bamstoried

[bamstoried]

I will say of today’s movie news… finally a Hale, what with Peter’s return. At least that’s something.

(Forgive me, I love Malia in a way most people don’t but she is not Hale enough to fulfill that role.)

Though disturbed by that “Derek’s son” news I read? Like how is that possible? Someone tell me I’m delusional, please.

Still don’t think I’ll watch… and that’s saying something considering my crush on Shelley Hennig and how little I get to see her in something.

There’s just nothing worth it yet… ? Why didn’t they try harder? What’s the rush?

[bamstoried]

I do wholeheartedly believe Wes Anderson is a sick sick freak. I like his movies but I definitely think this guy has like a hidden room in his spacious french apartment that he slips into quietly each night and it is just filled with tiny little doll replicas of all the actors he's ever used in any of his movies and he puppets them around and mimicks their voices and shit. and sometimes he'll text Owen Wilson pictures of his little doll with a comb or something from an untraceable number and pair it with like "see how I take care of you Owen?" and then the following day Owen Wilson will find him at the service table and go, "Geez Wes look at this," and Wes will pretend to be all concerned and horrified but there is this calculating almost eager look in his eyes that unsettles Owen Wilson. and the next time Wes is having a little soiree with all his actors, his beloved beloved actors, maybe Owen Wilson will accidentally get lost on his way to the beautiful bathroom and find that little room and see all those dolls and his throat will hitch with horror. And before he can call Bill Murray or Adrian Brody to look a dark silhouette will appear in the doorway and Wes looks sort of resigned when he says, "I see you finally found my secret, Owen," and Owen Wilson will try and pretend that he's fine with it but they both know better. and Wes will go (the look in his eyes back again) "We both know this can't get out, right?" and he'll grin very suddenly and Owen Wilson will laugh along very nervously and leave the room and eat some brioche and when the evening is over he will rush over to his Prius and frantically click his keys but over the cobbles on the beautiful beautiful street there is the sound of footsteps. and tears are running down Owen Wilson's cheeks but he can't say a word and Wes, emerging from the shadows, will gently touch him on the shoulder and say, "look, I'll drive you to the airport, huh?" and Owen Wilson will try to refuse but they both know it's futile. and, halfway through the drive, Wes Anderson will smile and say, "I'll miss working with you" and then perfectly jump and roll out of the car, wiping off his corduroy pants, while Owen Wilson's Prius swerves into a local patisserie, bursting into flames

[bamstoried]

random catra gifs I found that I'm pretty sure I made. whatever, have at em.

[bamstoried]

to be honest there has never been a fictional character i’ve actually wanted to date. like. i want them to date each other. i don’t want myself as a person to be involved in this scenario whatsoever. what would i add to this narratively? what’s my thematic purpose in the narrative? immersion breaking. 

[bamstoried]

I have discovered the truth about chainmail bikinis, and it is imperative those wearing such armor do not think about it too hard or they may inadvertently cross the line between Sexy Hero and Homicidal Pervert.

[bamstoried]

Vampire Bats

We know that bats are the only mammal that can fly, but did you know that vampire bats are the only mammals that feed entirely on blood?

At night groups of vampire bats gather to hunt. They usually hunt sheep, cattle, or horses but have been known to feed on humans as well. The bats drink their victim’s blood for about 30 minutes. They don’t remove enough blood to harm their host, but their bites can cause nasty infections and disease.

Another interesting thing about vampire bats is that they evolved to be able to run. The GIF above shows what their gallop/run looks like. Its used in emergency cases for when they fall since they don’t want to get trampled by their prey.

The common vampire bat is found in the tropics of Mexico, Central America, and South America.

SOURCE

[bamstoried]

i think “guy who thinks another guy is his sworn enemy but the other guy is just normal about it” is one of the better and funnier tropes ever

[bamstoried]

could u imagine if ppl talked about catholicism the same way they talked about like… indigenous ppl’s religions….

[bamstoried]

Among puritan Christians in the 1840s, many believed that material disease was due to material sin. You do bad things and you get sick.

This eventually morphed into the idea that spiritual disease is therefore caused by spiritual sin. I.e. you think bad things, you go insane.

John Harvey Kellogg was an innovator. He sort of blended the two, popularizing a new category; the physiological sin. Eating unhealthy, disrupting the natural balance of the body, is a sin against the natural order of the body as God ordained it, and he punishes us with chronic illness.

[bamstoried]

#what is context

[bamstoried]

these guys were onto something i think

[bamstoried]

The whole “Malia is still mentally a child” thing has always pissed me off. Like, do you know how quickly coyotes mature? She was living in the wild as an adult coyote. I’m sorry to even think about this, but I bet she had sex as a coyote. It one hundred percent makes sense that she’s a sexually active adult when she’s returns to human. Sure she’s lacking in human social skills, but that doesn’t make her a child. She’s been living as an adult for longer than any of her new friends.

Like, I dare you to tell her you still think of her as a child. She would kick your ass and then go fuck a bunch of dudes to prove you wrong. 

[bamstoried]

what is like… the legality of throwing someone into a black hole? is it still murder if they outlive you? you know, because of the time dilation? can you still collect their life insurance, say if you were like, i don’t know, their beneficiary or whatever…? like are they even legally dead, or do you have to like, “post-date” their death certificate? hello? lawyer man? look okay i know this is a free legal consultation but if you’re just going to sit there speechless i really feel like you’re wasting both of our time?

[bamstoried]

Shows that flushed years of character development down the drain

How I met your mother

Game of thrones

The 100

Supernatural

[bamstoried]

I keep hate-reading plague literature from the medieval era, but as depressed as it makes me there is always one historical tidbit that makes me feel a little bittersweet and I like to revisit it. That’s the story of the village of Eyam.

[bamstoried]

when people tell you their theories about your fic

[bamstoried]

One of my favorite parts of the Hunger Games was how, in the beginning, Katniss was jealous amd resentful of the townies for not having to work in the coal mines. Then, over time, she realizes they aren't the true enemy. Then she sees the other district kids as so much better off than she is, because at least they don't come from district 12. But then she realizes they aren't the enemy either. And then she hates the other victors, before realizing they have all been exploited just as much as she has. So the enemy must be the Capitol citizens, who benefit from the exploitation of the districts, right? Wrong again. They are just uninformed and pampered people who have been kept in the dark about the true horrors faced by the rest of the country. Most of them, when push comes to shove, are perfectly willing to help the war efforts.

And slowly, over the three books, all theses separate factions of downtrodden people start to see each other as allies instead of enemies, and that is what propells them to eventual victory over the true enemy, the government that tried to pit them against each other. Just fun, totally fictional things to think about that have nothing whatsoever to do with our current life.