what if i just give convergence of two opposites ! reader an ending where she just turns into a fucking flower and dazai plants it next to her grave
( in no way is this story done, my mind was just going brrr last night )
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it takes the comfort of one person
âȘ pairing : post pm ! osamu dazai x reader
âȘ sypnosis : the sins of the past donât always determine someoneâs soul
âȘ other notes : i have so many ideas but i genuinely donât know how to write them out, but here you guys go :3
âdo you think iâm a bad person ?â dazai asks you, his eyes staring into yours.
âwhatâs this about ?â you respond, lighting a cigarette, hands trembling in the dark.
âjust thinking,â he says, âwell donât,â you sigh at the young man in front of you.
you can tell this affected him by the awkward silence he returns, looking away from you.
you sigh, "the trauma you experienced is very real, and and what that man had you do isnât okay...but that doesnât make you an angel either,â you say, an attempt to comfort him.
dazai doesnât say anything, his fingers grabbing your cigarette, holding it up to his lips.
âand thatâs okay, if you can recognize your own actions, you are the furthest from a bad person you can get,â you continue with a soft tone.
when you turned to look at dazai, for the first time in all the years youâve known him, you saw a light shine in his eyes.
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chapter six : you did as you were told
âȘ sypnosis : youâre much more aware of things than what the doctor believed you were
âȘ other notes : hi guys :3 hereâs a new chapter, i didnât like how it turned out but this is also kinda like a filler chapter that builds up afterwards, need reader with some trauma. also reader might seem a bit dramatic BUT PLS REMEMBER THAT SHES LITERALLY 13 IN THIS.
âȘ warnings : manipulation, MORI IS A HOE !!!! ( as always )
âȘ prologue | chapter one | chapter two | chapter three | chapter four | chapter five | chapter six
you didnât have anything to do, boredom often consumed you. so, on most days when your chores were completed, you pass your time outside. maybe even wandering on the outskirts of yokohama, memorizing the path back home easily. mori didnât really care, well he didnât notice much when he was caring for the old man you no longer saw.
you hummed quietly as you returned home, picking up a newspaper from a trash can. ârise of the armed detective agencyâ blah blah, âmore violence on the streetsâ blah blah, âthe sheep strike again.â now that interested you. how shameful it is that such a violent group is named after a docile animal.
shaking your head, you throw the newspaper back into another trash can. when you get to the doctorâs house, thereâs a slight hesitation when you place your hand on the door knob. nevertheless, there was no other place for you to go. the door creaks, the hinges on their last life. when you walk into the kitchen, you can see the doctor surrounded in papers.
âhow was your day, dear ?â the doctor asks as he looks up. âfine, how was yours ?â you ask, already wondering why he was home. âsame old, same old,â he says. âwhy are you here early ?â your thoughts become dialogue. âhe wants to be alone,â mori says, knowing what youâre indicating. you hum in response.
âcan he can think properly ?â you ask. the doctor shakes his head, âpity isnât it ?â a scoff leaves your lips by accident. âhe should still be able to be conscious of his thoughts, heâs not schizophrenic,â you say, furrowing your eyebrows. mori parts his lips before giving you a smile, but there was an uncomfortable curve of his lips that made you shut your mouth.
âmy, my, how lovely it is to see you pay such attention to keen details,â mori says. you donât say anything, you felt, almost scared. no, not almost, you were scared. âwhat are you doing to him ?â you quietly ask. âme ? nothing,â he says, a calm tone on his words. âhow much longer does he actually have ?â you ask.
âa month,â the doctor sighs. your lips part as a small gasp leaves your lips. âyouâre destroying his brainâŠ?â you ask, almost hesitantly. you knew that the doctor wasnâtâŠwell not a good doctor but all doctors save lives donât they ?! âhe asked about you the other day, he believed you were his daughter,â the doctor sighed, still not answering your question.
âyou told meâŠyou have told me that death comes naturally, that doctors should never be the cause of death,â you say, courage taking over you. âbut youâre whoâs killing him, my dear, youâre the one who supplied the medicine, you started the process,â mori says, standing up, and thatâs when you freeze.
you ? a soon to be murderer ? but you just did what you were ordered to do in your time with him, give the boss the same medication every day. the doctor grabs your hands, holding them in his own before leaning down. âhis blood is on your hands.â he whispers, meeting eye to eye with you. not realizing youâre shaking, the doctor lets go of your cold hands and stands up to his normal height, still in front of you.
âyou did as you were told, but you are still at fault here, you are the reason he will die,â mori says, looking down at your smaller frame, yours eyes wide. you feel your heart in your throat, you only wanted to comply with what the doctor said, nothing more, nothing less. yet you were to blame, yet you ARE to blame.
âhave a pleasant rest of your evening, my dear,â the doctor says, leaving you in the middle of the kitchen, in the same position with your hands out, it was as if you were frozen. you could only see the sun slowly droop and the night sky reigned, as you thought to yourself in misery. you only did as you were told.
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WHAT IN THE ACTUAL ASS.
IM SORRY BUT THAT FYODOR THING GENUINELY CREEPED ME THE FUCK OUT
pov : asagiri is allergic to killing off characters
( heâs not tryna be like gege đ )
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ARE PEOPLE ACTUALLY DOING THIS ?!
that is soâŠđđđđđđđđđ
why are some tumblr writers becoming so fucking entitled?đ like why are basically forcing people to reblog your work? Talking about "Only likes will be blocked" just don't post your shit at this point lmaooo đđ
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in this life, we both die
âȘ pairing : fyodor dostoyevsky x reader
âȘ sypnosis : you prepare him for his death
âȘ other notes : YALL KNOW I HAD TO DO IT. IDEC IF THIS FLOPS RAHHH, this is also like another take for what fyodor truly knows about his different lives ? this is trash but i had to write somethingâŠ
âyou are to impale him with your spears at dawn as the rooster crows !â lord bram yelled out. âyes my lord !â the knights said. âyou know what to do,â lord bram says, turning to face you. âyes my lord,â you nod, bowing down. you nod for the guards to unchain the man in front of you, before they follow lord bram out.
you let a heavy sigh, but nevertheless grab your basket of what youâd call toiletries. âsit,â you simply say, hinting for the man to kneel down on the floor. âitâs quite dirty,â he says. âyouâll be dead in a few hours, what does it matter,â you say, kneeling down first. âwho are you ?â the man asks, kneeling down in front of you.
âiâm a maid for my lordâŠbut i try to make those who my lord punishes, comfortable before theyâre executed,â you say, grabbing a rag before dumping it into a bucket of water next to you. âso you take pity on those like me ?â he asks, eyes peering at your every action. you cracked a smile, âyou could say that,â you say.
wringing out the rag, you lean forward into the man, patting it on his face. âwhatâs your name ?â you ask, focused on the manâs porcelain skin. âwhatâs yours ?â he rebuttals. âi asked first,â he almost cracks a smirk. âfyodorâŠfyodor dostoyevsky,â despite you having never heard that name before, chills run up your spine. âmy name is y/n l/n,â you simply say.
âyou mentioned you were a maid, why ?â fyodor asks, as you use another rag to wet his hair. âmy mother used to work for my lord,â you say, not having much of a care, he was going to die, what was the point of withholding secrets ? âshe has passed ?â the man asks. your eye slightly twitches, âyou talk a lot for someone whoâs going to die,â the man only smiles.
âyou arenât here by coincidence,â the man suddenly says. you pause, looking at his face. âare you some type of fortune teller ? my lord detest those, a nutcase told him he was to turn into a sword,â you shake your head. âyouâre my wife in a future life,â he says and you suck in a breath. âiâm not fond of men who have a foot in the casket,â you say, shaking your head.
âseven days after i am executed, you will plummet to your death,â fyodor says and thatâs when you finally retract your hand. âmy job here is done, goodnight sir dostoyevsky,â you say getting up, before wiping your hands. the man could only smirk at your flee to the cellar door, before leaving in a rush.
you wouldnât have taken that comment so seriously if it werenât for that same fortune teller that your lord had contracted, telling you that you would die within a few weeks, falling to your death just like your mother did all those years ago. you couldnât help but feel suffocated by the thought, you wouldnât let it be real.
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okay so heres some panels from chapter 113 of bsd AKA the new chapter
I HAVE SO MANY THOUGHTS RN.
SO MY POOKIE SIGMA IS ALIVE, THAT PART OF MY OLD THEORY IS CORRECT, THAT HE WAS STILL MIMIS BECAUSE HE WAS PROCESSING ALL THE INFORMATION
talking about that, how is sigma actually aliveâŠ? because fyodor even confirmed it ??? was it just to mess with nikolai as i guess a last fuck you ? like i donât get it
so fedya obviously looks the EXACT same in another era, my question is, is he immortal ? or does he know about his past lives ?
because maybe a chapter or two before this one, he stated that dazai was one of his strongest foes since âthat manâ
and obviously in our minds, we thought there was someone before dazai in THAT lifetime, but now it has opened up endless possibilities
and now itâs like, what were fyodorâs intentions before ? did his goals ever change ? does he ever technically die ?!?!
weâll probably have to wait a while until we know the answer to any of these questions, but i will definitely keep you updated
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YALL APPARENTLY FEDYA IS ALIVE ????
I HAVENT READ BSD BUT IâLL BRB AND LET YOU GUYS KNOW.
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to repay his sins
âȘ pairing : osamu dazai x reader
âȘ warnings : SUICIDE. ( was more horror than um actually a fanfic but anyways⊠)
âȘ sypnosis : youâre the love of his life, someone he canât fathom even exists
âȘ other notes : will this flop ? probablyâŠ
dazai is so in love with you, teenage love was the one thing that was his salvation.
he liked you how much shorter you were than him, he loved how he could make fun of you.
he liked that you could understand him, but he hated how much you disliked yourself.
he liked how you made everything around him so bright. but he hated how dull your eyes were.
then he started noticing. he started noticing how youâd act, how youâd shut yourself in.
how you wouldnât comb your hair anymore, how your lips became chapped and stale.
he starts hating the way you slowly adapted his diet and drinking habits.
he hates the way youâve changed, as if you were a butterfly with its wings torn off.
then he comes visit you one day, he realizes youâre finally taller than him.
he only stared up at your body, cold and flimsy from the rope thatâs tied around your neck.
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as to when iâm writing again, genuinely depends on my schedule and when iâm free
IM LIKE HALFWAY THROUGH WRITING A NEW CONVERGENCE CHAPTER BUT IDK HOW TO WRITE THE OTHER HALF
also, i lowkey wanna write for haikyuu but idk if itâs worth itâŠ?
BECAUSE MY BRAND IS LITERALLY BSD. 98% of my posts that are liked everyday ARE BSD POSTS.
and if iâm recognized at all, iâd be described as a bsd writer⊠because thatâs all iâve consistently been posting for the past two years
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not to mention, iâm someone who doesnât have a lot of friends because iâm not good with being social and i get overwhelmed easily
my friends whom i talk to everyday consist of less than 10 people
and yet theyâre the people who make me happy, who made my shitty day just a bit better
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hey guys !!
so as a few of yâall know, iâve had a really difficult time just being in the right mental state for almost couple of months now
today was genuinely one of the worst days iâve had in months
i feel almost trapped, and today it just got to me, but i also realized something
being with the right couple of people, helped improve my mood, and i think thatâs a life lesson everyone should learn
BE WITH PEOPLE WHO MAKE YOU HAPPY.
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happy valentines terra !! i hope youâre well <3
iâm so sorry for answering late, but happy late valentines day to you too ava <33
iâm doing much better now !! i think iâll start to write again soon :3
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OKAY LAST POST
my social anxiety has progressively gotten worse these past few months
but at the same time, i suck ass at texting and replying to people ???
LIKE HOW CAN I STRUGGLE WITH TALKING TO PEOPLE IRL AND TO PEOPLE ONLINE
i text maybe 2 or 3 people daily and even then, i donât respond as often because iâm normally in my own world
i know that sounds corny but in order to keep me from breaking down every week, i need my own time, just completely disconnect myself
i think iâm at a point in my life where i can consider myself mentally healthy but thatâs because iâm alone and thatâs my choice
okay iâm actually going to sleep now, goodnight guys, i love you guys :)
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also, iâve been getting so much work from my classes that itâs genuinely so exhausting
i feel like my mind is filled with so many ideas to write especially with dazai, but then again when do i not write about dazai
got off topic but i feel like my mind can explode with thoughts and yet when i go to type a fic, my mind just goes blank.
does that happen to anyone else ?! maybe iâm burned out from everything which is very possible but it really sucks
BECAUSE I WANT TO WRITE I JUST CANT
not to mention, my physical help hasnât been the best either, i have very bad lower back pain and itâs gotten worse this past week
that being said, iâm halfway done writing chapter 6 for convergence of opposites, so i hope to get it done by the end of the month ??
iâll probably make one more post of me yapping before disappearing for like a week, see you guys soon :33
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im gonna sound so dumb saying this but
PEOPLE ON TUMBLR ACTUALLY HAVE DRAMA ?!?!
like i was so shocked when i found out that people arenât just chill on here because iâve personally had no drama with anyone in my 3 years of being here ( better not jinx it. )
BUT LIKE WHY CANT WE ALL JUST GET ALONG, just read our silly fanfics whilst kicking our feet up and move on with life, yk ?!?!
i just had to get that out of my system, i was too surprised to not say anything
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sorry for no posts or updates yall
i had a fallout with my best friend and iân no longer friends with them, i havenât been able to process shit so iâve basically been drowning myself in school work
my coping mechanism is being a workaholic, which then becomes a pain in the ass
iâm hoping i post something this weekend which i probably will but weâll see
i just wanted to post this little message to remind everyone that weâre all humans and we all have different feelings and different ways to cope, love you guys <3
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