bears-and-waffles

[bears-and-waffles]

It’s the nose man

Look man I don’t know how the fuck any of this would be labeled but I KNOW I’m on to something here, I can’t quite put my finger on it but there are shared vibes between the 3 of them and it’s haunting me

[bears-and-waffles]

How to find a catalyst student in a crowd

Step one: play ‘oh mighty ones’ on blast

Step two: wait for student to run and jump to the song

[bears-and-waffles]

Cracker Barrel Bullitten: 3

Stabby the roomba. The owners bought a roomba , and someone ducktaped a knife to it. So far , none of the patrons have removed the knife, whoever does inviteably remove it, is getting stabbed by me personally.

We may or may not be starting a folk band , for fun of course, in the ‘Barrel . I’ll play guitar, and martil will sing , this may or my not happen. I hope it does, I need a new hobby.

Either a writer or a murder just purchased a room across the way from me, I cannot tell which he is . I’m not sure I like him, something is off about him , his name is Wilbur for one. Who is named ‘Wilbur ‘ in this century?? This person is secretive as well, and reletively unscathed, which is interestingly there’s a bearpocolypse out there . He apparently paid a nice sum for a room as well.

I got a letter by owl mail from the teens I mentioned last time, they are doing well traveling to New York. Why they are going there I have no clue, but I hope they make it there safely .

(Three days later)

This Wilbur is the one who removed the blade from our fair roomba , who is he to think he has this authority? I need to have a discussion with this man .

(One day later)

We’re going to have a good old fashioned duel. This should be interesting, he needs to learn who’s in control here. I’ll take Martil as my second, thankfully we also have a medic here for when someone is inevitably shot. I wonder why he’s so open to this , the cocky fool. Hes a writer, but probably also a murder. He gives me a bit of the creeps to be completely frank with you. Like someone half cocked , a loose cannon, on the edge of insanity. This should hopefully settle this ........

[bears-and-waffles]

The Cracker Barrel Bullitten: 2

It’s been about one week since the last whatever I’m naming this, and a few interesting thugs have happend . One of the teens that I told you about last time, the one who’s called ‘saber ‘ beat me in the checkers tournament. My respect for them has shot up immensly. Unfortunately the group of them is leaving tomorrow, I really enjoyed their company, The were weird, but fun. I made them promise me that they would stay safe , and I gave them my emergency number if they are in danger.

I purchased a new pocket watch , a very beautiful one. I bought it from a traveling watch/clock salesman , who had an , ahem, interesting outfit, a bit complex. He literally carried multiple grandfather clocks on his back. Astonishing.

We have successfully brainwashed the “Tom” and now he runs the weapon counter , and he has no clue who “tom Hiddleson” is. Unfortunately now we cannot watch avengers movies on the Friday movie night . Frankly I voted to murder him.

we had the “newsboys” come in , for some reason they are doing a Cracker Barrel tour, but I can’t tell who these people are. Not even one of them is a original newsboy , so at this point is it a newsboys cover band? I mean , one of the band members is a BRAINWASHED BEAR, and the drummer is a TOM. Sigh , I bet the Actual newsboys died in the initial attack.

I caught a glimpse blue box and got incredibly excited that this whole fiasco would be over, unfortunately the box blinked out of reality one second later. I bet it was thirteen, the brat.

I was bored one afternoon, so I fed a caged butter rat some Isaiah bacterium. Unfortunately the rat mutated, broke out of the cage and ran into the kitchen. The fiasco that followed resulted in a months butter stock gone. Ja. Unfortunately the rat is on the loose , I plan to catch it after I finish writing this.

The forgotten president of the district of northern Canada, Jesse quam, walked in today. I couldn’t stop laughing, I love the guys online presence , in person, he’s even more funny .

This place may or may not be haunted , I need to do more research, this may be contributing to the butter rats and ‘Isaiah’ bacterium.

Au revour for now.

[bears-and-waffles]

The Cracker Barrel Bullitten : 1

I figured as I was done with the p.s.a ‘s until I get back out on the road , why not write about the comings and goings of this craker barrel.

—-This place is actually QUITE interesting, more stuff goes on here than you’d think. On Thursdays we have a major checkers tournament. I’ve won five times. A lot of interesting people come here, hardened travelers, the trade battalion , one time we got some mutated frogs that had learned English and had some weird magical powers. The cooks here are great, all five star Cracker Barrel employees. The best meal is the butter rat special, which is French toast, two large pancakes, a parfe, and either butter eat sasuage or ‘REAL’ pig bacon . I found a new class of bacteria while I was here, apparently the locals call it the ‘Isaiah class’ and it has some interesting properties. I will bring a dish of it with me when I leave and do tests on it back in the bunker. The weapons stock here is amazing, from everything from the ‘Wesley Guitar’ a weaponised guitar with the power of a bazooka, to a ‘galaxy ripper aparter ‘ I don’t even want to ask what that does. A few days ago we got a shipment of butter rat traps designed by the trade battalion . We shall see how well they work , but I’m dubious. I met an interesting visitor named ford perfect today. An interesting man with an interesting name. Something about him seemed otherworldly, but he still has completely insane. I’m glad the ‘Barrel’ doesn’t serve alcohol (for safety reasons) because I bet my journal he’d have been the drunkest man you’ve ever met .

They have an amazing taxidermy bear in the middle of the (previously the gift shop) main room, and people write their name on the pedestal beneath the bear.

There is a map with all the Cracker Barrel’s in the nation, with pins to pin where you’re from . I guess it’s neat, I don’t care for it personally.

On Fridays we have a movie night , we played Shrek 5 last night . It wasn’t as good as shrek the musical.

A couple of weeks ago one of the wild tom Hiddlestons came in. We gave him a “permanent room” . We are planning to either wipe his memory and have him work here , or assassinate him . At least for now it’ll be interesting to have a tom in the Barrel .

The teenager here are interesting, most of them quited travlers . They are the people who were quiet and did ok in school , but were mostly overlooked. They turned out to be excellent survivors , and will most likely have a great hand in putting society back together.

One such group of teens have some rooms right now across the hall from me. They play board games a lot , and have random nicknames for each other . The nicknames are quite weird, things like ; sodium, chili , and saber . Hey , I won’t knock em . They’ve survived this long , they probably will outlast me.

I think I may do more of these, just for fun. Until next time, nei ja.

[bears-and-waffles]

Bearpocolypse psa the fourteenth

'Day 1: I have finally infiltrated the Butter Rat Cult. They haven't noticed yet. Unfortunately I still have no idea what the cult is, except it involves butter, rats, and ritualistic chanting.’

40. The people who thought they were the Illuminati weren’t actually the Illuminati. They were duped by, you guessed it, the bears. The bear Illuminati is a magnificent work of distraction while actually holding some sort of power.

41. If you happen to run into Tom hiddleston, don’t get excited. It’s just a clone. A teenage girl obsessed with him have him safety from some bears... the safety was a cloning chamber. She made approximately 5,000,00 clones? They are now scattered all across the land. They all have different personalities, except for three and four, they have all the abilities and powers of Loki.

42. The bear trains. The bears have giant trains , which they love to travel on. They can get from Antarctica to the North Pole in about thirty minutes time. NEVER, and I repeat, NEVER, get on a bear train. You will most likely die.

43. For a weird reason, the bearpocolypse almost completely cured depression. At least we have one thing to thank the bears for.

44. Coffee is a relic and is a magnificent find , take as much as you can.

45. Potatoes are the best food to grow, as you could live off just potato’s for months and still be healthy.

46. Protect inventors. They are all completely insane, and their inventions will save your life, or improve it.

47. Denver international airport was commissioned by the bears , and is a main prison for them.

48. Most conspiracy theorists were killed by the bears before the bears killed any other humans.

49. At this point video games (if working) will get you anything from a common person, but they also will provide entertainment for you.

50. All of these tips are basically null and if you have a better Idea, or an absolutely insane idea, go with it. It will benefit you in the crazy world of the bearpocolypse.

[bears-and-waffles]

Bearpocolypse p.s.a the thirteenth.

The only bad thing about staying in the Cracker Barrel, is the Gosh darn butter rats. They sneak through the piping and take all the butter off my French toast! I need to come up with a trap to stop them. There is also apparently a cult that worships these said butter rats, I need to investigate them.

31. Butter rats are annoying.

32. Silica packets are incredible items to have around for making the bearpocolypse feel like home. They make everything smell better when left with stuff, and can also remove rust. They also can be uses as a weapon, if you can get a bear to swallow said packet.

33. On the matter of packing, backpacks are much better items than knapsacks. Knapsacks swing around an awful lot, and can cause a liability. Backpacks can also carry more, which is useful if your planing on going out for a while.

34. Hatchets are incredibly useful as well, just in the matter of survival.

35. The bears are working on a project to alter the weather, and to cause catastrophic events to where the human still populate. (A.k.a Area 51) if this goes through, sharknado will be quite possible.

36. If you have any chance to get coffe take it. You’ll thank me later.

37. Guns probably will hurt you more than they help you .

38. A lot of wild water is actually healthier for you than say, bottled water. We have the bears to thank for this as they are the ones who’ve purified the water.

39. Fishing is a great pastime turned useful in hand with the bearpocolypse. Fish are an amazing food source , and fishing is just plain old fashioned fun.

40. Of you find a blue police box, run to it as fast as you can and wait for someone to step out of it.

[bears-and-waffles]

Bearpocolypse psa the twelfth

The owners of this Cracker Barrel, Jerome c Mullins and Rebecca Mullins Sanchez, are offering to let me stay here indefinitely, as long as they can publish these writings in a book to help those who make their way to these safehouses. I told them I wouldn’t stay for too long , but that I’d love it if they gave these tips to travelers.

21-30 . Time to discuss the bears civilizations . They have constructed amazing outposts and city’s, which are next to impossible to penetrate . Lucky før you, I can help. In the notes of this psa i will leave in-depth maps and blueprints and such , so that you might be able to get around faster. So the main part of any bear outpost is a giant tree, normally oak, (but that can vary) , which is where the higher ups are. Also where the food storage is, the food storage is right behind the courtroom, in large containers and such. The best way to infiltrate for food , is to not too. The food so too well guarded, and even if It wasn’t then you wouldn’t be able to get anything of good mesure out before the bears caught you.

The prisons. On some occasions instead of just killing humans they give them a fair trial. While they wait for that trial, they are stored in the honeycomb prisons. Giant wooden honeycomb compartments, designed specifically to hold large creatures. If you hope to rescue someone from them, it may or may not be a wise decision. They aren’t too well gaurded , but they still could fairly easily kill you... ish. Lure them out with some music/waffles and getting your friend out will be a cinch.

The main bear headquarters and the high council. So main bear headquarters is in a giant giant redwood, sprouted out of the White House in Washington DC. This is where the bear high council sits. There are 7 members of the bear high council; none of which I will discuss here. They have lots of legal offices strewn about dc, as the city is their main headquarters.

Small yet important buildings. The bears have a lot of small law and paperwork offices, as they are very organized creatures. In dc they have a paper office, just dedicated to making paper for the other offices. It’s called dunbear mifflin.

Service tunnels and elevators. There are many of these which you are probably seeing in the diagrams now, so I’ll leave that for those.

See notes for diagrams which will be extremely helpful.

[bears-and-waffles]

Bearpocolypse p.s.a the eleventh

Still writing for the craker Barrel, the French toast is amazing.

11. Unfortunately, scarves are a liability. The problem with ever wearing scarves, is that if you encounter a bear, they will very quickly and easily “remove the air from your lungs forcefully “ I feel like this is enough said.

12. The cover of snow is invaluable . Snow allows you to blend in with white, which if you happen to have a wardrobe full of white clothes, (like I do) then you’re in luck. Also it is quite easy to find nuts in the winter , as the squirrels hide them in somewhat obvious places.

13. There are actually some living , borderline sane, human beings living strewn about in the strangest places. A lot of people stay in the craker Barrel safe houses, although they probably won’t have room for you unless like me, you found a random meteorite. Some people have build bases around gas stations, however these are not very secure and the people inside them are mostly insane. In this twisted apocalypse, the most insane and mind bogglingly stupid people survive, while common sense most likely gets you killed.

14. If you can find a working motorized vehicle, protect it with your life. These will be incredibly valuable to you, in both survival and just making travel easier.

15. Ice very easily can kill a bear, if you happen to be clever enough. Leading a bear to run over ice covered with a fresh layer of snow, then realize at the point of no return that their weight will break this ice completely. The problem with this is that bears are incredible swimmers, but the upside is that the will always lose a fight , in water at least, to an alligator or crocodile. If the aforementioned lake or body of water has on in it, then your in luck. At the very least, the bear falling in the water buys invaluable time to escape or come up with a clever way to defeat a bear.

16.clothing choices are mostly null. Anything except for Kevlar, which you probably don’t have, a bear can rip in seconds. Dress for warmth or cold accordingly however.

17. Baby wipes are incredibly helpful for cleaning yourself. Enough said.

18. Learn from your own experiences , not just mine. This may save you more times than all of my notes combined. If you learn something helpful to your journey, or something no-one has written about, you still are probably right. Your instincts are probably the most valuable asset you have, so if you think something is helpful write it down.

19. As far as footwear is concerned, boots are the best thing you can have. The second best is high heels, as they make fairly nice weapons.

20. Use common sense, sometimes, other times the craziest thing you can think of is the best thing .

[bears-and-waffles]

The tenth, part three

The girls were introduced to to bunker amazingly well. The became apart of the “family “ our life continued as normal, with our good running out rapidly after the six years we’d been staying here. Our uncle had gone out many more times, mapping the area, trying to find how we’d get food. Water was easy, as a river ran straight over a section of the bunker. We built a pipe leading that fresh water into the bunker, so we have an “infinite“ water source . Food still remained a problem, but our uncle had an idea. He started leaving traps to catch the koalas. He failed. The koalas struck him with a ton of poison, which we didn’t know how to treat. We laid him in his head for months,and months he sat there. We grew quite worried when a few weeks later he passed into a coma , and then the next weekend he died. I was devastated, and locked myself in my room for s few weeks. When I got over it , I was determined to take his place as the scavenger in the forest. My family needed food, it was up to me to help them. A lot has happened between then and now , but that is somewhat un-important for the most part. Let’s just say the school of the bear forest is much worse than the school of hard knocks. Now, time to tell the story of why 7/8 were completely bonkers. I had started writing these p.s.as to help those in the far future dealing with this , so they can learn forkm my mistakes instead of learning from the school of the bear forest. I had gone out for a supposedly sort trip , to try an obtain some koala poison to try and make an antidote, when I stumbled upon a huge cavern. I started exploring, and found a bear civilization. At this point, I’m quite used to this settlements, but this one was different. These bears were scientists. 7/8 were filled with notes about their findings, I spent over a week in there. At one point I needed food, so I went. To leave as I had spent my time way longer than I should have. But when I went to go , the koalas were waiting. They injected me with a leathel shot of their poison, I couldn’t run back to the bunker as it was probably a day or two of a hike away. I ran the opposite direction , completely uncharted by both me and my uncle. I found something I never thought I’d ever see again. A Cracker Barrel, sting in the middle of a forest. —————————/-/——

[bears-and-waffles]

The tenth, part two

The world was calm. Snow covered to ground. Then in the next ten seconds all hell broke loose. Koalas broke out of the forest, firing blow darts as they went. We took cover behind some rocks, although that didn’t protect us for long. We ran through this forest that we didn’t even know, and eventually lost the koalas. Unfortunately, we were also lost. My uncle and I trudged through the forest, eventually we got our bearings, after a few hours, and made our way to the old town. The town had turned into a forest. Like completely. The center of a town had a huge oak, with a lot of other trees overtaking the houses and buildings. Bears were everywere, and well as bodies, but you probably already know about those. We tried to get to the old shops(to find food)but they were all heavily gaurded by bears. It was apperent that we would make no headway in town, so we turned back. We managed to make our way on a road, and didn’t see any bears. We walked to road, hoping to find some remmnace of sane people. We eventually found a gas station , but heard screaming from inside. Me and my uncle ran in , and found a full size grizzly nod two girls, one tennage and one much younger.

This was the moment I had been training for my whole teenage life, I pulled my axe out of my bag, and yelled at the top of my lungs at the bear, distracting the bear from the girls. The bear ran towards me, and I backpedaled , scared as a panda in dipping sauce. Thanking uncle was much more resourceful than I was . While the bear was distracted by me, he noticed the record player in the guitar. He turned it on, and set the record upright. As the music started to play, the bear say back, closed its eyes , and started to sleep. My uncle grabbed me and the girls , and yelled at us to run. We ran quickly up the road not looking back, praying we didn’t run into any more bears , the uncle realized where we were, and how close to the bunker we were . After a few hours , we made it back to the bunker, our family let us in, and we finally got a good look at the two girls. The younger one looked about 6 or 7, blonde hair, and had a beat up tee sort and jeans on . The older one looked about my age, with long brunette hair, and green eyes. Her outfit had many holes in it, which were torn off to patch the holes in her sister(presumeably) shirt and pants. My aunts and cousins went to help clean them up, I went to my bedroom, exerted. ——-/———

[bears-and-waffles]

Bearpocolypse p.s.a the tenth.

I think now is the right time to tell all of you my story. Ive debated wether telling you would be detrimental to you, but I’m bored. Boredom is a good excuse for anything .

My real name is omishu ford. As Ford is more normal-ish of a name, it’s the one I mainly go by. My uncle was a big doomsday planner. He build a bunker and house out in the woods of Oregon, however he never considered bears would take over the world . Thankfully we were near the bunker when the bears launched their first attack, however to our disadvantage the bears were launching there first attack from the woods. Be made it inside , and waited for two years before any of us left. Spending my teenage years with my self, my uncle, and other extended family while training to go fight bears was interesting to say the least. Although it was fun. I read a lot , and have probably a higher than collage age education, (especially with how bad the education system is) also lots of survival skills were learned. I also grew close to my family. I may tell you about them, but now is not the time. When we finally left this bunker, the world was quiet————————

[bears-and-waffles]

Bearpocolypse p.s.a the 9th

Readers, I finally am back from my “ordeal” I might tell you what happened in said “ordeal”, but not today. Time to tell you what I learned, so that you might benefit.

1. The bears are smart enough to access some technology. Take this with a hint of salt, but always be on guard nonetheless

2. Dairy is amazing for combating poison, I made the mistake of encountering a koala, and then had to deal with their extremely deadly poison , without a stock of dairy, it took much longer than I would have liked.

3. Plan to make long trips vs short ones, as short ones will most likely turn into long ones.

4. Waffles will please any human.

5. CRACKER BARREL. Cracker Barrel will save your life. The owners knew about the bearpocolypse for years before it happened, so we’re able to turn all their restaurants into amazing safehouses that feel like home. It’s just like a normal craker barrel with the food and store, but also with sleeping quarters in the back. Also completely bear proof. This is where I am now. Hopefully I will be able to soon return to the bunker, but if you see a craker Barrel, then your in luck.

6. Pack light-ish. You don’t want too much, but losing vital stuff might get you killed.

7. Keep a map and journal. Journal for learning things, to keep yourself alive, and a map so you inviteably know where you are.

8. meteorite sells well at craker Barrel, as they need it to power there anti-bear defenses. Thankfully I had one , so I’ve got my own private room with food here, so I don’t have to leave.

9. Craker Barrel also has amazing weapons. Anything you want they will probably give you.

10. Trust your instincts . It will save your life.

[bears-and-waffles]

Bearpocolypse p.s.a the ?th

Readers, Ive I’ve been in hiding

I have a lot of ex—/

/

/

Extremely important information

It’s vital you get this

-/::/—/::://::;”/-“/@;;&/-/):;;:

Cheese. Milk. Yougurt. Eat it . It will help you be immune to poison.learn from my . Mistake

Dont trust the computers

Bears

Bears

Bears

Bears

Bears

Bears

Bears

Bears

Bears

[bears-and-waffles]

Christians : god is alive

Aithests: god is dead

Physicists: god is Schrodinger's cat

[bears-and-waffles]

Bearpocolypse p.s.a the seventh

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[bears-and-waffles]

Bearpocolypse p.s.a the sixth

I wonder how much information is good for your survival and how much is detrimental. Oh well. We shall see in due time. Now ,

26. Recklessly do good. Helping out fellow survivors(unless you have a long-standing rivalry) will grant you access, trust, and someone who is also probably quite insane to have survived this long. And it just makes you look good going out of your way to save someone . And it look quite heroic.

27. Don’t go and try to stop the bearpocolypse from happening with any type of time machine.(DELOREN, vortex manipulator , tardis, etc)(I’m looking at you f.b.i) its a fixed point. It has to happen , and no matter what you don’t it’s impossible to stop it.

28. Sleep. Sleep is vital to survival. Without sleep , you’ll be more reckless, and will not be able to think properly. Wait, come to think of it being reckless and not being able to process things might be more helpful than detrimental. Never mind, carry on.

29. A second person can be your best or worst asset . Choose your friends wisely , trust no one 100%.

30. Curiousity killed the cat. Curiosity also saved the dog. Take from this what you will.