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He's not very excited.

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What No One Ever Told Me About Being A Mother.

               There are some things about motherhood I never thought I would experience, or better put, I never thought I could experience. No one ever told me about these things that I’m about to share to you; and I’m sharing in the hopes that you will find it helpful in your new journey to becoming a mother to a beautiful angel. Or that maybe you could relate to in some level or another.

               No one ever told me about the separation anxiety I would have. Sure we all know about how sometimes babies go through a stage of only wanting mommy, but I never thought that I, as an adult, could feel that too. I never knew that I could miss a human being so much until the day I started going back to work­—which for me wasn’t until my baby was 10 months. But still, you would think by 10 months I would be fine with letting him go to daycare, I mean I had left him at babysitters before and even let him stay at his Nana’s house over night! But this, this was different. Those times I left him with someone else was usually so I could get some house work done, or so my husband and I could go out to dinner alone, or so I could get one good night of sleep. Leaving him to go to work every morning is a whole new ballgame. I don’t want to leave him at daycare every day, I don’t want to get up in the morning and get us both ready with no snuggles and no playing. I want to be with my baby every waking moment, even if he is sick and crying. I want to be there to comfort him 24/7. Unfortunately I do have to make money somehow, so I do it. I get up every morning, I get myself ready then him and I take him to daycare. I find myself thinking about him throughout the day, wondering what he’s doing, wishing I could just have one little kiss or a couple minutes of snuggles. And I find myself looking at pictures of him that I have taken of him or pictures that his daycare provider has posted and I miss him so much. Sometimes I feel almost crazy because I miss him so much. I feel like if someone was in my head they would think I lost my child, but I didn’t. He’s just 45 minutes away at daycare, but he just feels so far away. No one ever told me I could have separation anxiety.

               No one ever told me how amazing my life could be because of one small human. I never knew that having my own child could bring me so much joy. How having my son with me made me always happy, how holding my sleeping baby could take all my stress away with every breath he took. Since I had my baby boy (11 months ago), I feel like I can handle anything that life throws my way. I feel invincible, like I could wrestle a bull (even if I know I will lose.) I feel strong, and happy and proud. When I look at my son all I feel is love and strength. He gives me strength. Because of my son so many things in my life have changed for the better. I’ve gotten rid of toxic friendships, developed new healthy friendships, and started to believe in God again. It’s not like I ever stopped believing, but he took the small glow of faith that I had left and blossomed it into a shining spotlight. He showed me that God is good and that God is in my life.

               No one ever told me that the people I called my “best friends” would leave me. I never thought that some of the closest people in my life would leave my life because I couldn’t go out whenever I wanted, and because I chose not to have marijuana around my child. I had some people in my life that, at the time, I considered my “best friends”. I had gone to high school with them and we all had the same thoughts about life when leaving high school, and when I got pregnant they stood by my side. That all changed, it seemed when I had Noah. My husband and I decided that we didn’t want to have marijuana around our child and because of that some of my “best friends” thought we were “shaming” how they lived their life. We weren’t. We just didn’t want to have that substance around our child. Mostly for the same reason we didn’t want people to smoke cigarettes. But I’ve learned since then that not everyone is going to stay in your life forever, and the ones that do choose to stick around are the ones you should want in your life anyway.

               No one ever told me how possessive I would be. I’m not possessive about my son too much; it’s more about his things. And maybe it’s because he can’t claim his things right now. And I don’t know why I get upset when people have his things, but for example his clothes. Sometimes in the morning I don’t have time to get him dressed at home, so I will send him to daycare in his pajamas and with an outfit for the day. And sometimes his daycare provider will keep his pajamas “just in case” (his daycare provider is also his Nana and my mother-in-law). And I understand the need to have things for “just in case” moments, but what bothers me is when she doesn’t ask, she just assumes it is okay. Also if he poops out of an outfit and she has to change him and she keeps the original outfit he was in. It bothers me, and maybe because I don’t like when people have my own clothes, so I feel the same way about his clothes. It goes the same way for bottles, if someone keeps one of his bottles for a “just in case” moment. I get it, but I don’t have all the money in the world to keep stocking up my cabinets with bottles because his keep coming up missing! I don’t understand why when people need extras of things they can’t just ask. I will always most likely have an extra that we don’t use much that you can have. OR if I accidentally leave something at someone’s house and they just keep it and I don’t know it’s even there until the next time I go over there. I don’t know why things like that bother me, they just do.

               And finally no one ever told me that once I had one, I would want more. Ever since I gave birth to Noah I have wanted another baby. If and when I go to the baby section in Target and Walmart, forget it, I’ll be there for hours, looking for all the things I didn’t have with Noah and thinking about all the things I would do differently with the next one. My ovaries scream at me every time I have a period, like their mad at me. I never used to have cramps and ever since I had Noah I have cramps so bad I have to lay down and can barely move. My ovaries are mad that there isn’t a baby inside of them. I know it.

               Anyway, I hope you found this helpful, or even relatable. I hope that if you are experiencing some of these things that you feel a little less alone now. Have a wonderful day and God Bless!

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                               -MommaBass

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So Caleb and I are laying in bed and we hear that Noah is still awake. So I ask Caleb to get him and this is what I hear.

Caleb: Excuse me, you're supposed to be asleep. Why are you still awake... No why are you clapping. This isn't a clapping matter. It is 9:15 at night you should be sleeping.

Caleb then grabs Noah from his bed and brings him to our room and as he is coming in the door I hear Caleb telling Noah that he doesn't get any toys or lunch tomorrow.

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What would life be like when you would only compare yourself to YOU, and not compare yourself to others?

(via quoteandinspire)

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Introduction.

I have always wanted to make a blog, ever since my baby boy was born. I love to write, I just never had anything to write about till now. And so almost a year after Noah’s birth, here I am. So let’s start out with a few introductions.

Hi, my name is Julie. I have always loved to write and I even was going to school in the hopes to be an editor one day. Family is my number one priority and my baby boy is my life. I wouldn’t know where I would be if I never had him. I also got married a couple months ago to the most wonderful man I have ever met, Caleb. He literally pulled me out of the pits of hell and saved me. Now we are living an amazing blessed life together with our growing family; including our two turtles, Squirt and Zip and a kitty, Rizzo. So now to meet my family..

My husband is Caleb, he is such an amazing loving and caring man. He works in a hospital and loves his job and loves helping people feel better. We met when we both worked at Abercrombie and Fitch, and it was instant love. Ever since then it’s been absolutely amazing and my life has been perfect, or close to, ever since.

My son is Noah, he is almost a year old and loves to get into EVERYTHING. His favorite person is obviously me, just kidding. He loves anyone and everyone he meets. He has a best friend who is a week older than him and they love to go on adventures together; like going to Sams Club with their mommies. And if you have a dog or cat you better believe that he is going to smother it if they give him a chance. I love him with all my heart and can’t wait to see what kind of person he turns out to be.

And like I said I have two turtles, Squirt, yes from “Finding Nemo”. He has a bit of an attitude on him and when I clean the tank and put him in a smaller container, he will escape if there is no lid. We also have Zip, he’s a little bit more of a sweetheart. He will let you pet him and hold him all day, he loves lettuce and making his brother mad.

And last but not least, our cat, Rizzo. We got Rizzo from a farm when she was 8 months old and right around that time the Chicago Cubs (my husbands favorite baseball team) made it to the World Series. And we were having trouble naming her and a friend of ours suggested we name her after something Cub’s related, and my favorite player is first baseman Anthony Rizzo. And so now we have a kitty named Rizzo. She definitely has an interesting personality, one second she will be curling up next to you wanting love, the next she’ll be biting your hand off. She’s my second baby though, so I don’t mind it. Caleb on the other hand would would rather have her gone most of the time. But every once in awhile I see them cuddling up with each other.

And there you have it. My beautiful little family. I hope you enjoy my blog, I’ll probably be a little rusty at first. But I promise, given some time I’ll get better.

-MommaBass