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graph of what being hungry is like with adhd

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god I would be UNSTOPPABLE if I was capable of consistently initiating tasks. just you wait. you'll be waiting a while but just you wait

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Hey. Hey you. The person aimlessly scrolling, stuck in an immobilized standoff with your brain

It's not your fault. You won't be stuck forever. I know you're trying. I know you hate it. It's ok.

And tell the Mean Voice in your head that it's not helping. It knows as well as you do that you would get up and Just Start the task if you could. You're not doing this on purpose.

Take a deep breath. Relax your jaw. I see you trying so hard to break out of it, but you can't force it. You'll get Unstuck eventually. All you can do in the interim is be kind to yourself.

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I feel better in a crowd because all the chatter feels like home to my brain

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I just don't think I could handle it if I go into this coffee shop and it feels small and cramped. Like the whole point of getting a latte on a sunny fall Sunday afternoon is to remind myself that the world is bigger than i thought it was, so that defeats the whole purpose if I go in there and it's actually depressing. And I just don't think I can take that right now. I'm not sure I would survive.

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u don't compute

i struggle to imagine memory

to think of us adjacent

you are not an integer

we are a non-real value

characters beyond the scope of this field

an emoji in my filename

an exception commented out

written in my body, but slashed beyond the veil

if i am this corrupted by the thought of you

i cannot imagine what the real thing will do to me

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It feels like an oncoming sneeze

A permanent and continuous inhale

Pursed lips to stop myself from telling you

That I love you

That you look beautiful

That I'm making a conscious decision to let myself fall

I am not simple enough to say that you take my breath away and fill me with butterflies and that my stomach drops when you walk in the room. These are not the correct details.

I've fucked this up enough times before to know that if the thought exists--actually, even if the thought doesn't exist--if the attempt to not think it does, that that means it's real. But a real impulse does not constitute an inevitable love.

No one knows better than me how a feeling can be deleted.

Because the question is: do I love you? or am I just sourcing assets for my daydream.

AND SHOULDNT THIS BE A HAPPY THING??? Having lived so much of life with no one to be in love with, shouldnt the gift of feeling anything be enough?

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You could understand you are fully capable of understanding

But you don't want to

You want to sit

I want to sit

I love sitting

I love the sofa

Some days I think I am the sofa

I am the sofa more than you are

You are a worker

I am a dreamer

Who dreams from the sofa

The dreamer is only a dreamer to the dreamer

To everyone else

He is asleep on the sofa

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Movies rely on miracles.

We think that these people, these characters, who have lives that are worth becoming movies are such because they are interesting people who make things happen. They take risks and are quirky and relatable and daring and witty and cool and so uncool and unique. But they are dependent on circumstances. So dependent on the Hand of Plot intervening through situations that are plausible. The main character just so happens to live next door to the other main character. The right character just happens to walk in on you crying to create a bonding moment. What happens when these plausible events don't happen. Do you curate reality to earn your indie movie moments? How long do you wait for someone to find you brooding on the rooftop?

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"You exist you exist you exist you exist you exist you exist you exist you exist you exist you exist you exist you exist you exist you exist you exist you exist"

-mirrors and windows on the sidewalk probably

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this interview is like a year old but

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Bo burnham came back from the abyss after years of not touching comedy. His latest special was amazing,meta,deep and even funny but dear god i did not expect him to be a fucking femboy resident evil hiesenberg with the mentality of a nihilistic and depressed willy wonka.

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bo will make multiple specials about how social media is a lie and parasocial relationships are abhorrent and that you as an audience member don't fucking know him and people will STILL be like "ugh poor him this was so raw and real I want to give him a hug and be his friend :((" like what's not clicking!!!!

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I fully understand people being worried for Bo Burnham and I’m not saying his life is peachy obviously he’s working through some Stuff but you all realize he was not living in that room for a year, right? You all realize he has a house and a partner and that’s a backyard studio set-up and he’s offering very sculpted commentary and visuals meant to evoke thoughts and feelings and it’s not a found-footage documentary

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Bo Burnham: Inside was simultaneously demotivating, weirdly reassuring, and just overall shocking after seeing someone’s mental health deterioration over the course of a year summed up in an hour.

Like damn, his mental health hit an all-time low, and we watched. He put it all out there on Netflix and we watched as his hair grew longer and his frustration became more prominent.

Yet at the same time.. he was another one of us who lived through what was probably the hardest year for many people, and he wrote, recorded, and edited an entire special, that hit home harder than most movies. And afterward, it makes me feel like “yee haw let's go fuck shit up” He really did all that in a single room, I have no choice but to go be creative now.

Which brings it right back around to making you feel shitty because you’re feeling motivated after watching a person have a mental breakdown.

Overall, I hope that Bo is doing okay, and I hope that anyone who related to what he was going through is doing alright, and knows that they’re not alone.

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High Ne

I was browsing threads in a forum tonight and thinking about how high Ne has been perceived and sold online as “zany.” Characters like Lorelai Gilmore, the queen of rapid-fire responses, does not help. I think it has caused many folks to mistype as high Ne when they are not (leading to general misunderstanding and confusion, because their descriptions are based on what they think Ne is, rather than a mature understanding formed of personal experience; in an ideal world, a description of a function would only be written by someone with that function, in that position, in their stack).

High Ne isn’t about being funny or wacky or superficial; Ne is intuition, and has two serious purposes – to assess everything based on what’s happening now, the possible “motive” or “reason” behind it, and what might happen next; and, to desire continual change, a sense of things becoming better, and wanting to push society over the edge into a “new reality” – sometimes too quickly. Think of Ne as a promoter of instant revolutions, with no ability to grasp the implosion that will happen if their desire came about tomorrow, with no careful transition.

If you cannot see these things (for better or worse) in a high Ne, you are not dealing with a high Ne.

For example, a Ne would not simply look at what is happening “right now” and take it for granted. They would start searching for “why” this is happening. What factors caused it to happen. And where it will lead next. This is not purely in the realm of Ni, it is basic dominant intuition. Looking at the sensory reality, pulling away from it, crawling into it, and seeing what makes it and where it’s going. It’s a serious, unconscious thing. And, it preoccupies 90% of the Ne’s attention. Patterns. Patterns everywhere. Where it came from, where it’s going, what is behind it, what it implies about society, and certainty about that perception. For objects, people, concepts, and ideas. Always the big picture. Always a threading out into new possibilities. Where it differs from Ni is it will abandon an idea if the idea is proven wrong and quickly switch to a different thread – like a train hopping onto another track, but this one running in the opposite direction. High Ni has more trouble doing that.

The second object is, the continual drive for change – of self, of others, of society, of a desire for “improvement” and growth and change. It can be fantastical improvement, sure (wouldn’t it all be nice if…?) but more often, it is serious improvement. My friend would be much happier if they could just overcome this, and become that. Society could be much better, if it embraced this philosophy. I am going to push these ideas on society and see if they catch hold. The desire of the Ne is to “share ideas.” To debate ideas. To abstract away from the object, and see it in a more idealized state. To pursue that end.

It makes a Ne unhappy over time when reality does not match their expectation, or it moves too slow… they or this person or that cause or that end is not moving fast enough, because the Ne-dom devalues what Si understands best– the best change, the most continual and effective, long-lasting change, is slow. It’s a gradual process of breaking down “what is known” and replacing it with “a better reality.” It fits the old adage of put a frog in a hot pot of water, he jumps out; heat it up slowly, and he’ll die because he’s used to the water changing temperature. That is how lasting change comes about – a meticulous, gradual attack on what is not desired.

If the Ne-dom becomes frustrated with the world not meshing with their need for constant improvement and change, they turn to what they CAN change – their room, their interests, their beliefs, their hairstyle, their career, their friends, their religion, their philosophies, anything they can tamper with, to feel they are “moving forward.” Because not to be changing is painful for them, like a butterfly caught in its own cocoon. These things are what others see, and what they interpret as the Ne being ungrounded or flighty; but what they see is only the superficial behaviors of someone seeking constant “change.” They do not always see the inner workings of Ne, or the serious consideration of patterns, but if the Ne-dom is allowed to be themselves, they will also see a tendency to speculate on the motives and patterns of what’s happening and what’s coming.

These conclusions will often be insightful and accurate – without proof, but the proof may come… sooner or later, if the pattern plays out as they see it. (Ni-doms are better at long term specific predictions, but all N’s love to speculate on where this will wind up and what may happen as a result.)

Ideas are a valid object to the Ne, who would define themselves through their ideas, but descriptions that focus only on “have lots of ideas” are forgetting that Ne is about patterns – and the conscious ability to recognize, interpret, and invent new patterns, theories, and concepts rather than accepting things on a surface level. These are not games to a high Ne. It’s literally how they perceive the world. It is their strength, but also their flaw. They will take your concept, and push it further – because in their mind, you did not go far enough.

Ne-doms should be good at doing this; it should be effortless. A Ne-aux can also do it, and you should see it in them, but their tert-Si makes them a little more aware that massive social change needs time to be effective.

As far as self-typing goes, if you’re a high Ne, you should be able to pay attention to your thinking process and recognize how much effort, time, energy, and natural interest goes into these thought processes of pattern-seeking. You should notice them manifesting on a continual basis, where your attention is ‘arrested from the object into the realm of abstraction.’

- ENFP Mod