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Gina: Nothing feels better than winning Monopoly. Not love, not sex, not free pizza, nothing! Jake: I’m sorry, have you tried pizza? Gina: Yes, and it doesn’t compare to owning half the board and watching the light die from your friend’s eyes as you take their money and feel your friendship slowly deteriorate.

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Jake: Are you busy? Holt: Yes. Jake: Cool, listen to this.

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*During a game of Hangman* Terry: Nope, there’s no Q. You lose. Jake: Are you kidding me?! You can still add something! Terry: I already added a belt, four earrings and an extra arm! YOU LOSE!

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Jake: *Holds a sign that says "Prom?" outside Amy's window* Charles: OH my God, Yes! Jake: *Yelling up* No, tell Amy! Charles: Amy! I'm going to prom with your lover!

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Jake: Amy! My face is on fire! Amy: Jake! Are you ok?! Jake: Oh yes, I'm fine. I just said that to make sure you'd come in here quickly. Amy: But your face is on fire. Jake: Yes. It's much faster than shaving.

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Gina: 'Person of interest' is almost too flattering. Gina: Like, if the police were to pound on my door and go, 'A man has been murdered in your building and you are a person of interest,' I'd be like, 'Moi? Oh, do go on.'

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Jake: You wanna see how hardcore I am? Jake: *punches wall* Jake: Jake: Take me to the hospital.

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Holt: Everyone, synchronize your watches. Rosa: I don’t know how to do that. Jake: I don’t wear a watch. Gina: Time is a construct.

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unwanteds brainrot levels CATASTROPHIC

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Jake: Last night I had this dream where Shrek was turned into a lady ogre and Fiona was asked if it was cool with her and she said "Yes, I am bi-shrek-ual and I woke up crying.

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Terry: *Locks Jake in the car.* Act like a child, get treated like a child. Jake: What? Isn't it illegal to leave a child locked in a car?

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Jake: Ow! Amy: What’s wrong? Jake: I have this weird pain right above my eyebrow. Amy: It’s called a stress headache. I got my first one when I was four.

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Rosa: *angrily presses Doug Judy against a wall* WHERE'S THE MONEY?! Doug judy: ... Doug judy: Are we about to kiss-