bang-to-my-tan - Tumblr blog

[bang-to-my-tan]

thank you for always being there for us ♡ happy 9 years bangtan ♡ (cr. in source)

[bang-to-my-tan]

Jungkook - Voice Message

"I'm sorry for not being able to be there for you as much as I would like. I'm sorry for being a horrible boyfriend to you. You don't deserve being hidden or being a secret. And as much as I wish I could just show you off to the world, and express my love for you without having to hide it, it's not safe to do so. It's not safe for me, and it's not safe for you."

Tears welled up my eyes as I listened to his voice message. I could literally hear the pain in his voice and it absolutely broke me.

"Some days I wish I didn't have this kind of life, and that I could be free to do whatever I wanted. But that's never going to be the case for me now. It's too late. I'm in too deep. And while a part of me struggles with having to be okay with that, I have a be mature and realize that this is my life now."

My heart sank. It was true. This was his life. I knew that from the day I met him, but having to accept all of the things that came with his lifestyle, hurt a lot more than I thought it ever would. From his extremely busy schedule, to traveling around the world constantly and to be forced to hide our relationship from the world. It was hurtful. But I also knew that it wasn't his fault. He signed a contract that basically would strip him of all his freedom at an extremely early age. He was way to young back then to fully realize the weight and consequences of his decisions.

"Listen, I really hope you know that I would never and have never done anything to hurt you intentionally. Knowing that I've hurt you this much, to the point where you won't even talk to me…"

He paused, as his voice cracked. He took a deep breath.

"Hurts me more than you'll ever know. I hate myself for doing this to you."

I could hear from his voice that he was crying. He sounded distraught. My heart broke hearing him like this. All I wanted to do was just to hug him tight, embrace him and tell him that everything was gonna be alright. Even though I was angry and confused, I always knew that I was never actually angry at him. I was angry at the circumstances of our relationship and all the challenges we faced because of them.

"Listen, I love you more than anything else in the world. There's nothing I want more than for us to work this out together. But you have to be willing to accept what it takes to be with me. As much as I hate saying that, and as much as I wish things weren't like this, this is my life. I can't change that at this point. If you can't accept that, then I have to be okay with that decision as well. Even if the thought of it breaks me, I want you to be happy before anything else. I don't want you to stay with me, if that doesn't make you happy. I only want you to stay with me if it's because you really, really want to. Okay?"

He asked, in an utterly adorable and heartbreaking tone. For some reason I nodded my head, as I cried, even though he wasn't there to see it.

"I'm so in love with you. It's actually insane."

Those words pushed me over the edge, making me full-on sob. Because, my God, was I madly in love with him too.

"Take your time and figure out what you really want. I'm always here whenever you're ready to talk to me. Always here. Goodnight, baby. I love you."

And with that, the voice message ended. I held my face in my hands as I sobbed. I was crying because of how sad he sounded and also because of how confused I was. I wanted to be with him, I wanted to be with Jeon Jungkook, I just didn't want to be with the superstar Jungkook. But I now realized that I can't be selfish thinking that he'll just give up his entire life for me, because he can’t. And he shouldn't. He should be with someone that understands him, someone that loves him unconditionally. I just didn't know if I could be that someone.

[bang-to-my-tan]

[bang-to-my-tan]

[bang-to-my-tan]

[bang-to-my-tan]

[bang-to-my-tan]

[bang-to-my-tan]

[bang-to-my-tan]