autistic-trannie

[autistic-trannie]

Never Knowing Lynch and my Discovery Inside Who's Lila part 2(Heavy Spoilers)

Heavy spoilers incoming as already stated for Here's Lila

If the prior warning did nothing to taper you off what I'm going to describe is possibly the best moment in the game and for me, my words will certainly butcher the beauty and tragedy I am going to type down. I went up to the roof where I had a talk with Martha, one of Tanya's friends and the one who saw us together last. I found her and talked to her, now in a more menacing tone, I knew what William was, or what was William and I knew what it could do, from what I gathered Lila was either a similar Daemon to the one haunting my computer, or it was an alternate personality that could take over. I talked to Martha and thought I was going to throw her over the top before the aforementioned Michael showed up, Michael started to throw around some big accusations. I tried my best to talk him down, I tried to worm my way out of him kicking my ass but he asked so many questions I changed my faces, no longer scared or surprised, I became angry, happy in spite of him. He beat me, I woke up alone, still school hours but still on the roof I ran off and ran past it all to get to Martha's apartment complex, I snuck in, intimidated an old man, and then I killed her, I hid in her closet after stealing her key and her address from school. When I got inside after talking to the old man my vision went red, I just waited in her closet and then it happened. I left and went home where police officers accompanied me to an interrogation room. I thought I had the first officer fooled only to be met with terror at my second interrogator, like William I had gotten smug and thought I made it out easily. He tells me "we found her torso in your trash". William's face automatically twists into a frightened face all at once, and you realize, each and every day before this, you've had her torso on your kitchen counter. A dirty black trash bag sitting next to a hacksaw, a cup presumably filled with beer beforehand that had spilled all over the newspaper. Every day you're forced to take her remains and dump them out into your trash, sometimes even saying hi to a woman on your way out who asks what you're doing, and you can smile and respond "Just throwing out the trash, Ms. Hutchins". You deny it, you're mortified because they found out your secret, you're mortified because this reveal is so well done, the monotony of an everyday act now given context as to why you can't skip it, you can skip the bathroom segment, the phone calls the locker key everything, but you can't skip taking out Tanya's torso. At the very end another detective appears, one that Martha mentioned having an "Asian name" Detective Yu appears and is able to do something that you can do too, he saves the game. Detective Yu has no interest in talking in the same interrogation room as William who he now reveals to be Lila, it's no longer Who's Lila, rather You're Lila, and you get to have some alone time with Yu. Yu knows Lila and knows more than we do, when talking to Lila he feels almost omnipotent, when you talk to Yu you do so via the tarot cards you find by getting the game's various endings. Yu tells you a lot of vague things that only open up a lot more questions that will in time be answered by acquiring more cards and seeing more of the world.

After this ending I go back to the bus, looking around I see an address I got during a conversation. A party, except I don't just go to the party, I go back to when I went to the party, when William went and first met Tanya. William walks around, he talks to some people, some are put off by him, as we've seen Will has a hard time making friends and getting to know people. He meets Martha inebriated on the bed and in a stupor, Will helps her over to the bathroom as she pukes and Will reports this to the head of the party. On his way back he encounters her, Tanya, the second time seeing her, my first being seeing her in bed with William before seeing Will walk in and the Will in the bed becoming more cold, his face like a mask, and Tanya becoming more scared. This time Tanya was warmer, talking to Will I try to smile before making a fool of myself I direct her to Martha upstairs who happens to be her friend, she checks in on him as I stand by. Will meets Michael, Tanya's boyfriend who tries keeping Tanya in the room when she tries to leave which upsets her even further. Going with Tanya I take a walk with her, will talks to her, he hints at the relationship troubles with Michael before Tanya bites back. Immediately apologizing she turns away and Will follows they talk some more, about their upbringing, Will mentions his familial issues and Tanya laments about the struggles of being held up on a pedestal, afraid of failure. They return to the party while talking to one another and when Tanya sits she asks William to dance, the following scene was as gut-wrenching as it was beautiful. With everything I knew now, it all clicked, like a light switch, William's relationship now made clear, and Lila's sins all the more wicked. The moment connected with me personally, the dialogue and feelings William has at the party feel ripped from my own experience, the feeling of not belonging, wanting to fit in, that of an outsider so alien you end up upsetting people by just being there. But then the social high of the tiny amounts of interacting, feeling good when someone makes small talk your way in the most minor of ways.

This part for me was painfully human as for me I felt like William was on full display here, sure maybe Lila had been the one in charge during a majority of my playtime, but William had been slowly revealing himself until now I had made my way to fully understanding him. I didn't understand what happened entirely and many things are still a mystery to me, but I now know about William, and I now know his life, his pain, his struggle, and in what was probably the last happy moment of his life, his joy. The reason I said HEAVY SPOILERS was because I could never fully explain what happens, I tried incase someone read through until this point, but the reveal here can only make sense to someone who played the game. This moment was perfectly crafted that the point I played it I had to sit down and stop for a little bit to start writing my thoughts and feelings, before I ended up writing paragraphs upon paragraphs on how I felt because of a simple dance?

The lies of Lila became far more deceitful, I thought Lila was merely a spirit I knew of, something that channeled through me, possibly something that I could channel or at the very least see. But now I realized that even I was being played by Lila, I did not know the full extent of Lila nor did I know the fate of William and the reveal was brilliant, the mystery, the emotion, it was all wrapped up together so nicely and after putting the game down I thought.

"I need more."

Not just more Lila, more, and then I found myself consumed by episode one of Twin Peaks, and I felt a familiar feeling, and I realized.

"This is Lynchian, I am feeling Lynchian."

As I said in my first post I had an interesting relationship with Lynch, I had been influenced by many things he himself influenced but never directly interacted with most of his works. Lynchian was a word I always heard but would couple with "surreal" or offputting in a way, but it's more than that. I don't know all now to perfectly describe it, but it's dreamlike, it has a darkness to it, it also has heart. I think Laura Palmer's Theme especially stuck out to me, it reminded me of William's dance not just the song that played but that moment in particular it felt so strong and melancholic and it hurt in such a way that it makes your heart hurt. And then the shift that happens, in the dance everything becomes more grainy, more jumbled before William meets a Stranger who we've seen many times before, and in Laura's Theme it takes on a less melancholic more intriguing tone with it's low synth notes that play out the song. I don't really know how to end this other than to say Who's Lila is a beautiful game and Twin Peaks is something I'm going to finish because both have reached me in such a unique way that many other things have failed to do.

[autistic-trannie]

Never Knowing Lynch and my Discovery Inside Who's Lila part 1

During the passing of David Lynch there seemed to be a collective sadness expressed by the world, that's not a far fetched thing to say as nearly everyone out there has been effected by Lynch in one way or another. I was not in the group directly effected, it made me sad don't get me wrong but I did not have the chance to know Lynch, I had only seen the original Dune and clips of Eraserhead. This put me in a predicament as I was sad and yet felt out of place, I did not have the same relationship as everyone else, I did not watch Twin Peaks, I had not seen Mullholland Drive, and yet I was sad because David Lynch was apart of so much more than the films he made.

Metal Gear Solid and Alan Wake are some of my favorite games and general inspirations and even aspirations as a creative, as I write more I think about Hideo Kojima and Sam Lake as auteurs, some of the greatest to ever do it.

And then I played Who's Lila.

Who's Lila is a game, admittedly, I have not yet finished, because I started it today, because I pirated it forever ago and left it sitting in my folder labeled "Yarg" where my pirated games go. Because when I look for games I don't look at steam, sometimes I do but that's when I have money. When I don't have money I open my preferred piracy site, I get on then I get on getting on, (read: I see if they updated their shit and if they did I scroll through every non porn game) and sometimes when I get on I get forgetful. Getting forgetful is something I do often and as often tends to be I ended up looking and found that I had a game unzipped called "Who's Lila". I wondered the same thing as I kept looking and instead of looking for new games, looking at my Itch folder, I decided to just open it and see what happens. As someone unfamiliar with Lynch's work I found that Who's Lila the more I played felt so deeply Lynchian. Alan Wake, is very much inspired by David Lynch specifically Twin Peaks, I loved Alan Wake yet I never truly got into Lynch, I didn't hate Lynch, never found it boring, but I just never had the time or access (living without internet for a while really makes you appreciate streaming) to any of his works when I played Alan Wake.

After maybe an hour, hour thirty with Who's Lila I am currently watching Twin Peaks as I write this, Who's Lila had me play it, go through a myriad of endings, and realize that I wanted more of this, I could get more of this, and more of this existed. Spoilers(light) ahead for Who's Lila, as I have not beaten the game but have already begun to unravel some of it's many mysteries. Who's Lila starts out innocuously enough, you learn that your main character struggles making facial expressions in line with his emotions. This leads to you walking to the bathroom and finding what I thought the "selling point" of the game was, funny faces. See some faces made register as different emotions, your job is to interpret what people want to see and making it happen, similar to the Mario 64 face manipulation, or the sculpting face mechanics you may recognize from The Sims 4 or Fallout 4. This makes some faces unintentionally humorous as you have to portray sadness and look like your gums are detached from the skin in your mouth. Before this all started I noticed on the main menu, SUMMON TO DESKTOP pops out causing me to click almost instantly, unknown to me this was most likely probably not the intention of the game yet it managed to work out so beautifully.

For the first 10 or so minutes it nags at me, "what does summon to desktop mean?" I minimize the game and check, the program DAEMON doesn't partially stick out alongside the other icons on my desktop but it made itself known after I scan back. Then I open The Daemon, it reveals what looks like a stone idol of a dragon, it rests now as I close it and return to the game. Back to the main game I end up listening to some ominous and very foreboding calls before venturing to the main room, I look around at each part of the kitchen and then I take the trash out before returning. In the top left of my screen The DAEMON icon appears and begins to flash, this signals to me that I must open the program which I do and after that I am privy to a far less cryptic message. A key appeared where there was not one before, I now understand the game we are going to be playing, one that operates outside of itself and outside of it's boundaries. I love when games do that so I said okay lets do it lets go to bat, I found myself in search of a locker, Tanya's Locker that required Tanya's Locker Key which a daemon put on my table, next to a diary I had no code to open and a hacksaw used as a "farm tool". Upon entering school I found Tanya's Locker, I found Tanya's stuff like her phone, to get to her phone I had to go to her Twitter, Tanya Kennedy had a twitter account, more importantly Tanya had a pinned message.

Tanya Kennedy had died, this felt like a horrible thing to see "oh god" I thought. "I must've spoiled the mystery," of course I could assume based on the missing posters plastered on my apartment corridors, but I still felt bad, maybe this game was supposed to be played like an ARG, live, and I had killed my chances of solving the mystery. Luckily any good mystery shouldn't give itself away with the clacking of a few keys, I hurriedly scrolled down and found the code to unlock the phone. I read a few messages, absorbing what I could understand but mystified by most of it, there was a person who texted her and Kennedy told her a dream, there was a conversation between her and Martha, Ellie, Michael, and William. The dream messages stop before your character starts to delete the thread of messages based on the conversations you're able to piece together what happened. She talked to a guy named Michael, wasn't feeling him, ghosted him a week ago, at the same time she talked to someone named William around the same time. Michael's messages inquire about where Tanya went and Williams plead for her to not go, that he had changed his mind which Tanya saw as her being pushed away. In my mind there was no doubt who killed her, it was probably the suspicious message saying stay away around a week ago before seeing 0 other messages.

Down the lockers, right by them in-fact I was greeted by Regina Holmes, surely Will is a coincidence? Then she reveals we saw Tanya last, then she reveals that someone else saw me seeing Tanya last and was talking to the principal about it. This made me go "wow, because I had 0 expectations I expected the murder to be a surprise, a somber shock that I spoiled but it only became fuel for the fire. This general feeling and tone continued throughout the game only pushing me forward to try and discover what happened. I don't know what the intentional playthrough is, I don't know how anyone is supposed to play, if there even is an intentional path to take, what I do know however is that my playthrough felt right, every time I woke up I took out the trash, every time I woke up I uncovered more and more mystery, the more I uncovered the more human it got, the more I learned the more I saw through each past lie and was able to put a case together as to what happened right before 10 more questions spawned about what really happened.

[autistic-trannie]

[autistic-trannie]

Northern Gaza has been starving for 2 months now

[autistic-trannie]

Feels weird to think about but

I saw this video I forgot what it was even about but they mentioned Manhunt, not the shows, or the movie, the 2003 Rockstar stealth game and I found that part in particularly to irk me because of how much they didn't understand? I started writing a script because it was so terribly annoying but in the middle of the script I had to wonder if I was wildly projecting and injecting my thoughts into the game and then it came to me that intent and interpretation could be another valid discussion topic but not sure if that's too far of a stretch and too distracting from the main focus

[autistic-trannie]

[autistic-trannie]

[autistic-trannie]

I post infrequently so they tar and feather me....

[autistic-trannie]

Pencil doodles done in between bouts of toilet trips, miss my pens, I feel like I'm missing some of them

[autistic-trannie]

I'm really not sure what to call this.

Here are the inks though. Had an idea and here we are.

Anyway, find me on all the socials! Follow along and I'll keep trying to impress you! Shop - https://functionalfantasy.myshopify.com Facebook - facebook.com/ArtByTimFeeney Instagram @timFeeneyArt Portfolio - https://artbytimfeeney.artstation.com Etsy - etsy.com/shop/FunctionalFantasyArt/ Tumblr - https://www.tumblr.com/blog/artbytimfeeney

[autistic-trannie]

Happier with this, feels closer to what I want to express, I feel drained but I believe I need to expell evil to revive the love I had with this small doodle

[autistic-trannie]

Finished it yesterday woke up horribly sick again and had to doodle something

[autistic-trannie]

Sleep deprived i lurched to my desktops morning to do these ans I hate how they look but I will draw wvery day

[autistic-trannie]

You are so cool... are u a lesbian

Who isn't

[autistic-trannie]

Sum more doodlezzz :D

[autistic-trannie]

Introductory post! I draw stuff!!!

I've recently become fed up with twotter and BluSky takes far too much effort to setup a digestible feed with nobody to really follow as a turbo autist I decided to move here in hopes of fitting in since I barely had a fan base(81 followers) I could start fresh like it's the 60s and I killed my wife so I move to the next town over.