ayuebingsgarden

[ayuebingsgarden]

Omg this is so sad... It's been so long since I've worked on these drafts that (aside from the post about homemade jam) I forgot what I was going to write about!

Okay... and maybe the ghost dream one... That one was so weird and creepy.

[ayuebingsgarden]

Long time no see!

It seems like every time I announce that I've come back from a hiatus, I disappear shortly after! This time, it's because I've been focusing on something longer-term that I unfortunately can't show you yet, but that I'm very excited about.

At the same time, I've been seeing and reading a lot of things that have touched and inspired me recently that I want to share (that I didn't personally create). That doesn't mean that I won't share little personal updates now and then. But for now, my blog is going through a little repurposing.

Cheers 🥂

[ayuebingsgarden]

I've been having prophetic dreams about my family for decades, but it still shocks me whenever it happens.

Trigger warning: domestic violence, abuse

I had a dream last night where I just knew what it meant; that my brother's baby would not be a reason or excuse for family unity.

I found out earlier this year that my brother and his girlfriend are having a baby.

It's exciting news, and I'm happy for them. But it brings up a lot of complicated emotions because I no longer talk to my brother. Mainly because he still talks to our dad.

We don't talk because my dad is someone I no longer talk to. In fact, I have an active restraining order against my dad because when I imagine being a parent like my brother, I'd want to keep my family and my babies safe and as far away as possible from someone like my dad. So that's what I did.

It doesn't feel safe to be around someone who also experienced abuse at the hands of the same person (albeit, what we went through was different) and not understand that it's not okay for someone like that to be around me. Sebastian thinks he can keep me safe, not understanding that abuse is not just about violence.

My heart breaks for my brother and how because he missed out on healthy family experiences in his childhood, he seeks to rewrite his experiences as an adult. I imagine now that he's a dad himself, he wants to lean on family more than ever.

He doesn’t want to accept that the family he was born into isn’t capable of being healthy and functional. He blames me for blocking his dreams and for brainwashing Mum when he doesn’t realise “healthy” isn’t possible with someone who doesn’t understand what healthy means.

I dreamt last night that my brother brought us all together; trying his best to play "happy family," as we all sat around a rectangular dinner table, with him and dad on one side, Mum and I on the other.

I placed some paperwork face-down on the table as I sat down, not wanting my dad to see that the paperwork was about him, to keep us safe.

He noticed, and took it off me. Rolled it into a cone and bonked my mum on the head with it.

My blood instantly boiled. He had this smug grin on his face, shrugging his shoulders in delight as if to say, “I did it! Now what are you going to do about it?” I'd seen this so many times.

I grabbed the papers off him, scrunched it into a ball and thew it back at him and shouted, “for someone who has been complaining and saying that he wants the family back together, you arent’ trying very hard to keep it! We’ve only just met again and you’re being cruel already!”

As expected, he denied doing anything and said it was harmless.

“If that much hurts her, then I really am the bad guy!”

“It’s not about the physical pain; it’s about respect! Mum, let’s go,” and I lead Mum from the table out of there.

I woke up knowing in my gut that it was my brother’s hope to bring us together again, especially now that he’s a dad and how this could not be a reality. Then at 6pm today, it really spooked me to receive the message from mum:

“Sebastian and Abby are having a baby tomorrow!”

(As usual on my blog, names have been changed to protect their identities.)

[ayuebingsgarden]

Why I took a long break from my blog

Trigger warnings: domestic violence, abuse, stalking.

Although I think most people who are close enough to me to be reading my blog know, I deleted/recreated a lot of my social media profiles about 2 years ago to keep my family and me safe.

You've read on this blog (and heard from me personally) about how I've had stalkers in the past -- I mean, that's pretty much how the story I've been writing on my blog started. But this time, my safety was jeopardised for another, and more insidious reason that I had been living with pretty much all my life.

My mother and I (and in turn, Tony also, since we're all family) escaped from a domestically abusive family. It took me almost 30 years to realise just how much danger my mum and I were in.

It's funny how the brain works.

I had actually been devising a plan to escape and bring my mum to safety for over a decade as I knew Iiving in this way was unsustainable. I thought living like this, I might mentally crack, if he didn't kill us first.

It took me years to actually accept that what we were experiencing was "abuse" and that the person who was doing this to us was "abusive."

It's taken me a while to talk about, but I've decided it's important. We hear so much about the domestic violence cases where the victims weren't so lucky to escape on the news daily. We rarely hear about the stories of the survivors because after they escape they spend so much time surviving.

[ayuebingsgarden]

This afternoon is perfect; cloudless and not too cold for a winter's day. Our apartment smells of freshly brewed jasmine tea and triple chocolate brownies (Tony's special request) which is currently baking in our oven.

Our little orange tabby cat, Bambi, peacefully sleeps next to my husband, atop his computer tower, enjoying the warmth, as he silently games (I know, surprising 😂) with his headphones on.

As I'm taking it all in, I realise that this is such a happy, precious, little moment, and fleeting. I'm lucky enough to enjoy so many of these moments daily.

It's a moment I'll likely forget about later if I don't write it down, so here we are.

Hi everyone, it's been a long time! The story continues 😊

[ayuebingsgarden]

Happy Birthday to me!

It's been a stressful, emotional and tiring 2 1/2 months, but my birthday this year was wonderful. I couldn't have asked for a better day ☺️.

The set-up which Sahbear helped me with was beautiful, the cake was beautiful, the food was beautiful, and the gifts and well wishes I received made me feel so special. But most of all, I spent the day with the most important people in my life who could make it to celebrate my birthday, so what more could I ask for?

[ayuebingsgarden]

Photos from the time my husband and I explored a beach, and found out the only way onto the pier was to climb over a dangerous fence. We decided we weren't feeling that adventurous.

[ayuebingsgarden]

Feeling a little nostalgic, so posting a pic of what I used to call my own little "Koriko"

[ayuebingsgarden]

Melbourne, where the pigeons are incredibly clean

Tony and I recently went on our first holiday together during the Easter break. Not just as newlyweds, but our actual first holiday!

We haven't been able to officially have our honeymoon yet as we were planning to go to Shanghai and travel some of Asia after our wedding. But with Omicron floating around at the time, we didn't feel too comfortable...

We made Melbourne our minimoon, and I don't care who gets annoyed that we called it that.

It was my first time in Melbourne, and Tony's first time exploring Melbourne (as he's only been there for kendo competitions). We had a lot of fun, and if we were to go there again, we'd definitely get a hire car to explore more outside of the CBD. (All the hire cars were gone by the time we booked our holiday, as we booked it kind of late).

The first thing we noticed once we got to Melbourne CBD was how clean the pigeons looked... I don't know what makes them so different, but those pidges look so clean. I'm not kidding. That was one of the first things we instantly noticed, that we're still surprised about.

Our first destination after we got to Melbourne and checked in was to check out a Chinese fine dining restaurant called "Flower Drum" and *chefs kiss*. The food was beautiful.

We might've been dressed a little too casually for some patron's liking by the looks of it (I mean we weren't dressed terribly casually, although I was wearing a pair of white Converse boots as those were the only shoes I brought for the weekend) because I saw an aunty's face drop as soon as we locked eyes. I have a feeling she was the one who must've written this review:

We spent the rest of the afternoon before dinner exploring the city, then had dinner at a quite popular bar restaurant called Supernormal, where the food was alright but the lobster rolls were memorable (and tiny). Tony and I joked that the next time we eat there, we'll just order 12 lobster rolls and watch the staff judge us and us not give a damn because it's a delicious idea.

The next day was Good Friday, so our only plan was to explore the city and see what was open. The breakfast at the Salted Egg that came with our accommodation was delicious! Tony and I shared the pandan waffles and spicy crab omelettes. Both were tasty and satisfied both our sweet and savoury cravings.

We walked past an axe-throwing place, and thought, "why not?" So we booked a half-hour sesh which ended up being an hour long. Tbh axe-throwing is really not for me... but Tony on the other hand's definitely found himself a new hobby that he's surprisingly really good at!

He managed to hit many bullseyes, even managing to throw the two-handed axe with ONE hand and hit the bullseye a few times. Our friends joke that we definitely want Tony around if there's ever a zombie apocalypse.

His muscles were sore after 1hr of pretty much solo axe-throwing, so it's lucky we were able to book a relaxing Japanese massage for Sunday.

Some other memorable experiences in Melbourne were:

Making the most of happy hour at our hotel's exclusive rooftop bar and each trying a cherry cocktail, which after a few sips had Tony red as a lobster and needing to take a rest downstairs before we went out to dinner.

Tasting A5 wagyu airflow from Japan which was beautiful, but not kind on the wallet

Just quiet moments together. We didn't want to be out exploring the city all the time, so when we were tired, we'd come back to the hotel and watch "Forecasting Love and Weather" or "The Dropout". I love how Tony gets invested in the things I watch as well, but I haven't been able to get into everything he watches.

Going to Stalactites twice, because there aren't too many things better than some stomach-warming, well-seasoned meat and chips on chilly, rainy, Melbourne days.

Pictured above: Just a pair of incredibly clean Melbourne pidges.

You can find the rest of our holiday pics on my IG, as I don't want to ruin my blog ✨aesthetic✨😂.

[ayuebingsgarden]

So, how is married life?

I know it hasn't really been that long, but every time I take a little hiatus from my blog, it's not that I don't have anything to write, but I feel like I don't know how to write anymore.

I also recently realised that I've written about what our wedding was like, but I still haven't talked about how married life has been. It's one of the questions I get asked so much as a newlywed, but it's also one of the hardest questions to answer.

Married life has been...

Wonderful!

Stressful (but a lot less stressful than wedding planning...)

Tiring...

Amazing.

All of the above, all at once.

Honestly, there's a lot to say, but at the same time not a lot to say? Also, tbh when people ask me, I'm not sure what they want from me 😂. It does seem like an awfully personal question, but I'm sure it's one of those polite things people ask to make small-talk.

But yes, married life has been wonderful, because we finally get to come home to each other after the end of the day. Whether my day was good or bad, being around him makes everything that much better.

Getting used to each other's living habits is a bit of an adjustment though, and it is sometimes stressful, but nothing we haven't been able to handle. There are all these little things which require compromise, which you only learn about from being married or living together with someone.

Things like what they eat; the body wash, shampoo or laundry detergent they use (trialling whether or not we want to use the same brand to save space in the bathroom and money buying two or more of the same type of product); sleep habits (for example, he's a hot sleeper and doesn't like too many blankets and I'm a cold sleeper).

There is a bit of an adjustment period, that we're only now starting to get out of. Not just because we've never previously lived together before, but neither of us have actually ever lived with anyone else before, aside from our own immediate family.

As some of you might know, though, I previously lived by myself during my final years as a uni student in a tiny studio. I loved it.

I called my apartment my own little "Koriko"; the city by the sea in one of my favourite movies, Kiki's Delivery Service. I even had a little blog dedicated to it named "My Own Koriko" where I'd write in it like my diary about all my little adventures... All the everyday little things I'd learn about living independently which felt so exciting at the time. It was so much fun. It's a shame I took it down...

It's been tiring because suddenly, living independently, there's always so much to do and not enough time (or energy)! Suddenly as married adults with our own home, time has become so precious. We really have to prioritise things like:

Cooking and meal planning. Oh my goodness, while living at home I seriously took for granted how hard it is to just think of what to eat for the week and plan out our grocery runs...

Exercise. Squeezing in time to exercise is still something we're learning to prioritise, because often if we go to the gym or whatever straight after work, it means we'll end up having very late dinners by the time we get home and start cooking... Sometimes we also plan to go for nightly strolls after dinner, but for some reason lately, it's always been so rainy. At other times honestly, we're just too tired. It's something we both need to get better at. (Also personally, I still haven't found a type of exercise that I enjoy enough to commit to. I used to really enjoy barre and HIIT classes, but the places I went to have closed down, and the classes for the gyms around us sadly don't suit my schedule 🥲)

Cleaning. There's always something to clean. From the kitchen, each time we make a meal (which is 3 times a day), to laundry, to needing to vacuum almost constantly because somehow there's always dust and always so much hair (my hair...)

Socialising. I'm sure a lot of you can relate to how hard it is for schedules to align as adults... Even harder since Covid.

Time with our families. It's a difficult balance spending as much time as we (reasonably) can with our ageing parents (especially after Dad had his stroke), also spending time as fairly as we can with both sides of the family, and wanting our own independence.

Dates. After all, we're a married couple and not roommates.

It's been amazing, feeling like our little apartment is becoming more and more like our own, starting to get into a rhythm of what a typical week at "home" feels like; being able to visualise a little clearer what the future looks like.

Whilst home doesn't feel like my own little Koriko, it's been really nice...

[ayuebingsgarden]

little boobs. petitties

[ayuebingsgarden]

We visited a flower farm today and it was so beautiful 🐝✨

[ayuebingsgarden]

Happy Lunar New Year 🌚✨💖!!

This is our first LNY as a married couple which means our first year giving out hong bao instead of receiving them, and grandma keeps asking where our tiger cubs are 😭😂!!

[ayuebingsgarden]

my hobbies include being right and petting other peoples cats

[ayuebingsgarden]

✨Our prewedding photos, part 2✨

The dress and hairstyle made me feel like Frufru from Zootopia (the mouse that was getting married).

See part 1 for why we decided to do a pre-wedding photoshoot.

[ayuebingsgarden]

Our Tea Ceremonies

The tea ceremony is a very touching tradition where we pay respects and thanks to our parents for raising us, and also introducing our spouse to each other's families as an official member of the family, by serving them tea. During this tradition, we teach each other to use the correct titles for the seniors in our family and begin calling each other's parents "mum" and "dad".

(Oh, speaking of new titles, if anyone's wondering whether I decide to take my husband's surname, yes, I did. But I also decided to retain my own.)

Due to Covid, we didn't end up serving tea to all of each other's family members; instead, we only served tea to our parents, my oldest uncle and aunty, and a couple of Tony's family friends, since the rest of his family members weren't able to attend due to the border restrictions.

Despite it being a smaller event than usual, it was so special 🥺❤️.

To be honest, I was feeling nervous the morning of my wedding because the days following up to the wedding, Dad had been quite emotional about letting go of his little girl.

Even though he had always adored Tony, suddenly the week before the wedding, he was very moody and everything anyone did ticked him off (even when we weren't even in the same room)... No one could blame him though, as he's been recovering from a cerebral injury (the stroke he had in the middle of the year).

But come to the tea ceremony, he smiled the biggest genuine smile after Tony kissed him on the cheek (egged on by my aunties). That moment actually made me cry...

(Thankfully after the wedding, Dad has gone back to his normal love for Tony; he loves Tony like his own son and even said so himself, "when these two got married, I gained a son.")

It's still such a shame no one captured the kiss Tony gave Dad on the cheek because that moment was so priceless. But we still managed to capture a lot of special moments.

We didn't have a videographer at the tea ceremonies as we didn't want to make Dad uncomfortable, as his speech is still slow after the stroke and we didn't want it to stress him out.

Once we were done with my side's tea ceremony we caught our wedding car to attend the Liu side's tea ceremony, which was another emotional moment. It made me happy seeing how happy Tony's parents were.

At our tea ceremonies, my mum gifted me a traditional Laotian handmade necklace that day, and Tony's mum gifted me a jade bracelet. Both pieces of jewellery are extremely precious and valuable; one to remind me of my roots and one which is treaured for its protective properties and was given to me to protect me from harm and keep me healthy.

Our tea ceremonies felt so special because they marked the moments we officially became family to each other.

(Also, thankfully my cousins did a good job decorating our apartment as the decorations are still hanging as we're not supposed to take them down until they fall off themeselves, and there's no sign they'll be doing that any time soon...)

[ayuebingsgarden]

The luckiest day 🧧✨

Our wedding day was truly the luckiest day.

We got extremely lucky with the timing of our wedding, but we had no idea exactly just how lucky at the time!

New South Wales had just gotten out of lockdown the month before our wedding, and Tony and I were fully vaccinated towards the end of October (thanks to Australia being so slow to roll out the vaccine to people in our age group). Planning and organising was a bit of a scramble (I actually got my wedding ring only one business day before our wedding!), but somehow we got there. In fact, the wedding was amazing! Way beyond my expectations.

The whole week before our wedding was rainy and dreary, with no signs the rain would stop. I think I remember the weather report saying at the start of the week that the next 10 days would be rainy. The day before our wedding was as miserable as the rest, and we really thought it'd be the case on our big day. Miraculously, it didn't rain at all on our wedding day!

It's just over a week into 2022, and the number of Covid cases in our state has exploded, which is quite terrifying... I can't imagine the stress I'd be in if my wedding date was coming up soon (and boy was planning our wedding stressful...)

Back in late November, when we got married, the case numbers were relatively low and we had only started hearing about the new variant.

If we had set our date any earlier or any later, we might not have been able to get married. And therefore, it was the luckiest day of our lives.

We finally got to be with the person we want to spend the rest of our lives with that day. We got hitched, without a hitch ;).

And therefore we couldn't have asked for much more.

The day started off with door games

For those who don't know what door games are, it's a Chinese tradition where the groom and his friends are tasked with passing challenges set by the bride's friends and family to prove his love and worthiness of marrying the bride.

My cousins were really looking forward to this part of the day and set some really funny challenges where they were hoping to score red envelopes off Tony with money inside for every challenge he wasn't able to successfully complete.

Challenge #1 - The family challenge, was for Tony to prove how well he knows my family by firstly naming my cousins, then ordering them by age, then calling them by their Chinese names. Tony impressed all of us by naming my cousins perfectly and even ordering them by age, and that last round was put in there by my cousins for the purpose of scoring red pockets, as we all usually call each other by English name.

Challenge #2 was the yoga poses challenge, where Tony and his groomsmen paired up and had to replicate certain yoga poses, as marriages require flexibility and strength. (But really, it was put in there because I know Tony is really inflexible 😂). Although I was locked away in a room until Tony completed some other challenges, and I only got to see this on video, this one was hilarious to watch.)

Challenge #3 was the (fake) red string of fate. To show Tony and I are connected by a common thread of fate, Tony had to keep select the right string held by me on the other side of the door, otherwise he'd have to pay up.

Except, there were only my aunties on the other side of that door and they kept trolling Tony by tugging and letting go😂.

Challenge #4 was the actual red string of fate (and the round we finally got to see each other) and we cheered so hard because Tony got it first go 🥺💕!! How romantic!

Challenge #5 was the 4 flavours of life, to represent how life has its ups and downs, and Tony would be there enduring it all together with me. We made the boys eat/drink lime juice, wasabi, bitter watermelon spray and (really pungent-smelling) durian lollies to represent the sour, spicy, bitter and sweet of life (respectively) and they all took it like champs 😂.

Challenge #6 was the blindfold challenge where Tony had to apply lipstick on his groomsmen while blindfolded. (Meant to help him appreciate the effort I go through to look good for him.). At the end, all the boys had to show their love for Tony by giving him a kiss. Hilarious.

Challenge #7 was the final challenge, where Tony had to read a "marriage contract" of embarrassing things he'd promise to do for me, which he had to seal with a kiss (where we put lipstick on him).

There's a full video of the door games available which Tony is to shy to let me publish publicly, which is such a shame because it is hilarious!! (I'll try and post some photos later, but it's a bit tricky because Tumblr's being fiddly with the file type/size 😅.)