azzie89

[azzie89]

Gravity-Epilogue

(A Lukas Matsson Fanfic)

Chapters: One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven, Eight, Nine, Ten, Eleven, Twelve, Thirteen, Fourteen, Fifteen, Sixteen, Seventeen, Eighteen, Nineteen, Twenty, Twenty-One, Twenty-Two, Epilogue

Warnings: smut (18+)

Two Years Later

Lukas could be described as moody ever since you left. Tom faced the brunt of it. He did let the new CEO keep Greg as his assistant but he gave strict orders that Greg was to never be within his eyesight. He still blamed the snitch and never wanted to see him. But Lukas was never in a good mood. He was mostly quiet and morose.

He wasn't in New York often, though. He hated being there; he hated being reminded of you. He spent most days on his phone just flipping through the few pictures he had of you.

He did try to move on from a couple of times. He went on a few dates with some supermodels. They all ended after the first date. They would talk but then his thoughts would wonder. He'd end up on his phone, staring at pictures of you, while they talked incessantly. He never called them back after that.

Now there was one. Tom, without him knowing, had set him up. He made Greg find a girl that looked exactly like Ella. Then he set them up to bump into each other at a club. Lukas was very interested at first. But then the girl smiled for the first time and he lost all of it. It wasn't your smile.

So dates ended pretty quickly within the first six months. Sex was a completely different issue. He'd pick up random women that fit his standards but he quickly learned that he had a problem. Even with them bare in front of them, he could not get it up.

He'd have to look at all those dirty pictures you sent him just to get hard. He thought that fixed it. But he'd go soft immediately as soon as he entered them. He had to resort to jerking himself off to those dirty pictures and sex was off the table.

So he was a very frustrated man. He was frustrated with you, with himself, with the whole fucking world. He was just frustrated and he missed you. His chest ached just thinking about you.

And he couldn't sleep anymore. He could barely sleep before you. Now without you, he was getting at most two hours of sleep. So he was tired and frustrated. He was completely miserable and every day where he didn't get to see you felt like hell.

And he was true to what you wanted. He didn't call or text. He didn't send someone to spy on you. He left you alone. The only thing he ever allowed himself to do was ask Tom once a month if you were still with your uncle. The answer was always the same.

And life moved on. The days felt like they dragged. Time felt like it moved so impossibly slowly. It felt like the longest two years of his life. But then one day the answer had changed.

He didn't usually attend one of these things: a charity gala. But Tom informed him that you were coming. He was there early, waiting for you to walk through the door.

Tom was slightly freaking out as he commented quietly to Shiv, "She's still coming, right? Because if she doesn't, I am totally fucked."

"She's coming, Tom. There was a dressing wardrobe malfunction but she's coming," Shiv shook her head. "You can calm down."

You coming to the gala was sort of a plan by Tom and Shiv. Shiv invited you and Tom told Lukas that you were coming. They were playing matchmaker with the two of you.

And then you did show up. You were one of the last to show up. He saw you come in from a distance as where he was sitting was far from the door. But as soon as caught sight of you, he stood up. It was just on instinct. A gut reaction.

"See, Lukas, I told you she'd show up," Tom said, smiling. "There was never anything to worry about."

He merely hummed before sitting back down. His eyes were glued to you as you walked in. He noticed you didn't have bangs anymore but instead your hair was parted down one side. And he noticed your dress. Of course he did. You wore the most provocative dress he'd ever seen you wear.

It was a red satin dress with slits on both sides to show off your legs. It was completely backless with a huge plunging neckline that ended just above your belly button. Your breasts were covered by the smallest amount of material and completely on display. Fuck.

You wore it so confidently. You wore it like you were not afraid to flaunt what you had. You did it effortlessly with the most breath-taking smile he'd ever seen on you.

And then you were walking over here and he didn't know what you wanted. He got up and left the table. He only came back when you were settled and someone was speaking at the podium. He sat down and went on his phone.

He wasn't sure if you even noticed him. You didn't seem to have a reaction nor even look his way. That didn't matter; he was just waiting to be alone with you. So when you got up to go to the refreshments table, he followed shortly after you.

He approached you at the table and he just stood there, staring at you. He didn't really know what to say. But then you startled a little when you looked his way and noticed him as you clutched your chest.

"Right. Fuck. Hey," he scratched the side of his head as he started to ramble nervously. "I can say hey to you, right? I can greet you? Or do you not want that? Because I can fucking leave and..."

You placed a calming hand on his torso for a moment before removing it. You barely seemed bothered while he stopped breathing momentarily. Then you smiled a bit in amusement, "Yes, you can greet me."

He was lost staring into your eyes before he blurted out, "Ella, can we talk?"

You exhaled deeply before you spoke, "Tomorrow. For coffee at eight. I'll text you the address. Does that work?"

"Yeah. Yes," he agreed quickly.

"Okay," you smiled. "Tomorrow then."

And you went back to your seat. He stood there for a minute. Then he decided he didn't need to be there any longer. He wouldn't be able to handle staring at you and not talking. So he left and stayed up all fucking night.

"Shiv, he left. He fucking left," Tom whisper-shouted as Ella made her way back. "This is a clusterfuck. He's gonna fucking fire me, Shiv."

"He's not gonna fire you, Tom. How would he check in on Ella if he fired you?"

____

Lukas was there early. He already ordered for you because he knew what you liked unless that had changed. He was tapping his foot the whole time until you walked in the door covered in a light layer of sweat. You had earbuds in but you took them out once you came in.

You smiled once you saw him and walked over to the table. He swallowed as he noted you were only wearing a fucking sports bra with yoga pants. Jesus. He was sure you trying to test his focus.

"Hey," you greeted before you leaned down to kiss his cheek. He stopped breathing again.

Then you noticed the second cup of coffee, a frappe, and he pushed it towards you, "Vanilla, right?"

"Yeah," you smiled before you took the seat across from him. Vanilla had always been your favorite. But specifically a vanilla bean frappe. It was simple but sweet. You still had your sweet tooth.

You sipped on it before he asked, "You run now?"

"Yeah. I like it," you smiled again. "Clears my head."

He noticed you were full of smiles now. You gave them out easily. And you looked fuller somehow like you weren't as skinny. He wondered if you ate more now; you only ever ate such small portions back then like you were afraid to gain weight. But it seemed like you fixed that habit. And your skin just seemed to fucking glow. You seemed to glow.

"And...what else changed?" he questioned, holding himself back from spilling all the words he wanted to say.

"Well, I really like camping. I'm planning a trip next month," you informed. "And I'm off my meds now."

"You are?" he asked softly. "And you're...fine?"

"Yes," you smiled again. "I didn't need them anymore. I've been off of them for a year."

He hummed before he leaned forward to place his arms on the table as he asked quietly, "And did you...forgive me?"

"I think..." you mused. "I think I forgave you, Lukas, the moment I walked out the door."

He swallowed before he blurted out, "Ella, I still fucking love you. There hasn't been a fucking day where I haven't thought of you. Ella, I want you back."

You sighed and leaned back in your chair as you crossed one leg over the other. You were so cool like a fucking iceberg and he could not read you. You looked away for a moment as you bit your lip.

You didn't know how to feel about Lukas. You had talked about him to your therapist a long time ago and you knew you loved him back then. Because of that, you'd always feel affection for him. But you had changed. It didn't stop your mind from thinking about him from time to time. It was usually in random moments and you'd smile as you thought of your memories with him. You'd feel a longing.

"I want to make myself clear: I don't need you anymore," you finally turned your gaze to him.

Your words fucking hurt. He thought you were about to break him all over again. He thought you were about cut off any idea of them being together.

"But...I want to try again," you said before you started to smile. You found that as you said it, you really did want that. "I would like that."

"Okay," he smiled slightly. "And what does that entail?"

"You can take me on a date. Next week. I'll let you pick where and when," you clarified. "But here. In New York."

"Just one date?" he deflated a bit.

"If I like it, I'll let you take me on another," you said before you stood up, grabbing your coffee. "That's how dates work, silly."

"So we're doing things normally now?" he grinned in amusement.

Last time they did everything completely backwards. They started with the most intimate step and worked back. They really had been a mess, hadn't they?

"Yes," you smiled before kissing his cheek. "I'll see you next week."

And you left.

_____

For a month, they went on more than ten dates. Most of them were in New York but some were in Sweden. You only communicated with him during the dates. You were determined to move slowly with him.

Lukas noted how you didn't space out anymore. You were always there, always present. You still rambled, though, and quite adorably. And then there was that smile; you wore it so easily now. It made him happy for you.

Lukas was ever so patient. He never held your hand or put his arm around you. He never tried to kiss you. He didn't want to do anything until you told him you were ready. You could tell he was tense just in the way carried himself like he was afraid to screw it up.

You kept him at arm's length because you were afraid to fall back into the same patterns. You didn't invite him into your apartment nor did you ever enter his house. You weren't ready for something to happen between them that you couldn't turn back from. But you couldn't deny that everything flowed just as it always did between them. And you realized you were still in love with him.

You didn't know quite how to handle it until one night in Sweden. It was a work party thing he had taken you to. It wasn't a date exactly but he had invited you.

You were talking to someone before you glanced over at him. You noticed he was talking to some pretty brunette probably just a bit older than you. You felt a prickling sensation and you realized you were jealous. You realized you wanted him to be yours again.

You wondered why you were even waiting. It was obvious that Lukas was the one for you. He was still the love of your life and you never ever wanted to get over him. You didn't just want to be dating anymore or taking these baby steps. You didn't need to. You wanted him.

And it didn't matter if Lukas was still gravity to you. He was a type of gravity. He was love. The feeling that gave you butterflies and made you smile even more than you already did because you were own gravity now. It didn't mean you couldn't collide with his. And you intended to.

He had excused himself eventually from whoever the woman he was talking to and he had to take a phone call. He took the elevator up to his office on a floor above. You followed slowly and took a separate elevator. When it stopped, you stepped out onto an empty floor.

You walked to his office and leaned against the doorway. He had his back turned as he talked on the phone. It was something about Gojo but you didn't pay attention.

You just admired him for a small moment. You had noted it briefly earlier but he looked really handsome. He was in black business slacks with a black round-neck sweater that was not tucked in. He was like a black hole you wanted to be swallowed by.

When he finished his phone call, you stepped into the room before stopping about five feet in front of him. He turned and his eyes widened a bit before he tucked his hands in his pockets with a small smile, "Hey."

"You didn't have to come up here," he stated.

"I know."

It was silent for a moment as you stared at him. He stared at you. There was an undercurrent of tension between them.

Then you took a deep breath as you spoke, "If you ever hurt me again, I'd walk away from you, Lukas. And you'd never get me back. Even if it's years down the line and we have a kid, I'd still leave you."

"Ella, I wouldn't," he promised. "Not ever fucking again."

You closed the distance between them slowly until you stood right in front of him. You looked at him.

"I love you," you confessed as you stood up on the tips of your toes. You ran your hands up his chest and over his broad shoulders before looping your arms around his neck and bringing him down to your level before you muttered close to his lips. "And I don't want to move slowly anymore..."

Then you kissed him. As your lips molded with his, he literally groaned which made you smile slightly. You felt electric as you kissed him softly and slowly. But you wanted more and so did he.

It quickly turned into hungry, fast kisses. As soon as they finished one kiss, they brought their lips back together for more. Their lips pressed incessantly against each other before his hands gripped your hips tightly. He picked you up without breaking their kiss and carried you over to his desk before setting you down.

Your hands traveled down. You pushed up his sweater to reach for his belt. You stopped kissing him to focus on undoing it.

"Ella..." he questioned, panting.

"I want this."

"Ella, I don't have a fucking condom."

"I'll take Plan B."

You undid his belt before his hands hiked up your dress. You pushed down his pants to reveal his erection. You remembered he was big but you forgot how big he was. You spread your legs for him.

He moved your lace panties to the side before placing his tip against your slit. Then he pushed into you and he groaned as he felt the walls of your pussy close in around his dick. You let out a little gasp as you braced yourself with your palms flat on the desk behind you.

You breathed so heavily as he continued to slide his dick into you. You didn't have sex for two years and just him entering you put you close to your peak. When he was fully inside you, your eyes nearly rolled back. You were so full. Your stomach even bulged from his dick.

And with just one thrust, you fell apart and orgasmed. You moaned his name. Your muscles clenched and your toes curled. Your pussy clenched around his dick and Lukas did not last long, either, because after one more thrust, he came inside of you.

He smacked the desk with his hands as he groaned. You felt his warm seed gush into you. And it seemed to be never-ending. You felt strings upon strings of his cum jet into you like he had been pent up. And your pussy clenched his cock even harder, begging him for more.

He finally softened inside you. He stayed inside as you both panted. Then he slowly pulled out. His cum leaked out of you. He grabbed some tissues off his desk and cleaned you up. You were sleepy now and you did not want to go back to the party.

"Can we leave?" you said as he leaned his forehead against yours after cleaning you up.

"Yeah."

_____

When they got back to his house, you had livened up a bit. Only because you wanted him again. Once they were in the doorway, they stood facing each other and you realized this was the first time you'd stepped inside since you entered society again.

Lukas bit his lip as he stared at you, stared at your body, before he swallowed, "Are you tired? Do you want to lay down or..."

You crossed the distance and pulled him down to you, kissing him. He melted and his arms immediately wrapped around you. Then you pulled away slightly as you traced his lips, "Yes, I am tired, but I want more of this."

And he kissed you again. You let him kiss you for a bit, getting lost in it, as he backed you against the wall. Then you reached around you to unzip your dress. You only unzipped it a little bit before Lukas tugged it down harshly where it stopped halfway around your pelvis, being too tight without unzipping all the way.

But Lukas got what he wanted. Your breasts were now revealed as you weren't wearing a bra. He immediately moved to attach his mouth on one, sucking and licking at the supple breast as his hand played with other. You leaned your head back against the wall, letting out a low moan.

Once he was done, his lips traveled down your stomach as he muttered against your skin, "So fucking perfect."

You smiled as you teased, "And don't you forget it."

He grinned, "You're such an egotistical little minx now, aren't you?"

"Your minx," you bit your lip.

"Yeah?" he smiled as he gazed up at you. You watched as he kept his gaze locked with yours while he licked a stripe ever so slowly over your belly button. You threw your head back and let out a low moan of yes. And it was a long night filled with pleasure.

In the morning, he was spooning you and his fingers ran up and down your hip soothingly. He seemed to choose his words before he asked nervously, "Ella, when you weren't with me, did you ever...have you ever..."

"Have sex with someone else?" you realized what he was trying to ask. "No."

"Really?" he seemed all too excited.

You giggled, "No, Lukas."

You turned your head to look at him, "What if I had said yes?"

"It wouldn't fucking change anything but I don't..I just don't like the idea of someone knowing what you're like, you know, intimately," Lukas explained.

You hummed before you asked curiously, "What about you?"

"I, uh, tried," he admitted. "Yeah."

"Tried? What does that mean?"

He struggled to find words because he didn't like admitting it, "It means that part of me doesn't fucking work when it's not you."

You blinked before you realized, "Oh."

Then you smiled as you teased, "You couldn't get hard? Like at all?"

He rolled his eyes, "No."

You giggled a bit, "What did you do?"

That made him grin a bit as he admitted, "Looked at all those nude photos you sent me."

"You did?" you smiled.

"Yeah," he said before he questioned. "Are you gonna start sending those again?"

You chuckled before you bit your lip, "Maybe."

You did start sending those again. You liked getting him all worked up so that when he saw you again, he practically attacked you with lust. It was fun to you.

And when he attacked you, it was at home in Sweden. After that night, you moved in with him. A week later, he had proposed to you.

You said yes so the two of you were now engaged. Again. You found out when he proposed that he had kept the rings. So you wore the same ones you had picked out two years ago.

You got married to Lukas a month later. All of your siblings showed up. You did not marry him in Sweden nor in New York. You had always loved weddings so you wanted something grand and Lukas kept saying: whatever you want. So you chose the venue and picked the Palace of Versailles in France.

It was a wedding that cost millions but that was nothing to the two of you. You had your own custom made white wedding dress that was slim but had a long train. It had a sweetheart neckline.

You didn't have anyone walk you down the aisle (and up the staircase). Not Connor nor your Uncle Ewan. You didn't need anyone to give you away. You were joining yourself with Lukas.

So within two months of being back, you were married to Lukas. It may have seemed rushed. But you knew you loved him and you didn't need to wait. You didn't want to.

For the next month, the two of you were absolutely insatiable with each other. You would see the gold ring on his finger and you'd want him. Or the making out would turn all frenzied. All you knew was that month was wild. It was a like really long honeymoon. You were sure you had tried every position and fucked him on every single surface.

But just because you were married didn't mean you were having his kids yet. You wanted to wait and enjoy some of your married life before you started having babies. So that's what the two of you did.

The two of you were extremely happy with each other. Sometimes he would have to go to New York for business. He'd take you into Waystar with him. You'd wait until his meeting was over and then he was right back with you, holding your hand or having an arm wrapped around you.

Shiv noted how you were always smiling or laughing and that was how Lukas was, too. She noted how Lukas would hardly let go of you like he was afraid to lose you all over again. The two of you may have been a bit clingy but it was a happy relationship. Shiv couldn't help but feel a bit jealous.

She never told you that, though, even when you came over many times to spend time with your niece. And Shiv noted how good you were with her kid. The kid she hardly spent time with. Here you were, younger, and doing better at everything in life. But she pushed those jealous feelings down; she didn't want to ever poison herself against you, her baby sister.

But you lived in Sweden. You only visited your family every once in an awhile. Well, the family that wanted to see you. Kendall did not. He still could not accept you were with Matsson. But you didn't care.

You had your own little life with Lukas. You sold your art studio in London and got one in Sweden. You submitted many of your paintings to art galleries and you would go see them when they got hung. It made you quite proud.

Once, you took Lukas on a very short two-day camping trip. He absolutely hated it. He couldn't access his phone due to no service out in the middle of nowhere and he had nothing to do. He couldn't fish or make a fire. He was useless out in the wild. You were very amused as he was very clearly such a city boy. But you knew he very much enjoyed the nights cozied up in the tent since you had sex with him then.

But Lukas didn't go camping ever again. You did, though. Lukas was so miserable when you did, too, because he couldn't get in contact with you. You were gone and he didn't like being apart from you.

You went on a two-week camping trip once, too. You would fish and you liked the peacefulness. You'd draw, too, when you were out there. When you got back, you texted Lukas to tell him so. Thirty minutes later he was practically sprinting into the bedroom where you were unpacking your clothes you had taken with you. He picked you up off the ground and trapped your arms to your sides as he hugged the life out of you like you'd been gone for a century. Butterflies erupted. He really missed you.

"Don't ever fucking leave that long," he pleaded. "Please."

You couldn't help but placate him as your heart squeezed, "Alright."

You never went longer than a week after that.

But the months quickly passed and the holidays were thrust upon you. It was Christmas. Everyone in your family was coming. Well, everyone except Kendall. He had responded with yeah, yeah, maybe which was an obvious no. You wondered if he would ever get over Lukas now being the head of Waystar or that board vote that decided it.

But it was the morning of the big holiday. You were exchanging gifts with Lukas out by the gigantic tree you made him get. You had decorated it in red and green lights with the help of the staff (who you had left presents for under the tree and they were allowed to go on break after today for two weeks). He sat on the couch in a tank top and pajama pants while you were in an oversized t-shirt.

You had gotten him a black watch since his broke. He refused to get another one until he did a deep dive on the best watches. You knew that if you got it for him that he'd wear it though and the problem would be solved. You had gotten him some other miscellaneous things.

Then you opened yours. You had gotten a necklace studded with so many diamonds. It basically glimmered. You teased him, "Did you just pick the most expensive thing you could find?"

He bit his lip, "Yeah. Yeah, I did."

You smiled. Then you opened your next one and found a set of paints. You had gasped once you saw them.

"I talked to some, I don't know, expert and he said these were the best so..." Lukas said.

"You talked to an expert?" you gave him a look.

"I don't know. Some fucking artist," he replied.

You giggled before you kissed his cheek and thanked him. You really did love these set of paints. You opened multiple other presents all related to art before you opened the last one.

Your eyes widened as you looked in the box. You picked it up. It was a small pistol.

"Lukas, why is there a gun?"

"You're always going fucking camping, you know. I figured protection for my girl," he said before smiling at the end as he said my girl.

"I don't even know how to shoot it."

"Yeah. That's why I bought you lessons, too."

You smiled a bit as you shook your head. You put the gun back in the box before you moved to straddle him. You placed your hands on his shoulders and massaged them a bit, "You're such a worrier."

"Well, yeah, I got to look out for you. My Ella."

You smiled before you kissed him sweetly. Then you muttered against his lips, "Maybe a little overboard."

"No. It's not overboard if it works and I never lose you," he argued.

"So you think a bear is more competition than you can handle?" you joked.

He chuckled, "Yeah. Maybe."

You hummed before you kissed him again. They shared short, sweet kisses for awhile. But then their little make-out session had to end. You had a lot of planning to do.

You had Freya, an older woman who was their maid, set up the dining table for this event. You also coordinated with the chef, Lars. You were a bit anxious about it all.

"Miss Ella, we know what to do," Freya assured. "It will go perfect. You should go get ready before your guests arrive."

"Thank you, Freya," you smiled before you went off.

You went and got dressed. You wore a short red dress. You fixed your hair and it took a long while for you to do that. And you wore the necklace that Lukas got you.

You fumbled with your hands as you came out of the bathroom and fretted, "Do you think it will go well?"

He had been on his phone as he sat on the bed and waited for you. He was wearing a simple red t-shirt and black track pants. He put his phone away once you came out and he stared a bit in awe, "You're so fucking gorgeous."

You blushed a bit, "Thank you but..."

"It'll be fine," he assured you.

"But both of our moms here and my siblings and...it's going to be a mess, isn't it?"

"No," he smiled in amusement. "Well, maybe just a little bit."

"Lukas!"

He stood up and grabbed your hands, "Ella, relax. With you involved, nothing could ever be a fucking mess."

You smiled, "I love you."

"I love you more, hjärtat."

Lukas had been right. It was not a mess. Roman was, well, Roman with his gross jokes and you couldn't help that. Their mothers kind of smothered everyone but it was mostly went off without a hitch. Shiv and Tom brought your niece and you had immediately picked her up, propping her up on your hip. You talked to her animatedly before giving her a giant cookie that was made just for her.

"She's great with kids, uh?" Tom commented to Lukas.

Lukas hummed as he watched you with his hands in his pockets. He would wait but he desperately wanted kids with you.

The rest of the evening went by perfectly. Well, there was the one instance where his mother and yours (they seemed to get along great) asked when you were having kids. You had choked on your wine.

"We're not in a rush," Lukas answered nonchalantly.

But besides probing questions, it was fine. Hours later they had all left and the house was finally quiet again. You breathed a sigh of relief.

"I told you," he wrapped his arms around you from behind. "Nothing to worry about."

You leaned back into his embrace, "It was my first time hosting so..."

He kissed your shoulder before he asked, "Are you tired?"

"I...Yes," you answered nervously.

"Alright," he said and then he picked you up to carry you bridal style. It made you gasp and giggle. Then he carried you to the bedroom before setting you down.

"I'm gonna change," you said.

He nodded as he took off his shirt and his pants before climbing into bed. You headed to the closet in excitement. You had this all planned since two weeks ago. When you came back out, you were dressed in red lingerie that had a bow over your breasts.

"So there's one last present I had for you," you announced.

Lukas had been on his phone. He had one hand behind his head as laid half-propped against the headboard. His eyes glanced up and then did a double take.

"Fuck, Ella."

He licked his lips and you smiled. You crawled onto the bed towards him before straddling him. You took his phone and set it on the bedside table.

He went to reach for you but you grabbed his hands. You entwined them with yours as you kept his arms bent and up in the air.

"Before you touch me," you stared at him intensely. "I want you to know that I'm ready now."

"Ready for what?"

"To have kids with you," you declared before you held a small smirk. "So do you want to unwrap me now?"

His eyes had stared at you for a few shocked moments. Then he practically attacked you with lust. You had giggled before you got lost in the feeling with him. And it was a very, very long night.

When you woke up in the morning, you could still feel the length of him inside you. His cock acted as a plug to keep his cum inside you. You could feel that he was hard again which made wetness seep out of you and down his shaft.

You wanted him to fuck you. Again. And when he woke, he did. He flipped you onto your belly and straddled your thighs as he fucked you from behind. His cock pounded into you practically making you bounce with each thrust. It was so primal and aggressive.

It made you orgasm rather quickly and your toes curled. Your back arched and you were aware of your painfully erect nipples pressing into the satin sheets. He fucked you through your orgasm with your pussy clenched tightly around his cock as he kept thrusting. His hands moved underneath you and he manipulated you to lift your ass a bit, making him drive deeper into you. You moaned at the new angle even as your front was practically being nailed into the mattress.

You orgasmed again and you felt like you were seeing stars. Your pussy clenched even tighter around his cock and he groaned. He made a few more sloppy thrusts before he gripped your ass cheeks rather tightly as he came inside you.

You felt his warm seed spill deep inside of you. Again. You mewled at the feeling despite the walls of your pussy already being sticky from the seed he painted them with all night.

You wanted him to keep that doing that. Maybe you were cum drunk. You didn't know. But you felt so full and content. You never wanted him to leave you.

He stayed inside you for thirty minutes as they laid there a bit out of it and panting. He was half on top of you. Then he pulled out and you felt so empty as his cum started to leak out.

"I'm gonna take a shower," he commented.

You merely hummed and followed him. Your legs ached a bit. But you didn't focus on that. Your mind was in a fog. You were in a blissed-out haze. And every kiss you shared with him felt amplified and you felt like every cell yearned for him.

Maybe the steam of the shower was making you all fuzzy but when they got out, you fucked him on the bathroom counter. Then you took him back to bed. They just ended up spending the whole day in bed together having sex.

Every day after that, he fucked you. They weren't as bad as that first day but every night he'd fuck you. But they did fuck once at a restaurant in the bathroom. You were bent over the sink with your hands on the white porcelain. You could not believe you let him to do this but you were just as bad as he was.

"When I said I wanted a baby, I didn't mean you should have sex with me relentlessly."

"So you don't want me to fuck you?" he had a smug grin as he gave you a particularly deep thrust making you gasp.

"You're such an ass," you panted.

"An ass you love," he still had that stupid grin and his blue eyes were so bright with happiness. He was so damn pretty. You couldn't help but love it. God. You were so in deep with him.

"Yes, I love you. I love you, Lukas," you uttered and the overwhelming amount of affection you felt made you orgasm before he had even thrusted inside of you again. And your words did it. He groaned before he came inside you.

That was what it was like leading up to New Year's. You found out you were pregnant only a couple days after the new year began. You were so ecstatic and Lukas was happy.

But then the nausea set in. The first trimester was hard for you. You were sick nearly all the time. Your breasts were sore and you were just exhausted.

You'd often wake up in the middle of the night puking. Lukas was so good with you. He would get up and hold your hair, he'd give you back rubs, and he'd even stay home with you. He didn't often go into work besides four days out of the week.

He was just very attentive with you which you appreciated. When the second trimester came around, the nausea had subsided. Your breasts grew and you went up two cup sizes by the end of the trimester. Lukas loved playing with them which felt really great.

But something else had changed in the second trimester. Your libido increased tenfold. You felt like an animal. You were attacking Lukas for sex practically all the time. You would even go to his work just to have him fuck you on his desk.

At night, you'd have very dirty dreams. When they ended, you were all hot and bothered so you'd wake him up pawing at him for sex. You felt quite terrible that you were interrupting his sleep. You had even cried about it once. Lukas just kissed you and told you that you were being silly; like a switch flipped, that calmed you right down and you stopped crying.

One night, you were having sex with him. You were straddling him and you had been bouncing on his dick. But he had gone soft. You had pouted, "I need you again."

He stroked his cock to get it to become hard again as he joked, "It's like you're trying to break my dick."

"What? No. I love you," you frowned like he'd said the worst thing in history and tears built up in your eyes. "Why would I want to break it? How could you ever think I'd want to hurt you?"

Lukas chuckled, "Ella, it was a joke."

You sniffled, "Don't say stuff like that."

"Okay," he complied.

"I love you too much," you replied before you kissed him.

You kissed him shortly before you trailed kisses down to his neck. You muttered against his skin, "Love you so much."

You moved down to kiss his chest and you sucked before nipping at the skin as you mused, "Just want you all the time."

"Fuck, Ella."

And he was hard. You sunk down on his cock and began to bounce again. You began to have sex with him again.

The second trimester had been filled with a lot of sex. But you had also found out the gender of your baby. You were having a boy. The room that you had once painted for a baby was set up once again. Your belly started to show and Lukas was always kissing it.

You let everyone in your family know. Connor seemed the happiest for you. But you didn't much care who was happy and who wasn't. It was your life and you were happy for yourself. That was all that mattered.

Then the third trimester came and that had to be the worst. Your breasts grew even more and you now had an H cup. Your belly was swollen. Your back hurt. Your feet hurt and you had slight edema. You were very irritable. You just wanted the baby out of you.

You practically ignored Lukas. You didn't even let him hold you at night. The hormone you blamed him for knocking you up. It was unreasonable but you couldn't help it. You were so emotional.

One day he went to kiss you before he left to go to work. But you just turned your head. When he said he loved you, you merely hummed.

But as soon as he left, you started crying. You felt terrible. You ran out the door after him and stopped him before he even got in the car.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry," you sobbed. "I love you. I love you so much. I don't want you to leave and not know that."

"I know," he responded as he wiped your tears away with his thumbs before kissing you softly. You eagerly pressed your lips back to his and let all of your frustration melt away.

When the kiss finished, you explained, "I'm just so tired and sore. I just want this baby out and I'm being mean to you. I'm terrible."

"You're not terrible," you argued. "But let's fix some of that, yeah?"

"What about work?"

"Fuck it," he said before he shuffled you inside. "I'm taking care of you."

And he did. He had you take a bubble bath. He gave you a massage. At the end of the night, you'd curled up against him in bed and held onto him tightly.

Things hadn't been as lovely as that day had been. You still got snappy and moody with him. But that all changed when you had the baby. You had an easy labor with a spontaneous birth.

You took on the role of mother very easily when you took your baby boy home. He was named Mattias. You doted on him but he cried nearly all the time. You were exhausted.

You and Lukas were exhausted. You barely got anytime to yourselves. But five weeks after the birth, you had gotten up to take a shower. You basically knew now when Matti would wake up. So you got up to take a shower but when you stepped out, breast milk leaked out of one of your breasts.

You groaned in frustration as Lukas came into the bathroom. When he saw the situation, he did something you did not expect. He grabbed you by your hips when you went to grab a hand towel, keeping you in place, before he leaned down and licked the trail of breast milk up from your abdomen, cleaning you off.

Your stomach twisted and you felt a low heat in your belly. You thought it was extremely hot. It turned you on and realized this was the first you had been in months.

When he was done, you grabbed him by his neck and pulled him to you. You kissed him. Your hands ran up his bare chest since he didn't wear a shirt to bed. His hands grabbed at your hips before picking you up and setting you on the bathroom counter.

You panted as you pulled away from him and argued, "Matti will wake up soon."

"I'll be quick," he replied.

You glanced at the baby monitor on the counter that was silent. Then you looked back at him and spread your legs for him. He pushed his sweats down to his thighs, revealing his erection. He lined himself up with your slit before pushing into you. You gasped a little.

It had been months since you had sex with him. And this wasn't I love you sex but I need a release sex. It was quick and rough as he plowed into you. Your kisses were short and hungry. Desperate. Your nails scraped his chest as he made you orgasm and his orgasm quickly followed yours.

The both of you were panting once you were done. His lips attached themselves to your neck, planting soft kisses on your skin. You moaned a little and tilted your head back to give him access.

But then the baby monitor was filled with sound. Matti was crying. You groaned a little bit in exhaustion and you went to move off the counter but he squeezed your thighs lightly, "I'll get him."

You nodded and he left. Matti, like clockwork, needed to be changed at around six in the morning. Then he'd go back to sleep for about twenty minutes before he'd cry again to be fed. You rested for a couple of minutes before you got up to take another shower.

When you got out and you were actually dressed, you went to the baby room. You found Lukas holding Matti against his chest and rubbing his back as he slept ever so soundly. You smiled as you saw it.

You watched them for a few more moments before Matti started to cry. You stepped in and took him before you fed him. Breastfeeding was a long process that took about forty minutes and you were doing this eight to twelve times a day. It was a lot but you were always quite happy (even though exhausted) as you cooed at your baby boy and gazed at him lovingly.

Your baby boy was the center of your whole world. A week later you found out you were pregnant again, an accident. But it didn't matter; being a mother made you happy. This pregnancy (and every other) was much easier and less intense; you became a mother that actually didn't mind being pregnant. You would have another boy, Julian, that also became your greatest treasure in life.

After having Julian, like clockwork, you got pregnant again only six weeks later. You had another boy named Elias. After giving birth to him, you moved with Lukas into another house.

The one he had contained a lot of open space in the living room and such but very little bedrooms. They needed something bigger and more comfortable for a family. This new house also had an art studio. You were overjoyed with it.

Almost as soon as you moved in, you got pregnant again. You had another boy named Nikolaj. Then you got pregnant a fifth time and finally had a girl. She was named Annika.

After her, you had two more boys one after the other. Tobias and Henrik. When you were pregnant with Henrik, you had gone to New York with Lukas. He had something to do with Waystar. You went shopping while he was in his meeting. Mattias, now almost seven, wanted to go with you and so did Nikolaj, who was almost three. Nikolaj was extremely attached to you and shy. So you took the both of them with you while you left the rest with Freya who had became something of a nanny.

When you were out with them, you were approached by a man in the store. You had caught him talking to Mattias. He had an odd smile on his face as he went to reach for him, "You look so much like your father."

"Mattias, come here," your voice was stern as you grabbed his hand and tugged him behind you. You already held Nikolaj, propping him up on your hip.

"Leave my kids alone please," you tried staying cordial with him.

"You have another one," he smiled even wider as his eye twitched. "He has his blonde hair. And you have another one growing..."

He quickly reached out and placed his hand on your pregnant belly. You gasped before stepping back and you smacked his hand away, "Don't ever touch me."

His smile turned to a frown, "You bitch. They're ours. You can't keep them from us."

He went to lunge for you, his hands reaching for your neck, but you quickly let go of Mattias and punched him. Then you grabbed Mattias, gripping his hand so tightly, and rushed out of there. You went to the car where Sven, your driver, was there. The man had followed you and Sven wrestled him to the ground. He kept him there until the cops came.

An ambulance even came. They doctored up your hand as Sven watched your kids. Apparently, you had sprained it from hitting the guy so hard in the face.

Then Lukas showed up. The boys took off towards him as soon as they saw him. He crouched down and hugged them both tightly to him, "My boys. Are you hurt? Did you get hurt?"

He let go of them to turn their hands from side to side, inspecting them for any injuries. Nikolaj spoke, "Mommy saved us."

Mattias added on, "Mom is hurt. She punched him."

"Come here," he picked Nikolaj up and held him. He placed his hand on the back of Mattias to shuffle him forward to the ambulance.

Lukas found you and looked at your hand, "You're hurt. It is broken?"

"It's just a sprain," you assured.

He sighed before he leaned over and kissed the top of your head. Then he did it again seemingly just to make sure he wasn't dreaming.

"And the baby?"

"He's fine. He's tough," you smiled as you rubbed your belly with your non-sprained hand.

He sighed again before he picked up Mattias as well. Mattias laid his head on his shoulder as he held both of his boys tightly.

"You're never going fucking anywhere alone again."

"Dad said a bad word," Mattias smirked.

"Yeah, I did. But I'm mad right now," Lukas explained.

"Alright," you agreed as you stared at your boys. You never wanted anything to happen to any of your children.

It had been some deranged fanboy of Lukas that had did it. He went to jail for a year. After that situation, you always had security now.

Nothing bad had happened again and a couple of months later, you gave birth to Henrik. You got pregnant one last time and had a girl. She was named Linnea.

After her, you had decided that eight kids was enough. You had your tubes tied in a procedure. You were no longer having anymore kids and you didn't have to worry about contraception.

Now you just raised your babies. You took them camping or taught them how to paint. Lukas played video games or soccer with the boys. You would have a family night where you played a board game which got very animated. All of them seemed to have a competitive streak in them.

They all had the blond hair of Lukas and his bright blue eyes. But they had your facial features like dimpled cheeks and little noses. They were absolutely adorable. They all got the tall gene, too, so you were the only one in the family that was short.

You were so happy and you gave them all the love you had. You made sure that each one of them knew that they could choose whatever path they wanted. Lukas did, too. If they didn't want to go into business, they didn't have to.

For example, Tobias had gotten really into soccer. You along with Lukas attended each one of his games. He actually ended up becoming a major soccer player.

Each one of your kids was well-adjusted and they all chose their own paths. Not a single one of them took over the business. Lukas had actually ended up selling the whole thing, Gojo and Waystar, and got a massive payout.

When the kids all moved out, you and Lukas downsized to another house. You didn't need one so big anymore. You just lived your life with Lukas and checked in on your kids constantly. You always had to know what they were doing. You wanted to make sure they were happy like you were.

But the years went on. You would go on hikes with Lukas or cozy up to watch a movie. They were very lowkey when the kids moved out. You still did a lot of painting.

You grew old with Lukas until, well, you couldn't. When you were in your late sixties, he passed away. You supposed you weren't necessarily surprised because there was the large age gap between them but it still hurt. You were lonely for a long time. You lived alone and did everything alone.

When you got a bit older and you couldn't even paint because of the arthritis in your hands, you moved in with Nikolaj. He took care of you until you passed as well. In the those last few months, you held a deep longing. Because the gravity that always held you to the Earth was no longer there. It was in your memories. And you died in your sleep with a smile on your face. You let gravity take you to that place in your mind, the one with Lukas, and you died swimming in the pictures and moments of your life forever.

It was peaceful. It was a life worth living. And you hoped your children found a gravity that made them happy with life like you did.

[azzie89]

Gravity-Chapter Twenty-Two

(A Lukas Matsson Fanfic)

Chapters: One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven, Eight, Nine, Ten, Eleven, Twelve, Thirteen, Fourteen, Fifteen, Sixteen, Seventeen, Eighteen, Nineteen, Twenty, Twenty-One, Twenty-Two

Warnings: smut (18+), attempted suicide, suicide ideation

You woke up on the couch to a pleasurable feeling. You let out a little moan as you bit your lip but you hadn't opened your eyes. You didn't need to. You could feel it.

Your leg was propped up and you could feel him rubbing himself against your slit. Wetness coated your thighs so you knew he had been stimulating you for a while. He rubbed his shaft back and forth between your legs and the tip kept rubbing over your clit.

You wondered why he hadn't plunged himself inside of you but then you realized he probably didn't have a condom. You finally opened your eyes, blinking a bit tiredly as you commanded, "Lukas, it's okay. It's okay. I want a baby."

"You sure?"

"Yes, Lukas. Yes."

With that, you felt the tip of his cock slide into your pussy. Your hole stretched around him as your walls accommodated his prick. More wetness seeped onto your thighs in anticipation of him filling you. He moved slowly until he was buried inside of you till the hilt.

Then he moved back until just the tip remained and then slid back inside of you. He did it over and over. They were long, deep strokes as he methodically worked his cock in and out of you. You moved your leg farther over his hip and his cock reached even deeper inside of you.

You were a mess of moans as he fucked you. You could hear the slapping of his pelvis against your ass cheeks. A heat built up in your belly until it flooded you. You cried his name as your muscles clenched and your toes curled. He groaned in your ear as your pussy clenched around his dick and he continued to fuck you through your orgasm. The slick that seeped out of you, coating his shaft and leaking out to soak your thighs, made everything more vulgar with the squelches of their combined juices filling the air.

Your mind felt like it was floating. You were completely blissed out and you blinked tiredly. You felt full and content. The only thing you could focus on was his dick inside you. You could feel every dip and curve of his cock. All you could feel was him like he was the only thing that existed.

Then you heard him groan again. He gave two more sloppy thrusts into you before you felt it. He ejaculated inside of you, his seed gushing out to paint the walls of your pussy. You gave a little mewl as you felt his warm seed fill you and you felt your pussy clench tighter around his cock, trying to milk him for every little drop.

And then you woke up.

You breathed a little bit heavily as you blinked your eyes open. It was very disorienting because you were on the same couch that you had been on inside the dream. You were wearing the same dress. But you realized your panties were not missing. And there was definitely no dick inside of you.

Instead you felt his arms around you. One was under you and it come up to wrap around you under your boobs. The other was wrapped around your waist with a hand on your stomach. One of your own hands was atop that one. You felt his face tucked into the crook of your shoulder and you could hear very light snores. He was asleep.

You moved your hand to fumble behind you. You pinched his hip as you whisper-shouted, "Lukas!"

He stirred a little bit and you pinched him again. That elicited a groan out of him as he said, "Ella, go back to sleep."

He felt him try to bury his head even deeper into the crook of your shoulder to go back to sleep and his arms tightened around you. You almost felt bad.

"Lukas," you said quietly. "When we go to Sweden after the deal, I want a baby. I don't care if we're not married yet. I want a baby."

"You want one that bad?" his breath tickled your neck.

"I don't...I don't want to miss it anymore," you admitted before suggesting. "And it doesn't have to be in Sweden, it can be...right now."

"Okay. When we go to Sweden, we'll try for a baby. I'm too tired to fuck you right now," he agreed. "Now can we please go back to sleep? I have a long day tomorrow."

You smiled a little bit. It made you feel all warm and fuzzy that he was so at peace sleeping beside you that he didn't even want to have sex.

"Okay," you replied. "And Lukas..."

He hummed in acknowledgment and you hesitated before you spoke as you thought of the dream, "If you ever wanted to use me...in my sleep, you can do that."

He was silent for a moment.

"In your sleep?" he mused before he shook his head lightly against your shoulder. "No. I want to hear all those pretty sounds and see all those pretty faces you make."

"Oh," you blushed a little.

"Is that it?" he questioned.

"Yeah."

He kissed your shoulder before nuzzling into you again. Then he went still and it didn't take long until you felt his breathing even out. You stayed awake but then you fell asleep soon after in his arms.

______

When you woke up, Lukas was gone but you had a blanket draped over you. It made you form a soft, tired smile before you stretched a bit. Then you checked your phone. It was around nine and you had a text from Lukas: breakfast is waiting for you in the kitchen

You smiled again, feeling butterflies, before you got up. You kept the blanket wrapped around you as you padded over to the kitchen. You found chocolate pancakes waiting. Your favorite. You felt butterflies again.

You sat down and ate. You texted your driver that you needed him. Once you were done, you folded up the blanket and put it back on the couch. You put your heels back on before you left the apartment.

You had your driver take you to your apartment which wasn't too far away. You needed to shower and change. You were still in your funeral attire. You did just that when you got there.

When you were done and dressed in something more comfortable, you decided to pack. The deal would be going through tomorrow and you wanted to be ready to go to Sweden. So you packed a couple of suitcases with your favorite items. You didn't need to bring everything as you could just buy new stuff.

When you were done packing, you were laying on the floor in exhaustion after a lot of effort to get a suitcase to zip. But it was done now. You checked your phone and you decided to be spontaneous.

You snapped a photo of yourself on the floor wearing a wide smile and your bags in the background. Then you sent it to Lukas with a text: all ready to go to Sweden.

He sent you a heart emoji almost instantly. You sent one back to him before texting him you were coming over. Then you sighed and got up. You left your apartment and had your driver take you back.

You went to the apartment where Lukas was having all the work stuff take place. Not his personal one. You walked in and Lukas almost immediately stood up from his place on the couch. He grinned, "There's my girl."

As soon as you saw him, you smiled before you shuffled forwards and jumped into his arms. You kissed him shortly before muttering, "Missed you."

He chuckled, "It was only a couple of hours."

"So?" you pouted before you jumped down from his hold.

You waved at Oskar and Ebba before looking around. You noticed your sister, "Oh, hi, Shiv."

"Hi, Ellie," she smirked.

You blushed a bit before looking away. You paused as you noticed a magazine open. It was cartoon depicting Lukas as a puppet and Shiv controlling the strings.

You blinked and didn't linger on it too long before you looked back up at Lukas, "I have to go to my mom's thing but I just wanted to see you before I left."

"You still have to go to that fucking thing?" he asked as he grabbed your hand, playing with your fingers.

"Yes, Lukas."

He hummed and pouted a little bit. You smiled in amusement before you replied, "I'll be back tomorrow. Do you think we're leaving tomorrow...to Sweden?"

"Tomorrow or it might be a couple of days."

"Okay, well, I'm packed," you smiled in excitement. "I'll see you when I get back."

You kissed his cheek and went to leave but he grabbed your wrist as he shook his head, "Ella, no."

"What do you mean..." you got cut off when he picked you up and kissed you again. It was a short but deep kiss that made you lose the ability to breathe. You had felt a bit self-conscious kissing in front of other people, in front of his staff, but Lukas apparently did not give a fuck. That was probably his motto.

You felt a little dizzy when he set you down and he uttered, "Now you can leave."

You smiled a bit, love drunk, as you tucked your hair behind your ear, "Oh. Okay."

You stood there for a moment, biting your lip in a daze. Lukas smirked a bit before calling, "Ella."

"Right. I'm leaving," you remembered before quickly turning and walking to the door. "I'll see you tomorrow."

_____

You flew to the Bahamas. You were very surprised to find Roman there as well. He was dressed in peculiar clothes you'd never seen him wear and had a cut over his eyebrow. You immediately fussed over it, "What happened? Are you okay?"

"Oh, yeah. That. It's nothing," he shrugged.

You gave him a look but nevertheless dropped it. But he had caught onto something as he stared at the rings on your finger.

He pointed, "Are those what I think they mean?"

You smiled dreamily as you stared at them, "Yes."

Roman sighed, "I know you're not gonna listen to me so...I do hope, for your sake, he won't fuck things up, El."

"I thought I didn't matter to you?" you questioned quietly.

"El, that was..." Roman picked his words. "That was just me acting out and being an ass. I'm kind of known for it so..."

"I'm not gonna put up with it forever, Roman."

"I know. I'm a work in progress, okay? I'll try to be better, at least, towards you."

You sighed, "Alright."

"Alright?" he peered at you hopefully.

"Yes, alright. I guess I forgive you."

He smiled a bit before their mother joined them, "Ella!"

Caroline hugged you, "I'm so glad you could make it, dear."

"Of course, Mom."

Things were kind of peaceful. You had started to play a game of cards with Roman when the rest of your siblings showed up. Then things got hectic.

"Did you guys know she's marrying Matsson now?" Roman announced.

"No," Shiv replied.

"I...yeah. I did," Kendall admitted.

"Wait, you knew and you decided not to share that piece of vital information?" Roman questioned.

"I found out at the tailgate party," Kendall said. "I guess I just thought it would sort itself out, you know."

"No, I don't know, Kendall," you crossed your arms.

"Come on, El," Kendall argued. "It's not gonna work out between you two. I mean, the age difference and the fact that he's a fucking asshole."

Shiv rolled her eyes, "Okay, well, I've seen firsthand and I think they will so leave her alone, yeah?"

You smiled at Shiv and she gave you a small wink back. Then they started to talk about the deal. You sighed and went inside, leaving them to it.

____

In New York, Lukas was interviewing Tom. They were at an art gallery. They were in front of one of the paintings.

"What do you think?" Lukas questioned.

"It's very nice."

"It's Ella's," Lukas admitted and couldn't help but smile. "My girl is fucking talented, isn't she?"

"She is. She clearly is," Tom said despite his surprise that Ella was an artist. "And it's obviously the best...the best work in here."

Lukas hummed before he ranted, "I tried to get her to come in here and look at it. But she just won't. She's afraid she'll come in here and see everyone ignoring it. Fucking crazy. Like anyone would fucking ignore this, right?"

"No. No. Absolutely not," Tom stated. "No one could."

Lukas hummed again before he moved on. He talked to Oskar and Tom briefly talked with Greg.

"Greg, what the fuck? You were supposed to prep me. Did you know Ella was a fucking artist? Because I didn't know that, Greg," Tom whisper-shouted. "All he does is talk about Ella."

"Oh, yeah. That's kind of his thing, I've learned."

"Oh, you've learned that? Well, I'm totally fucked, Greg. Thank you so very much."

_____

Lukas was now at dinner with Tom. They had finished their meals and Lukas analyzed Tom.

"How do you feel about, uh, soft pitching me? On Tom. Just, you know, the main slide."

"On me? As in my value to keep me? Sure. Yeah. Yeah. I can sing for my supper," Tom joked. "Uh, well, no. Um. So, yeah, as a manager, I think, you know, I'm... I'm simple. You know, I squeeze the costs and juice the revenue. Follow the boss. You know, I, uh, digest strategy and implement. Like, for, you know, cruises, for example, is shit-gobbling and firefighting."

"And ATN is money. You know, I'm cutting heads and harvesting eyeballs. It's pretty...Yeah, pretty simple really. I give the customer what he wants. I don't think it's my place to offer dietary advice. You know, if they want red meat and boiling tar, then...buon appetito. Right?"

"And on a hang level, who would you say you are?" Lukas asked.

"Who am I? Um...Huh. That's a good one. I'm a grinder. I grind 'cause I worry. I worry all night about everything. All the, uh, threats to...to me and to my, um... my division and my physical body. And I...I, uh, I have an excess of vigilance, I think, and I have a very, very high tolerance for pain and physical discomfort."

"Can I...can I be frank with you? Can...can you be discreet?" Lukas questioned.

"Fuck yeah."

"So, the thing is, um, with Shiv, uh...And with the votes coming up and all, can we keep this, like, close to our chests until I know my numbers?"

"Oh, sure."

"I think it's all fine. It's just I...I wanted to give it to Ella."

"Ella?"

"Yeah. I would've handed it to her on a silver fucking platter but she just doesn't want it. I don't think she realizes how much like her dad she can be. So fucking stubborn."

Lukas continued, "But then I was thinking that whoever takes the position is going to get a lot of heat and I don't want that for her. She needs to stay stress-free, you know."

"Right."

"So then I was thinking maybe Shiv for family continuity. But she was kind of pushy on the India tactics. And she is...she is smart. But I got plenty of ideas, okay? I don't know if I need more ideas. Plus, I have this thing with...with her, um, which is like...Like is it... is it a bit too much? You know?"

"Okay. The cartoon?"

"No. Fuck the cart...That was funny. I enjoyed that. No," Lukas denied.

He hesitated as he thought of whether he should go ahead with his plan to test Tom. But Ella wasn't here and she wouldn't ever find out that he said it. He looked around before he leaned in a bit, "It's just with Shiv....I wanna fuck her, um, a... a little bit. And I think, under...Sorry to get weird, but, like, the right circumstances...she... I think she'd fuck me, too."

"Uh-huh."

"Is this making you uncomfortable? I'm sorry if it's weird, or..."

"No, no. We're men," Tom shook his head.

"So then I was thinking, if I can have fucking anyone in the world...why don't I get the guy who put the baby inside her instead of the baby lady?"

"Right," Tom nodded. "Right. Well... I could do it. I could definitely, easily, definitely do it."

"I need an American 'cause I don't wanna scare the horses. ATN being the profit center. Mencken likes you, if that happens, you know? You, um...You're fucking talented. But also, honestly...I'm not looking for a partner. I have Ella for that. You know? I'm looking for a front man. 'Cause, um...we're gonna cut shit close to the bone. We're gonna get right fucking in there. It's gonna get nasty. Uh...So I need a pain sponge...when I'm under the hood doing what I love, you know? That's kind of what I'm after. So, would that be a problem?"

"Nah. No, man. Nah. I could do it."

Lukas got up to celebrate to do shots. He talked to Oskar in Swedish, not realizing that Greg was translating every word they said.

"Did you still test him about Shiv?" Oskar questioned. "If little Ella found out what you said..."

"She won't find out."

"What about the deal you made? She still doesn't know."

"She won't ever know."

_____

When nightfall approached, things got bad. Shiv found out that Lukas wasn't choosing her as CEO and cutting her out because she was left out of the draft statement. Then Shiv changed her stance.

"You know what, Ken is right, Ella. He's an asshole and you need to break it off with him," Shiv argued. "You know he told me in Norway that he did something before you two were dating that you'd never forgive him for."

"You're just saying that," tears built in her eyes. "You're just saying that now that he fucked you over and you want to hurt him. I can't believe you'd use me to do it."

"Ellie..." Shiv looked guilty.

"No," you huffed before stomping off back inside.

It wasn't long before Greg called and you felt like the world fell apart. You felt like your chest cracked open. It hurt.

"I just...I thought you'd want to know because I'd want to know if it were me..."

"Greg, just spit it out."

"Matsson sort of said that he wanted to fuck Shiv," Greg revealed. "He also said something about a deal he made involving you."

"He wouldn't have said that. You're lying. Did Kendall put you up to this?"

"I....No..."

You hung up. You took deep breaths. He wanted Shiv. How could you have been so stupid? No one ever wanted you. Of course he wanted someone more mature and more intelligent.

But what was this deal Greg was talking about? It seemed separate from the current deal. A deal made previously. You thought of who would know about it and then it hit you: Frank.

You immediately called the man in the middle of the night. Before he could even say hello, you blurted out, "Was there a deal involving me? With Lukas?"

Frank sighed, "Yeah, there was. I told your dad he shouldn't but..."

"I want to see it," your voice broke. "You'll let me see it."

"I'll send you a copy right now," he stated. "I'm so sorry, Ella."

You hung up again. It took you a long time before you gained the courage to check your email. It took you an even longer time to click on the document.

Once you did and your eyes scanned the page, you started to cry. You could see the signatures that belonged to your father and your fiancée. You sobbed so hard you could barely read it.

But you finally read all the words. It was about the carving out of ATN. Lukas accepted it with his own conditions. One of them was getting you moved to London. The other involved two outings your father was required to provide where you were in the same vicinity as Lukas.

Once you read it, you threw your phone at the wall. They negotiated like you were nothing more than a mere object. You couldn't believe you were used by your own father to placate a billionaire.

But then it made sense to you.

Your father wouldn't have considered the deal manipulation. He was just putting you closer to Lukas; he could accept that because it wasn't like he was actually selling his own daughter. In his mind, whatever happened between you and Lukas was fair game. He would've considered whatever you did with Lukas your own choice.

And Lukas...It was clear that these were terms he came up with. Your father would've never suggested these. It was Lukas that negotiated for you. And it hurt.

You felt like you physically could not breathe as you held yourself in a fetal position. You just continued to sob as you realized you had never been anything more than an object to him. Something he desired.

He didn't want you. Not really. He just wanted to own you. And it should've made you angry. But it just made you sad because the person that meant everything to you didn't care for you at all.

You felt like dying. You got that itch again. You wondered why you should even ignore it anymore. Lukas didn't want you. That gravity you felt when you thought of him was no longer there. Nothing held you to the Earth anymore.

Your chest felt so empty that it physically hurt. It was like a black hole opened up and sucked out all your positivity. There was nothing left but pain and gasping for air.

And you couldn't take it anymore. It was the worst pain you ever felt. It was even worse than feeling lonely. You had never felt your heart break before but you couldn't take it. You had to make it stop.

You made yourself stop sobbing but the tears kept running. You quietly went downstairs. You opened up a drawer and pulled out a knife.

You felt relief when you held it. It was going to be over soon. No one would have to be bothered by you anymore. Lukas could have Shiv.

The thought of Lukas with anyone else just made you cry harder and your chest ache more. You had to remind yourself that he wasn't yours and he didn't want you. The only thing you could do now was stop the pain. Let it end.

You brought the knife to your wrist and held it over the skin. You held it over the scar that marked your skin; the scar that told the world you tried to kill yourself. This time you'd succeed. But your eyes caught on the rings you wore. His words echoed in your head.

Ella, I don't want you to ever do that again, okay? Promise me?

You cried at the memory of when he made you feel like you mattered. And you remembered the words you said back: I promise. You slowly pulled the knife away from your skin. That was when Shiv walked in.

"Oh my god. Ella," Shiv quickly ran over to you and snatched the knife right out of your hands. "What the fuck were you thinking?"

You started to sob again as you hugged her, desperately needing one, "I'm all messed up."

You were so pathetic, weren't you? Wanting to kill yourself over a guy but that's how much it hurt. You couldn't help yourself and you didn't know how to not feel this way. What made it stop?

Shiv was surprised but nevertheless hugged you back rather tightly and combed through your hair. She spoke softly, "We're all...we're all messed up. We all are. But we live with it, Ellie. We live."

"How?"

"We just...we just have to be okay," Shiv advised. "We just have to learn to be okay with the mess."

Okay with the mess. Okay with yourself. Accepting of yourself. You didn't know if you could ever get there but you knew where to start.

_____

In the jet going back to New York, you looked like a ghost. You felt like one as if you'd disappear any second. You didn't talk. You just stared out the window. You told Shiv not to tell your siblings and she seemed to keep to that.

When the jet landed, your siblings were going to the auction at your father's penthouse that Connor was having for your father's things that were left behind. You weren't going. You immediately went to your apartment and got things ready for your travel destination.

Then you waited. You waited for Lukas. You were going to confront him. It was only a couple hours but you needed the time. You needed it to convince yourself you were doing the right thing.

You were sitting on the bench at the foot of the bed when he entered the apartment. You could tell he was happy because he was grinning. The deal must've gone through.

"Are you ready to go? I'm ready to get you out of this fucking city."

You held a blank look and he noticed, "What? What's wrong?"

You wanted to see if he would tell you the truth so you asked, "Did you make a deal with my father for me?"

He stilled and his smile quickly died as he stated solemnly, "You know."

That did it. You started to cry as you stated, "How could you? You made a deal with my father like I was...like I was an object."

"It was just to fucking get closer to you. That's all," he tried to explain. "It was before I even cared about you and all I wanted was..."

He stopped and you pushed, "All you wanted was what?"

He avoided your gaze as he admitted, "To fuck you."

You laughed sarcastically, "Well, congratulations. You got what you wanted. God, I'm so fucking stupid. Roman had it right from the start."

"Ella, I like the sex. I do. But I don't fucking need it. I can go without it if you want me to if that'll prove it to you," he came to you quickly and crouched down in front of you. "Just tell me what you want."

"I read the contract," you revealed. "It said there were two events that were promised. I want to know which ones they were."

"When...when you came to Sweden for the first time to negotiate," Lukas admitted. "And the time in New York at your father's."

"God, no wonder he sent me on a tour with you. And I actually fucked you," you put your head in your hands. "Oh my god, I feel sick."

"Ella," he placed his hands on your knees as he stared at you quite desperately. "I'm sorry. It's bad. I know. But I fucking love you. What does it fucking matter how it started? Let's just move on. Can we move on from this?"

"Alright. Let's move on," you lifted your head with a steely gaze as more tears fell and you moved his hands away from you before you asked. "Did you say you wanted to fuck Shiv?"

His eyes closed briefly, "You weren't supposed to find out."

"No. But I did. And if you could say that, what else could you say?" you cried harder. "You said that while you were with me. Did you know how humiliating that is?"

"Ella..."

"Not to mention the cartoon. My sister pulling your strings. How fucking funny," you started to shout. "Now everyone is always gonna believe you had something with her and I'm just a consolation prize. The irony is that I am!"

"Ella, I was just testing Tom. They didn't mean fucking anything," he argued. "You're gonna break it off with me over fucking words?"

"If you didn't plan on me finding out about them, then they weren't just words, Lukas," you replied. "You knew that they would hurt. You knew that I'd believe them. I mean, what if I told someone I wanted to fuck some other guy? You wouldn't like that, would you?"

It was silent for a moment as you sniffled before you spoke again, "I wanted to kill myself when I found out. I promised you I wouldn't. But I...I still have that feeling. I think I had it for a long time but...being with you just drowned it out. You became my whole world where I want to die if you don't want me. And it's not okay to feel that way. I need to feel okay."

"I'm not going to Sweden with you," you confessed as you stood up which caused him to do so as well. "I'm going back to stay with my Uncle Ewan."

"Ella, please," he pleaded with tears in his eyes. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'll do fucking anything. I'll give you anything. You can get better with me. Just don't...don't fucking leave. Ella..."

You placed a hand against lower torso to calm him before you stared up at him, "If you love me like you say you do, you'll give me space. You won't text. You won't call. You won't write. You won't visit me. You won't have some PI spying on me. You'll leave me alone, Lukas."

"For how long?"

"I don't know."

And he started to cry. His lip quivered as tears fell down his face. He was clenching his jaw to hold in his sobs.

You looked at him sadly before you looked down. You took the rings off your finger before you grabbed his hand and placed them in it.

"You're free to be with whoever you want to be with," you said, feeling a loss settle over you as you placed the rings in his hand. "Because it can't be me."

You got your suitcases and rolled them along behind you. You stopped once he spoke in a broken, hoarse voice, "Do you at least forgive me?"

"I don't know yet," you replied and that produced a fresh wave of tears down his face.

You stared at him for a long moment. The love of your life. That was how you thought of him in the moment. Even now. But then you turned and walked away, exiting out the door. And you didn't look back.

[azzie89]

Gravity-Chapter Twenty-One

(A Lukas Matsson Fanfic)

Chapters: One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven, Eight, Nine, Ten, Eleven, Twelve, Thirteen, Fourteen, Fifteen, Sixteen, Seventeen, Eighteen, Nineteen, Twenty, Twenty-One

Warnings: grief at a funeral

Today was the day. You had wrapped yourself so tightly in the cocoon that was happiness with Lukas that you had almost forgotten. Today was the funeral. The funeral for your dead father.

You couldn't quite believe it. It was only a little more than a week ago that he died. But it felt like a lifetime ago. So much had happened. So much had gone on. Life moved on without him. Your life moved on; no longer held back by his whims or wants.

You couldn't help but feel free in a way like a weight lifted. It made you feel terribly guilty but when you kissed Lukas, all that slipped away. You were happy. You were allowed to be happy. You were allowed to live and enjoy life the way that you always wanted to.

You had gotten that. But you were still sad that your father would never see it. He would never know how happy you were. He would never know how you hated the business. He would never know how your life moved on. You felt a certain melancholy about it.

You sighed as you put on your dress on in the rather huge closet in front of the tall mirror. It was an off-the-shoulder black dress but where it folded down over your breasts it was white; it was a short dress and it reached the middle of your thighs. Lukas was behind you and he was fixing his tie. You had brought your dress and heels over to his apartment yesterday along with all your makeup.

Last night, after the two of had sex, you laid beside him as he spooned you. You laid awake, starting to feel numb, as you thought about the next day, the funeral. He combed his hand over your hair before kissing the top of your head, "You okay?"

"Yeah," you formed a small smile. "I think you made me so happy that I forgot that I was sad."

You chuckled a little at the idea. You didn't realize it was possible to be that happy that even sadness couldn't penetrate it. Not even the knowledge of a funeral.

He smiled a little and kissed your shoulder as he rubbed your arm, "Do you...want to talk about it?"

You swallowed before you gave him a questioning look, "Just hold me?"

His arms tightened around you, "Done. Of course I'll hold you."

You sighed into his embrace. You turned to bury your head against his chest. He was so warm and your stomach fluttered. You fell into a peaceful sleep that was only haunted by sweet dreams.

In the morning, the both of you showered. He gave you short, sweet kisses. He whispered sweet nothing's that made you smile and blush. He was everything you needed today.

Now you were getting dressed along with him. You stared at him in the mirror as you shimmied your dress up; you liked looking at him.

Just looking at him gave you comfort. You liked to look at him and admire him. You liked knowing he was yours. That someone loved you deeply. That's why you liked doing it so much.

He caught your stare after he fixed his tie and grinned slightly, "What?"

"Can you zip me?" you came up with an excuse.

You could've zipped it yourself but you liked when he did it. He came over to you in an instant and his hands would explore the bare skin. You liked him touching you. You liked how eager he was for it. But you didn't let him know that.

"I said zip me. Not feel me up," you scolded with a little smile.

"I am," Lukas grinned. "Just a little bit more slowly, ja?"

You hummed and let him do so before finally your dress was zipped up. You turned to him and analyzed him a bit. You ran your hand over his cheek affectionately, noting that he shaved and no longer had any stubble; you missed the stubble.

"You should wear a suit more often," you said unabashedly. "It makes me want to kiss you."

His eyes practically lit up and he leaned down to kiss you. But you stopped him as you giggled, "Lukas, I'm wearing lipstick."

"So I won't be able to kiss you all day?" he said incredulously.

"No."

He actually pouted, "I don't like that."

"Too bad, handsome."

You reached up and readjusted his tie. It was a bit crooked. Then you just let your hands rest over his chest, feeling his heartbeat.

One of his hands ran along your hand, pushing up the sleeve, to the scar hidden underneath before he questioned, "Long sleeves?"

You dropped your hands and picked at your sleeves. You avoided his gaze, "He never liked it. Always had me cover it up. And I...I don't want to do something he wouldn't like when he can't say anything about it. It feels rude."

"Alright," he said softly before he kissed your cheek. "Well, you look beautiful."

"Do I? Should I change?" you worried. "I don't think I'm supposed to look beautiful at a funeral. Isn't that rude, too?"

"You could wear a fucking trash bag and still look beautiful," Lukas said which made you blush.

"Now stop worrying, hjärtat," he grabbed your hands and entwined them with his as he stared at you intensely. "Let me take care of you."

"Okay," you said a bit nervously as your heart skipped a beat and you tightened your grip on his hands. "Okay. Thank you."

"Ella, we're getting married," Lukas replied with an amused grin. "There are no fucking thank you's."

"What do I say then?"

"Like I fucking love you," Lukas smiled as he stared at you.

"Oh," you blushed. "Well, that's easy. I love you."

Lukas went to lean in again but stopped, "I still can't fucking kiss you, can I?"

"No," you giggled before you stepped away to slip on your heels.

_____

Your siblings had insisted that you ride with them to the funeral. You refused. You rode with Lukas instead and it was sort of chaos outside since it was the day after the election. Some of his staff rode with you two; he talked to Oskar as you sat beside him with his arm wrapped around your shoulders.

Traffic was slow and Lukas complained before going on his phone. You were content with looking out the window. You wondered if you should've brought your sketchbook to draw and drown out the sadness you'd inevitably be feeling today. But it was too late for that.

When you got there, Shiv had almost immediately approached them to talk to Lukas. She wanted to talk a bit privately away from the Gojo team. You went with Lukas, holding his hand and dissociating.

Shiv was pitching herself to be CEO and you didn't pay attention. But you tuned back in when you heard mention of Shiv being pregnant. You couldn't believe it. You felt a stabbing sensation in your chest.

"You're pregnant?" you asked.

"I...yes. I already told Ken and Rome so you should know, too."

You blinked for a moment before you hugged her with a small smile, "Congrats!"

You tried to hold it in but you pulled away with a barely there smile. You thought of the baby you lost. You couldn't help it. Tears gathered in your eyes. You were still so emotional about it. And you thought of how Shiv still had the baby despite going through all the emotional trauma and stress of losing their father but you lost yours in car wreck that had barely harmed you. Was there something wrong with you? Why did you have to lose your baby?

"I'm sorry," you clenched your jaw to keep from crying. "I just have to get some water."

"Ella," Lukas stepped towards you as he still held your hand.

He looked at you ever so softly but you avoided his gaze as you spoke, "I'm just getting water."

And you slipped your hand from his before disappearing into the crowd. His jaw ticked. He stared after you before turning back to Shiv.

"Uh, what the fuck?" Shiv questioned.

"She's just...sad," Lukas gestured away. "It's nothing."

"Come on, Lukas," Shiv gave him a look. "It's clearly not nothing and she's my sister. Tell me."

"No," Lukas was stern and his eyes were cold. "You don't get to fucking get into her. If she wanted you to know, she would've told you."

Shiv felt her eyes widen, "Wow. Fine. Of course. Whatever."

_____

You hadn't actually gone to get water. You just needed to get away. Away from the fact that Shiv was pregnant and you weren't. You felt like every time you were going to look at her it was going to remind you of that fact. And it hurt.

On your little outing to get away, you bumped into Uncle Ewan.

His mouth twitched to form the tiniest smile, "Ella."

"Oh," you smiled a bit and gave him a hug. "Hi, Uncle Ewan."

"Are you well?" he asked. His eyes seemed to analyze you and you felt like you were about to break into a sweat. "I still think you came back too soon."

"I'm fine," you answered in a quiet tone and he merely hummed like he didn't believe you.

He patted your shoulder before squeezing it, "If you ever need to come back, you're always welcome."

And he left you.

You leaned against the side of one of the pews. You took a deep breath before you looked back into the crowd to see Lukas. He was with the Gojo team but he was staring at you. You wondered how long he had done so.

As you glanced at him, the thought hit you all at once. You pictured their kids. You pictured them with his blond hair. You hadn't done this since you'd been pregnant. You'd cut it off from your brain because it was just too difficult to think of. But you thought of it now.

It felt like it an inevitability. Their kids. You having kids with Lukas. Because he was the one for you. You were in love with him. So in love with him that you felt as if the twenty feet separating them was too much. You didn't realize you gained a sort of soft look glancing over at him before you were interrupted.

"He hasn't stopped staring at you, you know," your mother spoke. "I always knew you'd be the one with all the boys chasing after you. Too pretty not to."

"Mom," you scolded with a small blush. "He's not chasing me. He doesn't have to chase me."

"Oh, I know," Caroline smiled a bit cheekily. "I think I'm the only one here that's noticed that ring on your finger."

Your mouth opened and closed before you swallowed, "Yes, I'm marrying him."

"And does he know..." Caroline spoke quietly as she leaned in. "About your condition?"

About the depression. About trying to kill yourself. Your mother spoke of it like it was a disease. A disease she was ashamed of and you blinked back angry, hot tears.

"Yes, he knows, Mom," you snapped.

"I didn't mean it like that, dear," she replied. "It's just you can be a little...strange. But I heard he's quite aloof so you two should be a good match. He's very handsome, too, I must say. Your children will be quite adorable."

Caroline smiled a bit before continuing, "You are having children, aren't you? I always thought it'd be you first before Siobhan."

"I, yes," you swallowed, overwhelmed with your mother. "We're going to have kids."

Then you admitted something you hadn't told anyone else, "I'm moving to Sweden with him."

"I figured you would be," Caroline stated. "You will come and visit your dear old Mum, won't you?"

"Yes, Mom," you smiled slightly.

"Alright, well, I'll let you be," Caroline patted you on the arm. "I have to go pull Peter away from a pile of senators."

You smiled a bit before walked through the crowd back to Lukas. He pulled you against his side as he kissed the top of your head as he whispered, "You okay?"

"I'm okay," you smiled a bit. "So my mother knows that we're getting married."

"Oh," he grinned. "She does?"

"You just can't wait to tell everyone, can you?"

"No."

You shook your head before you saw the casket start to be carried in. You took a deep breath as you looked up at him, "You'll be at the reception, right?"

"Of course," he promised softly and kissed the top of your head again.

You nodded before you left his presence. You weren't going to be sitting with him. You were sitting with your siblings at the front.

You sat beside Connor and he smiled, "Hey. You're not gonna have Matsson up here?"

"I don't think that'd be appropriate right now, Con."

"Yeah. I guess you're right. But I really like how he stood up for you the other night," he stated. "He's really starting to be a keeper, isn't he?"

"Yes," you genuinely smiled. "I think he is."

Then Roman approached the pew. He looked almost scared to as he looked at you and swallowed, "Ella."

You ignored him but nevertheless allowed him to sit beside you. You noticed that everyone else was starting to sit down as well. The ceremony was officially beginning and then there came time for speeches.

Uncle Ewan stood up. There was a brief argument where Greg and your siblings were trying to get him to sit back down. You merely shook your head at them.

Then Uncle Ewan gave his speech. You thought it was a bit touching as you got to learn a bit more about your father. Then Roman got up to give the other side. But he seemed to struggle.

"My father, Logan Roy, uh.." Roman started. "Uh. He was, uh, a great man in the, um...in the true sense...sense of the world... word."

Then he gestured to them as he whispered, "Can you just come here?

You and your siblings got up. You met him on the stairs to the podium where he confessed, "Uh, yeah. No. So, uh, I can't do it. I can't...I can't do the thing. I actually can't do this."

His voice started to break as he looked at the casket, "Is he... is he... is he in there?"

"Yeah," Shiv said softly.

"Well, can we get him out?" Roman questioned as he started to sob.

Your chest tightened at his pain. You had the grace to pull him into a hug even though he hadn't even apologized to you. He hid his face in the crook of your shoulder as he cried.

"I'm sorry," Roman sobbed.

"It's okay. It's okay," Kendall patted his back before directing his eyesight to you. "You got him?"

You nodded and led Roman back to the pew. You sat down with him and let him continue to lay his head on your shoulder. The rest of your siblings followed besides Kendall who was going to give the speech instead.

"I have some of his, uh, words, my... my sister's and my brothers', but, um..." Kendall inhaled sharply. "Yeah, I... I don't know...how much I know. But... I knew my father. You know, I've said it. I've said it. And it is true, what I said, what my uncle said. Yeah, my father was, um...a brute. He was. He was tough."

Kendall continued, "But, also, he built...and he acted. And there are many people out there who will always tell you no. And there are a thousand reasons, I mean, there always are, a thousand reasons not to... to not act. But he was never one of those. He had a, uh...You know, he had a vitality, a force... that could hurt...and it did."

"But my God, the sheer, the... the...I mean, look at it. The lives, and the livings, and the things that he made. And the money," Kendall chuckled. "Yeah, the money. The lifeblood, the oxygen of this... this... this wonderful civilization that we have built from the mud."

Kendall spoke as if the company was life itself. You supposed there was a certain gravity to it. But you knew all too well that wasn't the true life force. To you, it was obvious, that true life force was love because everyone needed it even if they thought they didn't.

"The money, the corpuscles of life gushing around this nation, this world, filling men and women all around with...with desire. Quickening the ambition to own, and make, and trade, and profit, and build and improve. I mean, great geysers of life he willed. Of buildings he made stand. Of ships, steel hulls. Amusements, newspapers, shows, and films, and life. Bloody, complicated life. He made life happen."

"He made me and my three siblings," Kendall said before correcting himself as he gazed at you. "I'm sorry, me and my four siblings."

You swallowed as a lump built in your throat. That hurt. Kendall had forgotten you after only a mere moment after acknowledging you with Roman. It was obvious he didn't think of you as one of them in his head.

"And, uh, and yes, he had a terrible force to him. And a fierce ambition that could push you to the side. But... But it was only that... that human thing. The will to be, and to be seen, and to do. And now people might want to tend and prune the memory of him to denigrate that force. That magnificent, awful force of him, but my God, I hope it's in me."

No, Kendall, you should not hope it's in you. It leads to children with neglected hearts and broken people around whoever had it. Uncle Ewan was exactly right.

"Because if we can't match his vim, then God knows the future will be sluggish and gray. And there wasn't a room, from the grandest state room where his advice was sought to the lowest house where his news played, where he couldn't walk and wasn't comfortable. He was comfortable with this world. And he knew it. He knew it and he liked it. And I say amen to that."

You clapped as did everyone else. But you did not agree. The world was sluggish and gray being in that world where power was everything. It was an empty world giving you nothing but an empty life.

You realized that Lukas was in that world. It hit you like a ton of bricks. Lukas had a fierce ambition and this terrible force that he could wield at times. But you assured yourself it would be okay. He'd never push you to the side or treat you like an object. No, Lukas loved you. He loved you.

_____

After the ceremony, you went with your siblings to the cemetery. Only a select few were invited to this part. Everyone else went to the reception. You checked out the mausoleum with your siblings.

"What do say, Ella? A top or bottom bunk?"

"I don't want to be buried," you stated. "I want to be burned."

You didn't like the idea of being in the cold, dark Earth or inside the stone in this case. It felt too lonely. No, you wanted to be burned. You wanted to be ash and given to the wind in a place where it rained all the time. You'd always loved the rain. Your ashes, always knowing warmth from the fire that burnt you, and feeling the essence of the rain. It seemed right.

You watched the casket of your father get carted into the mausoleum. It'd be the final time you'd ever see him and a few tears fell. You couldn't help it. You were still sad he was gone even though you were better off.

There was a small ceremony and then it was over. You rode with your siblings (besides Connor) to the reception. Kendall chose this moment to get into you while you were trapped in the car.

"You need to break it off with Matsson, El. It's just...it's sick."

"No."

"How do you even love him?" Kendall questioned. "Is he giving you the CEO position? Is that it?"

"What?" you exclaimed and you didn't notice Shiv had perked up to listen now. "Why would I want that?"

"It's the only thing that makes any sense."

"No, it's not," you blinked back tears. "I love him. And for you to suggest that I'm with him for a job like...like some whore. You're the one that's sick."

You turned away from with a huff as you crossed your arms. When the limo arrived, you were out of the door in an instant. You walked into the reception and immediately grabbed a glass of champagne. You gulped the drink down quickly. And then another.

Then you went and found Lukas. You wanted to leave immediately.

"Right now?" he bit his lip. "Can't you just wait a little bit? Just until I talk to Mencken?"

"Oh," you blinked. "Alright."

You seemed to fade into the background after that. Lukas was talking to Shiv and you were invisible. You leaned against the wall and Oskar talked to you for a bit. But then he left you alone and you dissociated as you waited.

Shiv brought the future president over. Lukas told him his philosophy while gesturing to you: none besides keeping this one happy. He had played it off as sort of a joke but everyone could tell that he meant it. You had missed it.

Then you went home with him. He was in a very good mood because Mencken wasn't going to block the deal. You were happy for him.

"Are you going to celebrate?"

"Yes. Right now."

"How? There's no champagne in here," you looked around.

He chuckled, "I don't need the fucking champagne. I have you."

And he kissed you then. It would no doubt leave lipstick stains but he didn't seem to care. You didn't either at this point. You melted right into his embrace. Your heart skipped a beat at the thought that his idea of celebration was kissing you. When you got back to his apartment, you were content to kiss him for the rest of the evening, making out on his couch because the two of you were too lazy to make it all the way to the bedroom.

[azzie89]

Gravity-Chapter Twenty

(A Lukas Matsson Fanfic)

Chapters: One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven, Eight, Nine, Ten, Eleven, Twelve, Thirteen, Fourteen, Fifteen, Sixteen, Seventeen, Eighteen, Nineteen, Twenty

Warnings: brief mentions of smut (18+)

It was morning. It was late morning and they still hadn't gotten out of bed. You were laying on your back and he was on his side, pressed up against you, with one arm wrapped around you across your boobs. The other was propping him up and your legs were tangled with his.

Every time you went to pull away, he would pull you back into him with a searing kiss. You couldn't help but stay in his arms and let his mouth devour yours. As he did so, your blood buzzed like fireworks danced beneath your skin, in your veins and you could not get enough. Your own hands tangled in his hair as they kissed. You felt a bit dizzy but still your lips chased his like he was the air your lungs desperately needed instead of him being the one stealing it.

Finally, you tried to gain sense as you panted, "Lukas, we can't stay in bed all day."

"I think we should," he pressed a kiss to your cheek with a grin.

"We can't. Because we..." you breathed. "We have things to do."

"They can wait," his hold tightened on you and he kissed your lips.

His tongue invaded your mouth and you let out a little moan. Then you moved away, scooting out of his hold to sit on the edge of the bed. You panted again.

"They can't wait," you reasoned. "It's Election Day. I...I have to vote and you....you have to get me a ring."

You were voting for Connor, of course. In the state of New York, it's not like your vote mattered much in the long run. Plus, you'd always be on the side of your best brother.

You were pouting now as you stared at him. You wanted a ring. Wanted something that was more than just words. You wanted proof.

"That can all be done. We can do that," he persuaded eagerly as he ran his fingers up your back, trailing down your spine which made you shiver. "But just...later."

You looked back at him. His touch was your absolute weakness along with his eyes that were staring at you, hypnotizing you. You felt all hot now as he was giving you that look, that darkened look, with a small little grin as he called your name softly. You bit your lip as you contemplated.

It felt like you were on auto-pilot as you just started to move towards him. You crawled back on the bed and you straddled him. You stared down at him a bit excitedly.

"This is so bad. We're so bad," you bit your lip again as you felt his erection press against your folds.

He sat up to caress your cheek before he gained a smug smile, "Maybe we're a little bad. But does that fucking matter?"

"No," you whispered as you felt him press against your slit and you started to breathe a little heavy with the anticipation. "You'll pull out, right?"

The condom he had used had been thrown away after many, many rounds of sex. They didn't have another one and you decided that today you also wanted to buy condoms because with the way things felt between them, it was almost like an addiction.

"I'll pull out," he stated before kissing your lips shortly and then you felt him push into you. And they had sex again.

_____

They were in the shower now. They had done a lot of kissing in here, too before you got Lukas to focus. They both applied shampoo to their hair before they washed the other in body wash. He was washing your body, rubbing soap suds onto your body. He was at breasts currently and you let out a little sigh.

"Do they...hurt you?" he asked curiously as he stared into your eyes.

"What? Why would my boobs hurt?"

"I mean, you're so tiny," he gained a small grin. "I heard that they can cause back pain or some shit. I don't fucking know."

You giggled, "No, I don't have any back pain. They're not that big."

He hummed as he moved his hands down your stomach before you commented, "Its hard to find bras, though. Like I can find bras that fit my boobs but they don't fit my waist. But they're usually unflattering types of bras."

You had big boobs but you were a tiny person. You had a tiny waist. You could never find a band size that fit you.

You remembered when you were a teenager and your boobs grew over the summer during puberty. You went back to school not wearing a bra because you couldn't find one that fit. It was an all-girls school but your teacher, who was a man, kept staring and was getting really red in the face. You didn't understand why. You were sent to the dean who called your father and Logan was furious; he was disappointed in you. From that point on, you had custom-made bras.

"There's fucking different kinds of bras? You're serious?" he asked in confusion.

"Yes, Lukas," you smiled in amusement. "And I have to get mine custom-made."

"That's a thing?"

"For me, it is."

"Of course it is," he grinned. "You're such a princess."

You blushed, "Shut up. You said I was supposed to be pampered."

"True. And I'm probably gonna fucking overdo it. You should know that."

"Okay," you smiled widely. "I'll spoil you, too, then."

He chuckled, "Alright."

He stared at your smile and he couldn't help it. He tilted your chin up with his soapy hand and kissed you. It was a short, sweet kiss before he pulled away muttering beautiful. You blushed before you turned around for him to do your backside. He started massaging your shoulders before trailing down. You sighed a little bit.

Then he got down to your butt and he squeezed your cheeks before massaging them. He spread them a little bit as he did so and you realized that he knew what your asshole looked like when you did not. His thumb then ran over that hole and you jumped.

"Uh-huh. No," you denied. "I don't like that. I'm not ever having ass-sex."

He couldn't help but chuckle, "Did you just call it ass-sex?"

You blushed, "Yes. But you get my point."

"I wasn't going to do anything, Ella," he started to wash down your thighs. "I just...I was going to ask if you were curious or whatever. I'm not really an ass guy but I would've done it if you wanted me to."

"I'm perfectly happy with your dick in my vagina thank you very much."

"Perfectly happy? Is it that good?"

You blushed again, "You already know the answer to that question."

He hummed before finishing cleaning you. You turned to do him. You gathered some soap in your hands before starting to lather his chest in it. You did his torso and you just barely reach his shoulders. He chuckled, "You're so cute."

He then lifted you up to hook your legs around his waist. He held you there with his hands on your thighs as you rubbed his shoulders, massaging them and relieving the tension. He hummed in content, "That feels good."

"Yeah, because you have terrible posture. You're always hunching over all the time," you said as you scrunched your nose. "I'm worried I'll have to make you wear a back brace when you're fifty."

"You're worried? About my posture?" he said in amusement.

"Of course I am," you nuzzled your nose against his cheek before pressing a kiss to the skin. "I'll always worry about you."

He smiled softly before kissing you. It was soft and slow before you both pulled away. It left you with a little happy smile as you continued your work on his shoulders. You trailed a finger over the scar on one; a scar from the accident.

Then you pecked him on the lips, "Okay. I'm all done here."

He set you down and you finished his front before doing his backside. Then you both washed off together and you had a smile, "You're gonna smell like me."

"Yeah. Like fucking flowers," he sniffed and frowned that he, a guy, smelt so feminine. "It's not very attractive."

"Of course it is," you smiled and ran your hands up his torso. "I like it. It's like you're mine."

"I am yours," he said before he grinned. "Wouldn't want to be anything else, princess."

You blushed before you reached up and looped your arms around his neck. You pulled him down to you before kissing softly and then muttering, "Love you."

He picked you up again to wrap your legs around his waist. You kissed for a little while longer under the water with your body pressed against his. The shower was a mess of steam and it was hot; it made everything even more dizzy as he kissed you but you didn't let yourself get carried away. The two of you finally got out to actually begin your day.

_____

You went out with Lukas. You went and voted while he waited in the car. Then you went with him to pick out a ring at a jewelry store. He was letting you pick the ring because he wanted you to have the ring that you wanted. They actually went to four different stores before she found one she liked, loved.

Your eyes had locked in on it. But you went around the store first just to make sure before coming back to it. It was a gold ring with a diamond in the shape of a heart. You wondered if it was childish to get a wedding ring that had a heart. But it was what you liked.

You supposed you wanted to look down at the heart on your finger and know that someone's heart belonged to you. It also went along with the matching bracelets you and Lukas wore. It was a theme because he had your heart and you had his.

So you wanted to wear a ring on your finger that told the whole world that your heart belonged to him. You didn't want some regular diamond because he was not just some jewel to you. You didn't want some ring that held no meaning. You wanted a heart because you gave him yours.

"This one," you happily smiled as you slid it on your finger; it was a bit loose and it would have to be resized.

"You sure? You know you can pick anything?"

The ring you picked was a bit dainty but still elegant. It wasn't very flashy compared to something that Lukas might've picked. This was more simple but you couldn't help but like it. It was bright to you.

"Yes, this one."

And you ended up picking out an engagement ring. It was a simple gold band with diamonds inset all the way around it. The two of you waited a few minutes for the rings to be resized before you left with Lukas.

You could feel the weight of the rings on your finger and it made you feel giddy. You immediately jumped up into his arms as they left and kissed him as he held you to him. You muttered I love you's in between kisses.

He put you down eventually and you walked with him back to the car holding his hand. You stared up at him a bit dreamily, "I'm really happy, you know. Is this what it's gonna be like with you everyday?"

"I'll try. I'll really fucking try," Lukas promised before he grinned slightly. "I'll do anything for my girl. My Ella."

His Ella. You felt butterflies and you pulled him in for a short kiss, stopping him as you did so. When you started walking with him again, you felt like this was the happiest you'd ever been. And you realized that not only did Lukas give you love by being in your life but he gave you joy as well. You finally felt joy deep in your bones that made you have a little skip in your step. You were happy and you would continue to be for as long as you had him, as long as you were his.

_____

That night you went to his apartment. He had some of his Gojo staff there to watch the election news, like a watch party, because whoever was elected could very well decide whether the deal went through. Lukas talked to Shiv on the phone a little bit; apparently, it was chaotic at Waystar. That didn't surprise you.

But you mostly focused on Lukas. You kept glued to Lukas. You sat beside him on the couch. Every time he moved, you moved. If he got up to go talk to someone, you'd grab his hand and go with him. Lukas grinned every time you did so; he loved the clinginess.

He'd remove his hand from yours and wrap his arm around you, pulling you close. He'd kiss the top of your head. He loved your presence up against him. And his chest felt all warm; he kept scratching at the feeling.

When everyone left, you immediately attacked him with kisses, sliding your hand under his shirt, "You shouldn't have had anyone over."

"Ella, it was work..." he went to argue but immediately paused as you took off your shirt. Jesus.

"So work is more important?" you questioned as you undid your bra and let it fall from your silky skin.

"No. Fuck. No," he swallowed before he grabbed you, pulling you to him, and kissed you hard.

You let him do so for a moment as his hands explored your breasts. Then you pulled away and grabbed his hand while walking backwards to the bedroom. He followed you like lovesick hunchback puppy.

"Don't ever think work is more important than me, Lukas," you demanded before your voice quieted. "That's what everyone else does."

"Never. Ella, never," he promised as gazed at you like you were made of stardust. "I love you."

There's no way he'd think, well, anything was more important than you. How could you ever think that? He blamed your father and your siblings. He hated that you didn't believe you were absolutely perfect. He would just have to prove it to you, every day, for the rest of his life.

Once they reached the bedroom, he kissed you ever so softly. Delicately. He tried to kiss you in a way that conveyed you were everything to him. Because you were.

Yes, he loved the sex. He'd always love the sex. He was a guy after all. But he could go without that because he loved you. He loved your ramblings and the way you worried. He loved your smile and your unending kindness. He loved your shyness and the way you blushed so easily at the simplest fucking compliment. And, god, he was surprised but he loved your hugs; they were so tight and warm. He fucking loved you. He loved you so much that it made it hard to breathe sometimes. You made it hard to breathe. You did that.

And he was terrified one day you'd wake up and realize how beneath you he was. But you never did. He hoped it'd stay that way.

[azzie89]

Gravity-Chapter Nineteen

(A Lukas Matsson Fanfic)

Chapters: One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven, Eight, Nine, Ten, Eleven, Twelve, Thirteen, Fourteen, Fifteen, Sixteen, Seventeen, Eighteen, Nineteen

Warnings: smut (18+)

You met with your siblings one morning to go over who was doing the big speech for the funeral. You immediately denied it and took your name out of the running. You were never a big public speaker anyways; you hated it, in fact. You liked privacy.

But the meeting was interesting because as soon as Connor saw you, he smiled a bit teasingly, "Ellie, your first boyfriend, uh? I want you to know that if you're happy then I'm happy."

"Thanks, Con," you smiled.

"Oh, yeah. You decided to go public with Matsson," Roman said. "You know that's going to epically crash and burn, right?"

"Shut up, Roman," you bristled.

You did not know how they knew that she decided to go public with Lukas. Did Lukas say something to them that you didn't know about?

Roman merely smirked, "What? I'm just saying."

"Okay, we get it. Leave her alone," Shiv defended you.

Then Kendall showed up. He seemed to have a bit of popularity following Investor Day about Living+ but you didn't know what occurred. You didn't watch the stream of that.

"Hey, traitor," he said coolly as he sat down, staring at you. "You really decided to buckle down with the enemy, uh? Real smart, El."

You huffed and stood up, "Nice to see you guys, too."

Then you walked away to leave and heard Connor stated, "Ah, man. Why did you two have to do that?"

You walked out the door of the restaurant. You no longer cared what your siblings thought. You wanted them to accept your relationship, of course, but you could go without it. You still wondered how they even found out that you were public with Lukas.

_____

Tonight was the tailgate party and Shiv was hosting. Lukas texted you that he was going. You said that you were not. You did not want to see Lukas, trying to put off the inevitable. You felt that if you saw him then all of your problems would come to surface and you wanted to live in happy, everything is fine land. You laid in despair about it for a while.

But then you huffed and crawled out of bed, deciding you would go. You were going to find out once and for all where you and Lukas stood. It was eating you up inside not knowing. You couldn't take it and you didn't want to hide away from the truth anymore.

You had been in a nightgown and you didn't feel like changing. So you put on a black trench coat that when down to your knees and buttoned it up. Then you slipped on some heels and went on your way. Your driver was probably sleeping wherever he lived and you didn't want to wake him; that would be rude. So you just took a taxi.

When you got there, you were immediately bombarded by your two brothers. As soon as they saw you, they told you the news.

"Hey, you're here," Roman stated a bit excitedly. "Did you know your new boyfriend is creeping on his comms director? Sending her blood and shit?"

"Yeah, El, we just found out," Kendall said more softly and reached to place to a hand on your shoulder. "We wanted you to know. We're sorry."

You shrugged off his hand as you glared a bit, "You're not sorry. You only want me to know because you think it'll make me break up with Lukas. Well, it won't. So leave me alone."

"Fine," Kendall back up and grabbed Roman. "Fine, El. But I think you're making a mistake."

They left her and you stood there in the hallway with a frown. Who was the comms director again? Then it came to you. Ebba. The one Lukas hardly ever let you be around. He'd always interrupt if you had started talking to her and pull you away. You wondered why. But it seemed obvious now: he didn't want you to know that behind your back he was sending her things. Another girl.

You stomped off looking for the Swede. It was easy to find him when he, Oskar, and Greg were shouting the name of the comms director as a sort of joke, harassing the woman. Ebba retorted as she left that she wished Lukas would fire her. You couldn't help but think that if she hated it so much, why didn't she just quit?

You shook your head from those thoughts as you approached the couches. You stopped and placed your hands in your pockets. Lukas went back on his phone but Oskar nudged him, noticing you.

Lukas turned his head to see you and he immediately stood. His eyes lit up a bit as he saw you but replied a bit nervously, "Hey. I, uh, didn't think you were coming."

You gave him a hard stare, "We need to talk."

You turned and walked off. He was left to scramble after you. But his long strides easily caught up with you as he muttered quietly, "Why are we rushing? What's wrong?"

You didn't answer him. You merely took him into an empty room and he closed the door as he asked, "Did I do something?"

You stood in the middle of the room and you slowly turned to him with accusing eyes, "Are you sending blood to Ebba?"

He was silent for a moment before he corrected, "I was."

"Why?"

"It was just a sort of nasty joke," he justified, scratching the side of his forehead, before he shrugged. "But it's over. It's been over. It stopped when we started dating."

"But why to her?" you questioned. "She's your comms director but that's not all, is it?"

He was tongue-tied, opening and closing his mouth before he admitted, "We...dated. For a little bit. But it ended. It doesn't matter anymore. Can we not talk about this?"

"When did it end?" you pressed.

He bit his lip as he revealed, "When I touched you for the first time."

Your eyes widened as you realized, "You cheated on her?"

"Ella..." he stepped closer to you.

He went to reach for you but you snapped at him, "No."

"If you cheated on her, what would ever stop you from cheating on me?" you replied. "Have you?"

"No," he immediately denied. "And I wouldn't. I couldn't do that to you."

You stared at him before your eyes softened, "I don't want you sending anything to anyone else. Ever."

"Done," he agreed before he said quietly. "Can I...talk now?"

You nodded. You took a deep breath. Just peel off the bandaid, Ella. A broken heart would only hurt for a moment, wouldn't it?

"Okay," you said before you blurted out. "You're breaking up with me, aren't you?"

"What? No."

"But you don't want me anymore," you stated as tears gathered in your eyes. "You apologized in Norway for sleeping with me."

"I wasn't apologizing about that. I said I was sorry because I didn't use a fucking condom," he stated. "I didn't want you to get pregnant again until you were ready but I was fucking high so..."

"But you're mad at me, aren't you?" tears finally fell down your cheeks. "For losing the baby?"

"Ella, I'd never be mad at you for that," he said as he stepped closer again, wiping your tears with his thumbs. "Why would you ever think that?"

"You barely visited me after the accident," you started to sob a little bit. "You wouldn't even kiss me. You weren't there for me. You weren't there."

He swallowed, "Ella, I was trying to give you space. I know...I know I am terrible with boundaries and I didn't want to smother you."

"It's not smothering if it's smothering with love," you argued. "Do you love me?"

"You know I do."

"No, I don't."

"Ella, I fucking love you."

"Then please always smother me. Smother me so much I'll never know a day without love. Can you do that? Can you please?" you begged him with tears falling down your cheeks again.

"You'll grow tired of me."

"Never," you promised. "I love you too much."

"Then, yes," he replied softly. "But I can't do that halfway across the world, Ella. I don't think you need to be in New York anymore. What's here for you besides your shitty fucking siblings?"

"Lukas," you scolded.

"Move to Sweden with me," he pleaded.

"You want me to live with you?" you doubted.

You couldn't help it. Doubting was ingrained into your brain. You always expected the worst. Always expected that no one wanted you.

"Ella, yes," he smiled a bit. "Of course, I want you to live with me. I'd even fucking ask you to marry me if I thought you'd say yes. I don't care if people say we're moving too quick. Fuck them. I know what I want..."

"Yes," you blurted out.

"Yes? Yes to what?"

"All of it. Yes," you smiled. "I'll live with you. I'll marry you. Yes."

"Wait, really?" he questioned if he was dreaming as he started to grin.

"Yes!" you giggled before you grabbed him, looping your arms around his neck, and pulling him down to your level as you kissed him. He immediately scooped you up, holding you to him as he straightened and your feet were now dangling off the ground.

The kiss was soft and slow. You still had a smile as you kissed him. You were eaten alive by butterflies and your heart pumped fast. Every part of you, every cell, felt alive as if electrified by joy.

When you pulled away a bit, Lukas was panting which made you smile wider. You pressed a kiss to his cheek as he recovered, "I'm gonna need a ring, you know."

"Yeah. Tomorrow," he breathed out.

"Tomorrow?"

"Yes. Tomorrow," he explained. "Like I'm fucking waiting to put a ring on your finger."

You giggled a bit at his eagerness and pressed another kiss to his lips. It was short this time before you ran your hand slowly down his chest and muttered suggestively, "You want to get out of here now? Because I really hate this jacket and I want to take it off of you."

It was a gold monstrosity and you frowned as you glanced at it. How could he decide this was acceptable to wear? You didn't know. But you kind of appreciated the fact that Lukas just did not give a fuck what he wore. He didn't care what people thought and did what he wanted; it was something you admired.

"Yeah. Let's do that. Yes," he set you on the ground.

He grabbed your hand and quickly pulled you out of the room. Now he was the one rushing which made you smile before you frowned as you stared the jacket again.

You tugged at the jacket, "We need to burn this."

"Burn it. Throw it away. I don't give a fuck," he stated nonchalantly.

You pressed into his side as you went to leave with him. His arm wrapped around you. Before you could leave with him, Shiv stopped the two of you.

"Hey," she smiled slightly, greeting the two of you, before looking at Lukas. "So I need to talk to you?"

"It can wait."

"No, it really fucking can't."

"Make it wait then."

You placed a calming hand on his lower torso by his hip over his tank-top that he wore under the jacket, "Lukas, it's okay. Go."

He stared down at you before he leaned down. He kissed you shortly (which made Shiv widen her eyes at the two of you because the open display of affection was new), "We'll leave after, okay?"

You nodded and then he walked off with Shiv. It wasn't long before you were approached by Kendall. He pulled you away to talk with you a bit privately.

"Hey, did you talk to Lukas? Did he confirm it?"

"Yes and yes, he did."

He nodded before saying, "So you broke it off with him?"

"No," you denied before you smiled widely. "I'm marrying him."

Kendall sputtered, "What? El. That's fucking insane. Why would you do that?"

"I love him, Kendall. Get over it," you crossed your arms.

"Well, don't expect me at the fucking wedding."

"Fine," you swallowed, hurt at his words before walking away.

You decided to get a drink. You needed one. You got some of the wine they served even though you weren't really a wine person and guzzled the wine in the glass in one go. You set the wine glass down before you heard Roman talking to Connor rather horribly. Lukas saw you and stood up; he hadn't found you after talking to Shiv so he talked to Ebba about the numbers leak in India. He was going to go to you but you approached them.

You approached your brother and said softly, "Roman, it's Connor. He's your brother. Be nice."

"You should just shut up," Roman lashed out. "No one even cares what you think."

You felt like his words slapped you and you blinked. No one cares what you think. Tears formed in your eyes.

Connor defended you, "Don't talk to your sister that way."

"Rome, easy," Kendall said.

You didn't even notice Lukas coming up behind you. You felt his hand on the small of your back.

"Really? You talk to your sister like that?" Lukas said as he wrapped his arms around you like a cocoon and used his words to hit Roman where it would hurt. "Your father may have been a prick but at least he never talked to her like that. You really are a fail-son, aren't you?"

"Hey, why don't you go fuck yourself, yeah?" Roman said. "Oh, right, you have my sister for that."

Your jaw dropped. You were utterly speechless. How could Roman even say that? How could he talk to you with such disregard? You didn't even know how to respond. Lukas did it for you, though.

"Yes, I have your sister by my side," Lukas grinned. "Pity that after tonight you won't."

Then Lukas guided you away and they left the party. Your heart was beating so fast yet you did not speak. You couldn't. You barely even blinked. Maybe you were in shock.

In the elevator, he stood beside you and he tilted your head up. He placed his hands on your cheeks as he called, "Ella."

You didn't respond and he called again with more force. You finally moved and hugged him tightly while burying your head against his chest as you muttered, "Don't let go of me."

He kissed the top of your head as he held you tightly, "Never."

_____

He took you to your apartment. He was going to stay with you. You walked in a bit solemnly.

You turned to him and questioned nervously, "Did you still want to marry me with my crazy family?"

"It's always yes, Ella."

Your heart felt like it inflated at his answer. Your whole body filled with warmth. Butterflies erupted.

You smiled as you took off your coat, revealing your nightgown. It had a lot of cleavage and a lot of side-boob on display.

"You were wearing that the whole time? To a party?"

"I didn't want to change," you pouted.

He grinned before he scooped you up with his arms around your waist, "You're so fucking perfect."

You blushed before you looped your arms around him and kissed him. It was soft and slow before it turned more hungry and passionate. He carried you to your bedroom as his lips trailed down to your neck and tipped your head back to give him more access. He nipped and sucked at the delicate skin, no doubt blazing a path of hickeys.

He set you down on your feet in front of the bed. Then he reached for the hem of your nightgown and you raised your arms as he peeled it off of you. You were completely bare now and once exposed to the air, your breasts hardened.

He bit his lip at the sight of you and you giggled a bit at the look in his eyes like he was drunk at the sight of you. Like he was in awe even though your body was nothing new to his eyes. You didn't know that he was always in awe of you even just by standing next to him.

You walked backwards and got on the bed before scooting backwards. All the while you kept your gaze trained with his. When you were planted in the middle, you laid back and spread your legs slowly for him. He was hypnotized.

He quickly got rid of his tank-top (he had already removed his jacket when they entered). Then he pulled out a condom from his pocket (in case of emergency with you) before pushing his sweatpants down. He stepped out of them before quickly crawling on the bed and hovering over you in between your legs.

His lips attacked your skin, starting at your neck before moving down to your breasts as his free hand ran up and down your hip. You could feel his bulge against you but he still had his boxers on. You tugged them down, letting his erection spring out. You immediately rubbed yourself against him, spreading your wetness and his pre-cum on the lips of your pussy.

"Ella," he groaned a bit.

You pushed at his chest, forcing him to lay next to you. You had straddled him and you lined yourself up with his cock.

"Ella, no. Fuck, wait," he said and you paused.

He tore open a condom with his teeth which you thought was very hot. You didn't know why; maybe it was the barbarity of it. But it made you wetter and it seeped out down your thighs.

"Why are we using a condom? We never do," you questioned.

"You're not on birth control."

"But I'm marrying you. I want to have babies with you."

"Ella, just let me be good for you," he said as he applied the condom.

Good for you? Was he not good for you before? You blinked before you realized something.

"Lukas," you said slowly. "Did you know I could get pregnant when I was on birth control?"

He seemed to freeze beneath you. It was practically an admission in and of itself. He wanted you to get pregnant. But why?

He was silent for a moment as he avoided your eyes, "Yes."

"If you knew then...oh my god, you were trying to trap me with a baby, weren't you?" you smacked at his chest. "You ass."

You climbed off of him and off the bed. He scrambled after you. You put your nightgown back on.

"It was...it was bad. I know," Lukas frowned with a pout. "It was definitely bad. I'm sorry."

"Why did you want to trap me with a baby?"

"Isn't it fucking obvious?" Lukas stated. "Ella, I want you. Like in a fucking forever type way."

He was trying to trap you because he wanted you tied to him. He wanted you. There was something wrong with you but it just made you want him more. You wondered if you had some type of chemical that was coded for Lukas. And to hear that he wanted you forever, your heart literally skipped.

You stepped closer and looked at him carefully, "Say it again."

"I'm all fucked up for you," he promised. "Forever, hjärtat."

You jumped him then and wrapped your legs around his waist. You kissed him deeply. He moaned a little bit into the kiss. Then his lips moved to your neck again as he muttered, "You forgive me?"

"I forgive you. I forgive you," you repeated quickly as you felt his hardened dick against you.

He thanked whatever God that you forgave him. Not only because he did, in fact, want you forever but also because he swore his dick was going to fall off from being blue-balled if he didn't get to fuck you right now.

He lined himself up with your slit and pushed in. You gasped as you felt the tip of his dick slide into you and the lips of your pussy suctioned around him, sucking him in. Your nails scraped his shoulders. He felt a little different with a condom on but, nevertheless, amazing inside of you. As he pushed in, he lifted your nightgown again and took it off.

You were now bare and you were reminded of your painfully erect nipples as they pressed into his chest. One of his hands came up and cupped one of them before pinching and flicking the nipple. You let out a little moan.

Once he was fully inside of you, he stayed still. A heat built up in your lower belly, an anticipation, and more of your slick leaked out and onto your thighs.

You littered the base of his neck with kisses as you pleaded, "Lukas, please."

He acquiesced to your request. He turned and he had to remove his dick from your pussy as he laid you on the bed. Then he climbed on top of you and slid his dick back in. You moaned again. And he started to thrust back and forth. They were fast, rough thrusts. You wondered if this was make-up sex because if so then it was wonderful.

"You're still marrying me?" he questioned as his lips seemed to mark every inch of your skin.

"Yes, Lukas. Yes," you panted.

His dick kept hitting a spongy spot inside of you that made you feel like your insides turned inside out and your heart flipped. And that heat kept building. Finally, it happened as your whole body felt white hot and you moaned his name. Your leg spasmed and your back arched as your eyes rolled back. Tears fell down your cheeks in pleasure.

Your pussy clenched around his dick and wetness seeped out as you came hard, coating your thighs and the sheets. He groaned as you did so and he gave you three more powerful thrusts that felt like he was trying to fuck you through the bed before he came.

You didn't feel the gush of his seed fill you. But you felt his cock pulse and throb as his sperm filled the condom instead of you. Finally, he started to soften before he pulled out of you.

He kissed you as he did so. The two of you kissed for a long while. With a lot of tongue. You let out a tiny moan, liking his tongue in your mouth a little bit too much. You let him devour you. And that continued all night long.

[azzie89]

Gravity-Chapter Eighteen

(A Lukas Matsson Fanfic)

Chapters: One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven, Eight, Nine, Ten, Eleven, Twelve, Thirteen, Fourteen, Fifteen, Sixteen, Seventeen, Eighteen

Warnings: reader has zero self-esteem and is VERY blind

You didn't know this at all but Kendall was strict with everyone about there being no leaks about your relationship with Matsson. Although, nothing public went out, rumors certainly circulated and swirled around the two of you.

These rumors had circulated once before when Lukas released the picture on his socials a few months ago. People thought the two of you were in relationship. But now the rumors were even more rampant with whispers that it was confirmed you were the girl he was fucking.

These rumors were mostly in the circles of Waystar and Gojo. It wasn't necessarily in the public sphere. The relationship the two of you had and because you weren't exactly celebrities kept it private.

But it was not private to your family anymore. Shiv was on a jet in LA when Lukas came aboard. He talked about Living+ before Shiv brought up what Ella said.

"You know my sister said something interesting," Shiv stated. "She said that she's sleeping with you but specifically used the word fuck. Quite the scandal."

"Wow. She, uh, said that, huh?" Lukas hummed. "Well, that...is true. Yeah, we fucked but that's like old news."

"Really?" Shiv raised her eyebrows before she realized. "So my little sister is the girl you're dating?"

"Yeah. Yeah. She is," Lukas said a bit nervously. He didn't really know how much you wanted people to know and he didn't want to upset you.

"So she's your girl on the inside?"

"No, no," Lukas denied. "Ella is...my girl, yes. Not my fucking spy."

"But you want me to be your spy?"

"That shouldn't be a problem, right?" he grinned cutely.

Shiv hummed.

______

When you got back from Norway, you were called in for a sit down with your three siblings in LA. You had your arms crossed. Roman had talked first.

"El, look, I was all messed up and Matsson was being an asshole but I shouldn't have taken it out on you, okay? There, I said it."

"Are you sorry, though?"

"What? Yeah. Of course."

You sighed and nodded.

"Okay, great. That's out of the way. Now, El, is what you said about Matsson true?" Kendall asked. "Did you fucking sleep with him?"

"You know when I kept alluding to the fact that Matsson wanted to fuck you. I didn't mean that you should actually do it," Roman said.

"Yes, I slept with him," you huffed at them. "Multiple times in multiple different positions. Would you like specifics?"

You hated how they were getting into you. Why was it so wrong for you to sleep with Lukas? If it had been any other guy in the world, you bet they wouldn't even know the guy's name nor even care. But because it was Lukas, the enemy, it was suddenly interesting.

"Wow, okay," Shiv replied as her eyes widened. "So what's the scope of this thing? It only just happened in Norway, right?"

"No," you explained. "We're dating. I've been with him for months."

"You've gotta be fucking kidding me?" Kendall stated angrily. "He's more than a decade older than you. It's fucking disgusting."

"It's not disgusting," tears stung your eyes. "I love him."

"He really fucked with you, didn't he?" Roman frowned.

"You love him?" Shiv questioned skeptically, ignoring Roman.

"Yes!" you exclaimed, nearly shouting, and stood up. "And you're not gonna convince me to give him up so I don't want to hear it. From any of you."

And you walked out angrily, pushing the door open harshly. You knew this is what they would be like: completely against it. You hadn't wanted them to know because you knew all it would be from them was trying to convince you to break it off with Lukas. You just wanted them to supportive for once of something that you did. You weren't sure that would ever happen anymore and maybe it was time you stopped hoping for it.

_____

You knew Lukas was in LA currently. He had texted you a goofy picture of himself in his jet saying that he had landed. It had made you laugh. He even informed you of the restaurant he was currently at.

You did not go.

Even though you had been angry at your siblings, you immediately deflated when you thought of Lukas. You were sad. You texted him that you were going back to New York.

it can't wait?

no

You continued to give him these one word responses. You barely answered his calls. You were sure he was going to break up with you if you stayed on the phone for too long. You wondered what you would do if that happened.

You didn't know if you could cope. Would you even be able to move on from Lukas? You wanted to test the theory. You wanted to meet a guy and see if there were any sparks. So you went to a club and drank and danced.

You danced with a guy. Mainly you were grinding your ass against his crotch. You wondered if you would even like a dick of another man. But when this man put his hands on your hips and traveled to grab your ass, you couldn't do it.

You felt immense guilt. You were still in a relationship with Lukas. It wasn't right. But most importantly is that you didn't want any other touch besides the one that came from Lukas. He was the person that you wanted, he was the person that you loved, and he was the person that you needed.

Once you had gotten back to your apartment that night, you called to confess your sins. It was FaceTime call as you sat on your bed with your legs crisscrossed.

"Hey," he smiled slightly as he answered.

"I was at a club," you immediately blurted out in anxiousness.

He sat up straighter as he furrowed his eyebrows, "Alright?"

"Someone touched my ass," you confessed. "It was some random guy. But I just...I wanted you to know."

"Okay," he said slowly like he had expected you to say something more substantial. He relaxed back against the couch he sat on. "Well, I trust you, so..."

"Okay," you breathed more easily.

"I, uh, heard a rumor," Lukas grinned. "That you and I are fucking. I thought you didn't want that out."

"I decided it doesn't matter anymore."

"Oh," he started to gain a suggestive smile. "Does that mean we can go public now?"

"If you want," you said quietly.

"I want to."

"Alright," you complied.

"Alright?" he smiled like he won the lottery even though he was a billionaire and had everything.

"Yes, Lukas," you couldn't help but smile and blush. "Does that make you happy?"

"Very."

"Okay," you shook your head with a small smile as moved to lay against your mattress. "I'm gonna go to sleep now."

"Sweet dreams."

And you hung up the phone. You had a little smile on your face as you went to bed. But it turned into a frown as you thought that this was all just temporary. Lukas would see that he really didn't want you as his girlfriend and definitely not publicly. You fell asleep with nightmares of Lukas breaking up with you. You could not accept that he wanted you; it didn't make any sense. His actions weren't lining up to you.

You had no idea that after that phone call, Lukas went and changed every bio on all of his social media. The first line of every single one read: Ella's boyfriend. You didn't have any social media and didn't know about any of this. If you had, your mind might not have so easily doubted.

[azzie89]

Gravity-Chapter Seventeen

(A Lukas Matsson Fanfic)

Chapters: One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven, Eight, Nine, Ten, Eleven, Twelve, Thirteen, Fourteen, Fifteen, Sixteen, Seventeen

Warnings: smut (18+), communication issues galore, toxic dependency issues, grief

AN: had to include this lovely gif

You didn't even work at Waystar anymore so you were not on the list to come to Norway. You had been intending to help Connor at the funeral home and make sure their father looked right. But Roman showed up and practically dragged you with him to the airport despite your protests about it; he had even taken your phone so you couldn't tell Lukas you were coming.

Roman said it would be a happy surprise for Lukas. You ignored him. You were taking deep breaths in the car as you felt panic. You did not want to see Lukas and have the inevitable come true: where he told you he didn't want you anymore.

"I don't know why you're freaking out. He'll love it and then he'll be all buttered up for the deal," Roman smirked at his own plan.

"It won't happen," you denied. "He won't care that much."

"Yeah. Sure," he responded sarcastically.

You huffed and turned away to stare out the window. You did not want to do this. You weren't even invited. It was rude. You were being rude and Lukas was going to resent you for it. Yet you knew Roman would not let you go home. You were trapped into this it seemed.

_____

When they arrived at the airport, Kendall gave your youngest brother a look, "Rome, seriously?"

"You can't deny that it's good strategy," Roman said.

Kendall deliberated for a moment before he sighed. Roman did make a point. Matsson had this weird fixation on you that Kendall assumed was because the man wanted to get into your pants (not because the two of you were friends like you said); he believed, as did the rest of your siblings, that you were too oblivious to any advances and it couldn't hurt to have you come along.

So you were brought along with them to this retreat. You wore a beige dress (that Roman picked out and told you to wear) and some tan boots; you also had a tan trench coat. You fumbled with your hands the whole time on the plane. You were nervous.

You didn't like this. You didn't like being used like this but it did make you feel important to your siblings. Yet it did not make you feel good about coming along. You supposed you let it happen because despite your doubts about what he would say to you, the urge to see Lukas was far too strong.

When you got to Norway, you stared out the window at the scenery as the car drove to the retreat destination. It was quite beautiful and your fingers itched to draw it. It made you calm.

Once they reached the retreat destination, you got out of the car with your siblings. You tried to hide behind them. You didn't want to be noticed. But Oskar was the one directing people where to go and he noticed you.

"Ella," he said in surprise. "We were not expecting you."

"I...Sorry."

Oskar was glad that you were here. Lukas had been difficult and was in a frenzy because you had not been answering your phone for hours. The tech CEO had even ordered his workers to call you. Since Roman took your phone, you had no idea that Lukas had been calling you nearly a hundred times and left you probably a thousand texts. (Roman had turned your phone off though when he took it and didn't even know this was happening.)

"You'll go on this one," Oskar directed you to a golf cart that you sat in alone with only the driver. "You'll go to the top."

The golf cart took off and you saw Oskar call someone quickly. He was probably telling Lukas you were here. You wondered if he was mad; he probably was going to be.

The driver took you to the gondola lift. You went on it. You stared out at the valley below as it slowly took you to a building on top of the mountain. The closer the gondola got to the building, the faster your heart started to race.

And then you were there, stepping into the building. As soon as you did so, you heard the call of your name. You didn't notice how he said it in relief as you found him walking towards you. You didn't notice how quickly he was walking like a man starved or excited.

You were oblivious as you froze. The first urge you felt as you stared at him was to run to him and hug him. But you resisted. He probably didn't want to hug you. So you slowly, stiffly, walked towards him to meet him in the middle.

"Hi," you avoided his gaze as you said meekly and you didn't notice him grinning at just seeing you.

"What are you doing? Come here," Lukas said like you were being silly before he pulled you into a hug with him, lifting you off your feet as he held you.

You were surprised. But you melted into him almost immediately and wrapped your arms around his neck. You let out a content sigh as you nuzzled the side of your face into the crook of his shoulder.

But then you realized what you were doing. You were being clingy. Wasn't that a thing that no one liked clingy girlfriends? You immediately let go of him, pushing away to drop to your feet and he formed a small frown as you did so.

"I've been calling you," he addressed. "Why haven't you answered?"

"Oh, um, Roman took my phone," you said, focusing on the scenery again as you stuck your hands in your pockets. "He, um, wanted you to be surprised when you saw me."

Lukas hummed a bit in frustration, "Ella, you do see that your siblings are using you to try to get at me, right?"

"Yes," you looked down. "But it doesn't matter what they want. I just...I think I just wanted to see you. And I saw you so I can leave if you don't want me here..."

"No. Fuck no. Ella, I don't give a fuck if you're here. I like that you're here," he replied. "I just...I want you to see that you have shitty fucking siblings."

"They're still my siblings, Lukas," you defended slightly.

"Ella..."

He got cut off when the rest of your siblings arrived along with the old guard. You walked away from Lukas as Kendall questioned, "Ella?"

"I was just greeting Lukas," you replied with a small smile as you moved past them to stand a little bit away at the window. You completely dissociated and you didn't notice Lukas kept his eyes on you as you walked away and it took him a moment before he recovered and greeted your siblings like nothing had happened.

_____

You had gone back down the lift with Shiv. She had placed an arm around you and guided you away from the window, "Hey, come on. Let's let the boys be boys."

So you were back down below. The negotiations that had taken place up top were over and everyone was outside on the grounds in the valley. Lukas had approached you and wanted to talk which you had agreed to but Kendall called you away. You told Lukas you would meet him at night in his cabin.

But you were now off to the side a bit watching the water rush in the river with your hands in your pockets. You didn't notice Lukas kept glancing at you.

Even though he was practically twenty feet away from you, it felt like a chasm was between them. There was a black hole that you didn't know how to navigate around.

You were interrupted from your thoughts when Greg approached you, "Hey, here's your beer."

"Why are you giving me a beer?" you asked as you took it. You didn't even like beer.

"Oh, well, Roman said to get you one...so I got you one," Greg explained as you heard the movement of a chair. "If it's not to your liking, I can get you another one, of course."

You looked towards the noise to find Lukas had risen from his seat rather abruptly. He was tense while staring at you and Greg with a hard gaze. He muttered something in Swedish to the rest of the people at the table he sat at before he moved to get another beer. You suddenly realized why Roman sent Greg over to you; Lukas did not know Greg was your cousin and would think he was some random guy that you brought along.

You felt angry tears build up at the fact that Roman was now using you to see if Lukas would be jealous. You glanced at your siblings before you made a beeline for them. You practically slammed the beer down on the table they were at.

"Jesus, Ellie," Shiv said.

"My phone," you held out your hand as you stared at Roman coldly. He sighed and relinquished it to you. You took it.

You then took off your trench coat and draped it over the table. Kendall zeroed in on the scar on your arm, "Uh, maybe you should keep that on, El, okay?"

"Why?" you furrowed your eyebrows. "It's not like Dad is around to care anymore."

Kendall and Shiv were shocked into silence. Roman raised his eyebrows as you started to put your hair into a ponytail, "Wow. And what exactly is it that you're doing?"

You mocked with a smile, "What do you mean, Rome? What should I be doing? Fucking Lukas?"

And you walked off as Roman blinked, "Did she just say fuck?"

You walked off a little ways to the archery course. It was something you had learned with Uncle Ewan. It made you focus and concentrate on the world around you. But right now your only focus was anger. You picked up the bow so quickly and notched the arrow, taking a deep breath before letting it fly and hit the target with such force. Bullseye.

"Okay, I think I can say that she has completely lost it," Roman commented to his siblings as they watched you in the distance.

"Did anyone know she could shoot?" Kendall questioned.

You notched another arrow in rapid succession. Bullseye.

"Roman, what did you do to make her so upset?" Shiv asked.

You notched another. Bullseye.

"Me? I think it's safe to say she's picturing all of our faces right now," Roman said.

You put down the bow and walked back to them with a bit of a skip in your step. You had a wide smile on your face that made you look a bit deranged. You grabbed your coat and put it on.

"I feel much better now," you said a bit joyfully.

"Oh, so violently shooting arrows makes you feel better. That's great," Roman stated.

"What was that?" Shiv asked.

"Yeah, what the Hell, El?" Kendall asked.

"It's a retreat, guys," you smiled prettily like you didn't know what they were talking about. "It's called having fun. Maybe you should try it sometime."

And you walked away from them, leaving them blinking after you a bit in shock. You wanted to be far away from them at the moment. You walked past the table where Lukas sat and his eyes followed you just as Tom sat down.

"Did she just suggest we don't know how to have fun?" Roman stated.

Kendall gave him a look, "I think that was obvious, Rome."

Kendall then had to get involved in the Tom and Greg debacle when Lukas made a joke. It led them to everyone clearing out so the siblings could talk to Lukas privately about the deal.

Things were tense as between Lukas and the two brothers as the talk ended. But Lukas just had to say something and make it even more tense.

"Real cool dragging your suicidal sister halfway across the world by the way," Lukas commented.

"We know how to take care of our sister, okay?" Kendall defended. "And she's not suicidal."

Lukas chuckled like Kendall told a joke and nodded sarcastically, "Right. Yeah. Sure."

"And she's really not any of your business, man," Kendall argued.

"No?" Lukas grinned in amusement as he thought of how you were very much his business considering he was dating you.

"No," Kendall denied.

_____

The sky was now starting to darken and it was drizzling rain. You were under the overhang as music played. It was where you had gone before and danced a little bit. You now stood on the edge of the overhang and held your hand out to let the rain fall onto your skin with a small smile.

Lukas was talking to Shiv about the deal and could not help but watch you. He hadn't been able to keep his eyes off of you. Even less so when you smiled; you were riveting when you did so. And it made him satisfied that you were, at least, happy about something.

Shiv noticed and commented, "A little too protective over my sister, don't you think?"

"It's a...it's a complicated issue," Lukas stated before he mused. "Actually, it's not. It's simple. I like her. And I get a little insane, I guess, about her sometimes."

"Uh huh."

Then Lukas grinned like a shark at Shiv, "But, of course, you and the Two Stooges know that or you wouldn't have brought her here. Trying to soften me up. It's smart. Your father was going to do it, too."

"Yeah. Maybe," Shiv replied coolly but she liked the idea of being compared to Logan.

Lukas brought Shiv back to his cabin at the very top of hill to talk about the deal. He sat on the couch and he took a hit of cocaine. Then Shiv told him a bit about her situation with Tom. To relate, Lukas began to speak and he had slightly loose lips because he was currently high.

"So I'm dating this girl," Lukas revealed. "At first, I was just in it for the sex, you know. And it sort of just creeped up on me, I guess. I don't know. Yet I...I really fucking love her. I do."

He bit his lip nervously as he thought of you, "But I, I did something before we were even dating. And I don't think she'd ever forgive me if she found out."

Shiv was silent for a moment before she questioned, "So you're dating someone yet you're totally interested in my sister?"

Lukas grinned, "Well, your sister is a, uh, very special case."

Shiv hummed before you entered the cabin, calling his name, "Lukas!"

You were tired yet you wanted to see Lukas. You didn't think you could talk to him during the day, out in the open. It was nighttime now and you thought it would be okay. You figured that Oskar had your bags delivered to wherever Lukas was staying, anyways (and you were right).

Lukas stood to attention as soon as he heard your voice call his name. And his eyes did not leave you like you were his only rapture as you entered, taking off your coat.

You were surprised when you saw your sister and you paused in your step, "...and Shiv."

"Ellie," she furrowed her eyebrows. "What are you doing here?"

"Oh, well, since I wasn't expected to come. They didn't know where to put me," you lied. "So they put me here and Lukas is going to sleep on the couch."

"Uh huh," Shiv studied you. You were always oblivious and it sounded like a scheme that Lukas had cooked up to sleep under the same roof as you. Shiv didn't believe anything would happen because you never noticed when someone was flirting with you. So Shiv trusted you to be alone.

Shiv stood, "Well, then I'll get out of here and let you go to bed. I'll see you in the morning."

Lukas was still staring at you and still standing. You waited for Shiv to leave before you approached Lukas, putting your coat on the table, and now that you were with him, their argument from this morning didn't really matter. It seemed to fade away; it seemed so trivial when all you wanted to do was just spend time with him.

Did it make you sad that he had to lecture you about your siblings? Yes. But you couldn't change that and you couldn't be mad at him for suggesting that your siblings were bad for you. They were. You knew that. But really you just couldn't be mad at him at all. You wondered if there was anything that would make you truly mad at him.

He asked as you approached, "I'm not actually sleeping on the couch, am I?"

"No," you giggled as you sat down on the couch and he only sat back down now that you did.

"Good. That's good," he stared at you intensely with his pupils blown before he smiled. "You look so pretty."

He reached out to tuck your hair behind your ear before caressing your cheek as he pouted, "Couldn't keep my eyes off of you. It was so fucking difficult, Ella."

You stared at him before squinting your eyes, "Are you high?"

"Um," he avoided your gaze nervously as he hunched over while sitting like he was about to be scolded. "Yeah. Yes. I am. Yeah."

You stared at him, deciding you could have fun with this as you asked, "So am I the prettiest girl in the world or...how pretty are we talking?"

"Of course you are. Stupid question. Completely dumb," he argued.

You smiled and he traced your lips, "So beautiful."

You lost the ability to breathe with his fingers on your skin. And you noticed something on his wrist. The bracelet. It was a silver bracelet with a heart pendant. You had a matching one on your wrist.

When you'd been pregnant, you had seen matching bracelets in a storefront and couldn't help but buy them. It was the hormones that made you do it because normally you would have never have bought him something that he could reject.

And you had never had a boyfriend before. You'd never been able to do cute cringey things with someone. The only experience you had were romantic movies. Well, you saw the relationship between Shiv and Tom along with all your father's many marriages and you wanted neither of those. You wanted something real where there was no cheating; you wanted someone to be yours just as you were theirs.

So you had gotten them matching bracelets. You thought it was romantic and you were so happy about it. When you first got them, Lukas didn't have the heart to tell you that he thought it was stupid. So the next day he hadn't worn it and because of the hormones of your pregnancy, you were upset and you cried. He immediately wore it to appease you but then he wore it every day since; he even wore it in the shower because he never wanted to see you cry.

But you had been paranoid ever since then. You avoided looking at his wrist. You didn't want to see it not be there like you suspected.

But here it was, on his wrist still. You didn't want to read too much into it. Maybe he just forget it was there and didn't take it off. Maybe it was habit. You refused to believe it was because he cared about you.

You swallowed and looked into his very dilated eyes. You realized you could ask him anything and he would tell you truthfully. You thought of asking him if he loved you but you did not want to know the response so you requested what you had wanted for ages. What you wanted as you gazed at his lips.

"Kiss me," you uttered.

He seemed to hesitate before he leaned towards you. He did it ever so slowly. You were breathing so heavily in anticipation as his nose brushed yours. Then he brushed his lips against yours before finally, finally, kissing you.

He kissed you slowly and softly like you were delicate. It made your heart skip a beat. You felt like you were melting as a warmth spread through your veins and butterflies erupted in your stomach.

You moved to straddle him and he leaned his head back against the couch as the two of you continued to kiss. You still kissed slowly and sensually but you were a bit greedy, pushing your lips a little more deeply to his. You ran your fingers through his hair before moving them down to tug at his sweater and he peeled it off for you.

There was a momentary pause where they had to break apart and stop kissing as he did so. Then the shirt was gone and you attached yourself to him again. He stood up and wrapped your legs around him before carrying you to the bedroom.

It was dark with no light at all but the tall glass windows let moonlight illuminate the room, casting their shadows on the wall. He set you down as you unzipped your dress and shimmied out of it. He began to undo his pants and take them off but he had paused slightly before continuing as you took off your bra.

Once they were both bare, his eyes drank you in. You were completely mesmerizing. You seemed to glow in the moonlight. He thought if there was a fucking moon goddess, it had to be you. Nothing had ever illuminated the dark so well as you.

He went to place his hands on your hips but he hesitated, "Can I touch you?"

"Please, Lukas."

With your command, he did so. He ran them over your skin so slowly like he hadn't touched you a million times before. Like your skin was new territory he hadn't conquered. Like it was the first time.

With only the moonlight, it all felt cosmic. It felt like the two of you were fated. It felt like he was meant to be touching you.

And as he did so he kissed you again, soft and slow. Then his lips moved down to your jaw, to your neck, to your collarbone, down the valley of your breasts to your stomach. He laid multiple kisses there, delicate kisses, before he moved down.

His head was between your legs and he licked a stripe up the middle between your folds. You gasped and you grabbed his shoulders to keep yourself steady, from collapsing due to your legs feeling like jelly.

"You're so fucking wet," he commented with a small groan.

You didn't respond. Of course you were wet. Of course you were desperate. It had been more than a month since they last had sex and you needed him.

His tongue started to play with your clit. He lavishly pleasured the small bundle of nerves with slow, long licks. You rocked your hips slightly against his mouth. A heat built up in your lower belly ever so slowly until you hit a crescendo and you orgasmed, moaning his name, as your nails dug into his shoulders. Your legs shook and spasmed from the force of it as he licked another stripe over your sex, lapping up the juices you released.

Then he stood and you grabbed him, looping your arms around his neck to bring to him to your level. You kissed him and tasted yourself on his mouth. You liked the thought of you on him. Like he was more yours this way.

He shuffled you backwards until the back of your legs hit the bed. You climbed on it, scooting yourself backwards as he followed, crawling and hovering over you. He took his place between your legs as he took one of your hands and placed it over your head as he entwined it with his; his other hand was planted beside your head. He then rested his forehead against yours as he stared into your eyes.

"Ella," his voice caressed your name and he was looking at you so softly. It was almost like just saying your name became an I love you but you were too stubborn to believe that.

And you felt him insert himself inside of you. You gasped a little as he filled you ever so slowly. It was so slow and torturous that it burned just right and put you deeper into ecstasy than you were.

When he was completely sheathed inside of you, he let you adjust. And then he started to move against you. He barely pulled back before thrusting. They were slow, deep, gentle thrusts and his body was pressed against yours. It felt like he was making love to you.

Even though they had sex before, everything felt so much more intimate. He kept his forehead pressed against yours and you could look into his eyes, his beautiful eyes. You'd kiss periodically or squeeze each other's hand and you fell apart so quickly.

You cried out for him as you orgasmed. And his orgasm followed yours. He groaned loudly as he squeezed your hand tightly and you felt his cock pulse and throb inside of you as his seed filled you.

As soon as he did so, he pulled out of you quickly. You were confused as you panted and so did he. He lifted his head a bit before he kissed your cheek and muttered against your skin, "I'm sorry."

You blinked as he moved to lay beside you. Did he just apologize for having sex with you? You felt hurt as you snuggled up against his side. It felt clear now. He did not care about you. He was just a guy and couldn't resist sex. He did not care. But you did.

_____

You did not sleep at all that night, awake and in agony from the fact that he didn't care. Lukas slept peacefully though. When the sun had started to rise, you got up and stared out the window.

Lukas had stared to blink his eyes open now that you weren't beside him. His eyes immediately found you and he watched you. You had taken the sheet but left him the blanket (always so considerate).

Lukas thought you looked ever so beautiful. Your hair fell down the smooth skin of your back in messy waves but you looked peaceful. You looked ethereal.

"What are you doing up?"

His voice startled you a bit and you turned. You smiled a bit as you glanced back at the window, "It's pretty."

You walked forward and crawled back into bed. You snuggled up against him and he wrapped an arm around you before kissing the top of your head. You shivered a bit.

"You cold?" he stated before, without prompting, he took the blanket that was low on his hips and draped it over you up to your shoulders before pulling you a bit closer to transfer his body heat. "Come here."

It was so considerate and affectionate that it confused you. Was he just being nice because you sex with him? That was probably it.

"Lukas," you said anxiously.

He hummed in acknowledgement.

"You're going up to the top today, right?" you asked. "Can we go now and watch the sun rise?"

He rubbed at his eyes a bit, "You're not tired?"

"No."

"Alright. Yeah," he smiled a bit as he caressed your cheek. "Whatever you want."

And they quickly showered and got dressed before they went to top of the mountain in a helicopter. You had brought your sketchbook with you. You wanted to draw.

At the top, you both sat on a large rock. He sat beside you and wrapped his arm around your waist and his fingers drew circles onto the side of your hip. And they watched the sun rise together.

Lukas watched the look of wonder on your face and he commented in amusement, "You're so fascinated."

"Of course I am."

"But it's not even half as pretty as you," he argued.

"Are you still high?" you asked suspiciously as you blushed.

"No," he chuckled before he leaned in and kissed your cheek softly. "And I still think you're that fucking pretty, Ella. My pretty girl."

Your heart squeezed as you swallowed. He was being so affectionate. You didn't get it. Was it the sex? If it was sex that kept him glued to you, that kept him your Lukas, then you'd let him use your body a million times over just to keep him around.

You didn't care if that made you a whore. You needed Lukas like you needed air. He was the most important thing to you. Without your father, Lukas was the sole gravity that tied you to the Earth. You needed him to want you.

He grabbed your hand and kissed your fingertips, "You should draw. I have to watch this movie your siblings sent in."

You nodded and he went on his phone. You stared at him for a minute, admiring him. He had such pretty eyes in the sunlight. Your heart skipped a beat just staring at him and you were absolutely in love with him even if he wasn't with you.

You swallowed as you turned your head away from him. You began to draw. It included some of the natural landscape but you usually liked to paint a story. You also drew the cliffside and a shadowy figure looking down at the edge, ignoring that beauty in front of them.

You were almost done with it when your brothers arrived. Lukas had removed his arm from you before they saw anything. You continued to draw as they walked off to talk.

"Oh, look at that. You brought our sister," Roman commented.

"Yeah, she's a bit of an artist," Lukas replied. "Have you seen some of her work?"

"No," Kendall said. "No, we haven't."

"Well, you should because she's really fucking talented," Lukas said.

"Uh huh. Yeah. We'll definitely do that," Kendall stated.

Then Lukas started to talk about the deal. He found out the two of them were trying to ruin the deal. Then he called Logan a prick which pissed off Roman.

You didn't know any of this. You only heard Roman ranting angrily with the words you piece of shit as he came down the mountain back to the lift. You raised your eyebrows as Kendall followed after Roman slowly and he called, "Come on, El."

You got up to follow when Lukas called your name. You stopped and looked between Lukas and Kendall. You felt torn. Then you looked at Lukas sadly as you spoke a bit awkwardly considering you couldn't say anything that would allude to you being with Lukas, "Thanks for bringing me up here."

You quickly turned and followed after Kendall. Lukas hardened his eyes at your retreating form. You got onto the lift with your brothers as Lukas flew away in his helicopter. You felt an ache in your chest. But he did not love you, Ella.

"What happened?" you asked.

"Sorry to inform you but Matsson is an asshole," Roman stated.

"But he's always nice to me."

"Oh my god, Ella. He just wants to fuck you. Get it through your head," Roman said before ripping the sketchbook from your hands, tearing it in half, and letting it fall to the floor. "And he doesn't care about your stupid drawings. God, you're so dumb."

"Rome," Kendall warned as tears burned in your eyes.

You stared at the ruined sketchbook and dissociated. You felt numb. No one wanted you. You stayed that way until the gondola got back to the ground. Then you sniffled as your eyes became steely. Once they stepped out where the rest of the Waystar entourage was waiting to hear the news, you spoke. And everyone heard you.

"For your information, Romulus, I already fucked him."

And you stomped off. You didn't care if people knew anymore. It all seemed so pointless because you were sure that your siblings wouldn't even care at all.

On the plane ride home, you laid on the couch. You faced towards the cushions so no one could see your face and they all thought you were asleep. You had silent tears fall down your cheeks. Your siblings seemed to not really care about you and you were sure that you had lost Lukas. He didn't love you anymore. He just wanted sex. You probably lost him when the baby died and at the reminder of that, more tears fell from your eyes.

[azzie89]

Gravity-Chapter Sixteen

(A Lukas Matsson Fanfic)

Chapters: One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven, Eight, Nine, Ten, Eleven, Twelve, Thirteen, Fourteen, Fifteen, Sixteen

Warnings: none

When the jet finally landed, it was the first time you had ever been swarmed by the media. You were overwhelmed. Cameras flashed and nearly blinded you.

"Ella! Ella! We hear you were on the plane when your father died. Can you make any comment?"

Their voices were loud as they called your name, trying to get your attention. They all wanted the same thing. You were breathing heavily before your driver, Henry, intervened with a cold tone, "Please, step aside!"

"Miss Ella, come with me," Henry grabbed your wrist and guided you through the crowd to the car.

He opened the car door and you quickly slid inside. He closed it before getting in the driver's seat and taking off slowly as the media swarmed the car, banging on the windows for your opinion. But eventually the car was far and away from the airport and you breathed more calmly.

You were taken to your apartment and you made your way up. Still in your dress, you crawled into bed and laid on top of the covers. You laid there with your heart pounding and the blood rushing in your ears before Lukas called you. It was a FaceTime call this time.

"Are you back home?" he questioned. "That seemed intense."

"Yeah," you stared into space.

You shuffled a bit and could feel the softness of the blankets on your feet. You looked down at your bare feet, surprised. Did you really get off the plane without your shoes? You thought you had put them back on but apparently not.

"I forgot my heels," you said, starting to get up. "I should go back and get them."

"No, Ella," Lukas stated. "Forget the shoes."

"They were my favorite, though."

"I'll buy you new ones."

You frowned but relented. You laid back down. For the rest of evening, you talked to Lukas. He got you talking about random things and some of them even made you laugh. And when you did so for the first time, you had started to cry.

"My father just died. I shouldn't be laughing," you cried. "That's wrong, isn't it?"

"Ella, no," Lukas denied. "Hjärtat, it's okay. It's okay to smile again."

You calmed down a bit but you kept sniffling before you asked, "You'll be at the funeral, right? You'll..."

"I'll be at the funeral," he said softly.

The funeral would probably only be a week later. You could wait to see Lukas until then. You had told him again that you didn't want him to come and see you. You didn't want to do anything that would upset your siblings, make them mad at you, because you couldn't handle that right now. Being with Lukas would make them mad at you. You were sure of it. You didn't like the thought of it.

Lukas wanted to come see you desperately but he was a slave to your wants. And he knew he was terrible with boundaries; he did not want to cross one that would make you mad at him. So he stayed halfway across the world from you.

"Okay," you breathed out and the thought of seeing him seemed to calm you.

You stayed on the phone with him for most of the evening. He got your mind off of what had just happened today. Then you eventually fell asleep with the FaceTime call still running.

_____

The next day was the wake for your father. It was at your father's penthouse. You were a bit late because you woke up late. You were a bit hurt that Lukas had ended the FaceTime call sometime when you were asleep. (You didn't notice that he only ended it about twenty minutes before you woke up.)

You didn't know why you were; it's not like he could be expected to stay up just watching you sleep. You supposed you just wanted him to stay on the line in case you woke up and wanted to talk to him. You didn't really know what you were thinking; your mind was a mess.

You took a shower and quickly got dressed. You put on a black sweater that actually belonged to Lukas and paired it with a mid-length red leather skirt; the sweater was large on you and the red of your skirt was just barely peaking out. Then you wore black booties and you put your hair into a French braid.

When you got there, you were greeted with Marcia. The older woman smiled and held out her arms, "Ella, it is so lovely to see you."

You hugged Marcia and she gave you reassuring smile as you pulled away, "It will get better, you know."

"Thank you," you formed a small smile and went on your way.

There was a bunch of condolences from people you didn't know. They patted your shoulder as you went past. You didn't see Connor but you found your three siblings sitting privately in one of the rooms.

You opened the door full of little glass windows to see them. You smiled slightly as you fumbled with the long sleeves that completely covered your hands, "Hi, guys."

"Ella," Kendall scolded. "Not right now."

You frowned, a bit hurt, before you looked at the phone on the table, "Oh. Sorry."

There were some mutterings on the phone before you heard a voice you recognized. Oskar.

"Lukas would actually like to talk to your sister," Oskar addressed. "He says he can talk to her."

"Oh, so his busy schedule just cleared up?" Shiv rolled her eyes.

"Well, he only has time to talk to one person he says and he'd like it to be her," Oskar argued.

"Really? Our little sister?" Roman questioned as three of them shared a look. Kendall looked at you before nodding.

"Alright. Yeah. Sure, man," Kendall agreed and Roman handed you the phone. You panicked a little bit as you pulled your sleeve up a bit so you could actually grab it.

You took it and you put it off speakerphone. Then you spoke, "Hi, Oskar."

"Ella," it was Lukas.

"Oh," you swallowed at the stares of your siblings. "Hey."

"How do you feel? Are you alright?" he worried.

"For now. Yes."

"Good. That's good," he said nervously and it was silent for a moment; you could tell he was debating questioning you about something. "Could I ask you to do something for me?"

"What?"

"Your father passing means the board is picking a new CEO."

"And?"

"And I think it would be very nice if that was my girl," you could tell he was grinning. "Very appealing."

You were a silent for a moment as you debated the thought in your head. Would that make him happy? But it would make your siblings mad and, most importantly, you did not want it.

He continued to persuade as you stayed silent, "You have experience. There's no reason it can't be you. Everyone fucking loves you..."

"No."

"No?"

"No, that doesn't work. I don't want to," you denied.

"Ella..."

"No," and you hung up.

You handed Roman the phone. You were silent and Kendall probed, "And? What did he say, El?"

"He wanted me to be CEO," you did not lie.

"You? CEO? Why?" Shiv asked.

You shrugged.

"Nice to know Lukas still definitely has a thing for you," Roman gained a smug look.

You shuffled a bit awkwardly and denied, "No."

"Ellie, come on," Shiv smiled. "He definitely has a crush on you."

"I don't want to talk about it," you replied.

"Yeah, can we not?" Kendall frowned. "It's disgusting."

You frowned. Was it disgusting for you to be loved? But then again you didn't really know if Lukas still loved you; he hadn't said it. You hoped he did. You wanted him to.

_____

Later on, Kendall, Roman, and Shiv needed to discuss the board vote privately. You were with Connor and you hugged him tightly, "I'm so sorry. Do you hate me?"

"Hate you? Why on Earth would I hate you, kid?"

"Well...I didn't go to your wedding. I've never missed anything so big and it's completely terrible. I'm terrible," you declared.

"You are far from terrible, Ellie," Connor argued. "And I forgive you. If anything, I'm more concerned about you and how you're doing."

"About me?"

"You were on the plane, Ellie. You saw it happen," Connor clarified. "Of course, I'm concerned. I'm your eldest brother and I want you to know that I love you, alright?"

"I...I love you, too, Con," she smiled a bit, feeling a small amount of joy that someone said it. "And I'm alright for now."

"You sure?"

"Yes. Yes. I'm better now than yesterday," you stated.

"Okay," he squeezed your shoulder affectionately before he spoke softly. "You know, Pop, was complicated, Ellie. But you know he loved you, right?"

You swallowed and nodded, "I know."

You only half believed it. It was a hard pill to swallow. You struggled with any form of love you received. You felt like you weren't worthy. Ella, the Unworthy. You had always been ignored and it caused you to believe that love wasn't something you were good enough for. And you weren't sure you would ever believe that you were.

[azzie89]

Gravity-Chapter Fifteen

(A Lukas Matsson Fanfic)

Chapters: One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven, Eight, Nine, Ten, Eleven, Twelve, Thirteen, Fourteen, Fifteen

Warnings: death of a character, sadness, reader has zero self-esteem

You had planned to attend the wedding of your brother to his bride, Willa. You never missed an event for one of your siblings, especially, one as important as a wedding. You thought it would be wrong not to attend.

You had even gotten all dressed up and were in a yellow floor-length velvet gown that had long sleeves and a Queen Anne neckline. It had diamond studs on the shoulders and you wore a diamond choker around your neck. You thought you looked pretty but you weren't sure. Perhaps it was your imagination.

But right when you had been going to leave to attend said wedding, your father came to see you. He convinced you not to go. He wanted you to come with him to Sweden to see Matsson...Lukas.

"But what about Con?" you questioned sadly.

"Oh, he'll forgive you. You know Connor. He knows how important it is that this deal goes through," he gestured away with his hand before placing a hand on your shoulder with a small grin. "So what do you say, Ellie? You gonna help out your old man?"

"I...." you hesitated before faking a smile. "Of course, Daddy."

You couldn't help but say yes to your father; it felt like he saw you (but he was always an expert at making you feel that way when he needed you). So here you were in the limo sitting across from your father and Kerry. And you were still in your gown for the wedding. Your father said it'd be better if you wore it so you did.

You felt nervous. You were going to see Lukas while on a little mission with your father. You weren't sure how you were going to keep your cool when you saw him. You felt like you might break down and hug him to death right in front of your dad. You swallowed at the thought.

You pulled at the choker you wore and your father questioned, "You're not getting cold feet, are you?"

"No," you stated and quickly placed your hands in your lap, focusing on keeping them still.

"Good," he smiled. "You'll do great, Ellie."

You merely nodded. You wondered why he wanted you to come along. But then you supposed it was clear: because you were close with Lukas. Yet he had no idea just how close you were with Lukas.

You took a deep breath as the limo arrived at the airport. Your father and Kerry got out first and then you did. Tom blinked in surprise as he noticed you before he held out his hand, "Here, let me help you."

You grabbed it and stepped out of the limo. You fixed your dress as you smiled politely, "Thank you."

Then you followed after your father along with everyone else. You were given strange looks by everyone, staring at your gown. You smiled tightly at everyone regardless and even hugged Frank because you hadn't seen him in a while before sitting down on the couch against the side of the jet.

And once the plane took off, everything went to Hell.

_____

You were staring at the floor. Your knees were pressed to your chest and you were staring at the floor inside the jet. You had dissociated from all the sounds and the chaos...and the death.

"Yes, your sister is here," Tom spoke on the phone to your siblings.

They wanted to speak to you. They wanted to hear it from your own lips. They trusted you. They wanted you to explain it.

"Your sister isn't available to speak currently. She isn't...well at the moment," Tom stated.

"What do you mean she's not well? We're all not well. Just put her on, Tom," Shiv demanded.

Tom hesitated before he approached you and crouched down, handing the phone out, "Ella, would you like to speak to your siblings?"

Your eyes glanced at him before going back to the ground. You shook your head. He placed the phone back on his ear, "She doesn't want to speak, Shiv."

One by one, the siblings said goodbye to their father as Tom held the phone near Logan. But not you. Once he was off the phone, Tom approached you again.

"Ella," he crouched down. "Do you want to say anything to him? I can say it for you if you would like."

You shook your head as you muttered, "He knows."

Then you glanced from the floor to the body of your father. They were still doing CPR and he was just...lying there. There was no response.

You started to cry finally as you panicked, "Did I hug him today? Did you see me hug him? I don't think I hugged him..."

You were sucking in breaths as you sobbed violently. You started to hiccup as you did so. The chaos finally caved in on you. Your father was gone. He was not coming back.

Tom reached up and rubbed your arms as he lied to you to give you comfort, "You did hug him, Ella. I saw it. Everyone saw it."

"You hugged him, kid," Frank chimed in with sorrowful eyes towards you. You had always been his favorite; you were the sweetest.

You had started to calm at their words. You still hiccuped, though. You sniffled as Tom asked, "Do you want to come to the back? Then you don't have to watch anymore."

You shook your head. You didn't want to be alone. You knew from experience that being alone was the worst Hell in the world; even worse than death itself. Because being alone you drowned in your own horrid thoughts but at least death saved everyone from that. There were no more thoughts in death and you realized you'd never really know if your father loved you.

You thought he did. You supposed it was enough that you loved him. You supposed you'd have to make do with that. You knew that you gave him all the love you could, all the love a daughter could give and you were at peace with that.

You thought that his death would've torn you apart. And it did in a way. It hurt and you felt an ache in your chest but your world did not turn upside down. You did not want to die like you expected to. Because you were no longer made complete by how he thought of you. That had changed in the past few months.

Your world spun around a different person now. Lukas. The mere thought of him made you ache less.

"Are we still going to Sweden?" you blurted out.

Tom could not help the chuckle he let out at you thinking that they'd cart your father's dead body all the way to Sweden before he replied, "No, Ella. We will not be going to Sweden."

"Oh."

"On the topic of Sweden, someone needs to tell Matsson," Carolina pointed out. "Ella, you have a working relationship with him, don't you? It'd probably be best that it comes from you."

You hesitated before you nodded. You went to the back in the private bedroom before you called him. The dialing tone felt like hours as you held the phone tightly to your ear but then he picked up.

"Hey," you could he was smiling. "I thought you were going to send me a photo of the dress you were wearing? I bet you look even prettier than the bride again."

You chuckled a bit as some fresh tears fell down your face. You were definitely not pretty now with mascara running down your face. You were a mess now.

"Lukas," you said quietly and it took you couple of moments before you revealed. "My dad died."

"He died here on the plane," you somehow felt the need to clarify. "We're still on the plane."

"Jesus. Fuck, Ella," he said in concern. "Are you fucking okay? Do you want me to fly to New York? I'll come see you..."

"It's okay, Lukas. You don't have to," you reassured.

You didn't want him to sacrifice for you. You were sure he didn't really want to. He just pitied you. That was all. Maybe he still felt some care for you as a force of habit but Lukas was starting to move on from you. You were sure of it. You wouldn't be the girl that held him back even if it'd kill you inside.

A sense of numbness settled over you again.

"But, Ella..."

"It's okay," you said again, even smiling as you spoke. Yes, everything was perfectly okay.

[azzie89]

Gravity-Chapter Fourteen

(A Lukas Matsson Fanfic)

Chapters: One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven, Eight, Nine, Ten, Eleven, Twelve, Thirteen, Fourteen

Warnings: Lukas being jealous and possessive

The next day was the rehearsal dinner for Connor. Of course, you went to that and on time unlike the rest of your siblings who were late. Connor hugged you when you arrived and then you also hugged Willa and smiled, "Welcome to the family."

"Oh, Ella, that's so sweet," she smiled and took a large swig of her champagne which made your eyes widen.

The rehearsal dinner took a nosedive after that. Willa had stood up before announcing loudly, "I can't do this."

Then she ran off to the bathroom. You tried to help Con by going and trying to talk to her but she had locked herself in there with her friends and didn't want to talk. She was in there for a long time and it was nearing half an hour. You decided to go get some air. When you went outside, you found Stewy leaning against a limo.

You always found the presence of Stewy to be infectious. He seemed to have this lively energy that you had never had that you made you slightly envious. Ever since Kendall introduced him to you, he'd always make you smile in some way.

"Stewy!" you grinned before running to give him a hug.

"Well, if it isn't my favorite Roy?" Stewy smiled as you hugged him.

"Liar," you blushed as you let him go.

"Really?" he raised his eyebrows with a teasing grin. "Because last I checked, you're the only Roy that gives me a hug every time you see me. Which makes you the sweetest Roy and, therefore, my favorite."

"I do that with everyone, though."

"Oh, so I'm not special?" he clutched his chest. "I'm hurt."

"Shut up," you blushed again.

"Has anyone ever told you that you're very cute when you blush?" Stewy said. "I feel like someone has had to at some point."

You were saved from answering when Kendall called out, "Stewy, what the hell? What are you doing with my sister? She has nothing to do with the board meet tomorrow."

Kendall approached the two of you along with Shiv and Roman.

"Yeah, I know," Stewy said. "So what? Is that somehow supposed to mean I can't talk to her?"

Kendall rolled his eyes, "I guess...I guess that's fine."

You shook your head at your protective brother before addressing the three of them, "You're late. You should get in there."

"Yeah. Yeah. We should. Just, uh, in a minute," Kendall said.

"Yeah. Tell Con we didn't want to be late. Dad made us late," Roman stated.

You sighed as you realized they were going to talk business with Stewy. You looked back at Stewy and gave him a small smile, "Bye, Stewy."

"Ella," he smiled and kissed your cheek politely.

You walked away from them. You were intending to go back inside but then you got a text. It was from Lukas. He sent you a picture of you just hugging Stewy. Your eyes widened at the fact that he even had this. Was he monitoring you?

Then he called you. You walked off a bit down the sidewalk before answering it. He didn't let you say a greeting before he was speaking.

"Who is this guy you're hugging? Why are you hugging him? Are you fucking seeing him?"

"Lukas, how did you even get a photo of me? Are you spying on me?" you asked.

"That's...that's not important. Just answer the question."

"I can hug other people, Lukas."

"Well, I don't go around hugging fucking randos so you...you shouldn't, either," he argued with frustration in his voice.

"I can't believe you," tears stung your eyes. "You barely talk to me and now you want to be mad that I'm hugging someone else. You know I like to hug people and I can hug whoever I wish."

"It's not about you hugging people. It's about you hugging someone when I'm not there."

"You're never here," you blurted out and you covered your mouth a bit in shock that you'd been that bold. But then you let your hand drop. "I...I don't want to speak to you right now. You invaded my privacy, Lukas. That's not okay."

"Ella..."

But you hung up. And he kept calling you repeatedly but you didn't pick up and you put your phone on silent.

____

After the disaster that was tonight, you were back home. You and the rest of your siblings had taken Connor to a more regular bar and then to karaoke. Then your father made an appearance and tried to convince the Three Musketeers to not vote no at the board meeting tomorrow but he failed. But then Logan bit back with words that you could tell hit a nerve with them.

"I love you but you're not serious people."

You only thought of the I love you part. That was what you held onto. And you thought of when you heard those three words from Lukas.

Lukas had stopped calling you. But you could not sleep. You kept thinking of how he had surveillance on you. He was keeping tabs on you. He cared about you. It was three in the morning but you called him on FaceTime.

"Hey," he said softly as he answered immediately.

You could tell he was lying in bed as he was propped up against his headboard. He had headphones on which meant he had been on his phone and wasn't sleeping.

"You're haven't slept?" you worried a bit and chewed on your lip.

"You know I don't get any sleep without you next to me."

You smiled a little at that before you sighed, "Lukas, why are you having someone spy on me?"

"You're...You're in New York," he explained. "You're far away and I can't be with you as much as I want to. And I...I was worried about you. I thought you might...you know."

"Oh," you realized. He thought you might commit suicide.

"I didn't intend to use it to see if you were with other guys or anything. But then I got the photo and I...I jumped to conclusions. I was mad," he flexed his hand. "I can't fucking help it. You're you and you could have any guy you wanted."

"But I was mad when I shouldn't have been. That wasn't cool. And I'm sorry," he said sincerely. "I'm sorry."

It was silent for a moment before you responded quietly, "I forgive you."

"Yeah?" he ran his fingers through his hair nervously.

"Yes, Lukas," you reassured before saying anxiously. "And if...if you want to keep...keeping an eye on me, that's fine, too."

"You don't have to worry about that but I get why you're doing it," you stated, addressing suicide.

"Okay," he nodded, staring intensely at you through the phone. "Ella, when you said that I'm never there..."

"I don't want to talk about that," you immediately interrupted as your chest heaved. "I know...I know that you'd be here if you could."

"Do you?"

"Yes." No.

Lukas had always made time for you no matter what. But after the baby died, something had changed. It was like you weren't important anymore. But you didn't want to hear him say it.

He analyzed you and he seemed to accept your answer before he sighed, "I should let you sleep."

"What about you?"

"Don't worry about me."

You blinked. He didn't want you to worry about him. He was going to find someone else to worry about him. You swallowed, "Alright."

He smiled slightly before he uttered in a soft tone, "Dream sweet dreams for me."

You nodded and you couldn't help but utter out a phrase as you ended the call. It was a force of habit.

"I love you."

Those words seemed to echo in your head as you tried to go to sleep. But since you didn't hear them from him, they continued to echo in the emptiness of your mind, telling you that you would only ever hear him say it in the echoes of your memory. You wondered if that what was what you were doomed to become to him: nothing but a memory, an echo, a footnote. Nothing but the paint that they washed away.

[azzie89]

Gravity-Chapter Thirteen

(A Lukas Matsson Fanfic)

Chapters: One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven, Eight, Nine, Ten, Eleven, Twelve, Thirteen

Warnings: spiraling reader

AN: season 4 is finally starting up in this chapter so buckle up

A month passed since the car crash that killed your baby. The sutures on the side of your head had long healed but the sadness that settled into your bones did not. You had gotten bad again.

Lukas did not come to visit you the next day like he said. He couldn't because you went back to New York with your family. Your father didn't have you do any work. So you were in your apartment, alone.

You mostly wasted away and sat staring out the glass windows of the high-rise you were in. You felt incredibly numb with sadness and it overwhelmed you some days that you would just start sobbing out of the blue. You had to have your doctor increase your meds.

Lukas only came to visit you twice in one month for a single day each time. The first was only a day after you got into New York. He showed up at your door and you hugged the life out of him.

"I'm here. I'm here," he mumbled into your hair.

You didn't stop hugging him for the whole day; you laid in bed with him and he just held you. When he had to leave, you felt panicked. You did not want him to go. The thought of it was unbearable.

So you attached yourself to him and kissed him hard on the lips. You hoped he would stay if you kissed him. But he pulled away from you.

"Ella, I have to go."

You stared at him, a bit hurt. He wrapped his arms around you, hugging you again, before kissing the side of your head. Then he let go and he left, promising that he would back soon.

He was not back soon. He came back two weeks later to see you. Again, it was only for a day. You watched a movie with him.

You kept staring at him like he was the thing that made your whole world spin. He was. And you kissed him again. Kissing him was the only thing that didn't make you feel like you were drowning in sadness. It made you feel light and carefree.

You kissed him hard again with desperation. You were practically offering yourself to him on a silver platter as you pressed your body against his. He gave in for a moment as he made out with you on the couch.

But then he quickly pulled away from you, breathing heavily. He was silent for a moment before he looked at you. He gave you a small reassuring grin and patted your knee, "We should watch the movie."

You blinked and he readjusted himself on the couch, leaving a space between the two of you. You did not understand. Did he not want to kiss you anymore? Did he not want you anymore?

His hand laid in the space between their thighs. You placed your palm over his ever so gently as you were afraid he was going to retract his hand if you did it any differently. And once you did so, he entwined his hand with yours. That calmed the panic in your heart.

For a moment.

When he went to leave after that visit, he did not kiss you goodbye. You wondered what you had done wrong to make him not want to kiss you. But then you realized what was happening: he was growing bored of you.

You were absolutely sure of it. All of the signs were there. He was starting to ignore you. Eventually, he'd ignore you completely just like everyone else. You bet that he didn't even love you anymore.

He probably just felt bad because you lost their baby and he was just coming to see you out of pity. Yes, that was it. You wondered if he even ever wanted a baby with you. Probably not. Who would ever want a baby with you? You weren't mother material. Lukas probably wanted someone better to carry his child if he ever wanted one again.

Your mind was on the death spiral ever since that last visit. You were paranoid. You could barely sleep. You'd wake up with an ache in your chest and you would cry yourself back to sleep. You started to scratch at the scar on your arm. You started to feel that feeling again. You were just waiting for Lukas to ignore you completely...and then it wouldn't matter what you promised. All these feelings could go away.

But Lukas still called you and texted you. It was much less than he used to but he did. You were afraid to ask him and have it be true: he no longer wanted you. So you'd exist in this bubble where you pretended that everything was fine. It was easier this way.

____

It was finally the birthday of your father. Of course, you went. You wore a pink short halter dress and a black and white tweed jacket. You had taken off your jacket when you arrived but then Kerry came over to you.

"Your father asks that you put the jacket back on."

You faked a smile as you blinked back tears, "Of course."

You realized why your father wanted you to have your jacket on. To hide the long, deep scar on your arm that was seen as shameful. To prevent people from asking questions about why you had it. To prevent embarrassment of him as your father. Logan could not be seen as a failure.

It made you think of Lukas. He would never ask you to hide it. He even sometimes ran his fingers over it affectionately. You missed him.

You felt that ache in your chest the whole party. That longing for him. You wished your father happy birthday and then you stood like a wallflower just thinking of Lukas.

Connor did approach you and wrapped an arm around you with a smile, "Hey, sport."

"Hey, Con."

He rubbed your arm, "You feeling okay? You look a little sad."

"I'm okay. Are you?"

"Well, I'm getting married so fantastic, Ellie. Fantastic."

You formed a small smile, "I'm happy for you, Con."

"I can't wait to see your wedding. You always loved weddings, didn't you?" Connor said advised. "You know if the guy you end up with, or girl, doesn't give you the biggest wedding possible, don't marry them."

"I don't think anyone will want to marry me, Con."

"Are you kidding? You're pretty and smart and so sweet. Any bloke would be lucky to have you. If they don't think so, you send them to me."

"Okay," you chuckled before you hugged him tightly with a grateful smile. "I love you, Con."

"Oh," he said in surprise. "Well, I love you, too, Ellie."

He kissed the top of your head affectionately and you let him go. He eventually left you and you stayed there, the wallflower. You were the only one wearing a jacket.

When your father started to make a power play for Pierce, you left and you practically threw the jacket off in the car. You felt tears of frustration and Henry, your driver, called in concern, "Miss?"

"I'm fine. Just please take me home," you commanded.

Your father was ashamed of you. Your siblings (besides Con) didn't talk to you unless you were in mortal danger. And the only person that could make you feel better was halfway across the world and you had no idea if you were even dating him anymore.

You thought being home would be better for you. You thought finally that perhaps your siblings would start to connect with you. But in the city of dreams, you found that's all you had: dreams. You were left to rot in an expensive high-rise by everyone that mattered to you while none of them came true.

[azzie89]

Gravity-Chapter Twelve

(A Lukas Matsson Fanfic)

Chapters: One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven, Eight, Nine, Ten, Eleven, Twelve

Warnings: miscarriage, brief mention of depressive/suicidal thoughts, low self-esteem issues

The brunt of the damage was on your side of the car. Lukas came to almost immediately. He had a piece of glass lodged in his shoulder but he didn't care about that. He saw you passed out against the seat almost like you were sleeping but there was so much blood that covered the side of your face.

Fear struck him in the chest so hard as he was acutely reminded of how he found his father, dead in the car with his brains splattered on the ceiling. He immediately moved and grabbed you, cradling your face so gently as he called frantically.

"Ella. Ella. Hjärtat. Open your eyes. Open your eyes for me," he said as he started to panic. He started to cry and he mumbled in Swedish. "Lämne mig inte."

Don't leave me.

______

When you woke, your head hurt fiercely. You started to blink your eyes open. You felt someone rubbing the back of your palm with their thumb back and forth ever so slowly.

You found that it was Lukas as your eyes took in their surroundings which resembled a hospital room. It made you smile a bit as you began to wake; made you feel warm.

"Hi," you muttered softly, content as you gazed at him.

His eyes immediately snapped to yours as he froze, "Ella."

When you were brought in last night, they had assured him you'd be fine. You had head trauma but they said you'd be okay. But it felt scary waiting for you to wake up even if it was just a couple of hours.

"What happened?" you asked.

"It was a car accident."

It had been a drunk driver. Lukas was so livid at the thought that you could've been taken from him. He only had a flesh wound and you had head trauma. He didn't want you to ever know pain but here they were. He planned to sue the driver into oblivion or something; maybe make sure they never drove again. He had his lawyers handling it.

You formed a small smile, "It seems like we're fine, though."

You placed your hand over your stomach and he felt dread as he had to force the words out of his mouth, "Ella...You lost the baby."

"Oh," your free hand retreated from your stomach.

You were silent for a moment and you felt Lukas kiss the fingertips of your hand that he held. He kept rubbing his thumb back and forth over the back of your palm.

"I suppose it's a good thing," you sniffled and blinked your tears away. "It's not like I'd be a great mother anyways."

Lukas couldn't believe the words that came out of your mouth before he argued softly, "Ella, that's...that's ridiculous. You'd be an amazing mother...."

You cut him off, not wanting to talk about it, as you inspected him, "You are okay, right?"

You saw a bandage sticking out from his shirt on his shoulder. You reached for it, removing your hand from his as you did so. You ran your fingers lightly over the edge.

"It's just a flesh wound. It's fine."

You hummed, seemingly content, before a nurse came in. And then a whole bunch of doctors came in to check you over for a long while.

_____

"Your, um, family knows," Lukas informed once the doctors left you alone. "They're flying in."

"Oh."

That seemed to be the only word you'd been able to say. And you kept staring off all detached. He kept having to get your attention.

"You should go then," you blurted out. "They'll have questions if you're here and I don't feel like answering them. My head hurts."

It'd be like World War III if your family found out about you and Lukas. You didn't have the energy to deal with it.

"Are you sure? Ella, I can stay," he stated. "Let me stay."

"I'm sure," you stated, staring forward and not at him.

He stood up and leaned over the bed, kissing your cheek for a long moment ever so delicately before he uttered, "I'll see you soon, alright? Tomorrow, okay?"

You barely nodded and he hesitated before he left. You kept staring at the wall not even registering that he was gone or that he'd said goodbye to you and you called out suddenly, thinking he was just about to leave, "Lukas."

You turned your head to the chair that he had been in to find him gone. A tear fell down your cheek before you wiped it away. You felt like your chest was about to cave in and you pulled your legs to your chest as you took deep breaths.

You focused on blowing out the bad thoughts. The bad thoughts. By the time you were done, you'd made yourself numb again.

_____

Your family finally got there. Your siblings got there first. They all hugged you. Well, Roman did like a half hug. He seemed to not like hugs. You didn't get it.

"How are you doing? Feeling a bit better?" Connor asked.

"I'm fine."

"You had us really worried, Ellie," Shiv frowned.

"Yeah. We were all really worried, El," Kendall said.

"Shivvie was definitely freaking out. Shed a few tears on the plane," Roman teased.

"Shut up, Rome."

That made you smile a bit. But then Shiv frowned as she noticed the scar on your arm. She grabbed it and asked, "What is this? This doesn't look like it's from the accident?"

You jerked your arm away. You barely ever thought about your scar now as Lukas made you feel accepted. You realized that your siblings had never seen it.

"Fishing trip with Uncle Ewan," you lied.

"Right," Kendall said skeptically. "A fishing trip."

Shiv and Kendall exchanged looks. Roman just stared at the scar with a little frown. Connor was the one who spoke with a reassuring smile, "You know we're always here for you, Ellie."

He patted your shoulder, "Whenever you need us."

You just nodded.

____

Your father showed up after them. There seemed to be a cold standoff between three of your siblings and him but they seemed to call a truce with their eyes today. They all left you alone to talk to Logan.

"Hi, Daddy," you smiled a bit.

"Ellie," he hugged you.

You were a bit surprised. But then he let you go and sat down. He looked at you with soft eyes, "How are you doing, kiddo?"

"I'm okay."

He hummed like he didn't believe you as he analyzed you with his cold blue eyes. You thought sometimes he could see right through you. You weren't sure.

"The hospital. I didn't like it when I was in it," he commented. "The doctors want to keep you overnight but how about tomorrow we get you back to New York?"

"You want me to come home? But what about work in London?"

"I should have never have put you there. You should be home where you belong," Logan said. "How does that sound?"

"I'd...I'd like to go home." You'd like to see Lukas. You clenched your jaw to keep from crying. People lost babies all the time. It was nothing to cry about; Lukas wouldn't want you if you cried. You were sure of it.

"Good, good," Logan smiled.

"Heard it was a drunk driver," he said before he patted your hand. "He'll be dealt with."

You could only nod and try not to fall apart as you did so.

[azzie89]

Gravity-Chapter Eleven

(A Lukas Matsson Fanfic)

Chapters: One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven, Eight, Nine, Ten, Eleven

Warnings: cliffhanger, reader has very low self-esteem

Lukas was adamant now that they go public and tell your family. You absolutely were not. You thought your father would have a heart attack if he found out you were pregnant while unmarried.

"But Ella..."

"No," Ella denied. "We can tell my family after the deal."

"At least move in with me then."

"After the deal."

He groaned, "You're so fucking stubborn."

"Okay," he sighed. "But what about you working so much? It's not healthy, Ella."

"I'll cut back. I promise," you said before pecking him on the lips.

And you got your way. Still, no one in your family knew about you and Lukas. The deal was expected to close in about two months though and you'd barely be in your second trimester. That was more than enough time in your pregnancy to then go and live with Lukas while also dealing with your family coming around to the idea.

You didn't worry about that right now though. Currently, you were happy. You went to go see a doctor for your first prenatal appointment. It was too early to see the sex or see it on ultrasound. But you got on all the necessary vitamins.

You kept up with your workout routine which was yoga. It was the only form of exercise that you'd been able to keep up with. It was because you could do it in bed. When you had been depressed a year ago just laying in bed, you didn't have the energy for anything and didn't do anything. But once you started to gain some after being put on meds, you started up yoga.

And you kept at it. It did become more rigorous as you tried more demanding forms. But because of it, you were extremely flexible which Lukas knew all too well. You hoped that it would help you with all the changes your body was going to go through and then going back to a normal body. You did not want stretch marks; the possible imperfection made you scared that Lukas would leave you.

You did good at keeping that paranoid thought out of your brain though. And you did take a step back from work. You let your assistant handle some things. It allowed you to do more planning with Lukas.

One day you were at his house in Sweden. One of the rooms was being redecorated to be a baby room. The floor was covered in plastic as it was being painted. You were painting on one side of the wall while sitting on a stool so you stayed off your feet for a long time. The window was open to allow ventilation. You were making it colorful and painting animals on the wall.

Lukas came in to help you. One side of the room was just going to be a solid color, a mint green. He painted that wall and you were still working on yours. He came over to you, watching how focused you were. You bit your lip as you painted so carefully.

"I think you should take a break," Lukas suggested.

"I'm almost done," you said.

"Ella," he scolded before he caressed your cheek, not realizing he had paint on his hands.

But you could feel it. You gasped and your hand flattened on the wall. You also had paint on your hands and it created a handprint once you removed your hand.

"Lukas!"

"Sorry. Sorry. I'm sorry."

He looked at you like a puppy that was scolded. You didn't notice as you stared at the handprint. You gained an idea as you grabbed his hand and placed it flat against the wall to overlap your own handprint. Then you removed his hand and stared at the two handprints.

You smiled as you did so. You didn't know what you liked about it. You supposed you liked it because it created an actual physical imprint that signified that they were always joined together.

Lukas stared at your smile. You smiled beautifully over something so simple and he was in awe over you. He swallowed before he gained the courage to tell you.

"Ella," he called.

You hummed in acknowledgement without looking at him.

"Look, I'm just gonna say something and I don't want you to get into it like you do. I'm just gonna fucking say it and we're gonna move on, okay?"

"Okay," you frowned slowly before turning your eyes to him. "But it's bad, isn't it?"

"Ella."

"You don't actually want to have a baby with me, do you?"

"What? No. Ella, I'm trying to tell you that I...I love you."

You had carried on rambling while he talked, "I knew it. I knew you wouldn't...wait, you...."

Your world seemed to slow down as you heard those words. I love you. You barely ever heard those words so when you heard them now it felt like a tidal wave of disbelief.

You breathed heavily, "Can you just....can you just say it again?"

He swallowed and hunched down before uttering as he stared at you intensely, "I really fucking love you, alright?"

"But why?"

He sighed, "If I told you I thought you were...fucking perfect, would you believe me?"

You shook your head.

"Then don't ask," he said. "But just know when I imagine life, I can't even see the rest of mine without you. If I even think about it, it's just...fucking depressing. Life without my girl, my Ella...it can't ever be a possibility."

"It won't be."

"No?"

"I'm too attached. I love you too much."

"Yeah?" he smiled.

"Yes. Yes. Always. You know how I said my father was like gravity," you revealed. "Well, you're like that to me now."

He stared before he kissed you quickly. His hands tangled in your hair and your hands grabbed onto his shirt. The two of you got paint all over each other as he picked you up to carry you out of the room. The paint would wash away but the stain of him in your heart like invisible ink would always remain.

____

Despite not telling your family, he did tell his. His mother knew, well, more like she found out. You were now meeting her as you made Lukas invite her over for dinner. He hated the idea but he relented for you. Lukas was tense before she arrived; you squeezed his hand and gave you a small, reassuring smile.

His mother was called Irene. You smiled once she entered and even hugged her because you were nothing if not a hugger. She barely formed a smile as she looked you over, analyzing you, with her beady eyes.

"Well, I see why my son couldn't resist getting into bed with you."

Your eyes widened.

"Mother," he chastised and his accent was strong as he did so.

Everything was tense after that as the three sat down to eat. You sat beside Lukas while his mother sat across from them at the table. And then the questions started.

"And where are you planning to stay when the baby comes?"

"With Lukas."

"And how do you plan to contribute when the baby comes? He tells me you're leaving work."

"She'll be the mother of my child. That's contribution enough," Lukas said. "Drop it."

"You're so young, dear. Are you sure you even want the baby?" Irene questioned. "Don't let that be the reason you stay with him if you don't want to be."

"I...I want to be with Lukas."

Irene clenched her jaw before looking at Lukas, "Did you have to tie yourself to someone so young? You couldn't have found someone your own age."

"It doesn't matter now."

"Of course it matters. It's still early. She can get an abortion...."

Lukas stood so fast that his chair fell over onto the floor, "That's it. I'm done. We're done. You can leave now."

Irene huffed before getting up to leave. Lukas followed her to make sure she left. You heard them arguing in the entranceway about you.

"She's too young for you."

"She's in her twenties. It's not like she's a fucking teenager."

"A girl like that has options. If she's the type to get knocked up without even being married, then she could very well get knocked up by anyone who gives her the time of day."

His voice was deadly as he spoke very calmly, "Don't ever fucking insinuate that she's a whore to me ever again."

"You've known her for four months, Lukas. You're moving too fast."

"Baby or no baby, it wouldn't change anything. That is my girl. I love her. I fucking love her. End of discussion," Lukas stated and your heart skipped a beat hearing him say those words. "Disrespect her again and we're done."

You heard the front door shut and close. Then moments later, Lukas entered the dining room again. You bit your lip as you made a joke, "The holiday dinners will be so much fun."

"Very," he chuckled as he righted his chair before kissing the top of your head. "We'll be okay."

You smiled before he caressed your cheek as he said, "I'm sorry."

"What for?"

"You shouldn't be talked about like that. I don't like it," he scratched at his chest. "It...It'll never happen again. I promise."

"I don't care if your mother thinks that. I just care what you think," you muttered.

He leaned his forehead against yours as he looked into your eyes. Your dark blue eyes. You looked at him with such reverence.

"You'll always be my perfect Ella," he smiled softly before he kissed you while you blushed red. And dinner became a dinner for two.

_____

Three weeks had passed since you found out you were pregnant and Lukas was with you in London. You had gone to dinner with him. The two of you were being driven back to your apartment in your limo.

You were discussing possible names with him if it was a girl or boy. He had one hand on your stomach and the other was wrapped around your shoulders. You giggled at a name he came up when bright lights seemed to flood your window.

And then everything went dark.

[azzie89]

Gravity-Chapter Ten

(A Lukas Matsson Fanfic)

Chapters: One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven, Eight, Nine, Ten

Warnings: unplanned pregnancy

You couldn't believe you were actually dating him. You thought it would change things. Well, Lukas would stand to attention now whenever he was with a group of people and you entered the room like the mere presence of you drew him to his feet like gravity (and you would run forward excitedly and hug him without a care in the world). But really besides kissing each other now, the two of you mainly did the same things.

It made you realize how much the two of you had already acted like a couple. You'd already been holding his hand, eating dinner with him, sleeping in the same bed, etc. It made you realize that the two of you were always more than just friends. You didn't think you could ever even be just friends with Lukas anymore; that time had passed.

But now that kissing was an option, the both of you took full advantage. You were surprised by how much you liked it. You liked how he held your cheek ever so gently like he was cradling you and you felt the world slip away when you kissed him. Nothing else mattered but Lukas when his lips mets yours.

You wondered if he liked it as much as you did. You thought he did. Because now when you two went out to eat, he'd often pull you into the booth to sit right beside him instead of across. And he'd wrap an arm around your shoulders before making out with you; the two of you did that until the food came.

The two of you were insatiable. You wondered with all this kissing in public that people would find out. But the media was not intense at all in Sweden and no paparazzi had ever followed you around; you were the least interesting Roy so you could get away with kissing him in a restaurant without it getting back to the States.

You had been adamant with Lukas that you wanted their relationship kept secret until the deal went through. He had argued with you about it but you got your way.

"I don't want my family to know yet...that I'm dating you," you had started to smile just saying that you were dating him.

"Why not?"

"I know my siblings won't like it but I don't know how my father will react," you explained. "What if he ends the deal because of us?"

"Then he can end the deal. I don't give a fuck," he argued.

"Yes, you will. You'll be mad at me," you replied.

"I'd never be fucking mad at you. You're being ridiculous," he said. "Let's just tell them."

"No," you huffed, going cold and turning on your side in bed away from him. You grabbed a book off the nightstand and started to read it, ignoring him.

Lukas gained pointed eyes. You were so damn stubborn. You could not be persuaded when you got like this. It reminded him acutely of your father and the cold persona. He wondered if you knew how alike the two of you were.

He sighed and he didn't see you start to smile as you heard it.

"Fine," he relented. "I'll be a fucking secret. I don't like it but whatever."

You turned back to him with a wide grin once you got your way before pecking him on the lips, "Thank you."

And you huddled closer to him, snuggling your head against his chest as you muttered, "Love you."

He shook his head at how his frustration completely melted away. He wrapped his arms around you before kissing the top of your head softly.

And you did have this paranoid fear that Lukas would be mad at you. Your father would be livid over the two of you and break off the deal. You were sure of it. And Lukas would resent you for it no matter what he said. You couldn't handle that. You couldn't handle losing Lukas; the mere thought of it made you feel panic.

But Lukas agreed and it was kept secret. No one knew you were dating Lukas. Well, besides a couple of people at Gojo like Oskar but you trusted them. But then apparently his mother had found out and came to Stockholm.

You had been in bed with Lukas one morning. The two of you were kissing lazily when he got a text. He checked it and his immediate response was an expletive.

"Fuck."

"What is it?" you caressed his cheek in worry.

"It's, uh...my mother is here. Right now."

"Oh. Do you want me to meet her?" you questioned.

"No," he exclaimed immediately which made your eyes widen. "Just stay here. She'll...she'll get into you. I don't want her to hurt you."

"Okay," you frowned a bit but he kissed you quickly which made you smile a bit.

Then he scrambled out of bed and quickly put on his clothes. He left you in bed and you decided to get up to take a bubble bath. Since he wanted you to stay in the room, you decided to use his en-suite to take a long, relaxing bath.

His mother must've left before you were done because Lukas entered and he formed a small grin at the peaceful look on your face, "You look like you're about to fall asleep."

"It feels nice," you hummed before you glanced at him. "How did things go with your mother?"

"Annoying," he stated as he leaned against the bathroom counter with his hands in his hoodie.

His mother had a million questions about you. She couldn't stop pestering him. But he did not tell her your age. How young you were. He knew that once his mother learned that little tidbit that she would not like you. She would say something to hurt you and he refused to let that happen.

You grinned a bit, "She can't be that bad."

"She's bad."

You chuckled a bit before sighing and standing up out of the tub. You were surprised when Lukas moved into action and grabbed your towel before wrapping it around you as you stepped out. You gave him a small smile as you pulled the towel tighter around you.

He gazed at you intensely before he called, "Ella."

You hummed absentmindedly as you dried the ends of your hair with another towel. His silence made you look up in question.

He swallowed, "It's, uh, nothing. Forget it."

You furrowed your eyebrows but nevertheless agreed, "Okay."

And life moved forward with you dating Lukas. Two weeks had passed since you first began dating and the thought still made you giddy. It made you blush and smile. You were happy whenever you thought of Lukas or were with Lukas. It was like Lukas contained all the dopamine that was supposed to be in your brain.

But neither of you had been able to visit for a week. You had started to feel sick. You were throwing up in the mornings and you just felt like crap all day. You barely had the energy to talk to Lukas. You had told him you were sick and he had sweetly sent you flowers along with your favorite set of chocolates.

But something else had started to occur as well. Your breasts started to ache. You didn't think anything of it until you massaged them one day to try to relieve it when the realization of what it all meant came to you in an instant.

You felt dread as you thought about it. But you had to be sure. So you went and picked up three separate tests and took all of them. They were all positive.

You were pregnant.

Even though it was nighttime, you had immediately booked it to the airport. You had your assistant cancel everything for tomorrow before you boarded your jet to go see Lukas. On the plane ride, you were researching pregnancy on your phone. You felt overwhelmed.

Lukas knew you were coming. You had texted him and said you needed a car to pick you up. He was surprised that you were coming in the middle of the night but he wasn't going to complain. He just gave you what you needed.

When you got there, he questioned with a small grin, "What the fuck are you doing here?"

You didn't even answer. You just grabbed him, making him hunch over before you kissed him. You needed to kiss him right now and feel reassured. You needed to feel like it was them against the world.

When you had calmed enough, you let him go and he breathed heavily, "Wow. Fuck."

He grinned, "So you really missed me?"

"We need to talk, Lukas," you said and your voice was grim.

"Okay," he said slowly, feeling whiplash.

You brought him to the living room. He sat on the couch while you paced the floors back and forth. You felt like you couldn't say it. You were too nervous.

"It's...it's a guy, isn't it?" Lukas believed the worst. "You found someone else, didn't you? If you're gonna leave, just fucking say it."

"What? No," you immediately halted at the accusation. "I'd never leave you."

"Then..."

"I'm pregnant."

"Oh," his eyes widened before he bit his lip with a grin.

You started to pace again as you rambled, "I researched on the plane and the pill is only 99% effective. You probably didn't know that."

"But I'm pregnant now through a 1% chance. I mean, that's crazy. At first, I thought, that I was too young to be pregnant. But then I learned that the advanced maternal age is 35. Did you know that? And then I thought, you know, that I'm not too young at all. And that it's okay because I'm having a baby with the love of my life. I always wanted to have a lot of babies, too..."

"Did you just call me the love of your life?" Lukas was smiling.

"What else would you be?" you furrowed your eyebrows. "I'd never want to be with anyone else."

"Never?"

"Never," you said before you approached him and then straddled him on the couch. "So do you want a baby?"

"With you, yes."

You blushed and smiled before he placed a hand over your stomach, "You're sure you're pregnant?"

"I took three tests. Yes."

"Three?"

"Yes, three. What if the first two had been false positives?"

He smiled in amusement at your paranoid thoughts before he asked, "And this, uh, future with a lot of babies. How many are we talking about?"

"I don't know. Maybe five. Maybe more," you mused before you smiled. "As many babies as you want to give me."

You never really knew why you always pictured yourself with a lot of kids. You supposed that you always thought that bigger families seemed happier in your head. If there were more kids, there was more love and you wanted a lot of love in your life.

"But do you want a lot of kids though?" you frowned as you worried he wouldn't want what you wanted.

"I want whatever you want, Ella," he promised. "Whatever you fucking want. It's yours."

You covered his mouth with your hand, "You really need to work on the language with a kid on the way."

He took your hand and kissed your fingertips as he spoke softly, "Ja."

You smiled happily before you muttered, "I love you."

And then you stole his breath when you kissed him again. Your fingers threaded through his soft blond hair and his hands crawled over you. His lips felt scalding on yours and even more so when they moved to your neck, creating hickeys. You tilted your head up to give him more access before he started to lift your shirt up. You lifted your arms to help him peel it off of you and you were left in your bra. And that night the two of you repeated the same act that got you in trouble in the first place.

[azzie89]

Gravity-Chapter Nine

(A Lukas Matsson Fanfic)

Chapters: One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven, Eight, Nine

Warnings: smut (18+), reader is in deep denial

You thought your detox from Lukas was going well. You didn't have sex with him...for two weeks. You had convinced yourself that it was sex you had gotten attached to, the benefits and not Lukas himself. So you completely ignored the way you smiled instantly each time he called you or texted you. You did not have feelings for Lukas. You did not.

Whenever he visited, you were good. You kept to your rule. You placated Lukas by giving him a blowjob but you didn't have actual sex with him. But after two weeks of not feeling him inside you, you were starting to feel...desperate.

You kept pushing down the feeling. But then you decided it was normal to want sex. So you bought a dildo and tried it out. It did not satiate you. It wasn't real and you felt like you needed a physical body. You needed a connection. There was just no feelings involved and it killed any pleasure you felt.

You wondered if there was something wrong with you in that regard. You had never been able to get off when you touched yourself either because you had started to do that as well. But everything did nothing. You just kept thinking of Lukas and how happy he made you. It made you want him more.

And after two weeks, Lukas came to visit you. Lukas went to throw something away but you remembered that you had thrown the dildo away in the trash. You practically leaped in front of him and grabbed the food wrapper he went to throw away.

"I can do that!" you panicked as you ripped it away violently from him and barely opened the trash can to stuff the wrapper into it.

There was no way he saw anything and you felt a bit proud. But then you realized the position you had put yourself in. You had squeezed yourself between him and the kitchen counter. And you felt him pressed up against you including the growing erection against your ass. You swallowed.

You ever so slowly turned your head to the side. Then you hesitated before you glanced at him. It took only one look into his heated blue-eyed gaze before you relapsed.

With that one look, it was like they spoke in silent tongues. It was ever so obvious what they were saying. I want you. And things escalated so rapidly as they moved in tandem.

You were pushing down your skirt and he was pushing down his pants. You were both fumbling with your clothes so quickly. You didn't even remove your underwear. He just bent you over and moved them to the side before pushing into you.

And you let him fuck you that day. You couldn't help it. It was like a need. You reasoned that it was okay to relapse. Every addict relapsed at least once, right?

_____

But then it happened again. It was only a day later and it happened. It was at a club. You were at the bar getting another drink when a tall, handsome man (your own age) sidled up next to you as he announced, "Whatever drink you want, it's on me, beautiful."

"Oh," your eyes widened as this man sidled up really close to you before you smiled not realizing what this man wanted. "That's really nice. Thank you."

Lukas suddenly appeared, placing his hand on the small of your back, and smiled cruelly, "Find a different girl to give your fucking charity to, ja?"

Your eyes widened and you were going to chastise him for being rude. The man stepped back, lifting his hands, "Sorry, man."

Before you could say anything, Lukas whisked you away. He was rushing quickly like a man starved and you were forced to follow with his arm around your waist. Then finally Lukas pulled you into a single-stall bathroom and locked the door. As soon as the door closed, he pushed you up against it.

"Lukas, what are you..."

All words died once you felt his hand between your legs under your dress. He started circling your clit through the thin cloth on your underwear. You let out a gasp. And he played with it ever so slowly. It was torture as he built you up.

Nearing your peak, he commanded, "Tell me to fuck you."

You stared at him desperately as his fingers stopped. You hesitated to say it. The rule lingered in your brain but you needed him like you needed water. You nodded.

"Please," you muttered. "Please have sex with me."

The effect was instant. He pushed your panties down to the floor and you stepped out of them. He hiked your skin-tight dress up to your chest, revealing your breasts. You weren't wearing a bra and they hardened as they were exposed to the cold air and his gaze.

Then he lifted you up and you wrapped your legs around him. He took your arms and placed them above your head, pinning them there with one hand. With the other hand, he pulled his dick out. He stroked it for a moment before lining himself up and sliding into you, slow and steady.

Just when you thought he'd move, he stayed still. You tried to rock your hips against him but his own kept yours pinned. You were confused and you gave him a pout. But his gaze was steady on yours; his blue eyes were all stormy and dark. You couldn't tell what he wanted from you.

"Tell me you're mine, Ella," he uttered.

Despite being desperate, you were being honest, "I'm yours, Lukas. I'm all yours."

And then he fucked you against the door of a public bathroom so completely you felt as if you'd gone to another dimension. When he was done with you, he had filled you with so much of his cum that it was dripping between your legs and onto the floor. His mouth attached itself to one of your breasts as you panted, coming down from the high. He worshipped you.

And you felt like a such a whore with your panties gone and your tits out as he used your body for all it was worth. There was also the fact that you wanted him again. You felt an ache between your legs like he left the imprint of his cock inside you and you couldn't help but want him to fill you again to remove that ache, that need.

It was why you attacked him again in the limo on the way home. And then again when they got to your apartment; they didn't even make it to the bedroom. They barely made it inside the door as you had glued yourself to him in the elevator.

You were now laid on the floor of your apartment right inside the door. You panted after he had his way with you. Again.

"I can't believe we fucked on the floor," you commented.

He chuckled before he teased, "Such naughty language, princess."

You blushed and began to think this detox was harder than you thought.

_____

You relapsed one more time. You had woken up one morning with Lukas. You had woken up first with your back pressed against his chest. You could feel his morning wood poking into your ass and you bit your lip before you rubbed your ass slowly against the bulge.

You heard him let out a small groan. You quickly closed your eyes and pretended to be asleep. You wiggled your ass just slightly to make him think you were just moving in your sleep and he grunted. You did it again and he let out a groan, "Ella."

You couldn't help but grin at his frustration. He had propped himself up with his elbow and he looked down at you to see that smile. He blinked in surprise before he started to tickle you, "You are such a fucking tease."

You giggled as you opened your eyes, "No, Lukas!"

You squirmed in his hold as you laughed. You ended up on your back with him hovering over you before he stopped. You slightly panted but you both shared soft smiles. And Lukas was gazing down at you before he caressed your cheek ever so gently.

You were transfixed before he placed a lingering kiss on your cheek. Then a kiss on your jaw, on your neck, on your collarbone. Then you were removing the sleep shirt you wore and it had turned into sex.

But it was different this time. His thrusts were soft and slow and it felt like he was making love to you. You were in ecstasy over it. And right after you came, so did he. It was like the two of you were in sync with each other.

Then he did something he had never done before. He kissed you. It wasn't on your cheek or on your jaw or on your neck, it was on your lips.

You were frozen against him before you panicked. You quickly moved out from under him and sat on the edge of the bed, putting your shirt back on. You breathed out, "You can't do that, Lukas."

"So I can fuck you but I can't kiss you?" he argued.

"No, you can't. Because we're just..." you denied before your voice dipped down to almost a whisper. "...casual."

He clenched his jaw, "Right."

You glanced at him. His eyes were a bit pointed and his jaw was tight. He couldn't be hurt, could he? You must've been imagining things.

_____

Only a week later, you were in Sweden. Lukas had been encouraging you to submit your art pieces to galleries. You finally did to one in New York. You got the call that it was accepted when you were lounging at his house while he was at work. You had booked it over to the high-rise in excitement.

"Lukas," you called excitedly as you rushed into his office that always had all the blinds down because he liked his privacy; he absolutely hated being watched. "They accepted it. You were right..."

Your rambling halted as you realized he was on the phone and you frowned, "Sorry."

He held up a finger signaling you to wait before he called, "Oskar!"

Oskar came rushing into the room and Lukas handed him the phone, "Finish this call."

Lukas directed Oskar with a few words in Swedish. Then Oskar was leaving the office as he started to talk to whoever it was on the phone call.

"You didn't have to do that," you stated nervously. "I could've waited."

"No," he disagreed with a grin as he leaned against his desk. "No, you're too pretty to be made to wait."

"Lukas," you blushed as you chastised.

He chuckled before he switched topics, "So what were you saying when you came in?"

You immediately beamed and practically attacked him in a hug as you ran to him, "My art piece got accepted!"

He held onto you as you hugged him with yours arms wrapped around his neck. Your feet were dangling and he didn't let go of you as he smiled with his lips against the side of your head, "I told you."

You blushed again, "I know."

You held onto him for a long moment. You were happy. You didn't want to let go. Something about being in his arms felt right and perhaps that's why when you started to pull away, you pecked him on the lips.

Your eyes widened and you pushed away from him, dropping to your feet as you avoided his gaze, "Sorry. I'm sorry. We're casual and I shouldn't..."

"We don't have to be," he stated so simply and your words halted.

He stepped closer to you, looking down at you intensely as he pleaded with you, "Ella, I want to be able to kiss you. Let me kiss you."

You took deep breaths as your heart raced. You avoided his eyes and instead chose to stare at his chest. It took a long moment before you were able to speak; he had rendered you absolutely speechless. The hope that ballooned in your chest was too much; you didn't want to speak on it and have it be crushed.

"But...don't you want to kiss Ebba, though?" you questioned and you heard him mutter what but you kept on rambling. "You wouldn't want to kiss me anyways because I'd be bad at it and..."

He tilted your head up to look at him which made you pause and he was grinning in amusement, "You're being silly."

"I'm not."

"You are," he argued. "Ella, I want you to be mine. Do you get that? I don't fucking care about anyone else. Certainly not fucking Ebba. Just you. Only you. But I need you to tell me what you want?"

You swallowed before you spoke, "If I let you kiss me, we'd have to be dating. You'd have to date me...."

You avoided his eyes again as you fumbled with your hands and started to ramble, "You probably don't want to do that. It'd be understandable. I mean..."

"Yes. Done. Deal," Lukas interrupted eagerly before he placed his hands on your cheeks and kissed you.

It took you a moment before you let your eyes flutter close. And you really let him kiss you this time. Your lips molded with his slowly and the butterflies you felt were like a whole damn zoo. Each kiss was a long, deep kiss that had you holding your breath and by the time he was done with you, you were breathing heavily and your lips tingled. It was like his lips were the match that lit fireworks in your veins.

And you were a bit dizzy. You had fisted his shirt in your hands to keep yourself steady. You felt like your legs were going to collapse. It was like you were starting to melt when he kissed you.

He let you breathe as he pressed his forehead against yours. His arms were wrapped around you and one of his hands played with the strands of your hair as you recovered. You ran your palms up his chest before wrapping your arms around his neck.

You breathed, "I have conditions, you know."

He smiled in amusement, "Okay. Hit me."

"We're exclusive," you pressed as you stared into his eyes.

He nodded, agreeing, "And?"

"Well, I guess it was just the one," you blushed a little bit.

He chuckled before he lifted you up and you wrapped your legs around him. He brought you to his desk and set you down on the edge.

You smiled as you blurted out your thoughts as they came to you, "This is so nice now. I don't have to go on my detox from you anymore. That made me really sad."

"Your what?"

Your eyes widened a bit but you quickly placed your hands on his cheeks and silenced any questions with a kiss. The two of you continued to kiss until his next meeting and then he took you home where he kissed you senseless for the whole entire day.

[azzie89]

Gravity-Chapter Eight

(A Lukas Matsson Fanfic)

Chapters: One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven, Eight Warnings: smut (18+)

You woke up in his bed. You barely even slept mostly because the two of you wouldn't stop like bunnies. But you were awake now and you were pressed up against his side as he slept soundly with an arm wrapped around you tightly.

You couldn't stop staring at him. You didn't want to look away. You felt irrevocably attached to him and even more attracted to him than you were before. You ran your fingers lightly over the scratch marks on the sides of his hips.

You left your fair share of marks on him. Your nails had scraped his skin so many times and you had mumbled sorry consistently. Then there was the bite mark on his shoulder; you had been kissing the skin there and then when an orgasm hit you, you just...bit down. You didn't know what came over you and why you had the urge to do so. You supposed because some part of your brain wanted someone to be yours just as much as you were theirs. But Lukas was not yours.

Your mind quickly scrambled away from that thought as you thought of all the marks Lukas left on you. You were covered in hickeys and the shape of handprints were imprinted onto your thighs. You were covered in traces of him...and you liked it. It felt like physical evidence that you mattered; and with the way you remembered his lips touching your skin, you felt scorched and on fire. Alive. You mattered.

As you ran your fingers over the scratch marks again, he stirred and a small chuckle escaped him. He immediately grabbed your hand as he blinked his eyes open with a small sheepish grin, "That tickles."

"Sorry," you mumbled.

His bright blue haunting eyes were on you now and you felt butterflies. You couldn't help but press a kiss to his chest over his heart. He turned onto his side to face you. His fingers caressed the skin of your cheek before he leaned over slightly to place a lingering kiss on your forehead. Then he just stayed running his thumb over your cheek and you huddled a bit closer to him even though you were already pressed against him.

"Lukas," you called after a few peaceful moments.

He hummed in response.

You hesitated before you asked, "This is casual, right? So...we can do this again?"

He stared at you for a moment and his thumb paused. Casual. He didn't like it but he would take what he could get from you.

He sighed, "Yes."

You grinned a little bit and he felt...warm. It was a whole body thing like every cell in his body finally felt the sun for the first time. It happened every time you smiled at him when he did something to make you happy. You were absolutely fucking him up.

Then you bit your lip as your smile turned mischievous. You hiked your leg up over his hip to press your mound against his bulge.

"Ella," he uttered in a strained tone.

"Can we do it again then?" you asked and you started to rub yourself against him. "Please."

"Yes. Fuck," he groaned a bit before reaching between them to line himself up with your entrance and sliding into you. You moaned as he filled you up. He then placed his hand behind you on the bed to steady himself as he started to fuck you, thrusting into you with reckless abandon.

Your eyes got this glazed over look just by him entering you. He was spurned on by it. He was honestly confused how it didn't hurt for you. Every other woman he'd been with hadn't ever been able to take him for too long because it hurt too much but here you were, begging him to keep fucking you.

He kissed you then on the corner of your mouth. He did it repeatedly in the night. It was something you didn't read into; it allowed you to still believe it was casual. But it satiated him to just get a small taste of your lips.

He wondered if it would be your first kiss when he would ever get to kiss you. It turned him on that you hadn't been touched ever by anyone else. You only knew his hands and his lips and that perfect little virgin hole only knew his dick. You were his. All his. He'd never let you go now. He'd never let anyone else fuck you.

Just thought of anyone else knowing what you felt like made him sick to his stomach. Or even knowing all the little sounds you made. How you cried. And you were so pretty when you cried, moaning his name as tears fell down you cheeks. Yes, you were his now. You were his Ella. He wanted you to be his. He needed you to be.

______

Your father was hosting a networking event at his penthouse in New York. It involved a whole host of top leaders across multiple industries. Your father did it every year. It always seemed to you like a bunch of guys getting together for drinks and patting themselves on the back.

It didn't really matter to you but your father wanted you there. He had actually called and asked for you. So you were flying into New York for this. And then you found out Lukas would be attending.

It seemed obvious there was something about the deal that needed to get ironed out. You had wondered if your father wanted you to work on the details with Lukas but he never asked. He had merely engaged you in small talk for a little bit at the beginning before leaving you alone.

"So you're doing well?" Logan had asked after he gave you a small hug.

"Yes, Dad. I'm fine," you smiled a bit, happy that he hugged you. "I'm well, I mean."

"Good," he squeezed your shoulder. "That's good, Ellie."

Then he left you alone but you were quite bright that he acknowledged you. Lukas had arrived a bit later when nearly everyone was there already. It had been two weeks since you'd last seen him, since you'd slept with him. And you couldn't help your feet from carrying you over to him.

"Hi," you said a bit nervously as your heart pounded.

"Yeah. Hey," he replied as looked around while chewing the gum he had. "It's a bit crowded, uh?"

You didn't really notice. You were only staring at him. You really needed to stop it. You forced your gaze to move away from him.

"Hi, Oskar," you smiled politely as you noticed him.

"Little Ella," he greeted with a voice that was a bit loud and pulled you into a side hug, making you smile even wider.

Lukas clenched his jaw. He didn't like that someone else could hug you but he couldn't. It would draw too much attention if he hugged you; make people suspicious.

Then your eyes found someone you hadn't met before. Lukas introduced the two of you.

"Uh, right. My head of comms. Ebba," Lukas stated plainly.

Before you could even say hi, Lukas was whisking you away. You just waved cutely instead. He placed a hand on the small of your back before ushering you forward, "But let's get a drink, ja?"

"That was rude," you said once they reached the drinks table.

"No," he disagreed with a small, persuasive grin. "I can't want you all to myself?"

You floundered for a response as you blushed a little and answered quietly, "I suppose."

He hummed in content before one of the people, a CEO of something you were sure, started to talk to Lukas. It allowed you to stare at Lukas without regard. You started to think of the last time you'd seen Lukas and you heated up.

Once he was done talking, you reached up on the tips of your toes and whispered to him. You were short so even though you were on the tips of your toes, you still couldn't whisper in his ear. You could only whisper in his general direction.

"I'm on the pill now," you uttered with excitement.

He had tilted his head down a bit to listen to you while looking out at the crowd. He paused in chewing his gum once the words left your mouth and his eyes shot to you. He could not believe you had the nerve to say this to him in a crowded room, especially, a room that belonged to your father.

He shook his head, "Hjärtat, you're going to get me in trouble."

Before you could respond, your father had made himself known, "Matsson. Glad you could make it. What do you think?"

"Sir," he straightened and nodded his head. "It's a, uh, nice place you got. Very nice. Trying to get this one here to give me a tour."

You furrowed your eyebrows at what exactly Lukas was up to.

"It seems my daughter has forgotten her manners," Logan said before his casting his gaze upon you. "He's a new guest. Give him a tour."

You nodded obediently, "Of course, Daddy."

Logan left the two of you alone and Lukas muttered quietly with a smirk, "Daddy?"

"Shut up," you blushed.

But you did as your father said. You gave Lukas a tour. You went from room to room showing him around. You seemed to genuinely think that he had wanted one. He just wanted to get you upstairs and alone.

Finally, they did. It was your father's study and as you walked into the room, you didn't notice Lukas had closed the door and locked it. You just went on rambling as you walked inside and stopped in front of the desk. Then Lukas placed his hands on your hips and your ass was against his crotch. All yours words halted.

He moved your hair to the side before kissing your neck. You practically melted against him as he muttered huskily against your skin, "Let me fuck you."

"Someone could walk in," you argued.

"I locked it."

"Oh."

"Bend over," he demanded and you practically did so automatically, eagerly. Your heart was racing in anticipation, in desire.

You bent over the desk where your father frequently worked. You had your head turned to the side and pressed against the wood. Maybe it should've bothered you but it did not. You just wanted to be fucked.

Lukas pushed up the sweater dress you were wearing to just over the swell of your ass. He tugged your panties down to your knees before pushing his sweatpants to reveal his erection. He went to enter you but you had stopped him.

"Shouldn't you wear a condom?" you asked.

"You're on the pill," he defended.

Was the pill really that effective? You didn't know. You did take Plan B last time but this was different. Clearly he thought it was good enough and you trusted him.

"Oh."

And he slid into you erasing any and all thoughts about birth control in your head. You moaned before you felt him place his hands on your ass, squeezing affectionately as he let you adjust.

"This will have to be quick," he stated.

You only mumbled a small plea, "Not too quick."

And you gasped as he started to thrust. It was so fast and so rough. The air was filled with the lewd sounds of skin slapping against skin. The desk rattled and pens fell to the floor from the force of his thrusts against you. You orgasmed so quickly and then another and another in rapid succession. It was like one perpetual never-ending orgasm.

And felt Lukas spill into you making you mewl. But his dick was still hard so he kept plunging into you. He was so turned on by the fact that he had you bent over the desk of your own father. And he was even more turned on by the fact that you could possibly get pregnant. He wanted you pregnant. He wanted you forever tied to him.

Lukas spilled into you three times before he softened. He kept his dick inside you for a couple of moments as you both breathed heavily. Then he pulled out and quickly tugged your underwear back up to catch the cum that started to leak out.

Your legs were a bit tired and shaky as you straightened and fixed your dress, flattening it back down. You turned to him after he had fixed himself and pulled his pants back up. You wobbled a little bit.

He grinned at that before he stepped towards you, kissing your forehead, "You okay?"

You nodded before snuggling your head against his chest and muttered, "Love you."

He had practically froze. You didn't understand why. Of course, you loved him. He was your best friend. Your only friend.

Lukas felt his chest tighten once he heard those words. He swallowed. He wanted to hear them again.

"Can we stay up here for a little while before we go back down?" you asked, mumbling into his chest.

It took him a moment to respond and his voice was ever so soft, "Yeah. Of course. Anything. Anything you want."

You smiled before letting him go. You decided to finish the tour with him and make sure your legs actually worked right. When they were going back down, he noticed a door that you hadn't opened.

"What's in here?"

"Uh...it used to be my room," you revealed; you had been the only one out of your siblings that ever lived here. The penthouse had been something your father moved into when all your other siblings moved out but because you were still young, you were still under his roof and were the only one to have a room here.

"What? I can't go in there?"

"No," you denied him access as you blushed. "Please, don't."

You didn't want him to go in there and see the many posters on your wall. You had a thing for blonde celebrities. Lukas was exactly your type and you didn't want him to know that. It was embarrassing.

"Okay, okay," he chuckled.

You switched subjects and pushed at his chest, "You should go down first."

"You sure?"

You nodded.

He grabbed your hand and kissed your fingertips. Your heart skipped a beat and butterflies erupted. Then he left you in the hallway with a stupid smile on your face to go downstairs like you wanted him to.

_____

Lukas was downstairs in the crowd with Oskar and Ebba. He was joking around with Oskar and he saw Ebba roll her eyes at the two of them with a frown.

"Oh, I'm sorry. Are you not having any fun?" Lukas teased.

"Fun? Oh, yeah, it's totally fun to get dragged here just so you can get your dick wet," Ebba said.

Lukas grinned, "Ooh, is somebody jealous?"

"You wish I was, Lukas."

"No but it's fun how it bothers you," he chuckled. "You're all prickly."

"Fuck you, Lukas," Ebba huffed.

"But you already did," he smiled like a shark as he mocked.

You had finally come down from upstairs. You were in the crowd and you could see Lukas joking around with Ebba, teasing. Smiling. He seemed carefree about it and you were hit with an ache in your chest.

You rubbed at it but it just seemed to get bigger the longer you watched. It was a sort of strange stabbing feeling and then you realized: the interaction hurt you. You were jealous.

And that could not be so. You could not have feelings for Lukas. They were casual. And it was so obvious why they were now.

It was obvious why he never made it known he wanted something more. Because you were just a placeholder. As you watched, you realized you and Ebba had similar names. You both had dark hair and bangs. You imagined she was even smarter than you were. You realized that he wanted Ebba and not you.

And it hurt so terribly.

You realized that you had gained feelings for Lukas. How could you be so blind? You would have to bury those. You decided you would cut off the sex with Lukas. You would purely be friends and he would be free to be with the girl he really wanted.

Of course it wasn't you. No one ever wanted you. Not even your own family wanted you. How could you have deluded yourself into thinking Lukas wanted you? He was just a guy and he wouldn't turn down sex. But he didn't really want you. Why would he?

You weren't special. You weren't interesting. You probably bored him. You felt like crying. But you refused to cry over something that was casual. Why were you so weak and pathetic? It was stupid to feel the urge to cry over something that wasn't even real.

Why were you so stupid? Even Roman had called you that.

And maybe you were stupid but you'd be strong in the face of it. You would not cry. By the time you left, you'd made yourself so incredibly numb you thought you wouldn't feel anything even if someone had pinched you.

_____

You were at your apartment in New York. You were going back to London tomorrow. You had just taken a shower and were in a towel when you answered the door to find Lukas.

His eyes raked over you and you couldn't help but like it. But be excited that he liked how you looked. But apparently there was someone he liked looking at more.

"Hey," you managed a small smile as you let him in.

"Hey, cutie," he grinned and your stomach completely flipped at the nickname. You kept cool and merely blinked at the nickname before turning away from him.

You made your way to the kitchen to get a glass of water. His steps haunted yours and his fingers immediately took their place caressing shapes into the small of your back that was completely bare. You shivered and he chuckled. You flushed red.

Once you were in the kitchen, he wrapped his arms around you from behind you. He muttered against your ear, "Since we're both stuck in this city tonight, I figured we could stay stuck together, you know. I mean, if you want. Is that okay?"

He was asking to stay tonight. You swallowed and said nonchalantly, "Okay."

He grinned and he kissed the side of your head. Then he nuzzled his nose against your neck before he started to kiss the water droplets off your skin as he blazed a trail down your neck. And when he cupped your breasts through the towel, squeezing, you could not help but let out a low moan.

Lukas then started to tug at your towel which gave you some clarity. No sex with Lukas. You moved forward, away from his hold as you readjusted the towel around you, tightening it after it had loosened.

You repeated the rule in your head as you uttered, "I don't...I don't want to have sex tonight."

You muttered an excuse, a lie, "I'm sore."

You felt his presence behind you as he stepped towards you. You felt his hands on your shoulders as he started to massage them and you sighed a bit before he said in concern, "Did I hurt you?"

You shook your head.

"Ella, look at me."

You turned your head to the side and looked at him for a moment, "No, you didn't hurt me. I...I just meant in general. Like I'm tired."

"Alright," Lukas nodded. "Well, we can just sleep then. Does that sound okay? I like...sleeping next to you. It's the only time I can fucking get any sleep, you know...."

Lukas was rambling. About you to you. You felt like you were going to hyperventilate. Why was he saying these things? Did he mean any of them?

"Ella," he seemed to notice the change in your state.

You breathed out, "That sounds okay."

He smiled before scooping you up, making you gasp. He held you bridal style before carrying you to your bedroom and setting down on the bed. He went to climb in with you but you stopped him.

"Wait, Lukas," you hesitated. "I...I wanted a glass of water."

"Okay," he nodded before he caressed your cheek with a wide grin. "Anything, Ella. Anything you want. It's yours. I'll get you anything."

You thought his pupils looked really dilated. Was he high? You furrowed your eyebrows before placing your hand over his on your cheek and smiling politely, "Okay. Thank you. But I just want water right now."

"Water," he nodded, looking at you like a puppy, before planting a kiss on your cheek and then leaving the room to get you a glass of water.

He did so.

Then he climbed into bed with you and wrapped his arms around you. You had gotten rid of the towel. It wasn't like he hadn't seen you naked. You decided that this really was okay. You weren't going to have sex with him but if he wanted to look at you and wish that he could, you weren't going to stop him. Because if he wanted to truly be with you, he would say something.

But he didn't.

[azzie89]

Gravity-Chapter Seven

(A Lukas Matsson Fanfic)

Chapters: One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven Warnings: smut (18+)

You did not know about the photo Lukas posted but you certainly found out. It happened when your three siblings that hadn't talked to you in months seemed to remember that you existed. Roman reached out first with a text: so are you actually fucking Lukas now or what?

You were absolutely confused when you woke up in the morning in your apartment alone (since you'd flown back to London) with that text from Roman. You texted him back.

No. I don't know how many times I have to say that

Then Kendall called.

"Kendall!" you smiled excitedly; happy that your brother called.

"Ella, what-what is this shit? What are you doing with Matsson?"

"Don't question her like that," you heard Shiv say. "Let me talk to her."

Then Shiv was on the line and you could tell she was smiling as she called you by your nickname, "Hey, Ellie."

"Shivvie," you called her by her own nickname you gave her when you were little.

"You're quite popular today."

"Why is everyone asking about Lukas?"

"So it's Lukas, uh?" Shiv questioned, pointing out how you called him by his first name.

"We're friends, why? What does everyone know that I don't?"

"He posted a photo of the two of you on his Instagram. So you're probably gonna be getting a call from dad, too."

"Oh, that's great," you said sarcastically as you started to bite on your nails anxiously.

"So just friends, huh?"

"Yeah, why?" you said cluelessly, furrowing your eyebrows.

Was it that hard to believe you were friends with Lukas? Were you that unlikable that you couldn't even have a friend? Tears stung your eyes a bit at the thought of them thinking that.

"No reason," Shiv accepted it; she knew you were completely oblivious to the opposite sex. "Well, just be careful, alright?"

"Alright," you said slowly.

"I'll talk to you soon, okay?" And then Shiv hung up.

And like Shiv said, you soon got a call from your father. You had to practically convince him you were friends with Lukas. He eventually believed you after a long phone call. You didn't know why everyone had such trouble believing that you could have a friend.

You called Lukas after that and got on to him. You ranted all about your morning and he listened. Then he easily softened you up and your resolve crumbled.

"I am sorry but I'm also like..not sorry," he argued. "Ella, there are zero fucking photos of you. Zero. It's like you don't exist. I wanted people to see you but to also know that you're...with me."

He started to grin, "Because now there's only the one. Me with you, the beautifully elusive Ella."

His voice was a bit teasing at that last part but serious, too. You were blushing by the end and you had a soft smile. You thanked God that this was not a FaceTime call. You sighed, "Okay. Maybe I overreacted. But you need to tell me next time."

You didn't realize you said the words next time until they were already out of your mouth. And Lukas immediately clung onto them as he asked excitedly.

"You're gonna let me take another photo?"

"Well..." his voice just sounded so happy and you gave in. "As long as they're private."

"Private. I promise."

And you never did find out that Lukas thought of you as a real life cinderella.

_____

So you started to take more selfies with Lukas. The privacy clause you made him promise made you feel calm about it. You didn't know that Lukas made one his background photo on his phone.

But you started to feel brave about it and you wanted to experiment. It wasn't anything he hadn't seen before so you felt comfortable with it. You sent him nude photos when you were away from each other.

Lukas couldn't believe that you wouldn't even smile in a simple photo but you'd send him nudes. You didn't make any sense to him but you drove him crazy. And he responded in typical outlandish Lukas fashion. In response to your nude photos, he'd send you photos of his erection.

And in his absence, you tried to get yourself off. You started to touch yourself while looking at the photos of his dick. But the more you tried to get yourself off, the more you wanted it to be Lukas himself. And you could not orgasm so you were always insatiable when you saw him next. (Well, you both were.)

With this little photo game that they were playing, you started to think about having actual sex with him. You wondered what it would feel like, if it would hurt. You even started to have dirty dreams about Lukas. It was getting out of control.

But Lukas was your friend even if your relationship with him was unconventional. Shouldn't your first time be with someone you were dating? Someone you felt romantic feelings for?

You didn't understand that person was right in front of you.

_____

One weekend you went to Sweden. When you arrived the driver that Lukas used picked you up from the airport and you waved cutely. "Hi, Sven."

"Miss Ella, it is always a pleasure to see you," the older and taller man smiled before opening the car door for you.

"Thank you," you replied politely.

When they arrived at the mansion Lukas lived at, Sven opened your door and held out his hand for you to take to help you out of the car. You took it gratefully and thanked him once again.

Lukas was waiting on the porch and he shook his head as you reached him and he took your hand to lead you inside, "All of my staff completely adore you."

You shrugged, "What do you mean? They're just nice."

Lukas noticed that you were so sweet. You were always saying please and thank you. You never cursed. You were always respectful and proper. You got everyone to adore you instantly and you barely noticed.

Even Oskar and Andreas adored you. Oskar called you little Ella quite merrily and you would give him a side hug in greeting. You got people to adore you so effortlessly and you just did not even see it. It was a miracle he even got your attention because of how oblivious you were about everything.

Lukas just shook his head at you.

But that weekend, the two of you had gone out to eat. Lukas had given his chefs the weekend off. You could say he was inspired by you.

It had rained, though. When they got back to the house and inside, he noticed you were smiling.

"Why are you smiling?"

"It's raining," you said like it was obvious.

"This shitty weather is making you smile?"

"Don't say that," you smacked at his chest. "It's beautiful."

He smiled in amusement before taking your coat off your shoulders and hanging it up. Then he wrapped his arms around your waist from behind before he mused. "Your thoughts are so...unique. You're never boring."

"I'm not?"

"No," he hummed.

You leaned back into his solid hold as he kissed the top of your head so softly. You placed your hands over his that rested on your stomach and it felt acutely domestic. Butterflies erupted in your stomach and your blood buzzed. You wanted him.

And that's when you decided it was going to be him. You wanted Lukas to be the first you ever had. Even if you were just friends.

You turned in his hold before staring up at him. Your heart pounded in your chest as you swallowed nervously. You ran your hand up his torso ever so slowly before you stood on your tiptoes to press a kiss to his neck before you trailed a small peppering of kisses down to his collarbone.

"Ella," his voice was a ghost of a whisper in the air as his hands tightened on you.

You started to tug on his hoodie and he lifted it over his head before letting it fall to the floor. You ran your hand up his torso again but this time across his skin. You'd done it so many times but you never grew tired of doing it.

Lukas went to tug on your shirt but you pushed at his chest. Then you grabbed his hand and tugged him along with you. He followed you like a lost puppy with his hunched over stance and biting his lip as he played with the strands of your hair to keep from touching your skin.

You took him to the couch before you turned to him and pushed him onto it. He now sat there with his arms stretched across the back of the couch as he watched riveted while you undressed in front of him. The whole time he could not stop thinking about how perfect you were. It echoed in his thoughts.

When you were bare, you spoke in a firm tone that left no room for question and that Lukas thought was incredibly hot, "I want to have sex with you. Now."

Then you swallowed as you got nervous and started to cover your breasts, "I mean unless you don't..."

He grabbed your hand before you could even finish that sentence and pulled you on top of him. You sat on his lap and he stared at you intensely as he spoke with thinly-veiled desperation, "Yes, Ella. I would very much like to have sex with you."

"It'd be my first time," you said nervously.

"I know," he said in amusement.

"Will it hurt?"

"I'd never hurt you," he promised.

"Okay. I trust you," you said in that gentle quiet tone as you gazed at him with such softness. Trusting eyes. His chest ached.

Ella reached for his pants and started to tug at them. He lifted his hips and tugged them down a bit along with his boxers. His erection sprung out and you gazed at his cock as you chewed on your lip, "Will you even fit?"

"Yes, Ella," he said in amusement.

"Okay."

You placed your hands on his shoulders before you lined yourself up as you straddled him. You lowered yourself down until you felt the tip press against your entrance. You stopped. It felt like an eternity for Lukas but he let you decide. He wanted you to choose this.

Then you finally pressed down and the tip of his cock entered you. You gasped a little bit and your nails dug into his shoulders that you were holding. He groaned at the action and moved his arms from the back of the couch to place his hands on your hips.

It was just the tip of his dick and you felt stretched completely. But now that you felt a part of him, you wanted all of him. You sunk down further on his dick just a little bit and Lukas commented, "You look so pretty taking my dick."

"Want to take...all of you," you mumbled.

"Then take it."

So you sunk further on his dick and it burned the way he stretched you to your absolute max. You panted, "You're so big, Lukas."

"I know. You're doing so good. Good girl. Just a little more. You feel so good for Lukas."

The praise went right to your core and your pussy was so wet around him at this point that you were dripping. You sunk the rest of the way down on his cock, impaling yourself. His cock was buried inside you right to your core and you moaned. Tears left your eyes at how good he felt; you felt dizzy from the rush of the burning, the pining, that flowed through your veins. You felt hot and on fire. You wondered how the room wasn't disintegrating around you.

"You're so fucking tight. Feel so good," Lukas mumbled.

He stayed still while you adjusted to the size of him. One of his hands was drawing shapes on the small of your back while you panted, adjusting. But then the feeling of him inside you started to drive you crazy. You needed him to move, to do something.

Your head lulled to rest against his shoulder, "Lukas, please. Please. I need...I need..."

You didn't know what you needed. You'd never done this before. But you thought you might die if you didn't get what you needed from him. But he knew.

"I know."

He moved you immediately, pushing you onto your back on the couch while he hovered over you. He was still buried inside of you. Then he started to move, sliding his cock out until just the tip remained and then thrusting back in. Soft and slow. He watched, transfixed, as his dick disappeared in and out of you, finally fucking you like he'd wished for since he first met you.

His thrusts hit that spongy spot inside of you and you moaned. He got to a certain pace and rhythm that was quite gentle and you needed more.

"Lukas, I...Harder. Please."

His pace picked up and his thrusts became more brutal. Your moans filled the room and you came so quickly for him. More tears fell down your cheeks as you cried out his name. Your eyes rolled back as you came and your legs quivered from the force of your orgasm.

Your pussy clenched around his dick and it felt so nice; it was like you were floating and you felt so full, so complete. You wondered if you did this all the time that it would just fuck the depression right out of you. Was that a possible treatment option?

"Fuck," Lukas groaned. "You're so fucking tight."

You hummed as he continued to fuck you senseless. You came three more times before Lukas did. He groaned loudly as he rested his head against your chest, pushing into you with a few more sloppy thrusts before you felt it. His warm cum spilled into you and you gave a little mewl at the feeling; it felt nice.

Lukas was panting and he allowed his cock to soften before pulling out of you. Their combined cum started to leak out of you.

"Fuck," Lukas cursed. "Forgot a condom. Are you on the pill?"

You shook your head.

"You'll need to be on the pill."

"So you'll come in me again?" you ran your hands up his chest before leaning up to press a kiss against over his heart as you muttered against his skin. "Liked it."

He shook his head in amusement, "You're so fucked right now."

You bit your lip, "You want to do it again?"

"Yes, fuck," and he sunk his dick back inside of you, making you moan. He sloppily thrusted, getting his dick to harden, before he fucked you into oblivion.

You were sure that you were utterly ruined to anyone else now. It would only be him now. How could it feel this good with anyone else? What a shame you were just friends.