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:)

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Scene from my Dragon Age FanComic and FanFic "Whispers of The Past" Collaboration with the amazing @ollypopwrites Please take a read on her AO3!! She has helped me create Dahlia Ingellvar's backstory, and her writing is AMAZING!

I commissioned the amazing @yelenhol for this 2 page comic! I will be framing this. You are amazing!! 💚💚💚

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❤️‍🔥

Hugo belongs to @themournfulwatcher

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Commissions are Open~

Feel free to DM for pricing

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Magical Hands 💚✨

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What’s happening here?

*update on Banka’s life. She is doing ok and almost where she wants to be. Staying positive and strong.

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A smoke break

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I love you @silshinobii You have made my life better since I found you through a mini-collab request, and you have helped me through a lot of my tough moments and given me so MANY amazing advice. I love our friendship and hope one day I get to meet you in person and give you the best hug. You are the sister I wish I had 🖤 I’m happy to have you in my life and I cannot wait to do more collabs of our insane Rooks and Necromancer 💚 (and expand our smut fic list ofc)

You got this! You are an amazing and strong person. You always have me and our little server to vent to and I will always listen and be there for you 🖤 When I am all set, I plan to come visit and we can spend a week of mental health relaxation ✨

There is no expectation to react or respond to this in any shape or form but it's far easier for me to do this where I don't have to look anyone in the eye and lie or pretend to be anything other than functioning and happy. Below the break is nothing but my attempts at airing stuff I keep buried way too deep - no one is under any expectation to read it.

I'm not a happy person. I haven't been a happy person in a very, very long time.

I think that's why I spend so much time on the internet, be it Tumblr, Discord or Ao3. It's easier interacting with people when I don't have to worry that everything I'm saying or doing is being monitored or judged - it's easier existing when people aren't trying to second guess whether I'm having a manic episode or in the middle of a depression low every day.

I was diagnosed with EUPD recently. After years of evaluations and assessments where it was believed I had a form of Bipolar despite a refusal to trial any form of medication and being subjected to round after round of CBT and DBT, it was a relief finally to be given an name for why I have felt so unstable, so unwell, for such a long time.

Don't get me wrong, being labelled as emotionally unstable isn't as fun as it sounds. People still look at me funny when I try to explain why I hide in my flat for days on end without answering the phone. They still say things like, "Are you sure it's not just another mood swing?" or "Have you just tried getting more sleep?". They still get upset when I don't want to go out and socialise in large groups or stay in my office by myself rather than interacting with others.

But I'm at least medicated now.

Mood-stabilisers have done a lot for helping me balance my good days and bad days. They have helped me manage my emotional regulation when I get overwhelmed.

But I still wake up 6 out 7 mornings wishing that I hadn't.

That hasn't gone away and I'm at point in my life now where I have accepted that I don't think it ever will.

For a very long time I didn't believe I was going to make it to 30. Hell, I didn't think I was going to hit 25. Credit for that goes to the two people who refused to be pushed away by my up's and down's and at one point (for almost a year) made sure to check in with me every day, making sure that I was eating, that I had opened my windows and that I had fed my cat.

I know I wasn't grateful for it at the time. I was resentful. Angry. Very unpleasant to be around. But they refused to let me sink.

I will be spending the rest of my life trying to make up for that. I think that is also the reason why I will always be on the other end of the phone or text message or snapchat for anyone that needs it. I will never be able to fully repay my friends kindness but I can and will always do my absolute best to be there for someone else that needs it.

Life is still shit though. I work in an industry where I earn minimum wage with 13 years of experience and for some of the most unnaccepting, least understanding indivudals I have ever had the displeasure of working with.

My relationships with what family I have left are all but non-existant at this point. Parents with their own mental health issues meant I spent most of my childhood raising my younger siblings before then having to care for my father. Now those relationships are toxic and I am on my own for the first time in years.

Life gets more expensive everyday and I have resigned myself to living on a diet of instant noodles after having to reduce my working hours when I had a minor nervous breakdown a few months ago.

I have support with my mental health now which is making a difference although I know that I still have a very long way to go before I can even pretend I feel "normal".

Writing these things down is something I have been encouraged to do and although I don't really know if it will help, I don't know that it could possibly make anything worse.

It has been hard finding things that I enjoy or even have the patience to keep doing and as silly as it feels to say out loud, finding Dragon Age and Emmrich and the mental, chaotic (and slightly disturbed) fandom that came with those two things have made a huge fucking difference.

For the first time in a long time I have had people to chat with - people who have the same interests and obsessions. People who are not bothered by how awkward and backwards I can be sometimes.

For the first time in a long time I now sometimes look forward to waking up because I get to read the comments people leave on the nonsense fic's that I write and laugh in the tags on posts that my favourite blogs/ creators share.

It has also meant that I have been able to find people that I now consider friends (something I haven't felt I have had in a long time) - some of them even my closest friends despite the fact that most of them live on other continents.

I have people that randomly pop up to see how I'm doing after I post something vaguely depressive and people that let me moan and gripe and complain when I have no one else to go to.

I'm still depressed. I'm still unhappy. I'm still unstable.

But it feels nice to be able to say I'm not alone.

If for some ungodly reason you've decided to stick it out and read this to the end... well, then you have my undying gratitude and love and appreciation.

I'm going to finish this with saying thank you to a few people who have made all the difference for me since I started trying to put myself back out on the internet - even if they don't know the impact they have had:

@thepalehorsevictoria - you almost single handidly got me through the slog of finishing Sugar and Spores and I will be forever grateful for your top tier smut advice. (Plus, I love you for giving us Tara and Iris <3)

@ollypopwrites and @razildor - you two brighten my day when I get to lurk and watch you both chat in our chaotic little server. Whether it's sharing teasers of smut or talking about animals or even just simping over our dashing necromancer - I love you both.)

@crimsen-khalessi - we've only been chatting on discord for a month but the fact that you are always happy to read my smut before I post it means the world and I will be forever grateful that you just pop up checking I'm OK.

And saving my main girl for last, @bankabb - you are probably the closest thing I have to a best friend at the moment and the fact that I know I can always message you regardless of whatever godawful hour it is means fucking everything. I love you for putting up with my grumpy ass, for drawing Sable for me and listening to all my unhinged moaning even with everything you have going on. If you didn't live on the other side of the world, I would probably marry you.

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youre not “bad at art” you just need to find a character to latch onto to where you draw them 1 million times and you improve dramatically

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Quick Drawing of Grim Rook!

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Little Update on Banka’s Life:

Hello!

I got a few DMs from my fellow moots on Tumblr and Bsky, and people have been asking when I was going to post another EmmRook smut art. My answer is, SOON.

Currently taking a huge step forward in my life, and Leaving an unhealthy environment. It took a lot of convincing and courage to get to where I am. But I wanted you all to know that I am doing well and so grateful for those who have reached out and given me such great support 🖤

Once I’ve been settled. Expect far more and better EmmRook Smut!!! 🖤🫣🥵

Thank you @silshinobii @farore05 @kirain @themournfulwatcher @razildor @falesiastuff @ollypopwrites 💚✨

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Pinterest Blind Date 🖤💚

Got tagged by @silshinobii

Always getting me involved in all these tags….i love it. This is my first collage, I spent 10 minutes trying to figure it out and finally got it down!!

Rules: rules: pinterest is setting you up on a blind date, search the following and post the results: fictional character, date, gift, outfit, dessert, love quote

Tagging @kirain @farore05 @razildor @falesiastuff @ollypopwrites

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Username Origin Tag

Tagged by my fellow moot @silshinobii 🖤

Funny enough, the name “Banka” was a spelling error.

Originally I had planned to use “Bangka” which is a small wooden boat that’s common in The Philippines. Where I was from before I moved to Michigan. I wanted a name that somehow connected me to home, and the first word that came to mind was “Bangka”.

I did not realize until MONTHS later, that the G was missing..,..🫠 So….I looked up on Google other meanings for the typo “Banka” and luckily enough in translation from Japanese, it means two things, “Elegy” and “Funeral Song.”

Both words connecting to Death in either poem or song 🖤🎶💀

Makes me love the username even more!!

The “bb” added in the end is for cuteness 🫣

Tagging @kirain @farore05 @razildor @themournfulwatcher @thepalehorsevictoria @falesiastuff

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Something for @falesiastuff Kate x Emmrich 💚✨

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This is so beautiful @kirain !!!!!! 😭💚 thank you!!! I love your writing 🥹

Please check out @kirain and her other fics!!! Such a great writer and caring person!

@bankabb A short fic based on your art here. Emmrich breaking into the Fade Prison to save his beloved!

The Fade had never felt like this.

When Emmrich stepped through the Veil, he expected dreams—ethereal colours, strange echoes, wandering spirits. Anything—or perhaps everything—he'd grown accustomed to in his decades of research.

But this place was different.

Ash blanketed the ground like snow, bitter and lifeless. The air hung heavy with cold that sank into his bones, and the gravity felt fractured, shifting beneath his feet like unstable stone. Worse still was the weight that crushed his chest—misery, thick and cloying, radiating from every shadow and broken whisper around him.

This was indeed a prison. Not built with bars, but with sorrow.

Solas' curse.

He turned, hoping for the comfort of the portal's glow—but it was already fraying, green light cracking at the edges like splintered glass.

He didn't have long.

"Dahlia!" he cried, his voice swallowed by the grey mist. "Dahlia, my love, where are you?!"

He moved quickly, the twisted path beneath his boots crumbling with each step. Soon, the ghosts began to appear—not true spirits, but fragments, statues reduced to rubble. One was Neve, tangled in Blight, half her face chipped away. Another was Harding, her stone eyes wide in silent accusation. And then Varric: mouth open in a frozen scream, a blade plunged between his ribs.

Emmrich stopped, clutching his chest as grief surged raw inside him. He could only imagine Dahlia seeing them again and again—fingers pointed, voices warped by rage and loathing, blaming her for their fates. This curse didn't merely trap her. It tormented her.

Condemned her.

"Dahlia!" he shouted again—louder, more desperate. "Darling, please!"

Then he saw her.

In a clearing of shattered memories, she stood like a ghost herself. Motionless. Trembling. Her arms hung at her sides, fists clenched, jaw tight. Her eyes were squinted shut, as though refusing to watch the nightmare around her.

"Dahlia!" Emmrich gasped, running to her, stumbling as the ground quaked underfoot.

The moment he reached her, he pulled her into a fierce embrace, his arms tightening enough to hurt. Her face pressed to his chest, and he sobbed—ragged, uncontrollable. It had been so long. So achingly, unbearably long.

Pure torture.

"You're alive," he rasped, barely able to stay upright. "I thought I'd lost you."

But her arms didn't move. She was paralysed—breath shallow, skin cold. His relief curdled into panic.

"No..." he murmured, pulling back to cup her face. "Dahlia, can you hear me?"

Her eyelids twitched. Lips parted, ever so slightly.

"...You have to leave," she choked. "Before I kill you, too."

"...E-Emmrich?" Her voice was strained, weak, buried under layers of pain.

"Yes. Yes, I'm here, my love! I'm right here!"

"No." He shook his head fiercely. "Don't say that. None of this is your fault."

He tried to summon the portal—reaching out with everything he had—but it wouldn't move. It flickered in the distance, fragile and shredding like cloth.

Not enough time.

"Darling, we need to go," he urged. "Now."

"I can't." Her throat clenched. "I deserve to be here. Everything—everything that happened—it's my fault."

"No," he declared, gently brushing the tears that slid from her still-closed eyes. "Harding knew the risks. Neve knew. Varric knew. This is the gods' doing, not yours. Don't let their sacrifices be in vain."

She flinched, her brows twitching, but the spell held firm.

"Do you think they regretted meeting you?" Emmrich asked softly. "Do you think I do?"

No answer.

"You make lives better, Dahlia, not worse. You made my life better." He leaned in, his voice warm with emotion. "My darling, you gave me something to hold on to. A reason to stay mortal. I... I need you."

Her lips parted, quivering at his words. Her eyelids fluttered once, just faintly.

The portal behind him gave a deafening groan.

It was failing.

"Tell me..." he said, so close she could taste his aftershave. "Do you regret meeting me?"

Her brows furrowed.

"Do you regret this?"

His lips met hers, fervent and true, brimming with all the longing, all the terror, all the love that had swelled in her absence. He kissed her like it was the last chance they'd ever have—each shuddering breath between them sparking fire, every touch igniting a hunger neither could deny.

And then, she responded.

Her fingers gripped his sleeves. Her lips pressed back. Her eyes opened.

Vivid lilac—Maker, how he'd missed it.

When they broke apart, she stared at him, eyes shining with gratitude. "I could never regret loving you," she whispered.

Emmrich smiled—bright, wild—and took her hand. "Come, darling. Let's go. Everyone's waiting for you."

Together, they ran—hand in hand, soul to soul, through the cold and ash and heartbreak, towards the faithful light.

Towards hope.

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I am here, My Love.

What if Emmrich found a way into The Regret Prison and looked for Rook instead of pulling them out? And if you have your Rook set him as a Romance option, he kisses your Rook to break them out of Solas’s Spell/Curse? I feel like that would have been so beautiful to see! 😭💚✨

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Commission Request for @legolokiismighty

With her Rook x Emmrich having a little midnight snack 😏