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I wish people would be honest and say they wouldn’t care if I died

I wish anybody would take my bpd seriously at all. Nobody does!!! They just act like it isn’t there and like it doesn’t matter if they ignore me .

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“I’m going to help my friend’s daughter move, she’s more social than you” bro just say she’s your girlfriend and you’re replacing us idk

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Ppl will be like “you know it’s really negative to say you think people don’t like you =/ how do you think that makes them feel that you feel like they don’t like you =/“ like SORRY MY MENTAL ILLNESS MAKES ME PARANOID?????? And usually when people voice concerns of people not liking them it’s when they have very little indication from anybody that they don’t . Some people have NO INDICATION that they aren’t disliked and struggle to tell why people do certain things and saying that there IS a reason for them to be hated isn’t going to help!!!

ppl act like they’re so amazing for preaching kindness while putting down people who clearly have self esteem issues and giving them more reasons to hate themself just to make themselves look better for being so kind and confident 😇

I’m sorry if you actually cared about people with mental issues you wouldn’t use their paranoia and trust issues against them idk. How about instead of gloating about how confident you are we discuss how we can communicate better with each other and understand better instead of critiquing people struggling with stuff idk.

ID ALSO LIKE TO NOTE. I am aware it can be toxic to constantly complain that you feel like people don’t like you, but it’s not something said just to be mean.

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I hate ppl who act like disorders excuse you being shitty person like no . IT JUST it doesn’t matter. it just bothers me a lot because on one side there’s people like “I have [disorder] and I’m not [outward angry/paranoid symptoms] about it 😇” while others are like “if you present [symptoms that make you genuinely mean and toxic] you matter and are valid💕”

It’s not even necessarily that I fully disagree I guess but the entire internet feels like a game of tug a war of who’s problems are valid and who do I decide to call an asshole today and everybody is playing on both sides but really at the end of the day if somebody was about to die they wouldn’t do a thing about it.

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I think ppl get too caught up trying to validate mental illnesses like “just because you have mental disorder doesn’t mean you’re bad 😋 just because you do these toxic things that hurt people doesn’t mean you’re bad actually😁” as if it’s not a mental DISORDER that could cause TOXIC TRAITS. It’s a disorder for a reason and it could make you act shitty and you’re really just acting like the people who don’t experience those symptoms are better than the ones who do or else you’re validating toxic behavior . Mental illness symptoms can make you toxic that’s just the fact of it.

You’re either excusing toxic traits with mental illness or you’re ignoring that they could be part of it and I think maybe we should be more aware that being shitty could sometimes just be part of it and maybe acting like certain traits are excusable isn’t what we should be doing here. We shouldn’t be excusing traits we should be finding ways to stop them.

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Vent

TW animal abuse, intrusive thoughts, self harm

Does anybody else get super violent thoughts when you’re overstimulated and the only way to keep urself from acting them out is hurting urself. I feel bad because I don’t want to hurt my dogs but every time they bark a lot or my dad complains about them all I could think about is hurting them 😔

Lately I’ve just been biting myself very hard until they stop or hitting myself in the head. But in the past I’ve also stabbed and cut myself . There aren’t really any other options thatd feel okay.

Every time they start barking it’s like a shock goes through my spine and everything feels bad 😣 I can shut my ears but I can still hear them. I used to hallucinate the sound of dogs barking while I was trying to sleep too! This was only temporary though, over a year ago. Not really relevant but I just hate the sound of dogs barking!

I am also scared of my dad hurting them sometimes. Sometimes he kicks them but if he gets really mad he will spank them. Once one of them broke his leash and tried to run away and he hit him multiple times. He will get angry even if they touch him it’s annoying because almost every time at dinner he will complain about it and all I could think about is stabbing them.

The dogs love me though, I’d feel really guilty if I hurt them! They like to follow me and sleep in my room. I just get scared my dad will get mad at them.

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Was I ur friend or was I ur pet. Were you taking me with you as a friend or playing with me like a dog.

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I can’t have close friends theyll all forget about me and it’ll hurt really bad. I’m tired of liking people who forget about me

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Nobody regrets how they treat me

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Is it wrong to desire to be loved!??? Is it wrong to desire attention??? Is it wrong to desire mutual efforts put into a relationship???????

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Accepting the fact that majority of my friends don’t actually care if I’m alive genuinely that’s just a fact atp Im not being mean if it’s true.

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I’m so unwell I have a big cut rn

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The desire to be wanted is unending

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I need metal straw to be realll I need us to be realll I wanna be in Aadshend . It’s a shitty place but better than here as long as she’s there

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Am I a baby for wanting friends who care about my well-being????????

I can’t tell if my thoughts are true or not like in my head I genuinely think my friends keep bringing up my triggers with me in mind. Like with the amount of times we have said we don’t wanna hear it even more times have people brought them up. It’s like they want me dead.

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I can’t tell if my thoughts are true or not like in my head I genuinely think my friends keep bringing up my triggers with me in mind. Like with the amount of times we have said we don’t wanna hear it even more times have people brought them up. It’s like they want me dead.

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I genuinely believe they bring up things to trigger me on purpose. I think they are trying to use their own issues to excuse how they treat me and it hurts.

Why does nobody love me WHYYYYYYYY. There’s some people I think we should block not because they’re bad but because they clearly don’t like us that much and it’s eating me up inside but we can’t cut them off because we share a lot of mutual friends 😐

It makes it hard not to just fully isolate myself because I associate everybody with everybody. All our friends know each other and I don’t wanna be a drama-starter but the fact most of them ignore I exist is breaking me to pieces. None of them care if I suffer or anything . None of them say sorry when they hurt me. None of them tell me why they treat me like this. I don’t know if we’re even friends or not atp or if they just pretend we are.

I find myself fawning over people who don’t give a shit abt me and feeling apathetic towards people who do and I don’t get why. Why can’t I care about the right people?????? Why is my fixation on people so displaced????

I have no choice but to suffer through it or die. No other options.