behindthelips-blog

[behindthelips-blog]

a book fountain in Budapest

[behindthelips-blog]

Unfortunately

I WILL KEEP WRITING

but currently I am sucked into the HTML world

It's all for my future career >:)

Actually programming (though I suppose at its lowest level) is pretty interesting once you get the hang of it

so I guess it'll get interesting some time soon

(AS IN I DON'T YET HAVE THE HANG OF IT)

I've been applying to jobs for this coming school year

Trying to sell myself

U NO U WANT ME

[behindthelips-blog]

[With these thoughts I pursued my way among the mountains.] A little further and Granada, the Vega, and the Alhambra, were shut from my view; and thus ended one of the pleasantest dreams of a life, which the reader perhaps may think has been but too much made up of dreams.

 Washington Irving, from “The Alhambra” (thanks, egotisticalmonster)

[behindthelips-blog]

This began with one small bead: two hydrogens for every oxygen, two glassy eyes for each tail.

Mariel Boyarsky, from “River”  (via the-final-sentence)

[behindthelips-blog]

Sorry for the late update

I was whisked away to Angel's Camp

and then whisked back home to alcohol

so I've been out for a couple of days

there are friends over

so I'm looking for jobs

and practicing html

It'll continue to grow as I make progress

and hopefully I'll be able to add it to my resume soon

it's pretty interesting though

yall should practice on tumblr too :)

[behindthelips-blog]

Yet Another Reblog of Appreciation: Being Verbs

daring, young man daper, dashing dishes against concrete and feet dipping snuff and huffing downers drowning dreamers in drains

I will not love you again

begging pencils for my same basting stencils with penny-pushed copper color Corolla paint and bashing trophies bearing my name

self-proclaimed savior, sanctioned saint young man in sane

I will not love you again

[behindthelips-blog]

A Reblog of Appreciation

And inside the big malevolent white monster, with its gnarly fur and wicked teeth, lived a small tiny man, with no guts no heart no meat.

[behindthelips-blog]

An Update on a Number of Things

So I started working out

There are these work-out apps available on the iPhone 

(and every other smart phone I suppose)

I've started butt, abs and leg workouts

and the abs are kiiiiiillling me

like seriously

"PLANK"

the one where you rest your entire weight between your elbows and your toes

and are supposed to support yourself with abs

holding the position for several seconds before lowering yourself back down

There's just ten in the entire workout

and it's kind of

KICKING

MY

ASS.

I never really thought about my abs before

turns out it's because I don't freaking have any.

at all.

Well now they're developing

slowly

not so surely

but I guess consistency is key

holy jesus

like the butt and arm exercises are FINE

I work up a bit of a sweat, no biggie,

and I'm on intermediate.

But the fucking planks killed me from the introductory work out

and guess what

you keep fucking planking until the very end

UNTIL YOU CAN DO IT WITHOUT BREAKING DOWN AND CRYING

LIKE A LITTLE BITCH

I'm sorry

I'm still a little bitch

so it's a bit upsetting

IN ANY CASE

I rewarded myself with ice cream for today

I figure it might counter balance the workout

but I was going to eat ice cream anyways

so I don't feel too bad about it

at least this way I'm motivating myself to a healthier lifestyle

FUCK YOU PLANK

I'LL MASTER YOU ONE DAAAAY

[behindthelips-blog]

What Drunk Feels Like

At first you can't tell it's coming on

Especially when the wine is young

when the night is young

you can't tell, you're just laughing and enjoying yourself

telling stories and reminiscing

and then

after a couple of moments

however long those moments may be

you feel a tingle

right in the belly

right in the middle of yourself

and it's a warm spreading

in the face like the sun

in the hands like flowing honey

and you fall loose

your joints well lubricated

and everything takes on a comfortable rosy glow

no grief

and for one moment

life feels really nice

a warm bath

I've never been drunk so I wouldn't know

but I do enjoy my tipsies very much

I just feel perfect in my body

in a way I don't ever feel

one free second

stretching over an hour 

I feel like I belong in my skin

and everyone perfectly in theirs

[behindthelips-blog]

A Little Tipsy

I had two

COUNT EM: TWO

glasses of red wine today

(from 2010, very young and fruity)

so I'm feeling very warm and fuzzy

Had a nice dinner

could have gone awry because boyfriend wasn't back in time to grill the meat

the meat which was also not defrosted

but nonetheless we improvised and the alcohol helped

I won't be able to write anything of much value

but I'll write anyways

and just go with the flow

[behindthelips-blog]

Honestly

Honestly

I never really talk anymore

just think very hard

and hope he understands

I don't know what to expect

I don't want to whine or complain

but when all my thoughts are unsatisfied

what else is left

but silence

sometimes I say hurtful words

not hurtful to him but hurtful to me

I say them so he can't say them first

I say them to affect a certain bravado

I say things

holding them up as shields and swords

though in the end

I only hurt myself

[behindthelips-blog]

Oops missed a day

Fell asleep early yesterday so I will be posting one in the morning and one in the evening

On a side note, last night's dream:

Well, I woke up angry.

Or irritated, or frustrated.

I've never woken up like that before,

so it was a very strange feeling.

It was a relief to wake up, I guess,

since I had no reason to be angry any more,

but there was still some simmering emotion left

even as I turned to my other side and dozed off for a bit longer.

I was going to a church event, like a retreat or a conference,

and all of a sudden my high school friends were entering a room

trying to join a fraternity.

I wanted to join as well, since they were my close guy friends,

but they excluded me because I was a girl

so I was waiting outside for them

looking at my buttons (the ones with the pins in the back,

like political buttons)

except they had moving pictures

of Thor and Loki

and I was so enraptured by them that I didn't even notice my friends had come out

I'm presuming they made it in

and then I pinned my buttons on the wall.

I called my mom to see where she was

and apparently she had left already

even though we were at the lawrence hall of science

way up in the hills

at 2 in the morning

and she just left

and told me to take the bus

and I was like

WTF

how can I take the bus

at two in the morning

I'll have to wait until six

and I hate waiting

I really do just fucking hate waiting for the bus

so I was angry

angry

angry

and then I woke up

and told my boyfriend

and went back to sleep

the dream isn't so significant

but I guess I was surprised at the magnitude of emotion I felt

during and even after the dream

I've been feeling very emotional lately

I thought it was work related stress

but maybe it's something else

maybe it's something I should work on

though my menstrual cycle isn't helping, much.

[behindthelips-blog]

The hair on the back of my neck stands up as I catch her smell for a second.

Hugo Williams, from “Siren Song” (via the-final-sentence)

[behindthelips-blog]

“What’s the worst thing you’ve said during sex?” my friend Jimmy asked me. I ummed and erred for a bit as at that point I wasn’t experienced, and indeed am not at this present moment in time. “I asked a girl what her favourite dinosaur was,” he said with regretful glee. I stopped suddenly in the...

[behindthelips-blog]

This man, Who stole roses & hyacinth For his yard, would stand there With eyes closed & fists balled, Laboring over a simple word, almost Redeemed by what he tried to say.

Yusef Komunyakaa, from “My Father’s Love Letters” (via the-final-sentence)

[behindthelips-blog]

come old mother, light up my mind with a story bright as the sun.

Sonia Sanchez, from “Woman” (thanks, black-poetry)

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Look, I only want to hold you this way: a bundle of wild orchids broken at the wet seam of memory & manna.

Yusef Komunyakaa, from “Canticle” (via the-final-sentence)