azurwaves

[azurwaves]

CHAPTER 2 - THE DILEMMA

They sat in a complete silence that was neither awkward nor heavy. Both of them found comfort in it. Capa had finally raised his head from his knees, staring blankly lightyears ahead of him. Cassie had noticed the reddish hue of his eyes, cheeks, and nose, wondering how long he had spent so tormented. She studied his arms, speckled with red dots and broken capillaries under his skin. He had scratched himself, a pretty bad coping mechanism he did unconsciously under acute stress. To her surprise, he broke the silence first:

"Thank you."

She looked up and met his puffy eyes; he had turned to face her.

"Anytime."

"Never again, I hope."

They both chuckled. It was lovely to see him smile after witnessing him so distraught.

The last couple of weeks had been challenging for everyone on board, especially since communication with the Earth was cut so abruptly. Tension had quickly arisen, mostly between Mace and Capa. At this point, he had decided to dissociate from most of his crewmates.

His inner circle mostly consisted of Cassie and Corazon. He shared a lot in common with his Captain, Kaneda, but both were extremely reserved men.

When he wasn't trying to intervene and solve his numerous conflicts with Mace, Searle was also someone Capa could appreciate. What truly united both men was their shared philosophy, "Let's agree to disagree". Capa strategically avoided Dr. Searle's therapy assessments as much as possible and viewed his recently found infatuation with the sun as too spiritual, if not downright esoteric. Searle considered Capa an incredibly logical and intelligent person but pitied his emotional and social cluelessness, hoping one day he would let him in.

Although he could tolerate Trey's energetic and geeky personality, he dreaded working with him. Their interactions would leave him drained and in need of solitude. Harvey had a calmer demeanor; the issue was his self-centeredness and his now frequent unsolicited rants. Everyone knew he felt extremely homesick, but it seemed he was now making it everyone's problem.

The issue with James Mace was more complex than a trivial personality conflict. Both Capa and Mace shared similar traits, a pragmatic nature, and values. As physicist and engineer, both would be required to work often together, and the two of them had been selected partialy due to their presumed compatibility. Unfortunately, despite hours of psychological and psychosocial testing, there was one metric the Global Space Coalition had failed to identify. This would ultimately lead to the ever-growing tension that had now turned physical.

Amid the troubles and his isolation process, Cassie was glad he still opened up to her. She welcomed this wave of vulnerability as a sign of trust.

" I think I should get back to work. I told Kaneda I'd meet him in the boardroom."

She knew he was right, but she could also sense his anguish, still lurking underneath his calm composure.

" I know this is your expertise and I possibly won't understand all of the variables, but I can try."

" I have to take this decision, no one else can. Not even the Captain."

" Walk me through it. It might help your decision process..."

Capa did not reply to her right away. He pondered for a moment and sighed.

"I guess it wouldn't hurt to try."

***

For a moment, Capa was transported back to his time at the University of Melbourne. If things were different, Capa would have probably pursued teaching alongside his research in the Department of Astrophysics. He might have even accepted his offer to transfer to Cambridge. It had now been 4 years since the United Kingdom had been evacuated and his dreams of joining the ranks of the prestigious school were now a distant souvenir. Capa always knew he wanted to change the world and bring his contribution to make earth a better place; he never expected to bear the burden of saving humanity.

He took great care of illustrating his explanation with examples. An unfortunate waste of an amazing professor.

"...Still, what truly puzzles me is why Icarus I failed to deliver the payload so close to the end. This information could potentially save us from the same issue, and we might have our answer if we go onboard..."

" Do you think they might still be alive?"

Capa crossed his arms and bit his lower lips, thinking of his upcoming answers. He knew she would ask him.

"I don't know. Theoretically, they might if the oxygen garden is still sustaining them. It depends on the issue they encountered. But it's not important."

"What do you mean it's not important? We would have the means of saving them! We must!"

"Cassie, it's not..."

He paused. He knew she would ultimately disagree with him. He sighed.

"It's not part of the equation. It would be more problematic for us if we must rescue them. Our supplies are calculated for eight crewmembers."

"We can't just leave them to die... Capa..?"

"Hate to say it, but Mace is right. Our only focus is the mission."

"Shit, we can't just pass next to them and do nothing! What kin-"

"We will dock to Icarus I"

Interrupted during her plea, Cassie looked at him, completely confused.

"We need to assess the situation. We can only do it onboard."

"So we are changing our trajectory to save Icarus I?"

"No. We are changing it to potentially save the mission. And we might get access to a second bomb. I need to go see Kaneda."

He picked up his drink and finished it in a few big gulps. He took his tablet and headed to the exit. Before he left, he turned around to look at Cassie. She seemed thankful for his decision. He didn't want her to be too hopeful.

"If I'm honest Cass, I think it's unlikely they are still alive. For a problem to occur and stop them so close to their goal, it must have been a defiance of something vital. Perhaps a leak in the filtration system. Otherwise, they would have fixed it."

Her smile faded. He immediately regretted speaking.

"Well, you just always know what to say, don't you..."

Her voice was strained; she was mad perhaps, but she was mostly hurt.

Thinking he'd already said too much, he left and made his way to the boardroom. Cassie remained alone in the room for a moment. She finished her drink in small, infrequent sips, finding comfort in the sweetness.

[azurwaves]

INTRODUCTION

Cassie grabbed two pouches of cherry lemonade electrolyte drink, his favorite. She also took a nutrition bar, since he hadn't left the payload simulation lab for hours. They tasted like cardboard and animal feed, but she would not take no for an answer. Starving himself would certainly not be beneficial. She made her way through Icarus II, eager to at least provide him with some support.

She knew he would be in a miserable state, but she certainly did not expect to find him this way.

In the now five years they had spent together, from training to being crewmates, she had never seen Capa externalize his feelings, let alone see him cry. But there he was, on the railed ramps, his face buried in his knees, shaking and sobbing. The typically stoic man had a complete meltdown from the pressure of the choice he had to make. Cassie rushed to him, dropping the food and drinks to the side.

"Capa! Capa! It's ok, just breathe! Breeeaaathe..."

This only seemed to make him cry harder, probably from the added humiliation of being caught. Knowing words to be futile with her best friend, she took one of his hands and held it hard. She could feel him tightening his grip. She sat beside him and rested her other hand on his shoulder. How she wished she could take this weight off him. Unfortunately, only he could decide to either continue their trajectory toward the sun or risk it all by rescuing Icarus I.

Capa's hectic breathing slowly appeased, his intense crying becoming steady, silent weeps. She could feel his grasp melt in her hand. Presuming her physical comfort was still appreciated, she traced light circles over his knuckles with her thumb. It reminded her of the numerous times her grandmother had done the same for her as a child, during thunderstorms. She hoped she could provide him with the same reassurance.

Capa was regaining his composure. He remained seated perfectly still, quiet as ever. She expected him to request solitude, as he wasn't much of a talker. Whenever Capa faced an issue, he needed space and isolation from the rest of the crew. She let go of his hand and stood up, giving him one last pat on the shoulder. The storm had passed. As she made her back toward the entrance of the lab, she heard a strangled voice mutter :

"Please... stay..."