bentwings - Tumblr blog

[bentwings]

feeling like shit bc they wont talk to me 😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍

like they got off work 2 hours ago and haven’t said anything like normal

damn am i just that unlovable recently?

[bentwings]

NOT TO MENTION I HAD TO FIND OUT ***INDIRECTLY****

through a fucking INSTA/DISCORD STATUS

like damn you really didn’t consider how much this would hurt me did you?!!!!

[bentwings]

this is not my fault, nor my responsibility

it’s theirs

don’t try and make me feel bad, don’t even bother apologizing

you *knew*

[bentwings]

tfw ur partner has only ever had bad experiences with alcohol and has told you many, many times how they never want to touch it again

just for them to give in and WILLINGLY announce they’re “buzzed”

like i know you’re hurting and you think in the moment this will help, but you’re around a trusted family member and you have friends and ME you can talk to instead of doing

this shit

like

GODDDDDD

and they know i have problems with alcohol too and mentioning it or seeing people drunk makes me uncomfortable!!!!!!

why the fuck are you doing this willingly??!!!!!

[bentwings]

i’ll never be a kid again.

[bentwings]

i was never special

i am not special

i will never be special

always the fucking caretaker

[bentwings]

IM ONLY 16!

WHY DO I HAVE TO BE THE STRONG AND MATURE ONE?

ITS NOT FAIR

I WANT TO BE A KID

I WANT TO BE CODDLED AND BABIED

I WANT TO FEEL SMALL AGAIN!

BUT NO!!!!!

[bentwings]

just shut up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[bentwings]

i’m so fucking tired oh my goodddddddddd

[bentwings]

i have to pretend to be okay

i have to be strong for him

if i’m not, he’ll have nothing stable to hold onto

he’ll have no one

i need to be strong even when i feel so so weak

[bentwings]

how to stop obsessive negative thoughts

[bentwings]

i say it once again

we were doing so well.

[bentwings]

why doesn’t he love me why doesn’t he love me why doesn’t he love me why doesn’t he love me why doesn’t he

[bentwings]

no matter what i say

no matter how hard i try

he will always fucking shut it down

[bentwings]

literally what am i supposed to say

[bentwings]

fucking useless excuse of a partner i am

can’t do anything right

never have the right words to comfort

[bentwings]

if something happens while i’m sleeping and i’m told in the morning, i’m going straight back to sleep.

that is NOT my problem.

i’m willing for explanations on how this was actually all my fault, but that can happen later after i take care of MY mental health.