axolotlxolotl-blog

[axolotlxolotl-blog]

The day i knew i am Heartless

Today, Just talking to two of my lovers. Yes i know two of them. I don’t understand my self half my life. All the choices i made were so bad it led me up to this point. I always have blamed myself and always will do so. Probably even more. To have an epiphany of why I’ve been doing so is hurting me deeply. I,Axl Hizon crave for a feeling other than anger and gloominess i want to love i want to cry i want to be happy. In doing so i have done reckless choices resulting to inevitable hurting of feelings. There involves my two lovers. One who shall be named Jack  and the other Kooly. Jack is my means of enjoying life. She can give me affection and sexual needs but i desire more. Yes ill probably happy but what i long the most is for myself to cry to be hurt to be the most saddest id ever been. Because im scared im scared that i dont feel human enough lacking the ability to cry for 9 years emotionally. I hated it i need it. Kooly now is needed for my sadness she is one miserable being that understands my pain. She amplifies my melancholy and just being with her not progressing hurts me. Kooly is my sadness and Jack is my happiness. To lose them both will hurt me enough to give so much sadness and to cry. And in that moment of solace i shall be happy to know that i am still human but lost my humanity in the process. Now i will be lost again forever blaming myself as to why i am now at this point of myself.