ayitsbilly

[ayitsbilly]

“you take care of it”

[ayitsbilly]

hi, im the madara and kanata anon from es-confessional! i wanted to say i appreciate your explanation, i guess to me kanata's bluntness towards madara always felt different than his usual one with others because he also has sweet moments with them, and because i always feel like madara is actually quite hurt by it and constantly trying to make amends and get kanata to like him again, so to me it always read as more actual resentment over something (even though kanata does obviously care about madara a lot, just never to his face lol) than just regular bluntness and teasing than kanata otherwise does. but thank you again i do appreciate it!

Oh oh, hi again!! :-)!!!

I'm glad you could appreciate it!! I am actually very glad that someone asked, so thank you very much for letting me talk about it and reading what I wrote, hehe!!

Kanata's treatment of Mama is definitely something unique to the two of them, so you're not wrong for thinking that!!! Dialogue like this comes to my mind:

It is different than with others, more intense and almost intentional, and that's what makes it special. It's a quirk of Enstars writing for the cruelness to be indicative of intimacy, which is kind of funny? I blame Akira.... And, you're right, it also doesn't help that these two have less tender interactions between them than others, which makes me feel sad too!! They do have their moments--the Dolphin Song idol story is one of my favorites to reread all of the time. In that story, they're really just hanging out, bantering with each other, and it ends up with one of my favorite ever exchanges between them:

Just look at the fondness in their eyes!!!!

But, overall, their interactions have always had this lingering, melancholy atmosphere to them, in addition to tension... It's really not the same as with other pairs, so, I understand your thoughts!!

Oh, and it's exactly as you point out, it does mess with Mama's self esteem, it does hurt, and I've always wondered if part of it is intentional. I say that because Mama's probably the biggest self-fulfilling prophecy in Enstars. Being mistreated so often in life will do that to you! It's a common thing for people who survived abuse, falling for the cycle of self-sabotage. It kind of goes like this: Madara struggles to believe anyone cares about her or likes her, so she will avoid her friends or even pester and provoke them, which makes them get upset at her, which then validates her own internalization that no one likes being around her. This happens most obviously with Kanata, considering the two and their insane circumstances (The Cult). It is very painful, and it can be super sad to read... but, on occasion, Kanata will verbalize that there isn't actual resentment there, which is reassuring, at least!! Here's a part from Purple Wisterias of May

The nature of Kanata's disparaging I think is less rooted in hatred, and more frustration ... but that doesn't really get communicated well sometimes. Myriad of Colors and Flowers (or, I think it's officially translated as Technicolor Flowers) portrays that dynamic pretty well, though...

I'm sorry, this is me going on a tangent, because I liked your questions so much, I hope that's okay! An interesting facet of their relationship is that it's originally (from a chronological perspective, not serial) Madara who is the mean one between the two!

From ABYSS, when they are both children. Kanata as a little kid was actually very sweet and loving towards Madara, who was, by contrast, more rude. The flip-flop in their behavior from childhood to high school is kind of interesting to me, huh? Um, but that's enough getting off topic!

TL;DR (because I talked so much, I'm really sorry!!!), your read isn't incorrect at all! These two have a lot of complicated things going on between them. Kanata is mean to Madara, and it does hurt, but it's not out of dislike, really its... a desire for Mama to stop being difficult, for once.

[ayitsbilly]

Hi, anon! This is explained in Stella Maris!

Essentially, Madara was always doing everything possible to help Kanata against the Shinkai cult. Teaching Kanata about the outside world (as the cult kept them sheltered and locked in a room), keeping an eye on them, even planning on running away with them at some point. However, the members of the cult greatly disapproved of these actions, and as a result, Madara was severely punished and abused throughout childhood. Kanata constantly felt guilty about it, not wanting to see their special person get hurt anymore, especially not for their own sake. So, they tried pushing Madara away as some type of protection!

This part of 310mc's translation explains it best, I think! Originally, Kanata's cruelness was an attempt at saving Mama!

The cold part of their dynamic is most common throughout !-era, where Kanata was more snippy and mean to Madara in particular. Once we get into !!-era, the nature of their dynamic changes a bit, especially since the cult is no more. Kanata will still say mean things, but that's more or so because it's always been part of who they are to be mean to those they care about (they have also said rude things to Souma, the Eccentrics, even Chiaki, at different points. They're generally a blunt person!). As the two of them do mean the world to each other, Kanata has no qualms pointing out Mama's bad traits--even more so, since Mama likes being annoying and rude and causing problems on purpose. Madara will frequently evade Kanata (and other loved ones), will be selfish, will be reckless, and Kanata will get frustrated with that and call it out—that's more or so where their relationship has taken them. If anything, nowadays, its a reflection of their intimate bond, of how well they understand each other, to be able to critique those messier parts of each other's characters. They're kind of like an old married couple.

Anyways, MadaKana forever, or whatever.

i wish they ever explained why kanata acts like this to madara with constantly calling him an unfriendly name and putting him down when in actuality to other people he'll say madara isn't that bad and he cares for him. i don't understand the apparent need to punish madara and i don't know why that would be. if anybody has insights please please share i'd love to know, but personally i don't think madara's wish as a child or him having to leave and be abroad a lot are reasons enough

.

[ayitsbilly]

whatever. 1 million avemygo stamps

[ayitsbilly]

my years as an afterglow oshi intersecting with my avemygo fixation

[ayitsbilly]

here is what i've done for the @borderlandszine :D it was my first ever time participating, was realllllllly nervous, but it was so fun!! defiantly looking forward to the next time ill do something like that

[ayitsbilly]

the official account promoting their marketable plushies together made me so happy…

[ayitsbilly]

angel, devil, god, friend

[ayitsbilly]

[ayitsbilly]

Utena truly said what if Eurydice knew from the start that Orpheus would look back. She knows that this is how the story must end. Orpheus remains optimistically oblivious as he trudges forward. Eurydice waits for him to look back. Look back already, as other so-called "heroes" would. He does not look back. He climbs the crags and steps of the Underworld even as Hades accosts him, leads him down and down and down back to the depths. She wants him to look back, look back and end this spiraling journey of cliffs and chasms. That is how the story ends, after all. Is he purposefully denying fate, or does he truly not know what is to come? All stories have a certain end. He does not look back. She begins to ask him to look back, to beg in woven myth to let it be done already. She throws herself off a cliff, Look back, look back, watch me fall and know that it is done. He casts his head aside as he grasps her arm in his hand. He does not look back. He reaches the precipice, where the story must end even as all else has failed. He is shown a future (a fantasy) without sorrow, without her. He does not look back. Forward, forward. He thinks himself a hero. "Look back," a blade pierces his chest, "look back at your killer. Let this story end, as it should, as it will, for you are no prince." He does not look back. Forward, forward, as rock gives way to dirt. He collapses at the maw of Hades, dewkissed grass at his fingertips. He does not look back. Eurydice steps into sunlight.

AN: Holy shit this blew up

I’d greatly appreciate it if anyone seeing this checked out the addendum as well for a more rounded perspective/a short glimpse at my full opinions on the matter that aren’t filtered through Orpheus and Eurydice. Also, to anyone seeing this who hasn’t watched Utena yet (I’ve seen y’all in the tags), welcome!

[ayitsbilly]

you can pay me to draw now ehehehe opening my commissions finally...

keeping all the info in the site cuz im too lazy to have to update a post if i update prices and info yawwwnnnnn

[ayitsbilly]

Cowboy (and adjacent) graphics!

A couple other posts with western graphics:

post 1, post 2

[ayitsbilly]

hi!!! could I request fox themed graphics :3

Haiiii ofc!! Hope you like these!

[ayitsbilly]

konnichiwa madoponi nation please tell me nobody's made this joke with them before

[ayitsbilly]

Mamaleoooo 🎶

[ayitsbilly]

all i wanna do is eat nectarines and think about aurora borealis st. elmo’s fire gigantic jets ball lightning green flash earthquake lights and will-o-the-wisps

[ayitsbilly]

More Borderlands art in my sketchbook 💙

One day I'll actually scan my traditional stuff before posting it, but today is not that day. For now, I'm gonna stick to using my phone camera and edit it until it looks somewhat decent lol

🦇 If you'd like to commission me, check out my profile feed! There's a pinned post of my commission info 🦇