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My skylight's curtain really just went "it's a skylight, not a skydark"

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Do you have a little under 5 minutes?

Do yourself a favour, play this full screen with headphones on. 🎧

It's beautiful in every way. ✨

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the cool thing that happened yesterday

don't expect too much, my life isn't super interesting, but this was worth being happy about!

I was in my local Aldi, in France, when a 50-60 yo man said "Excuse me?" in English, holding a milk carton, looking at it with a puzzled look on his face. He was very polite, and had a question regarding one of the labels that's used on some French packaging (Nutri-score...), namely which end of the scale meant 'healthy'.

Now, I very rarely get to *speak* English, let alone 'in the wild', so I seized the opportunity. I also somehow, managed to start one of my sentences with 'Normalerweise' ('usually' in German)...

After a minute, he told me his English wasn't that good (I should have kept it simpler), and I asked him which language he spoke. And he answered *Deutsch*. Not Dutch, Deutsch.

When I say I rarely get to speak English, I mean it. But German? I'm fairly certain the last time was about 12 years ago!

And I managed! I found all the words, in the right language, in the right order; threw grammar through the window since mine is Not The Best to start with, and gave the man the answer he was looking for!

I don't remember the turn of phrase, but he essentially said my German wasn't bad, even asked where I'd learned it.

But you have to put yourself in his shoes for a second here.

You're a tourist in a foreign country, you have a question and either you don't speak the language or not enough for that specific question. You locate a local and try your luck with English. It works. It works too well. The local also speaks your language. *How baffled must that guy have been???*

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Low battery raccoon mode.

Ate what I could out of the fridge then went straight to bed, it's still bright-ish outside.

Something really cool happened today but I wasn't even given time to enjoy it properly. I'll try to remember to post about it tomorrow, if I can still recall enough of it.

I wanted to watch a game that started at 9.15 pm but nope. Writing this from my bed, it's not even 10pm yet.

I need quiet time. Please let me have some quiet time. And groceries I can make a decent meal out of for good quality fuel. But first, sleep.

Sad raccoon.

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Becoming your own best friend

Sometimes, often in my case, I end up on YouTube, watching videos, getting small insights, or none at all, as an avoidance mechanism. Self improvement tips as self sabotage.

But occasionally something resonates. And as guilty as I feel, wasting time running away from my fears, I'm grateful that there is still value to be found out there.

I think most of us have heard the phrase "Love yourself" at some point in our lives, often spoken by people who can't imagine how foreign a concept it can be.

There are many reasons for that not being a possibility for most.

Some time ago now, one insight I'd gained, that was far more achievable, was "Respect yourself". It can be difficult, but it's about the actions you take, the decisions you make. I heard it when I needed it, when reframing the relationship I had with my body was key. It's still hard some days, but I'm more aware of the impact my decisions and actions have.

The idea of befriending yourself, of "Becoming your best friend", feels... like something someone who is in a good place, in life and in their mind, might be able to achieve. Except that's not when you should start.

The very concept helps reframe things, for me at least at a time where I'm questioning a lot on that front. I have few friends, and always wish them the best, hope to be of help when they need - however that may be, try to bring joy - however unconventionally. It's not forced, it's a part of who I am.

And that's the irony. The next step is the hard part, there are two obstacles for me. Gaining a better understanding of who I am, and supporting myself through my struggles.

It's easier to face your fears when someone you trust tells you it's going to be okay.

How do you become that someone for yourself?

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Took me a while to put my finger on it, or phrase it in a way that wasn't a full essay, but one thing decluttering as a whole has made me question is my value as a friend in some instances:

"Do I (still) spark joy?"

There are many reasons why this is a shitty way to look at it. "Spark joy" means something different for everyone. But the past few months have made a lot of things come back to the surface for me, insecurities, rejection sensitivity, hurtful past experiences.

To me, real friendships are the ones where you don't need to pretend to be someone you're not. The ones where you don't feel the need to hide part of yourself.

Every now and again, my brain asks me "are you enough?" and "aren't you too much?".

I do my best. And hope it's enough.

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Ça fait 2 heures que je rage pour un truc con.

Soit l'erreur est humaine et y'a des gens qui aiment prouver leur humanité le plus souvent possible.

Soit y'a quelqu'un qui peut vraiment pas m'encadrer et qui a fait exprès de m'envoyer un mail de confirmation tellement tard que j'aurai dû passer en coup de vent, si j'avais vu le mail à temps.

En attendant ça m'a flingué mon aprèm, et je vais devoir attendre encore une semaine voire deux pour un truc commandé y'a presque 3.

C'est urgent ? Non. C'est mon boulot de courir derrière ? Non plus.

Je peux pas rendre les autres responsables de la façon dont mon cerveau gère l'imprévu, mais la communication c'est pas fait (que) pour les chiens.

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Ok so apparently it's 'find patterns to rationalise distress' time. I had *not* missed 'find patterns to rationalise distress' time.

Small amounts of patterns daily are okay. Are the stairs steps divisible by four or eight. How much yogurt do I get from a 500g tub based on its best by date.

I should have seen that coming. Brain tracks are wrong and leading to the wrong places. So many brain tracks, skipping through them too fast.

I know this is a defense mechanism. Trying to find patterns, process, regain control, repeat. The patterns are wrong.

The patterns are wrong.

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"We were a part of something, something we called the five."

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there’s wip (active development) and wip (stuck in development hell) and wip (oh you’re not even getting funding for this one)

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This is a tea checkpoint.

Is your tea getting cold?

Did you turn on your kettle and forget about it and now the water is cold again?

Is the tea bag still in?

Did you intend to start the tea making process and forget?

Congratulations! You remember now.

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no, i dont lose hyperfixations. theyre just moved to a different, slightly less used, shelf in my brain.

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truly never getting over the greatest loss streaming services caused: the disappearance of DVD special features. behind the scenes, bloopers, deleted scenes, commentaries, I will never forget you, I will never stop missing you.

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