such that (1) Life actually trusts Death enough to Maintain Her House, and furthermore, (2) Death somehow doesn't resent Life enough to say no out of spite and also you want me to baby your house? with all of your precious little experiments in it? for how long while you go take a break? very funny joke.

now, sometimes Death can be persuaded with the argument that it's mutually beneficial for Life to take a peek at potential futures. but, he would argue that this puts a pretty low time cap on her "vacation", and anyways technically she doesn't have to Sleep TM to do that.

but, like, really -- what benefit does it serve Death to do this? it means that he's stuck in her house instead (cringe), can't take any breaks (rough), has to do a type of work he hates (pass), and moreover do it for a potentially extended period of time? [death voice] "absolutely not, die, never ask me of this again"

except. this most certainly counts as Doing Life A Favor. which, in their messy and very antagonistic relationship, means that Death gets to make a Equivalent Or At Least Ostensibly Equal Demand in response. sometimes involving some of those aforementioned experiments which Life famously does Not like Death knowing about or meddling with. sometimes involving external political disputes that they've ended up on opposing sides of. sometimes a Avoid Judgment For Making Questionable Decisions card, abolitionist relative of the Monopoly game get out of jail free card. no Death will not tell you what he plans to use that card for ahead of time, best not to speculate about it too much.

which puts them at a fun little impasse: are they getting well enough along for this to be a conversation in the first place? are the mutual potential rewards worth the mundane or potentially high-chaotic side effects? will this be the time that fuck it, Life decides she wants to try one of those century-long naps that Death used to take all the time back in the Pliocene? party like it's 3200 BC? engage herself in a little terrorism with the factions who misbehaved most recently? will Death decide that maybe now would be the great time to take all of her work hostage because fuck you I'm still not over how you blew my cover back in the third century AD? or even not for any reason, just as a power play, see how much you enjoy being flexed on for no good reason? doesn't even do anything overtly malicious, but just slightly rearranges the rooms in her house because it'll be funny to mess with her muscle memory?

and ultimately, I think they probably do end up agreeing mutually so she can Take A Much Needed Break once every few hundred years or so since Life took residence in her lunar abode. but every time, rest assured, there are at least five levels of mind games going on, and neither of them are 100% sure that they got the winning end of the bargain.

[attwdc]

flew home after visiting family and did a low effort drawing of Karyn and Diana while on the plane for the sole purpose of using this dress design that I saw on a store window back in June and immediately went "Diana would 100% wear this if it were blue"

[attwdc]

attwdc in songs, draft 7 edition

Reduxing > THIS < post, because I've made a lot of changes in draft 7 so far and want to reflect that with an updated song lineup! this will be incomplete as to only reflect the sections I've rewritten (up to early-mid arc 3).

ARC 1: IGNORANCE

“Human of the Year” by Regina Spektor

"Keep It Together" by The Mystery Skulls [demo]

"Eyes Wide Open" by Gotye

“Death and All His Friends / The Escapist” by Coldplay

“January 28, 1986 + Galaxies” by Owl City

"Why Must We Tell Them, Why?" from 35mm: A Musical Exhibition

"Letters" from The Great Comet of 1812

ARC 2: DENIAL

“Death on Two Legs (Dedicated to…)” by Queen

"New Rules / Are You That Somebody?" by Pentatonix

"Savages" by Marina and the Diamonds

“Walking Through Memories” by Nell

“Spring and the Storm” by Tally Hall

"C'mon" by Ke$ha

"Hurricane (Johnnie's Theme)" by Lord Huron

“Mr. Fear” by SIAMÉS

“The Phoenix” by Fall Out Boy

ARC 3: ANGER

"Dreams Extinction" by Alexander Panos

“Do Not Fight the Storm” from Allegiance

"Things We Lost in the Fire" by Bastille

"ta fête" by Stromae

"This Ain't A Scene, It's An Arms Race" by Fall Out Boy

"Find Someone" by Sheppard

——this covers about to chapter 25. I should also note that this is different from the music I actually listen to while writing, in part because I don't even have any singular playlist with all these tracks, but anyway. You can maybe note some shifts in when emotional beats happen / the pacing of arc 1 by comparing this version to the previous one. I took a slightly more chapter-by-chapter approach, which means that if this were a real playlist, some of these transitions would be ...chaotic. But that's just how it goes :)

[attwdc]

Gimme some setting swap!

you got it! in which Karyn and Death have a mostly mundane conversation about being hungry at 12AM.

A kitchen which, Karyn quickly realized, was devoid of things to eat. Aside from a tin of looseleaf chrysanthemum tea and a random assortment of dried spices, the kitchen was empty; with a small frown Karyn exited the kitchen once more and trundled down the hall toward where Death still reclined in the living room. She peeked her head around the corner with a raised eyebrow and spoke with faux levity. “Hey. Quick question.” “Hm?” “There’s like nothing to eat in this apartment?” “No, there isn’t.” Death grimaced. “And as I had no intention of leaving you alone while also asleep to rectify the issue, it wasn’t possible to fix that before night fell. Tomorrow if it suits you then I can go out and see for such things.” “I can come with you. My feet and legs are mostly fine, and I’ll be awake,” Karyn said dryly. “Anyway, we could just go now. Where are we, anyway? There’s got to be a convenience store or something open.”

[attwdc]

please write a bit of ATTWDC for wip wednesday.

(crying cat image) send help this scene is murdering me in cold blood

“Hey, I put up with you spending ten million years gossiping with everyone we’ve stayed with these last few months,” Karyn replied indignantly. “Plus, I’m the one who’s going to be eating whatever we buy, not you.” When his expression didn’t change, she added flatly: “Fine, I was joking about the convenience store thing. Obviously I’m not a baby, I can wait until morning. But I’m not joking about tagging along. I’m bored out of my mind here, and it’ll be nice to see where we’re at.” A long moment passed in which Death remained silent, and then just said, “I don’t think that’s wise.”

(bold is what I had written before; included for context)

[attwdc]

3 sentences on setting swap please!!

you get four! congrats?

Still fuming silently Delta had cut through the dark back home, thinking morosely on the best course of action before at last tossing off her slippers in frustration and collapsing back against her bed. It was of no use going to see Zeta then; evening was falling over the island and her sister would likely be either asleep or temperamental at the disturbance. Delta closed her eyes; tried to stymy the anger in her heart.

decided to give up temporarily on the scene I was writing and start a new one. this is the start of the new scene

[attwdc]

"setting swap.scriv" please!

coming right up !

Delta closed her eyes; tried to stymy the anger in her heart. It did nothing to be resentful toward the gods; the best which could be done was to keep oneself out of their thoughts, and to keep in better graces when their attention turned. To toe the line one way or another, she had learned, was far less important than keeping quiet. An unsteady knock came from her front door.

[attwdc]

ATTWDC [“setting swap.scriv”] for the WIP Wednesday Game please!

on the shorter side, but I think I'm going to cut off this scene here, so:

An unsteady knock came from her front door. Delta didn’t move. She considered cursing out whoever was bothering her, or simply waiting for them to leave. “It’s unlocked,” she wearily called out instead. The door timidly swung open, and two heads peeked in, two nervous teenagers, wearing expressions which betrayed that her day would likely involving making much, much more noise.

[attwdc]

1, 9, and 20?

>:)c going to do this for ATTWDC

1. Give a 5-word summary of this chapter/fic.

"Magical politics, mostly about Death." lol

9. What is your favorite dialogue you’ve written so far?

oh this is DIFFICULT... constraining this to new dialogue for draft 7 (setting swap) and not anything from previous ones / that's been grandfathered in, I have an intense soft spot for this exchange (transcript in alt):

(marge meme) I just think more gods should be non-binary

20. Share 3 images that would fit to a mood board for this chapter/fic.

in lieu of reusing ones from an old mood board [here, fwiw.]. I can find 3 memes on my phone / laptop for this. bonus is 2/3 of these also work for the sequence of chapters I've been working on. lmao.

I would draw more on aesthetics but I think this is a more realistic moodboard

[attwdc]

after years of vague-as-shit descriptions and generic ideas in my head in finally codifying what Karyn's burns on arcs 3-4 look like and with the modifications of in-universe circumstances they're actually... not that bad. I mean it's still pretty bad but could've been worse

[attwdc]

OC pride drawing 1/X, ft. Diana (left, bi flag) and Karyn (right, pan flag) :’]

Karyn’s earring is the aperiodic regular tile which was discovered earlier this year, because it wouldn’t be a true pride drawing if I didn’t also flaunt the fact that she’s a nerd and also I happen to think it’s a very pleasant shape