becomingkatie

[becomingkatie]

I’m gonna complain about my day.

I leave this weekend to go to my mom’s for a week to take her to her chemo appointment and help her afterwards, but my car registration expires this month and I can’t renew it without an emissions inspection. The last time I renewed, I went to the gas station near my house and it was fairly quick. I figured it would be the same since it’s not the last week of the month yet so people aren’t freaking out. The line was soooo long.

After 45 minutes and no movement, I went to a different service station 10 minutes from home. The line was long but at least it was moving. In the end, I got the emissions inspection and left just about 2 hours after I left home.

Turned to leave the shopping center and realized I could only turn right and had to turn around up ahead. The green arrow was already green as I approached so I was like “can I do a U turn here?” and looked for signs but it was just a quick look since the light was already green. I looked up by the light and there was no sign, but I didn’t see the one on the pole lower to the ground. I wasn’t even all the way around the bend when a motorcycle cop sped over and blipped his siren at me.

So now I’ve got a fine and points on my license (first ticket ever) for making an illegal U turn I tried to check the legality of but didn’t do a good enough job, after waiting for two hours for my inspection.

Also I am sick. My throat is sore and my sinuses feel like they’re about to burst and I’m gargling salt water like a maniac trying to kick it so I can go be around my immunocompromised mom to help her with her chemo.

And then doc is like “yep it’s a lump, go get an ultrasound!”

So I call the number on the form they gave me. The obgyn is part of inova so that’s the number they gave me. Inova only does breast ultrasounds out of one facility nowhere near where I live, and the soonest they could schedule me for is late October. The scheduler said “we don’t have a cancellations list or anything to call you if something opens up but you can call every morning to see if there are cancellations for that day.” I do not want to call every day for three months and I do not want to wait three months and I do not want to drive to that center at all!

So I called the radiology center five minutes from my house that isn’t inova and they can schedule me for next week (I’m out of town helping mom but they have lots of openings the week after, too) except they won’t do an ultrasound without a mammogram so I have to get my doctor to change the order. All of this was happening immediately after I got home from my appointment, yet by the time I got through with the second place and called to ask if the doctor will order the mammogram so I can go to the convenient place sooner, she was gone for the day and isn’t working tomorrow.

SO I have to call Monday except that’s when I’ll be taking mom to her infusion and spending the day with her, and I’m not telling her any of this because she doesn’t need to be worrying about cancer I probably don’t even have, so I’ll be sneaking off to call the doctor without her hearing and it’s all just deeply inconvenient and frustrating.

[becomingkatie]

It's a lump! Pros: I wasn't imagining things and didn't have to feel silly for making an appointment that turned out to be for nothing! Cons: there's a lump in my breast and now I have to schedule an ultrasound.

Is this a lump in my breast or am I paranoid because my mom has cancer?

[becomingkatie]

I feel like I have hit the jackpot with my therapist. She's kind and funny and I enjoy talking with her, but she's also pointed in pursuing improvement in specific things and not just being a pleasant conversation once a week. She remembers what we've talked about previously and pushes me when I am trying not to acknowledge something but she's nice and is like "while this is crucial to address, if you don't have the capacity right now that's okay." The sessions are not as fun as the therapist I had who felt like a conversation with a friend each week, they're definitely leading in a specific direction and it's a good thing.

[becomingkatie]

one thing about me is that I'm looking stuff up. you mentioned something and I don't know it? I am pulling out my phone and googling that shit. an actor? theoretical physics? a world leader? a vocabulary word? I am on the wikipedia page as we speak

[becomingkatie]

The cats like playing peekaboo and it’s one of my favorite things to do. I make eye contact and then duck behind a corner, then pop out and make eye contact again. Repeat while they weeping-angels it until they finally jump out to get me. Very cute, 10/10.

[becomingkatie]

Is this a lump in my breast or am I paranoid because my mom has cancer?

[becomingkatie]

The bois being cute yesterday.

One of my favorite podcasts (my favorite murder - I like it less now than I did pre 2020 but I still love them) is going on tour for the first time since pre pandemic. They aren’t going to DC (booo) but I joked to Ken that we should go to NYC for their show and he was like “yeah try to get tickets” so now I’m waiting for the presale and STRESSING. I’ve never done the whole “get in a queue and hope” sort of thing before. Usually we go to concerts of small artists at small venues and it’s just not a thing. Also I don’t have vacation time left, but ohhhh welllll Ken said we could go ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[becomingkatie]

Everyone is very "oh no your mom has breast cancer, that's a lot for you to deal with, I'm thinking of you." And I'm like... it's early stage with a clearly defined treatment plan and great prognosis. This is not my concern.

And I had told my therapist that I felt similarly to if my SIL was going through IVF or something, sorry that the medical treatments were invasive and overwhelming and unpleasant but not "concerned" or anxious really.

Then today I told my therapist about my dad and at the end of the session she was like, "all right yeah your mom's cancer is actually the least of your worries when it comes to your parents" and I was like YES THANK YOU. It felt so good to be told yes you're not a monster for not being worried, your other parent is living in a state of psychosis and dying of liver disease and could at any moment drive into a ditch or fall off a roof because he was doing something reckless thinking he had to run from people he was hallucinating.

[becomingkatie]

I prefer mini cans of soda because that's really the amount of soda I want to drink in any one sitting. At Christmas Ken told his mom that I like Diet Dr Pepper but she got Dr Pepper Zero instead, and it turns out DPZ is way way better than DDP, but it's so much harder to find in mini cans. I went to SIX stores to get these. After the fifth one I went online to check stock at specific locations so I wouldn't be bested again. Triumph! I don't drink them very often so two packs will last several months.

I also grabbed Sola bagels (influenced by @afitterbrittany) and while they're not quite like a normal bagel, they are very good for a low-calorie, high-protein bread product.

I have been procrastinating weaving in ends on some crochet squares and needed to finally do it so I can start piecing them together to finish this afghan. Ken's sister was talking about seeing the latest Jurassic Park/World/Whatever movie and I realized I'd never even seen the original all the way through, so we watched that while I wove in my ends. 10/10 very good movie, someone should make a sequel

[becomingkatie]

Pretty path near my house.

I know it makes me a scrooge but I hate fireworks so much. They’re pretty but all I can think about is how terrified the wildlife must be, and it totally ruins it for me. Also any other time, if people were just setting off explosions the cops would come and be like “hey you gotta shut up” but on a holiday it’s cool. My grumpy ass was in bed at 11:30 wishing I could single handedly get all fireworks banned forever.

This morning I did a peloton ride. I’m trying to get back into a consistent rhythm of working out. When Theo’s brain tumor was progressing he stopped understanding the pedaling motion and would walk into our pedal stroke if we didn’t keep an eye out for him. His whole life before that Ken would Zwift and I would peloton and he’d watch but instinctively knew to stay away from the pedals, but he lost that instinct with the tumor. Charlie and Pants don’t seem to have ever had that instinct. I clipped in and they both immediately tried to be underfoot and would not be dissuaded. They had to be shut out of the room (which makes the room super stuffy to exercise in) and when I opened the door after my ride they were both lying there waiting.

[becomingkatie]

My friend recently found out I have a tumblr I still actively use and then she was like “oh what’s your handle?” Like no girl my tumblr is for me to overshare to my internet friends only and if you know me in real life you’re disqualified (except for you, Molly)

[becomingkatie]

OH. One other thing. When we were in Telluride for ski/snowboard 2025, one night we did pasta. Cook an onion, squeeze the sausage out of casings and cook that, then add a jar of sauce. Boil bowtie pasta and add it in, then add in some chopped fresh spinach (I can't stand big pieces of spinach in my pasta). It makes a huge amount of food (full box of pasta, full jar of sauce, a pound of meat...) but the husband in the couple we do the trip with eats like four times what Ken or I eat.

Anyway, I was thinking up meals for this week and nothing sounded good but then I was like, "oh, I'll make Telluride Pasta" so now that has a name and we have seventy-five meals' worth of pasta in the fridge.

[becomingkatie]

I haven’t posted here much lately. I’ve been trying to be active on insta for my author career goals (having a presence online where readers can find me seems like a good move, but I! hate! posting!) and I just have not had the energy to do both. So here’s a little recap as far as I can remember:

My mom’s first round of chemo starts monday. My brother and SIL are going for this infusion. I can’t easily get away from work, and I don’t want to double the number of people in her house by going down with Ken when Andrew and Carlee are already there, so I’m planning to either go later during this round or go for the second infusion. She said everyone she’s talked to who has had chemo says the first week after the infusion sucks but then you bounce back and the next two weeks are okay, but the more rounds you go through the less you bounce back. She thinks, at least now before it’s actually started, that she’d rather have visitors during the good weeks to pack in as many fun moments as possible around the shitty times over these next several months. So I’m planning to talk to her throughout the week and see when she’d most like to have me.

I went to Ohio for my former roommate’s baby shower. She and her husband are moving for him to start a PhD less than a month before her due date. Having a baby seems like enough stress without moving and finding a new OB. But having our little foursome from college together was fun. The last of us got married last October so now instead of bachelorette parties and weddings we need new things to force us to travel and see each other. Seems like babies for the next few years.

My birthday was last weekend. Car Seat Headrest was playing near us so we got tickets because it’s a fun venue and I like the one song of theirs that I know. Ken was like “yeah that’s their most famous one but you know others for sure.” Reader, I did not know others. I did go crazy for that one song, though. We also stood in the longest merch line I’ve ever seen. They had a show-specific shirt that listed the venue and date and since it was special to that night we decided we wanted it. The line snaked out from the merch table into the main venue, then back and forth the full width of the venue four times. But we had seats instead of GA (we can always stand down there if we want, but after leaving shows early due to back pain it feels safer to have a place to sit) so there wasn’t pressure to go get a good spot. We figured “we gotta be somewhere, might as well be in line,” and then we got the LAST show specific shirt!

Concert was preceded by tiki drinks. I don’t love rum but I did love whatever I got.

Ken made me an espresso chocolate chip cake. I asked for it last year, loved it, and asked for it again this year. For his birthday he always wants to order slices from the bakery that did our wedding cake, so I never have to do the spousal duty of spending all day baking some involved recipe.

I started a new 90 day planner for this quarter, mainly to focus on my author goals but also to get back to being consistent with my workouts. My FTP has dropped so much, and when we mountain bike I realize I’ve lost all my skills in addition to all my power, so I want to claw some of that back.

I think that’s it? Looking forward to a long weekend!

[becomingkatie]

I am reviewing a report a different engineer wrote and it feels like he did really solid engineering work and then used the dumbest possible combination of words to try and describe it. I keep sending Ken screenshots (pros of working at the same company as your spouse) and being like ??? why would he write it this way???

[becomingkatie]

fun sibling phone call where the big topic of conversation is what are the options for long-term involuntary psychiatric hospitalization for our parent

[becomingkatie]

Work has me so anxious lately that I just constantly feel sick. I threw up in the sink before work last week. Doing deep breathing to keep from throwing up in my desk trash can today. I'm trying to use my big ol' brain to be like "hey even if everything goes to shit, it's actually okay." My stomach is not buying it!!

[becomingkatie]

Discovered my library has Pimsleur French on Libby. The bitch is back, y’all!

In the early stages of the pandemic I did audio French lessons walking around the neighborhood. For probably six months that year I consistently practiced. First Paul Noble (highly recommend), then pimsleur and started some one-on-one lessons with a tutor. The tutor said my pronunciation was near native, although my vocabulary was abysmal lol. Audio lessons are so good for the accent but vocab supplements are needed.

Anyway, I fell off of that and then one or two times since then I’ve paid for the pimsleur app again and done a week or two but haven’t. Wen consistent since 2020. But there’s just something about French that feels so good to my brain when I’m speaking it, and while I’m practicing I can dream of someday doing a long vacay to France where we leave the tourist spots and I converse with locals. Or if orange head keeps fucking shit up then figuring out a way to move there (a girl can dream).

Vocab practice to be added in at a later date once I’ve reestablished the habit of doing the audio/speaking lessons. But I’m happy to be back to doing lessons but not paying $20 a month or whatever it is. Go libraries!