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Not the full English breakfast, but still good 😊

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When I finally draw Legosi

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chinese hanfu

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Black Tulip.

There are lots of children horror stories that were told in USSR times. I've never heard them personally, of course, but I've read lots of them, gathered by those grown up children and explorers of children's folklore.

They usually consist weird threat: black hand, white sheet, green eyes, coffin on wheels, etc. Usually they have moral: do what adults told you to.

One of my favourite story was that of a black tulip. It was... Weird, now when I look at it, but still kinda fascinating. It goes as follows:

"There once was a girl whose mother left home for business trip. And there was New Year eve, so mother left 10 rubles for girl to buy a carnival costume. Girl went to the shop, and there she saw that princess costume costed 20 rubles, snowflake costume – 15 rubles. And no other costumes there. And shopkeeper said:

«Girl, do you want a costume of black tulip?»

«How much does it cost?»

«Ten rubles»

And she shows an amazing costume. Black silk dress, and everything else what girl needed. Of course girl bought the costume and ran home. The other day she was at the kitchen. And suddenly radio spoke by its own (and it was brocken):

«Girl, girl, jump out of window, Black Tulip appeared in town!»

Girl thought that there is someone's joke. She lived at the second floor. And radio spoke again:

«Girl, girl, jump out of window, Black Tulip got off the trolley, it is conning to your home!»

And girl told to that voice from radio:

«You jump yourself. I'm not stupid.»

And radio screamed:

«Girl, girl! You don't obey me in vain, Black Tulip is comming to your flat. It is standing close.»

Girl stood up and went to the front door to look, whose joke is that, and the door of closet opened by itself and Black Tulip appeared on the doorstep. And strided right at the girl. Radio screamed even louder:

«Girl, girl, don't loose time! Jump out of the window now! Maybe you'll be safe! You've been told!»

Girl jumped out the window. She was falling not like rock, but like on parachute. Maybe she indeed will be safe. And Black Tulip already bent over windowsill, outstrached its arms and they started to grow. They grew and grew, and tryed to catch a girl. Near the ground it cought her and pulled her back up. And Black Tulip said:

«You wanted to escape from me, I'll kill you for that.»

And it forced girl to be its servant. And went in the closet all the time.

Once, when Black Tulip wasn't there, radio spoke again:

«Girl, girl, take Black Tulip costume out if the closet and burn it.»

Girl threw costume on the floor and set it on fire. It immediately flared up with black flame with blue gradient, screamed something scary and girl lost consciousness. When she woke up, there wasn't anything at the floor. And Black Tulip never came to her again."

I tried to stick to the original as faithfully as possible, but DO YOU SEE THIS, THIS IS SOMETHING. Something made for listening, not for writing. God this is weird. And yet I still love it. Perfect creation of child's mind.

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Made this photo in the morning, but my account got suspended, so... Here is it. Now. Masala tea and quarantine.

Superscription on mug: From Saint Petersburg with apathy and indifference.

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YES PLEASE

scum villain but its hamsteak

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Best boi 💖

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So... Post about characters from "boring adventures" is in progress, and it is too big for me to handle in one or even two days, so today I'll tell something a little bit shorter.

Currently I have another plotbunny: Mobei Jun in Silent Hill. Or more accurately, Mobei Jun in Jijing Ling, according to Google translator.

As a basis I took "Silent Hill 2", as idea that this city is about inner journey through every human being who ends up there. I've never played any of "Silent Hill" games.

So, I thought a little bit of Mobei Jun.

Thanks for Airplane bro, we know his story: he was a normal demon kid, liked his uncle, but was betrayed and dropped to Huanhua Palace, where many bad shit happened. After that he became person we vitness in canon.

So. We don't know much about his inner thoughts, besides the fact that he thinks that beating people is flirting, so it will be more productive to look at his actions. I also take a look at actions of original Mobei Jun, since they both have many years of shared experience until meeting with Shang Qinghua.

What we know: he has honor and can spare his opponent if he realises that opponent is fighting with full force (thanks for information, Cucumber bro), he openly tells his opponent where are their mistakes in fight, original Mobei Jun killed Shang Qinghua when he wasn't needed anymore (we will get to that a little bit later), also he helped original Luo Binghe in his deeds, like setting houses or villages on fire, spying, etc (I don't remember who exactly said it, but probably that was Airplane bro). He helds a grudge against Huanhua Palace (and who wouldn't), he has high level rougde skills, like hiding or even disappearing and reappearing when needed. He hates cowards, he doesn't trust his uncle and he has cool ice powers. And he also thinks highly of Airplane bro after he saved him. Several times. And he sucks at communicating his feelings.

So... I guess that's it, let's start digging in.

At first, the most important thing is Mobei Jun's childhood. We have one amazing insite of the most memorable thing that happened to him: betrayal of close relative. This is very important, since in childhood people (and sv-demons to that extand) just learn how to feel, act, they just start to develop and before giant crysis (teenage years) don't even question if anything wrong in the way their parents or other closest people act. Children just trust them. And... Well. Of course shit like that will imprint in child's mind. Humans and the whole Huanhua Palace shit most likely didn't hurt as much as the fact that his uncle got him into this. On purpose.

With that, let's move on. To original Shang Qinghua. If to believe Cucumber bro and Airplane bro, he was a scum who was thirsty for power. Who wanted more, regardless of actions, who easily sold his sect. So, he didn't last long. As you can see, there also is a theme of betrayal.

And if we count original Mobei Jun's loyalty to original Luo Binghe, we can safely say: this is what he values the most. Loyalty. The worst thing for him is the worst thing he expirienced: betrayal.

And on this note, we can create his personal hell.

Imagine: one morning there is a little imp, mambling in North throne room something about weird town that appeared out of nowhere. And Mobei Jun desides to take a look.

So...

...

Erm. I just looked at number of things you can do with this theme of betrayal, so...

Welp.

What I know for sure is that there is one thing then Mobei Jun will do at climax: betray someone himself. Preferably child. That will definitely end well.

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So, I just started to rewatch "Higurashi no Naku Koro ni". Considering all my flashbacks I say that this is one of the best horror series. At least the best I've ever watched.

I love how creators handle characters and story, especially how they deal with that "root" format. I love how they from the very beginning give us clues of what's going on and then flash it all out. With far more complex nuances then any viewer could guess.

This is just perfect.

I really want to play original game.

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So, at the end of brainstorm.

In previous Post I mentioned my shitty fic, so... Since some people liked it (???????????????????) I want to make it better. Worth to be liked not just because of certain gen-kinks, but because of... Well, something. Maybe even I'll manage to get beta, lol.

Well... Here goes nothing. Svsss but told like "Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei".

I really liked "SZS", it was one of my first comedy anime that I really liked, even though by the end of second season I stopped understanding it completely. I still don't get it fully, because I live in a very different culture, BUT.

But smart people before me already figured out what exactly make "SZS" a good show. And I have my own opinions on it, so I'll just try to break down what really make SZS what it is:

1. Depiction of actual problems, which author of original manga and stuff that worked on anime were familiar with. But depiction isn't everything, just depiction is lampshading and this is kinda stupid way to deal with your pain. Since it shows that you don't get it. At all. You know about existence of problem but have no intention to deal with it, because it doesn't affect you. So, then we have next place:

2. Over the top caricatures with understandable reactions and emotions. Just... Over the top. Actual people can be upset about decline of person who they like, but most of them won't use the knife to kill that person. Something like that.

2.1. Exploration of stereotypes. What can make a young girl thinking so much about only positive things? Looks like coping mechanism, especially if you watched at least beginning of first episode.

3. Weird ideas that you think of in 3 a.m. In that case they are fully explored. How do you know that everybody around you are actually those who they are claim they are? It doesn't make much sense, but... We're talking about mess of a people here. People who make...

4. Terrible decisions that naturally comes from their world view. People who harm each other, who don't really care about each other. People who prefer choosing easy way for themselves.

And so I should imply all of this in my fic. Which in current state is terrible. And find beta coz I may easily fuck up in lots of places.

FORTUNATELY svsss is also about... Not very good people if you will think about it.

Shen Jiu? OK, we all know that he is a terrible person who shouldn't be in charge of kids. Adults are fine though.

Shen Yuan? Did you forget that at the beginning he easily made Ming Fang (a child) explore a fucking corpse? And during demon invasion: oh, good, protag-kun will be fine... How about other children?

Yue Qingyuan? Did you miss that part where he was totaly fine with his shidi abusing a kid?

Etc, etc.

Basically I can roast almost anyone in this canon (except for Gunyi Xiao and maybe QQQ, hell if I will ever write her name correctly), so the 4th... Punkt? Is totaly valid.

3 is not a problem for now, there is no point to make a picture with lack of actual characters.

2 is very closely connected to 1, and there is the heart of a problem: I can't depict problems that are valid for China. Because I live in a very different culture with very different cultural, historical and political background. So... I guess my knowledge of Russian problems from the first and second hands are going to shine. It would be a mess, isn't it?

Aaand a couple of words about comedy:

In SZS comedy is heavily based on social issues, as well as deconstructing anime tropes. Plus politics and history. The last two are obviously are not a choice, so it's going to be another very big pain in my ass.

And tomorrow according to my plan it will be time to break up characters.

Teg is "boring adventures".

And I'm going to sleep.

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I... Well. I'm afraid to post what I do as a creator.

OK, that's better. I'm scared as hell because I'm mentally prepared for threats, for being treated like shit for not making good enough content and possibly being offencive for my poor usage of certain terms which I didn't even know were harmful in some ways.

I was scared when I first posted first chapter (pretty shitty, I must say) of my fic on ao3, which I wrote in one go without looking at it twice so that I won't have a chance to rethink to post it.

I looked at it and waited. Waited for the confirmation that I'm a terrible writer and shouldn't even try to make something like this again. Ever. That I should kill myself for even trying and not making it perfect in one go.

But... People liked it???? And I even had a kinda interesting yet short conversation with one user in the comments and she suggested a pretty good idea????????????

Like... That was really unexpected. Even though svsss is a friendly fandom and I've never seen all that much hatred in the comments so basically I had no reasons that my shitty fic will get those.

I don't know what primal fandom fear got into me but... I think I know where it came from.

We all know how toxic criticism can be. Especially in the early multifandom days. I kinda don't know what happened in Western multifandom, but I know what happened in runet by that time. I assume that the main picture was pretty much the same, with some variations in details due to cultural spescifics.

I was raised, as well as many people, in atmosphere, that being a noob is something bad. That this is something you should be mocked on by other people. It mostly was in fanart realm, since it is easy to understand why sertain image looks off. I'm not proud of it, but I read and watched other people making fun of beginner artists for their lack of skill or not very good colour pallet. To my defence – I've never said even a word in communities like those. But I still thought that this was the norm.

But there is the catch: I also was the beginner artist. I had no idea how to draw, actually, this is still the case, and I knew that if I will claim that my works were good... Oh well, here we go into one of those communities. And even though in those early days mockery communities mostly focused on the work itself, not in the author, that still wasn't something any of us would want to expirience.

And then days went by, then months, then years. I was a girl who only got a glimpse into English fandoms through all those scandals with sjw. Like how some overly fanatic people bullied artist for su-fandom until she tried to commit [redacted]. You probably remember it as over the top shit. And yeah, it was it. I knew western fandoms only by all those things, that were made in attempts by horrible people to cover their own shitty behaviour with good intentions.

Time passed and I finally started to learn English on level which is good enough for reading by myself without that much trouble and endless usage of Google translate. I also saw beginning of realization that artists and writers are not robots, but people with feelings who create not because they are programmed to do so. By this time such shitty behaviour like calling artist out for drawing not good enough is still happening, but mostly on couple of sites (one of them is unfortunately is the biggest Russian social network) and promoted by school children and weirdos who think that the one who consume the work is better then someone who produce it.

I know now that mostly people in fandoms are friendly and support artists and writers.

But that primal fear of being mocked is still there. With me. And it is coming out unexpected, fast and furious.

I kinda hate it.

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Kite

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Quarantine breakfast. And I also tried to fugure out how my photo editor in gallery works.

Mam told me that there are lots of tastier berries in the other part of freezer. Well... I still have plenty of porridge.

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So... I just try to figure out by myself how English language works.

You see, there is this weird thing: when you learn language from birth, you get used to it. You don't question the rules, you subconsciously understand, how this thing works. As I know, it happens due to capacity of infant's brain: they literally harvest on information, they develop faster then university student in the night before exam. They learn absolutely new skills and concepts as quickly as possible.

Older children and adults can't do that, unfortunately. Their brain is no longer an all-consuming sponge, but more rigid substance. So to actually understand things they (we) need to have much more practice, both in listening and doing.

I listen to English speakers a lot, God, my YouTube page is filled with English essays, often without subtitles, I have almost zero concerns on this part. But I have trouble in speaking by myself and writing.

So I got this blog, because I use twitter only in Russian. And at tumblr I can speak freely, without thinking of word count.

Hi.

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Well... Yes(