augustrambleson - Tumblr blog

[augustrambleson]

when i first made my mom watch little women (2019) with me because i loved the movie when i watched it for a film class and i remembered she said she liked the book growing up, i asked her who her favorite character was at the end.

she said she loved the mom. why? i asked.

she said that the mom listened. listened to what her daughters had to say and supported them as they grew up. and that she was kind, giving, even when they themselves didn't have enough.

this is when a bombshell was dropped: she told me that she wished her mom listened as much as she did. my lola (grandma, for you non-filipinos out there) was as kind and giving, but she didn't stop to listen.

and that broke my heart. because i saw my mom as the mom in little women when i first watched it.

she became everything that she wanted and needed.

[augustrambleson]

forever crying at the fact that the most loving way anyone has ever said my name (that was caught on camera at least) was from a recording from 2009, where my mom was making a video tour of our new place in america and at the end she points the camera at me and says, "and that's august"

and i am 5 years old, playing in the backyard, unaware of her recording, running around with a pink bucket.

the video cuts off as i spot her and start running towards her. i am squealing with joy.

[augustrambleson]

julia nicole camp was right about crushes and the stack of john quincy adams biographies. for me, it was reading the entirety of chainsaw man in a week because they were a fan of the series and they recommended it to me

[augustrambleson]

funny how love found me like a speeding car while i was just turning the corner

[augustrambleson]

sometimes self care is ripping apart a quarter of roast chicken with your bare hands

[augustrambleson]

i'll put this here since no one that is associated with this rant will ever find this. perhaps. if they do, then here are my feelings about it all.

in short, my two best friends hate each other, and i don't know if i can fix it. not to say that i have to, but i wonder if i could have, you know?

we all lived together in the same apartment and essentially they had a massive communication breakdown over the span of two years which meant that they had a bad falling out. i was the peson they talked shit to about each other, which caught me in the middle. and i've told them, repeatedly, that i don't want to be that, but i think they do it subconsciously so they rant to me anyway. god, i'm so tired and sick of them now, as much as i hate to say it. we've all literally been through hell together and yet i want it to all be over.

so what i've gathered from this experience from living with both of them in the same apartment is that they don't talk to each other anymore because they didn't talk to each other in the first place.

and now i don't want to talk to either of them anymore, and i don't want roommates ever again for the rest of my life.

[augustrambleson]

well, well, well. looks like therapy is unaffordable right now, so yelling into the void of the internet seems to be the best choice as of late.

it's late and usually i'd yell my thoughts into my tape recorder, but i don't have access to that either right now. so, hello internet! welcome to game august theory!