beechimmacow-blog

[beechimmacow-blog]

You know it’s time to stop eating the leftover gelt when you realize it tastes like dirt

[beechimmacow-blog]

“Forget being a strong, independent adult. I’m a sentient chia pet, I water myself.”

-My sister

[beechimmacow-blog]

*Instinct to tear my coworkers limb from limb rises*

Me: Yup, must be lunch time. Let’s hope this Clif bar is enough to save all of your lives

[beechimmacow-blog]

Bro I’m so happy you’re happy bro!

bro im happy, im so happy bro

[beechimmacow-blog]

Well the meat is obviously sloppy, so that just leaves a bun named joe

What part of the sloppy joe is joe

[beechimmacow-blog]

Just found out there are people who have never even heard of breaking Oreos apart to eat just the frosting and TBH I am SHOOK

[beechimmacow-blog]

I think it has something to do with that twitterpated feeling you get when you’re first in love - like your heart takes flight (birds) and your stomach does the flip flops (bees?)

No one told me what the fuck was up with the bird and the bees. I'm 22 and I still dont get the metaphor. Ive never looked it up and never will. When I'm on my deathbed it will be the last bit of information revealed to me. The final secret.

[beechimmacow-blog]

Let’s be real, banana is just a peanut butter delivery system

[beechimmacow-blog]

Get thee out of my scrambled eggs, foul raisin!